From a comment I received today:
Seriously...I think this "author" thing has gone to your head. First you become successful and get book deals BECAUSE of your blog, then only update once or twice a month, THEN say your going to update everyday and don't. Are you too busy botoxing your brain out and complaining? I love reading your material...but think about your audience, and maybe try to keep them around by actually...writing....for free. It seems like you don't want to blog and only want us to go out and buy your books. Which, by the way, I'd be more than happy to do if you actually kept me interested in between them. This is one reader who's done.
-- Alyssa
Let's address this one line by line, shall we?
Seriously...I think this "author" thing has gone to your head.
Totally. Now I wipe my ass with pages torn from books by Hemingway, Steinbeck, and Faulkner because those punk-ass chumps can't hold a candle to me and my footnotes!
First you become successful and get book deals BECAUSE of your blog...
Absolutely! This is precisely why EVERY blogger has a book deal. Publishers don't care if you have a unique voice or a new slant on an old story. They could give a shit about professionalism or ability to meet deadlines. And even when your editor says she never bought a book from a blogger before and hasn't since and that your website had zero bearing on her purchase decision, she's lying because we all know the only thing that matters is having a URL. Duh.
...then only update once or twice a month...
Again, I call bullshit on me because everyone's aware that writing and editing books is so very easy and not at all time consuming and even after twelve hours of staring at your own words on the page (that someone already paid for and you're obligated to make as coherent as you can), the first thing you want to do when you finish isn't A) shower, or B) sleep, it's C) write more stuff because Alyssa says you have to.
...THEN say your (sic) going to update everyday and don't.
I must have been kidding when on 11/11/07 I posted the caveat, "Yes, I'm totally quitting NaBloPoMo. I made it eleven days. That's plenty. I'll be back when I have something - ANYTHING - of value to say."
Are you too busy botoxing your brain out and complaining?
Apparently so. Because I'm an author, there's no such thing as illness or a faulty wireless card or holiday prep or, you know, LIFE to get in the way of my daily blogging duties.
I love reading your material...but think about your audience, and maybe try to keep them around by actually...writing....for free. It seems like you don't want to blog and only want us to go out and buy your books.
I suck, don't I? Every other author out there routinely provides thousands of words for free ON A WEBSITE WITHOUT ADS WHICH ACTUALLY COSTS THEM HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS PER YEAR TO MAINTAIN on a daily basis. I need to get with the program. Why am I so busy fucking around with a fourth book proposal when there's all this blogging to do?
It seems like you don't want to blog and only want us to go out and buy your books.
Yep, that's why all my posts are nothing but blatant marketing pitches. My blogs certainly aren't a way to reach out and connect with friends and family, or to thank readers for their patronage. Also, I'll be sure and remove the links to purchase my books on the side panel since we agree they're patently offensive.
Which, by the way, I'd be more than happy to do if you actually kept me interested in between them. This is one reader who's done.
Alyssa, please send me your address so that I can return the $2 I earned if you purchased both of my books.
I mean, really? This is America, and if $2 doesn't buy you an entire lifetime of my thoughts delivered hot and fresh on a daily basis, then truly the terrorists have won.
