Ever been in a seminar where the speaker gives a PowerPoint presentation and he or she uses 10,000 star-wipes, fade-ins, and shotgun sound effects on the slides and you sit there and think, "I guess someone just figured how to add text effects, and, hey, welcome to 1998!" and then you snicker?
Well, someone here at the new Jennsylvania.com figured out how to incorporate photos (a HUGE pain in the ass on the old site) so the next few entries are going to be graphic heavy and that person apologizes in advance. (And welcomes herself to 1998.)
Anyway, I assume you all know these idiots?
I took them for their annual check-up yesterday to the tune of $650.
Let's milk it, shall we?
SIX HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS.
For dogs who five years after being housebroken still opt to sneak into the basement and poop rather than venture outdoors when it's too hot, cold, or damp.
For dogs who will climb over a mountain of other shoes to get to the delicious Chanel sling-backs.
For dogs who believe new rugs = toilet paper and bathroom garbage cans = buffet tables.
For dogs who attempt to tear down the fence in a frothy-mouthed frenzy when the neighbor's dogs are out, yet cry to be guided down the stairs if there's a cat on them.
To be fair, not all the $650 spent was divided equally. $150 went for bloodwork to determine if Maisy's got a thyroid problem because she's been gaining an average of four pounds a year and is beginning to look like a tick.
She's fine, by the way. It turns out she's lazy. The vet says if we can't get her to step up her activity level, she'll have to go on prescription food.
Great.
Maybe Maisy and I can get a family membership at Jenny Craig.
"Pfft. The difference between you and me is I make this look goooood."
I'm about to write a check to pay for the obscene vet bill that's been on my credit card for the last few weeks. I took my 2 cats in for their annual lion cut (they look insanely goofy). After fighting traffic for one hour, I arrive at the animal hospital and the receptionist informs me that the cats needed a distemper shot to be admitted to the facility ($40 each). And to get that distemper shot, they needed a full physical ($45 each)... so, after expecting to pay $110 for their haircuts, I ended up paying $280 in total. Ugh! Thanks vet! (I've looked into insurance--- it's $40/month).
Posted by: Kate | July 04, 2007 at 04:18 PM
SIX HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS?! JESUSJOSPEH&MARY! Two important words for you: PET INSURANCE. For about $100 a year it pays for routine exams, spay/neuter, etc. How it works is you actually do pay the vet, they fill out a document or bill err,something like that, which you in turn submit to the insurer and get reimbursed. $650, WOW. Regards, lisa
Posted by: Lisa | July 02, 2007 at 02:04 AM
have you considered contacting Cesar Milan (um, hottie?)....now that's one episode of the Dog Whisperer I'd never forget!
p.s. new site rocks.
Posted by: jenna | July 01, 2007 at 07:50 AM
have you considered contacting Cesar Milan (um, hottie?)....now that's one episode of the Dog Whisperer I'd never forget!
p.s. new site rocks.
Posted by: jenna | July 01, 2007 at 07:49 AM
have you considered contacting Cesar Milan (um, hottie?)....now that's one episode of the Dog Whisperer I'd never forget!
p.s. new site rocks.
Posted by: jenna | July 01, 2007 at 07:48 AM
love your new site!.. super cute kids! don't you love when you come home and it has snowed inside. mine are duke & saffy.. and yes saffy is named after AbFab..love your books..can't wait for 08.
Posted by: lisa b. | June 29, 2007 at 08:46 PM
I am SO FREAKIN' EXCITED that we get to leave comments now! Yay!!!!
I really like the new site design -- whoever helped you out did a great job!
Ah, yes, I remember when I first learned how to post pics, about a year ago. I, too, welcomed myself to 1998!
I saw above that someone asked about your friends having their baby -- I think she's due next month, right? Keep us posted! I sent gifts even!
Posted by: Jessica | June 29, 2007 at 02:34 PM
Love it! And love the fact that I can leave comments. Nifty. :-)
Posted by: Gina B. | June 29, 2007 at 12:30 PM
I just finished your first book and loved it! I don't often laugh out loud when reading, but it was a common occurrence when reading Bitter is the New Black...I can't wait to read the others...
Posted by: Jamie | June 29, 2007 at 09:14 AM
site looks great Jen. but the auto redirect? got me to GoDaddy.
Posted by: Ree | June 29, 2007 at 08:41 AM
Love the books.
Love the blogs.
Love the hair.
You win!
Posted by: Nina | June 29, 2007 at 08:34 AM
Love the new site Jen! It's definitely you.
Posted by: Sarah | June 29, 2007 at 08:18 AM
Your site finally matches the you I know from your books.
Posted by: T | June 29, 2007 at 02:34 AM
Woo! Nice new site. I just started blogging, literally, today--even though I've been hijacking my little brother's quite frequently.
I'm usually not the "Squee!" fangirl type, but I bought "Bitter" for a trip to Mexico and I devoured it and bought "Bright Lights" immediately on returning, and just started reading your site from the web address on the back of the books. (Here's hoping the royalties from those contribute toward a new pair of Chanels.) And as I am typically the supportive type, I just wanted to say keep on keepin' on, as you have a great way with words. I can't wait for May '08!
Posted by: PDX Pup | June 29, 2007 at 01:03 AM
Yeah, no one ever bothers to tell you that the cute, "free" puppy is going to cost you thousands in vet bills throughout his or her lifetime, as well as the costs to replace the couch it chewed b/c you were on the phone too long, or the comforter it chewed when you were busy watching "Project Runway" and choose to believe that those chewing sounds were the air conditioner.
Plus, no one figures in the cost of the therapy that you'll need after those vet bills or the loss of your couch or comforter. And let's face it, Xanex isn't free.
Posted by: Jess | June 28, 2007 at 10:48 PM
I have the same pictures (Campari) on my wall.
Posted by: Paige | June 28, 2007 at 10:27 PM
I have the same pictures (Campari) on my wall.
Posted by: Paige | June 28, 2007 at 10:27 PM
I have the same pictures (Campari) on my wall.
Posted by: Paige | June 28, 2007 at 10:27 PM
Love the new site and holy mother of God! Where are you taking your dogs? The vet should be shot for charging that much for yearly care. For once, I'm glad I don't live in Chicago anymore.
Posted by: Lisa M | June 28, 2007 at 09:54 PM
I, too, like this new site. However, I liked the old site just as much because it's what you write that I'm interested in. I doesn't matter to me what it looks like. Just keep writing. Oh yea, if you ever get out to Seattle for a signing/reading, I'd SO be there! Keep the funny stuff coming!
Posted by: Colleen | June 28, 2007 at 09:13 PM
I, too, like this new site. However, I liked the old site just as much because it's what you write that I'm interested in. I doesn't matter to me what it looks like. Just keep writing. Oh yea, if you ever get out to Seattle for a signing/reading, I'd SO be there! Keep the funny stuff coming!
Posted by: Colleen | June 28, 2007 at 09:12 PM
I love the new look! Just wanted to say how disappointed I am that I had to work the night of your reading in Manhattan- I wanted to get down to B&N but couldn't make it. Looking forward to the next one...?
Posted by: Shannon | June 28, 2007 at 07:36 PM
Awesome site! And comments! Yay for comments!
Now I don't just have to sit here when you write something and be all "Word" to myself and no one else.
Really, it looks great! Good job, designer-y person!
Posted by: Kristabella | June 28, 2007 at 05:16 PM
Been reading since the "All About Jen" days. The new site has been added to my favorites.
Posted by: Baltimoron | June 28, 2007 at 03:51 PM
I love the new sight!! Just finished your new book - it was great!!! Keep the blogs coming. It makes my day
Posted by: Lacy | June 28, 2007 at 03:34 PM
Love the new site! I wish I had some idiots of my own.
Posted by: B. | June 28, 2007 at 03:16 PM
U R AWESOME, You love those dogs very much
The site is BEAUTIFUL. It will be great to be able to see pictures. I am reading your new book. I can't help myself try to be quiet when reading but I tend to laugh out LOUD really LOUD Love u
Posted by: cathy walker | June 28, 2007 at 03:09 PM
U R AWESOME, You love those dogs very much
The site is BEAUTIFUL. It will be great to be able to see pictures. I am reading your new book. I can't help myself try to be quiet when reading but I tend to laugh out LOUD really LOUD Love u
Posted by: cathy walker | June 28, 2007 at 03:09 PM
May I just say...what dear beasts! You have the most adorable children east of the Mississippi. Mine are, of course, the honor children of the west. (2 schnauzers, Mojo & Maggie)
And did I read correctly? MAY of 2008?! Am I seriously supposed to wait that long?
Posted by: Kate | June 28, 2007 at 03:08 PM
Site looks great. Hey did your friends ever have their baby?
Posted by: becki | June 28, 2007 at 02:40 PM
Love love love the new site and the pics.
Posted by: andrea | June 28, 2007 at 01:40 PM
I am loving the new site!!!!
Posted by: Stefanie | June 28, 2007 at 01:32 PM
WOWWWWWW!!!!!! Pardon my excessive/exaggerated use of W and ! - but holy mother of pearl this page is C U T E!
P.S. - Took your advice on not being scared of the gym cause I'm a little chubby. So far so good - but this whole getting up at 5:30 AM thing is majorly overrated!
Posted by: Rebecca | June 28, 2007 at 01:23 PM