Because I have a manuscript due in six weeks, today seemed like the perfect day to organize all my digital photos. I'm posting not only my favorites here but also stuff you'll recognize from stories in Bright Lights, Big Ass. (I promise this photo obsession will pass soon. Or, soon-ish.)
Enjoy... and thank you for not calling attention to the fact that in so posting, I'm delaying airing the stink out of my house, returning hundreds of overdue emails, paying bills, bathing myself, oh, and writing another ten chapters.
First up, Maisy at eight weeks old on the day we brought her home, looking EXACTLY like she does now, only with straighter ears.
"I will own you, bitch."
Heartfelt emotion in Nowhereville, PA. Because, really? Hallmark is for suckers and true love comes in a spray can.
Wait, no. True love is when you email your wife a photo of the sandwich you made while she's at her temp job because she believes you're incapable of feeding yourself. (Note: This is one of SEVENTEEN shots.) (Bonus points awarded for pickle placement.)
The koi pond/Japanese garden in the enclosed courtyard at a magnificent rental home we considered a few years ago before settling on Loser House. Had I not Googled the neighborhood sex crime database (30 repeat offenders in a two block radius, WTF?), we'd have taken it. Judging from some of the stuff on display, we think R. Kelly owned the house. Oh, the irony.
Tangible proof of the The Holiday Drinking Season, or Why Big Daddy Should Not Hit the Eggnog 'Til After Wrapping Presents.
Check it out - pearls, pajamas, pedicures, pasta, and pets. I'm a cliche of myself in this photo!
Remember when I wrote Rachael Ray was the devil and I described the Frankenmeatloaf Fletch cooked? Yes. It was real. Be afraid because evil never dies and this meatloaf is probably still wandering up and down Racine Ave.
Not Winky. But likely a close relation. Not pictured? Dogs trying to break down the door, SWAT-style.
The view of the city from Fletch's boss's boat. (Not the night of the two-dollar incident, though.)
The shot Fletch and I staged because I thought sending "Come to My Book Signing or the Dog Gets It" invitations would be funny and not, you know, UTTERLY TERRIFYING. (BTW, Lindsay Lohan is a big, fat copycat.)
But don't worry - Fletch is also in touch with his feminine side. Anyone need a button sewn back on?
A party shot from back when we were DotCom Thousandaires. (Seriously, is that not the best jacket ever?)
Finally, the cover Bitter would have had if I hadn't argued successfully that putting a six-foot tall, 110 lb. model up there didn't quite convey the idea of being laid off and getting fat. (But if you'd like to think my legs are this thin and that my ass wouldn't expand across the entire suitcase, please feel free.)
Alright, I've got to try and accomplish something today.
And if it's not a whole chapter, at least I hope it's a shower.
I have those same pajama pants! I love them!!! Similar to you..though I have my cat curled up in my lap :)
Posted by: Pam-ALLAH | July 15, 2007 at 02:25 PM
oops! please read post under "What kind of Fuckery is this"
Posted by: Tracey | July 10, 2007 at 05:01 PM
Posted in the wrong spot.
***Cut me some slack, I'm commenting from work.
Tray
Posted by: Tracey | July 10, 2007 at 05:09 PM
Good looking sandwich, awful looking meatloaves.
I totally lurve that jacket!
It's a relief to know that I am not the only person who sits around the house in pajama pants with my nice blouses and jewelry. That picture is so like me after I get home from work.
Posted by: MamaKaren | July 03, 2007 at 11:44 AM
Yeah I'm glad you fought for the other cover. Like it better than the original.
Posted by: motherofbun | July 03, 2007 at 11:00 AM
Yeah Jen! You are no longer the blogher I follow with the fewest pics. Love'em.
P.S. At best, meatloaf is scary...now I'm afraid to sleep.
Posted by: En Wrapture | July 03, 2007 at 09:57 AM
Maisy is too cute! LOVE HER! I am so wickedly scared of those twin monster meat loaves! It looks like they have bacon pieces on them..might be good afterall. Can't stand Rachel Ray...I cook better than her and that's not saying much! Love Bitter..been really depressed since my cat and dog died within months of each other. First time I've laughed in a long while...Are you SURE you are not SOUTHERN? I am and we seem to see eye to eye on alot..SPOOKY!
Posted by: Betsybelle | July 02, 2007 at 04:57 PM
Oh Jen, I'm so glad you've converted! I love seeing all these pics - they make your stories really come to life! Thanks, and keep on keepin' on with the pics!
Posted by: Dani | July 02, 2007 at 03:49 PM
I LOVE the pics. And yay! the address now works. I just don't like GoDaddy.
Posted by: Ree | July 02, 2007 at 12:04 PM
Just read the Rachel Ray chapter in Bright Lights. Have to admit, I usually love meatloaf. However, seeing the picture of these makes me vomit in my mouth a little!
Posted by: Moni | July 02, 2007 at 09:47 AM
Pictures are fantastic. They help me procrastinate too (supposed to be writing Phd thesis). Thanks heaps!!! keep them coming.
Posted by: Rells | July 02, 2007 at 12:39 AM
New site looks good!!!
Totally agree with everyone that the proposed cover would not have worked...it's not a blonde and I see no pearls on her...pfft!!!
Posted by: laura | July 01, 2007 at 06:56 PM
The infamous Sock Monkey Pajama Pants!
I love your face in that photo...my guess it you're watching some sort of VH1 reality program, since most of those shows encourage those WTF? kinds of faces.
Or the new Paula show.
Posted by: Kristabella | July 01, 2007 at 02:07 PM
Jen, I think we must be twins separated at birth, except for my brown hair...
When are you coming to the Atlanta area???
Posted by: WhatupintheATL | June 30, 2007 at 09:11 AM
Jen, I think we must be twins separated at birth, except for my brown hair...
When are you coming to the Atlanta area???
Posted by: WhatupintheATL | June 30, 2007 at 09:10 AM
Love love lovin' the new site! It's simply Jen-a-licious! Nobody can rock the sock monkey pj's and pearls like you! Thank you for allowing us,your humble followers, a glimpse into the world that is "JEN".
P.S. That meatloaf scares the hell outta me!Next time Fletch wants to make like Ray-Ray, tell him to just say no!
Posted by: Angie | June 29, 2007 at 11:26 PM
I do believe we have an infamous sock monkey pajama pants sighting...
And how sad is it that I think the evil Rachael Ray and her tight little shirt hypnotized my husband into making the same "meatloaf" which I assure you was just as scary and inedible.
Love the new site! And especially love comments!!
Posted by: PaintingChef | June 29, 2007 at 09:59 PM
Yes. Wrong cover, but best jacket evar.
Posted by: Pammer | June 29, 2007 at 07:29 PM
I love the site and the photos. Thanks, and keep up the great work.
Posted by: Sandra-Dee | June 29, 2007 at 07:28 PM
You so. totally. chose the right cover. If I saw the first one, I clearly would have walked on by. And? How would you have made a cool blog to match? There's no schtick to that cover. Definite schtick to this one. :-)
Posted by: JZMom | June 29, 2007 at 06:23 PM
This is the first time I have visited your web page and read the blogs. I would just like to say that you are hilarious and I could not put either of your books down once I started reading them. They are laugh-out-loud funny and I hope you keep finding material to write about. When are you coming to the Pittsburgh, PA area for a book signing? I have told all my friends about you and am passing your books around for them to read. We all love you. Keep up the amazing work!
Posted by: Stephanie | June 29, 2007 at 06:09 PM
I have a similar picture of me surrounded by pets (1 pitty, 1 pom, 2 cats)while on the couch, sans pjs though. BTW, you look very pretty in the "Sicilia" picture. I agree that the correct book cover was chosen; that clever word dress drew me in. I too should be working these last seven, yes SEVEN hours!
Posted by: Lisa | June 29, 2007 at 06:07 PM
So I just e-mailed my husband suggesting he begin sending me photos of his lunch every day. He is refusing, because he IS, in fact, incapable of feeding himself. How do you do it???
Posted by: mcm | June 29, 2007 at 05:31 PM
Oh the book cover you went with is *much* better!
Love the new-look site :)
Posted by: DIANE | June 29, 2007 at 05:11 PM
Those meatloaves remind me of high school lunch...and yet...kinda hungry now...
Posted by: Martha | June 29, 2007 at 04:50 PM
Pictures are always good.
Procrastination is a lost art. You do it beautifully.
Posted by: southernfriedgirl | June 29, 2007 at 04:01 PM
I LOVE to see pictures! Keep them coming! The new website looks great too! :)
Posted by: Katie Bonk | June 29, 2007 at 03:47 PM
I am so glad you didn't accept that cover because your cover is what drew me to your book in the first place and had the reject been the actual cover I don't think I ever would have picked it up. Oh, and I must say, those meatloaves do look pretty evil actually.
Posted by: Taylor in DC | June 29, 2007 at 03:40 PM
Loved all the pictures! You definitely made the right call on the Bitter cover. Maisy is so cute! I want one now :)
Posted by: Tinsley | June 29, 2007 at 03:27 PM
Ok, I like how much you can tell you love the dog since the sharp side of the knife is pointed AWAY from Maisy's neck! =) Great photos!
Posted by: Sally | June 29, 2007 at 02:33 PM