This Turf War Is Brought to You by the Walt Disney Corporation

There's a turf war being fought in my neighborhood between rival gangs. 

This escalation has caused both sides to step up their tagging efforts, most of which has taken place on city-owned garbage cans, which... whatever.  If these idiots want to posture over who's really in charge of the mean streets of Bucktown by marking up containers full of used coffee filters, chicken bones, and bags of soiled cat litter, then have it.  (Personally, I'd find it much more useful if they acted like proper neighborhood warlords and I'd happily pay a small protection fee if they'd force service professionals to honor their tree-trimming appointments and got pizzas to be delivered more quickly.) 

(But maybe that's just me.) 

(Yes, the tree-trimmers are three hours late today - how did you know?)

What gets me are the names of these new gangs staking claim.  Gone are the tags from fearsome sounding groups such as the Bloods and the Crips.  (Most often, I see these kids on MTV award shows and on HBO specials, leading me to believe they're off the streets due to landing development deals with CAA.)  Around here, I never see anything from chillingly-named gangs such as the Vice Lords or the Latin Kings or the Insane Gangster Satan Disciples. 

OK, really? 

Insane Gangster Satan Disciples? 

Now THAT'S a gang name!  You could not evoke a more sinister image than a bunch of crazy-ass thugs with no concept of right or wrong running around committing mayhem in the name of the devil!  They sound fucking terrifying, don't they?  That is some Judgment Night shit there, people.  Hey, Insane Gangster Satan Disciples?  Major snaps to your Creative Director. 

Anyway, this is why I have to laugh whenever I see the new tags around here.  Care to know who's duking it out in my 'hood right now? 

The Spanish Lords?

The Insane Orquestra Albany?

The Almighty Imperial Gangsters?

The Insane Deuces?

No.

The Goof Troop and The Loony Birds

Seriously, you can find more hair-raising names in a freaking Harry Potter book.  Ravenclaws?  Dementors?  Death-eaters?  Horcruxes?  Basilisks?  Come on! 

Although, to be fair maybe the Loony Birds and Goof Troopers really are all blood-thirsty and bad-ass and frightening and they chose innocuous-sounding names because of the irony factor.  And yet these names give me a real High School Musical vibe and I half expect them to work out their differences... through dance. 

(I'll keep you all posted if a Michael Jackson video breaks out on my street.)

Comments

[Lydia]

"The loons are gonna get their kicks to-ni-ight. " "When you're a goof, you're a goof all the way" That's hilarious. truly funny. I laughed out loud and scared everyone around me at work.

[Lydia]

"The loons are gonna get their kicks to-ni-ight. " "When you're a goof, you're a goof all the way" That's hilarious. truly funny. I laughed out loud and scared everyone around me at work.

[Lydia]

"The loons are gonna get their kicks to-ni-ight. " "When you're a goof, you're a goof all the way" That's hilarious. truly funny. I laughed out loud and scared everyone around me at work.

[Lydia]

"The loons are gonna get their kicks to-ni-ight. " "When you're a goof, you're a goof all the way" That's hilarious. truly funny. I laughed out loud and scared everyone around me at work.

[Vicky]

I'm picturing a sullen youth singing through a chain link fence with heartfelt anguish. I'm seeing lots of snapping and disgruntled youths yelling Yowza! with a names like that.

When you're a jet....

[Melanie]

Seriously... with names like that they could not be as scary as the Thriller video!!

OH... and I secretly love the stripper boots. Although I would probably only ever wear them in the bedroom! =)

[Kristabella]

I about drove off the road this morning when I was driving to work and saw the Loony Birds name on the side of a building by the expressway! Awesome! Even funnier to see it written out all graffiti-like.

[stripper barbie]

anyone who said those boots look like stripper boots has never been to a strip club.

[Kate]

I love it.

A few years ago, when I owned a house that backed up to a trailer park in a lovely blue-collar Western suburb called Justice (no kidding), one of the neighborhood gangs vandalized the little Qwik-e-mart place on the corner. Among the trashing, one of the little dumbass delinquents climbed onto the roof and spray-painted "SNAPE" in like 3 foot high letters. I talked to the owner a couple of days later, and he was like, seriously, what the fuck is the matter with these little punks? Do they think that's scary to anyone older than 9?

For the record? I loved the boots. Even if (maybe because?) they're a little stripper-y.

[Ali]

Ok, I'm slow on the boot comments (which I hated btw), but you should check out Duo Boots. They're out of the UK and beautiful. You get to pick the style and specify the calf width. Brillant! and so worth the shipping fees. www.duoboots.com

[tia]

i think, that with names like "the goof troop" and "the loony birds" there is a very strong possibility of them breaking into song at any minute.

so i'd be prepared.

[Brynn]

I agree. If you see choreography breaking out in the same manner as The Sharks and The Jets or if you hear "When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way. From your first cigarette to your last dyin' day." you better consider getting the hell out of Dodge!

[Ginny]

What next? Mickey's Masters of Mayhem and Donald's Dastardly Dudes??

[Amanda]

I saw a Goof Troop tag on a building by my apartment and REFUSED to believe it was real--until it was x-ed out by someone. Must've been the Loony Birds.

[e]

Totally unrelated to gangs, unless you have to flee from one in super cute footwear, but here's a UK link for boots (33 styles, 21 fits) that don't seem to look like they belong anywhere near the pole. http://www.shoewawa.com/2007/10/finding_the_per.html

[Sils]

I'm with kathy, they can tag and bomb trash bins all they want but the minute they start snapping their fingers call the cops.

[Katherine]

Corpus Christi, TX runs ads on TV that say "Turn in a gang member with a gun and get a reward." I'm not sure how successful it is.
A very talented 17 year old was recently arrested for tagging. The other taggers in town protested his arrest by retagging the town with graffiti.

[Kathy]

If they need instructions on the dance moves I can send my three teenagers that way (13,14,15 feel sorry for me now?). I didn't buy the movie so I cannot figure out why the damned thing is always on the TV (Was Grease really THAT bad?). If they break out in song from West Side Story however.....MOVE.

[Moni]

Sounds like Battle of the Wanna Be Bad Ass Boyscouts!

[Cathy D.]

What's in a name? Can't trust them. For example, Snoop Dog's real name is Cordozar Calvin Broadus, Jr. Ice-T is Tracy Marrow. Jay-Z is Shawn Corey Carter. Notorious B.I.G. is Christopher George Latore Wallace. And Eminem is of course Marshall Bruce Mathers III.

[lala]

rofl

[Rebecca]

Ha ha ha! That made me snort-laugh and everyone looked at me like I was coo-coo for cocoa puffs (yes I know your blogs have that effect which is why I should read them at home, but seriously - who can wait all day?? Certainly not I!). If they break out in dance it is your duty to video it and post it here for our snort-laughing amusement. (Pretty pretty please with light airy cupcake frosting on top)