I Will Sing, Sing a New Song

The day is here, my odometer has rolled over, and I've rung in this new decade.  And I have to say I don't feel any different and that's a huge relief. 

However, as soon as everyone finishes giving me lavish gifts, I plan on telling people I'm 34.

(I don't anticipate a lot of - or any - lavish gifts, so let's just start saying 34 now, shall we?)

Later today I have to return my birthday cake to Whole Foods.  We picked out one of my favorites there yesterday, the Atomic cake.  It's a layer of banana cake with fresh bananas, a layer of chocolate cake with fresh custard, and a layer of white cake with fresh raspberries.  The whole thing is then covered in cream cheese frosting and white chocolate ganache.  Sounds great, right?

Notice how I said "fresh" three times in the above paragraph?  That's because "fresh" is an important concept in cake, particularly this cake.  Done properly, the Atomic cake is light and lovely and fresh-fruity-delicious.  However, what we got contained moldy brown raspberries, slimy black bananas, and crusty cream cheese.  The chocolate layer below the fetid berries was saturated with raspberry juice so old it had turned to (terrible) wine.  We both took bites and quickly spit them out, leading me to wonder if my birthday wish was even official. 

(Perhaps I should have been specific in my wish, asking for botulism in convenient syringe form only.)

I can't find the stupid receipt but I anticipate them giving me my money back without question.  And if they don't, then some smug little customer service representative is going to be picking old cake out of his dreadlocks later this afternoon.

So, for the final word in birthday chatter until next year, my present is trading in my six year old Xterra not only because it smells like dog, sweat socks, and chlorine, but also because it's about to roll off extended warranty.  (Anyone who's ever ridden in this car with me knows exactly how exciting this is.)  When we made this decision, I was beyond happy because I've had my heart set on one particular car ever since I saw the first one roll off the lot a couple of years ago.  Not only is the one I desperately want in my budget, it's sporty, efficient, safe, and SO FREAKING CUTE.

However, I can't make decisions without consulting consumer sites and even though everyone agrees on the aesthetics, the news is not good.  Every single owner review reads in angry capital letters along the lines of: "LEMON!  DO NOT BUY!  LEMON!" and "LEMON!  WORST VEHICLE EVER!  LEMON!" and "LEMON!  THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN THIS AUTO IS THE DEALER SERVICE!  LEMON!" and, my favorite, "LEMON!  A DONKEY CART WOULD BE BETTER!  LEMON!" 

Apparently this model sucks so hard, the manufacturer discontinued it.  I'm totally disappointed and I wonder how something from such a reputable company could be so bad.

(And I also kind of wonder if the lemons are fresh.)

Comments

[Jane]

Hey Jenn....party too much last night? Where's the daily post???

I can't wait to find out if you tossed that cake into someone's face!

Happy Birthday!

[the governor of jennsylvania]

Sarah, yes, Fletch has a 3-series and the deal was when we got it, we'd share it.

HA.

HA, HA, HA.

(To be fair, we didn't know at the time Fletch's job would require him to have to drive somewhere everyday.)

(Or possibly I didn't know. Seriously, though, the man puts up with a lot. He's totally earned it.)

(And no, I haven't been nearly as complain-y as you'd think. Given our past, I'm still incredibly grateful to be able to drive anything, even if it does smell like dog.)

[Kim]

Happy Birthday, Jen!

I finished reading Bright Lights this weekend. What a coincidence that your birthday was this week! I usually drag my birthday out at least the day before and the day after. I deserve three days of being The Queen instead of one!

Hope you got a *good* cake, and that it didn't ruin too much of your day.

[Christy]

Let me guess, you totally meant to leave out the type of car so we would all go nuts and try to figure it out, is it a Crossfire? A Volvo? Hmmm we are all wondering. Love the books, love the blog. Happy happy birthday!!!

[Kim]

Happy Birthday, Jen!!!

[Geri]

Happy Birthday Jen! I was too busy traumatizing my son by a buzz haircut gone terribly, horribly wrong. FAIL.

And wheezing around in boxing class. But I hope you had a fantastic day, and an even better year!

[Melissa]

If you haven't gotten your new vehicle yet, the Mazda CX-7 is really great, too. The only time I have heard something positive about the Freelander is in these comments. Not one of their better efforts.

Happy bday!

[holly]

I say get a Hummer 3. great with dogs, but not ginormous. Gas not bad. pretty blue color. *yes I have one

[Library Diva]

Ugh! Bad birthday cake has to be the worst! Sorry about that, and hope Whole Foods makes good on it. Happy birthday!!!!

[Winnie]

Happy Birthday to the most best friend I have yet to actually meet!

I would eat any kind of cake with you, but I hope you got a super fresh new one all the same.

[Shelliu]

Happy Birthday to you!

I prefer to be 32. I think I will stay there for quite a while.

[Laura]

Happy Birthday girl! I would like to welcome you to the big Four-Oh! Thank you for the books, I finished Bright Lights last night and was in tears. I cry over everything especially hilarity!

Glad Fletch made the right decision (for both of your sakes). Say hello to Chicago for me (born in Oak Park - grew up in Palatine). Living in AZ now!

Hope your birthday rocks!
LJ

[Sarah]

Happy Birthday!!

I thought you had gotten a BMW?

[Jody]

I'm guessing that by the time this gets posted, you'll be tooling around Chicago in a way cute, much better smelling new car. But in all fairness to my cutie truck, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Mariner. It's inexpensive and got a nice roomy back area (like it's mommy--ha!) and gets great gas mileage, even if it's not the hybrid (mark my words...the next one WILL BE!).

Happy Happy Birthday!!

[Mary]

Not only is the strike ridiculous, I have come to find that one of my favorite shows has been horribly affected by this situation. First, Stephen Colbert is not allowed to run for President, then it is announced that his show will be in airing in re-runs until something is resolved.

I actually don't blame the writers though. Although they do make 10-15 times my yearly salary, they probably should make more, considering the millions and billions of dollars that the television industry makes. Also, the actors? How could they act and make millions of dollars if there were no writers? The already-millionaires cannot afford to make less than millions, so they will give the strikers what they want. Until then, I will miss my daily dose of sarcasm from Stephen Colbert.

Fortunately for me, you are blogging everyday, so I can get my daily dose from you!

[Nic]

First, a comment on the vehicle. I myself have the More Expensive Than A Freelander RAV4, and I love it beyond measure. I couldn't love it more if it brought me drinks and gave me a massage.

Well. Maybe then I could love it more. But only then.

Second, happy birthday!! My own personal birthday is tomorrow. What with our birthdays being so close together and all, that means this is the prettiest birthday week EVER.

[Kel]

Imagine annoying waiters here:
Happy happy birthday
you once were naked, small, and cold
Happy happy birthday
Now you're forty great years old!

[Becki]

Happy Birthday!

[Rachel]

The phrase "fetid strawberries" turns my stomach.

[Lys]

Happy Birthday Jen!!! The cake (well, what it is SUPPOSED to be) sounds delish - what you got, they need to refund the money AND give you a super fresh new cake gratis!!!

The car is cute, but if the warnings say Lemon - I don't think lemonade is to be had *sigh*

[Deirdre]

Happy B-day Jen!

Have you looked at the Toyota Highlander? I have a 2004 (the hybrid model wasn't available then) and it has been a great car. I have 1 dog, but I've had 5 medium-sized dogs (Australian Shepherds) in the back at one time--everybody loads up for a trip to the beach!

I checked out the 2008 Highlander over the weekend--it's very nice. They've redid the body a bit but the best feature is the back window opens separately from the hatch! No more trying to keep the dog(s) in the car when you want to put something in the back without opening the hatch completely. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the window and the hatch open/close with a click of a button on the keyring--no more torn fingernails from opening the hatch!

[Mimi]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEN!!! Um, that cake sounds ridiculous! I hope they gave you TWO when you went back there...and I'm assuming Fletch spent the evening with you??

Let me guess...you wanted a Jetta?? I love them too, but have heard bad things...(sorry Jetta owners...they are super cute!)

[Scooter]

Jen - you've got it all wrong!! I'm 38 but tell people I'm 43. I get the double take and they tell me I look very good for my age. Once I reach 43 I think I'll be 48 for a while.

Happy Birthday!! I'll toast you later when I crack that bottle of wine open.

[Scooter]

Jen - you've got it all wrong!! I'm 38 but tell people I'm 43. I get the double take and they tell me I look very good for my age. Once I reach 43 I think I'll be 48 for a while.

Happy Birthday!! I'll toast you later when I crack that bottle of wine open.

[Carrie]

Okay, dcfullest and I must have been posting the exact same thing at almost the exact same time. ha!

[Carrie]

Happy Birthday Jen! Have you looked at the Hyundai Santa Fe or the Hyundai Tuscon? The Tuscon is super cute and great for toting the dogs around. We got a Santa Fe and we love it. We keep the seats folded down to keep dog fur somewhat contained.

[dcfullest]

happy birthday!

Think about a Hyundai Santa Fe. First you have to get over the fact that it is a Hyundai (and I know it is a big hurdle). But, I was blown away because I could get it loaded with every possible future for a heck of lot less than anything else. The best part is the ridiculous warrenty, I swear if you sneeze in the car the techs will come out to your car and wipe down your windows.

[nicole]

Hope You have a wonderful day!! Happy Birthday Jen!!!

[biff_wellington]

A big happy b-day, just turned 39 myself so I feel ya (the real 39, next year will be 39 version 2.0).

I am also curious to know the model you were interested in. I like my Toyota Matrix, its good for woofers and people and kinda cute, but its not a big SUV.

Enjoy taking the cake back, please give us a rundown of how it went.

[Wubbie]

Happy Birthday! Trust me when I tell you that you don't want anything Rover makes no matter how cute. I had a Rover that was constantly in the shop for three years. Whenever I see them on National Geographic specials in the jungle I always wonder how the hell they're going to get out of there!

[baltimoron]

Happy Birthday from another owner of a six-year-old XTerra that smells like dog.

Baltimoron (who has three years, four months, and six days before she turns 40 - I mean 34)

[jodi]

So...happy birthday...chachacha...I will be turning 37 in 6 days and have been telling everyone I am 34 since, well, since I turned 34. It's such an obscure age...who really knows what 34 looks like?
I do love the look of the Freelander...but I am all for a car that works...good luck...I can be seen turning heads in the 2005 Saturn Ion! Yeah, Hot! I know. It's a 5 speed. With crank windows. I know...I know...but it's mine!

[mishi]

Happy Birthday, Gov'ner!

[Jennifer McKenzie]

Happy Birthday, Jen.
*going over to Facebook to start sending drinks*
Hope the rest of it (minus the cake) is fabulous.

[Nicky]

Wishing you all the best on your birthday! I'm so glad you were born.
(man, that looks/sounds weird.)But anyway, have a very happy day!

[tutugirl1345]

I would suggest never getting a Land Rover. My mother bought one when they were first popular, and it has visited the car doctor every month since she bought it.

[Susan]

Picture a slightly off key voice:

Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear Jeeeeeennnnnn.
Happy birthday to you.

[jodifur]

Happy B-day!!!!

[Heather]

I have found my 40's to be fantastic. I am so comfortable in my own skin. I no longer feel like I have anything to prove to anybody but myself.
I lost a ton of weight two years ago, so I look better than I did in my 30's. Keep working out and you will feel the same way I do.
I turn 45 this month, and I still get carded.
Happy B-day!!!

[Laura]

Happy Birthday, Jen! I was finally able to read "Bitter" this weekend. I am convinced the folks flying with me in the tin can 40k ft in the air thought they were stuck with a lunatic from all the gurgling laughter that came out spontaneously. What a fabulously funny book. Now for the "Bright Lights" continuation...

[Carley]

Happy, happy birthday!

[Bethany]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

And I just want to chime in and say that I LOVE my landrover (but it's a discovery) My two dogs fit nicely in the back and b/c it's leather it doesn't stink!!! PLUS, there are rubber floor mats (YEP, I SAID RUBBER) So you don't even have to vacuum... just a little spray and they are done!

Good luck car shopping!

[NYC Tracy]

Hey Jen -- Happy Birthday! I got where you are last December, and it's not half bad... sounds like you're upbeat and positive about it though... good for you. Sorry about the cake... that? Not so positive. Ugh.

Also wanted to compliment you on your decision about tanning... I'd like to think that when I grow up I'll make that choice too. Still waiting...

[tia]

happy birthday!

i'm disappointed in whole foods for even keeping that cake out to be sold. usually they bring their A game...i mean, you have to when the average bill is $100.

per item.

[iamlandlocked]

Oops, "man four-legged friends" should have been "many four-legged friends." This is what happens when you are in your mid-forties and think you can post on the Internet without your reading glasses. The benefit of this is you can justify bad e-Bay purchases and overspending on the HSN by saying, "I couldn't see what I was typing."

[dodim]

Happy Birthday!!! Welcome to the "club". (And by "club" I mean those of us who have been forcibly dragged kicking and screaming to their 40's... and aren't taking it lying down.) I tell people I'm 38. No one is going to question 38, right?

As a mother of two dogs (and two kids) I have two words for you:
Leather. Upholstery.

birthday happy to you!

[Rebecca]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

[Megan]

Happy Birthday Jen!

It's too bad about the cake, did they not read the memo that it was a birthday cake? Not just any birthday cake, but YOUR birthday cake? Idiots...

[iamlandlocked]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

As the carter of man four-legged friends, I can understand your vehicular predicament. Have you looked at the Toyota FJ Cruiser? They have lines a bit similar to the Land Rover. I have no idea how they rate with Consumer's and no clue as to the price, but they are extraordinarily cute. Cuter even than the pink cable knit sweaters with the Labrador emblem from the Black Dog. I warn you, though, you may be tempted to think you are thinner, blonder, and far more gloriously suntanned than you actually are, not to mention the woefully misguided notion that you can actually surf...

Looking forward to hearing about the cake return! Couldn't you say you were filming a reality show and bring a camera crew (i.e. Fletch with a camcorder and a fake boom made out of a mop handle, an empty toilet paper roll, and some black foam packing material)? C'mon, work it, Jen!

[Jenny from Chicago]

Happy Birthday Kid. I say kid because I am almost exactly 4-years-older than you....there are still a few shopping days left before I turn 38.

Your car description reminds me of a car I had that was a Dodge Dynasty which we called the Dee Nastee. It smelled bad, it was an electrical nightmare...but on the plus side I could park it on the streets of Chicago without fear. Every cloud...