In the new issue of Us Weekly, music therapist (huh?) Al Bumanis analyzes what stars' ringtones say about their personalities.
According to the article, Katie Couric's phone plays the Pussycat Dolls' Don't Cha when it rings and Bumais says this means “she's trying to be younger,” which... maybe. The more likely story is her kids got a hold of it and now she has no idea how to change it back and if it goes off one more time while she's having lunch with Dan Rather to brainstorm on how she can bring more gravitas to the nightly news, they can fucking forget about having MTV film their Super Sweet Sixteen.
Jennifer Lopez reportedly has the theme from Sex and the City programmed. Bumanis explains this means she's “sexy and successful” as “it's the music of a strong, modern woman.” However, I think it's reminiscent of her happier Bennifer days, back when her dresses made front-page news and long before Marc Anthony shackled her to a dresser, placed her under house arrest, and took away her liquid eyeliner.
Jessica Biel has SexyBack and Bumanis says it's Jessica's sly way of letting the world know she and Justin are a couple. So... okay, sure. But then would that mean Justin's secretly dating every fourteen year old girl in America, too? (People, I have been to the food court and I know of which I speak.) (Also, I could make a joke here about this being the reason Britney has I Hate You as her ringtone, but no one would understand an esoteric reference to Slayer except my husband.)
Finally, Scarlett Johansson says hers is the theme to Psycho, but only has it programmed to ring when certain people call. Bumanis says this means she's intense. I say it means she's probably catty and funny and bitchy should use said phone to schedule drinks with me post-haste.
As for my ringtone? Could it be anything but Back in Black?
No. No, it could not.
Comments