Jen's List

Can anyone explain to me why I was up at the ass-crack of dawn today to wait for a plumber who never showed up? 

AGAIN? 

It's like waiting for goddamn Godot around here... if Godot charged $150/hour for labor. 

Here's a partial list of service professionals who have failed to honor their appointments in the past two months.  (I'm sure there's more; I just can't remember them all.)

MISSING IN (IN)ACTION:

The tree guys

The OTHER tree guys

The third plumber

The cleaning service who was supposed to be really good

The cleaning service who was supposed to be moderately good, but cheap and efficient

The dryer repairman who technically tried to show up but we told to pound sand after he:

A)  was three hours late

B)  told us we gave him the wrong street address (even though we had an e-copy of the online request and our address was correct) (also, after being two and a half hours late, Fletch fielded the call where the guy told him our "house was missing" and I am deeply sorry not to have witnessed this interaction)

C)  said he was late because he had a flat tire

D) and couldn't call us because he needed a new cellphone battery

E)  which he had to stop and replace before getting to our house

(I can't believe he didn't tell us the dog ate his homework, too.)

Is business so great everywhere that service professionals don't need the income generated from checking our shower for leaks, trimming our trees, sucking hair out of our vents, and fixing the timer on our dryer?  WTF?  We keep briefing our landlords about the various repairs we're arranging so they can budget accordingly and they've got to think we're the biggest flakes for having NONE of them completed yet.

Anyway, am busy for the rest of the day.  Feel free to share your service professional horror stories in the comments.

Comments

[Marti]

We have had the same cleaning ladies for 6 years, they show up every 2 weeks, I leave, come back, and the house is spotless. I love them, and bake them cookies and give them extra cash at christmas.

So today, the realtors are showing up at noon, right after the cleaning ladies come, to take pictures, so we can sell this house. That's right, after 6 years of clockwork, they don't show ...their excuse? The key does not fit in the door...huh?

So, now I have to vacume, which I can't even spell right.

[Holly]

oh and i failed to mention he's a construction worker, how convenient.

[holly]

these people are probably all on drugs, it's the only explanation. my boyfriend is a coke head and never makes it to work more than 3 days a week.

[Josie]

Let's talk about Hector, the AC repairman who came to check our thermostat, after I suspected was not operating b/c I had icicles dripping off my nose.

He proceeded to tell me that the problem may have been that I was standing too close to it, breathing on it, and tricking it into thinking it's warmer inside than it really is.

Just imagine what type of Neanderthal he was accusing me of being...Can you see me hovering over the thermostat (on my tip toes nonetheless) breathing heavily upon the thing, in the middle of my night, as my children’s teeth chatter from their bedrooms?
And then he blasts me for having the audacity to actually program the damn thing (you know, warmer at some times - like when we're home - and cooler at others - such as at night or when we're NOT home). THEN he intentionally erased the program. It was a BITCH to re-program.

And after that I cancelled my Home Warranty policy for trusting me in the care of such a worthless boob.

[The House and I]

Sorry it took so long, but I had to pop back in to say wow. I never had landlords like yours. Ever. Mine were usually of the "why do you need heat?" variety. But if I had ones like yours I would do just like you're doing. Keep 'em -- and good luck with all the service guys!

[PJ]

I really recommend Angie's List. Besides finding good and bad opinions on local service providers, it would probably be cathartic to everyone here to post your complaints there. It's totally worth it.

[LJ]

I just can't get the concept of people in a service industry where that should be what it's all about just up and not showing up... showing up late... or missing those lovely appointment windows. I love how they harass you on your cellphone with automated announcements reminding you of the service time so that you wouldn't dream of having the nerve not to be home and available at that time and then do they come on time (or at all)? Not so much.

My favorite story though was Comcast in South Florida. They gave me some sort of ridiculous window of time so that I was basically stuck at home all day. I needed to go shopping to get food since I'd *just* moved in. So I waited. And waited. And near about passed out from starvation, having not eaten ALL day. Did they ever come? I think you know the answer... and that in a nutshell is why I hate Comcast. Scarred for life. The end.

[Melanie]

One of my boyfriend's friends (note: I REFUSE to claim this asshat as my own friend) works as a salesman for a company that does home improvements. On several occassions he has said he will drive by the house earlier in the day or even the day before and write down what it looks like. Then he will tell his boss that he knocked and there was no answer. So my guess when get the people who "knocked, but didn't get an answer" they probably had an important night of drinking ahead of them.

[Nefariousnina]

This is my dad's favorite story: We live in southwest Colorado, closer to New Mexico and Utah then to any major Colorado city. Rural, pretty....COLD. Anyway, mom and dad wait a few weeks too long to get wood for their stove for the winter, mom goes with someone in a newspaper add she doesn't know. The guy shows up, gives mom and estimate, says he'll be back later that day with the two cords. Mom tells him she'll be out, pays him up front. Guy never shows. And never shows. Mom calls number in newspaper add, leaves message "hey...where's our wood???" Three years later. No wood. Of course, they went with someone else. But every year they're talking about wood, dad says "Hey...why don't we try that one guy from a few years ago...what was his name???"HA.

[ljd70]

Apparently, business is booming for them. Over the last 8 years we have lived in this house, the only one who showed up when he said was the Roto-Rooter guy. Everyone else thought it was perfectly alright to say they were coming on a certain day, then just don't show up.

[Library Diva]

I still remember getting our bathroom remodeled when I was 12, and what a horrible job the guy did. He dropped a pipe fitting through the floor, which crashed through the kitchen ceiling (which we'd just fixed) and damaged our (brand-new) sink. He replaced both, but it still took him the entire summer to remodel a 5 foot by 10 foot room.

We couldn't take showers in there (good thing I was so young: at 12, I didn't mind just using the ones at the pool). He was there at the ass crack of dawn when he came and made about as much noise as humanly possible. He did a shitty job and never finished. In fact, we still have a bunch of his tools, 20 years later, that my dad decided to keep as collateral. My family also still technically "owes" him a couple of hundred dollars. They were going to pay it when he finished. 20 years later, we're still waiting.

He was a friend of my uncle's and I guess he used to be good, but that summer was the start of his long, slow tailspin, leading to the breakup of his marriage, the loss of his full-time job and his descent into alcoholism. His name still comes up from time to time at family get-togethers, and the news is never good.

[Michelle]

I hired a company to install an over-the-stove microwave.

They did the installation ok, but in the course of removing the microwave from the box, they set it on top of my kitchen island, leaving two 14 inch long gouges in the butcher block top.

I called the owner of the company to get the top replaced.

After no fewer than 7 messages, a threat of calling the better business bureau, and a threat to show up at his house with a hammer, he finally called me back.

He sent the installer of the microwave over to pick up the countertop. Apparently his "punishment" for having done it to begin with was that he had to refinish the counter top.

He brought it back five days later, finished in HIGH GLOSS, even though the countertop in the rest of the kitchen is matte.

I once again threatened to go get the hammer.

He took the contertop again.

TWO WEEKS later, he finally shows up to install it (I have now taken my third vacation day for these clowns).

This time the finish is right, he installs it somewhat correctly, and leaves the bill for the installation of the microwave with me.

After deducting the cost for my three vacation days and the loss of use for the kitchen, I figured that they owed me over 500.00, so I wrote that on the invoice and sent it back.

I never got my check.

[Adrienne]

Carla: Try ARS Plumbing. They're based in Roselle. They have actually shown up, AND successfully repaired my plumbing issues, THREE separate times! For that alone, they should be nominated for the plumbing equivalent of an Academy Award. (The Golden Toilet?)

[kristina]

A little off the mark but we ordered a pizza at 6:30pm October 12th, 2006 (yes 2006) to be delivered. We called three times that evening to check on where /when it would be delivered.
"They just left"
"10 minutes"
"They just left"

We are still waiting for the pizza.

[carla]

If anyone has a recommendation for a decent plumber in Chicago, I'd sure love to know! Both my landlord and I have called the guy she knows and he WILL NOT call us back to schedule an appointment. So, clearly, he is not interested in our business. Must be nice not to need work!

[the governor of jennsylvania]

The House and I - our landlords are really lovely and quite responsive. It's kind of surreal to rent from people who actually care about the property. (But nice. Very nice.) However, they live out of town so it's easier for us to get stuff done and deduct it from the rent. Getting the people we hire to show up, well, that's a different story.

[The House and I]

But if you have landlords, why are you dealing with any of this? One of the joys of renting is supposed to be NOT having to handle household repairs. I say you hand the problem over, and then never, never, never buy a house. It only gets worse when you do. Trust me!

[Lindsey]

OH GOD. When I was moving out of my first EVER apartment, the carpet cleaner said he would be there at 7:30 a.m. Being the nice person I am, I was up by 6 a.m. in case he was early. HE ARRIVED AT NOON. REALLY? I had moved all my shit out and was sitting on a sleeping bag (which I had slept in also) and was staring at the wall, waiting for him to come. After he cleaned the carpets (while I sat on the sidewalk, as I had no where else to go in the 100 degree heat) I also TIPPED HIM. Jen, I feel like we've had the same life, just about 20 years apart. True story: I'm drunk, in my sorority house, wearing my pearls, right now, reading this. This is after the guy I'm "dating" offered me $50 for a BJ. Honestly, my nails are so bad I almost accepted. Almost--but I couldn't with the pearls on.

[Jen D]

I do have a horror story....we had a tv delivered...eventually delivered, I should say. The first tv that we purchased from said badservicenerveruseagain store my husband and I installed, after 2 hours, 200 pounds hoisted up and my eventual electrocution after becoming sweaty (see step 2) and reaching around the back of the behemoth to try to find the electrical plug. We had to re-order the tv, and they said they would come pick up the damaged tv and deliver and install a new, working one. They did not offer, however, to fix my singed hair from the electrocution.

The first
go-round, they couldn't seem to show up in the 6-hour window they provided . Mind you, I took time off work and looked out the window for 6 hours waiting for them. The next "proposed" time, they were an hour late. One guy came to the door to check the requisition with me, the he went back to the truck to get his buddy. They lugged the tv in the house and I noticed as they passed, that they tracked big purple blotches on the carpet. They had stepped in some ornamental plums (another reason out of 200 to hate that tree, may it RIP)and dragged them across my oatmeal colored carpet. It looked like a mashed scone field. I exclaimed (okay, I kind of shrieked) that they solied my carpet...they looked back, looked at me, and kept going. When they got to the family room, they asked where it should go. I motioned to the entertainment unit. The one gut looks at the unit and looks and me and says " I don't think so". The entertainment unit is built so that the tv has to be hoisted up about 3 feet off the ground. I said "you think yes, I reckon, since you are late and just ruined my carpet". Okay, I didn't say it OUT LOUD, but he could hear it in my eyes. He went out to the truck with his buddy and came back with a tape measure...tracking even more purple waffle marks through my living room. ZIIIIIIP..he whipped out the tape measure against the entertainment unit and shook his head. "It too tall....it 3 feet, 2 inches....we not lift anything over 3 feet.....OH SHAS say so. I cocked my head, as in "you say whah?" but what came out is "come again?" He reiterated the same union song. I asked "you mean to tell me, that I waited all this time and you will not install this? "yeees", he said, retracting his tape measure like a light saber. "You mean to tell me.... I went off on my reiteration of the illogical statememnts he was offering up. "yees, and even if you pay me to do this, my boss would find out". Did I look like the bribing, under the table type? I guess so. "Oh no, I don't want an injured delivery man PLUS a ruined carpet. What if I install the tv myself and it doesn't work? "You call us, and we come out again" he said. "But.You won't. Install."I said slowly. "No, because OH SHAH." I decided to end it right there. "Okay, leave me the friggin tv, but at least open it and let me see it is not damaged" I asked. "Hokay", he said " but if it damaged, I cannot take it back, because you opened it." Whatever....
The new tv was okay as far as cosmetics.There was a screen and the knobs were all there. "Okay" I said,"just leave this tv". They unpacked the rest of the tv and left it on my floor. "What about the broken tv?" I asked. "Noooo, no take", he shook his head......"Riiiiight", I said, about ready to flog him with his tape measure "you no lift!". "Riiiight" he said, with a half toothed grin.
As I was starting to shoo them out of my house, he turned and said..."oh, no, first you sign that you got this in good condition". "Ahhhhhh haa haa" I laughed (just about ready to go postal) "but you did not deliver and install". "Nooo", he said " I cannot leave tv unless you sign for it". (Just ONE more way for said terribleserviceneveruseagain store to CYA). "Okay" I smiled. I grabbed the pen and started to write my true feelings about the experience on the requistion. "Wha, what, wait...what are you doing?" he exclaimed. "I am letting your bosses know exactly what happened here" I smiled. "You, You...ah...no, we no lift, you just sign, we no lift!" He was desperate. After I finished my diabtribe on paper, I handed it back to him, triumphant. He looked at me, bewildered, or half scared, since I probably looked like a Stephen King character at this point. As they scurried out of my house, they continued to drag purple stain back through the carpet. "Hey!" I shouted "Wait 'til I tell your boss about the stains on my carpet!" The jedilivery guy turned, and snorted "the tree is on your property, insurance say it your fault!". If I could have picked up the giant tv and flung it at him, I would have. Instead, I called my husband and filled his ears with F-bombs.
So....we ended up donning our hernia belts and removing the "bad" tv and installing the "new" tv. The "New" tv had no sound when we turned it on and for the next 3 days. Unfortunately, I could not blame the wretched store or its jedi deliverymen...my husband, the former electrician, forgot to hook it up. And my carpet continued to smear and the stains eventually looked like we had a grape stomping party in the house....next I had to endure the carpet installers....

[Boo]

We had to move our utilities meter 3 feet in order to remodel and the utilities company wouldn't let us contract it out; they took 6 weeks to even assign the job because the guy in charge went on vacation and delegated to people who forgot to do their jobs. Then it finally took 3 hours and cost $1400 for some guy with a high school diploma to do it. We felt like total hostages - we were living without walls on one end of the house and all other work stopped while we waited for these guys. I am still bitter, I guess.

[Michelle]

Old air conditioner repair guy - Our first house, 1995:
Me - "Hon, the AC isn't working right." Hubby - "Well, give So and So's a call. They're great."
Me - "Okay"
Next Day:
Old AC Guy - "Hi, I'm a here to a fix your a/c."
Me - "Okaaaay...it's around back. I'll go with you."
OACG - "Let me just pull these weeds outa here, and...yep, that was all she needed. You should weed back here more often. That'll be $95.00"
Me - I actually paid him. I felt sorry for him, and didn't think it was appropriate to question Hamilton's (our home town's) Air Conditioning Authority.
His son next day - "Yeah, he's getting a little old...I'll take care of it for ya. No charge."

[iamlandlocked]

I'm a single mom with a full time job, a teenage son, and 300 pounds of canine running amok in my house. So I have a cleaning lady (actually a cleaning lady and her two nieces), and I don't feel guilty about it for a minute. It has been implied by my friends that I should be happy for any kind of service at all, since having a cleaning lady is a luxury. I disagree--I pay her my hard earned cash (and I mean cash, she won't take a check) to do a decent job, and I expect it. I initially agreed to pay her above the going rate because she came highly recommended (apparently by people who were raised by squirrels).

In addition to her refusal to leave my furniture the way I have arranged it and her unwillingness to allow me anywhere on the property when she's cleaning, things have been sliding a little of late. Witness this disaster two days before my long awaited trip to Italy. I come home expecting to have my house clean, but it is clear some of the vacuuming has been left undone. There on my living room floor is the reason why: my $500 Simplicity vacuum cleaner in many, many pieces on the carpet, laid out like one of those exploded diagrams you find in instruction manuals, only here many of the plastic pieces are BROKEN. (I am highly suspicious a hammer was involved.) A post-it note explains: "Your vacuum cleaner no work no more." (No shit.) "We try fix your vacuum cleaner but we think your vacuum cleaner too old now. You go to Sears and get nice vacuum cleaner on sale. We wants canister vacuum. Please, you get new vacuum before next week or we can not clean for you."

So off I trot to Sears, where I discover that the canister vacuums start at about $800. This is not money I am going to spend two days before going on vacation. I have a list of errands as long as my arm and no time to comparison shop, so I find what I think is a nice compromise (a sort of upright/canister hybrid), shell out the $400 (still hurts), and take it home.

Two weeks ago, my next door neighbor, who lives alone with no dogs and no carpeting in a tiny little house, tells me that Angie, our shared cleaning lady, has been angling for her to buy a new canister vacuum. I get a note from Angie that same week complaining that they had to use their own vacuum because their "arms gets all tired" from using my vacuum. Yeah, the one that I bought just for them, when I could have spent the $400 on the Via dei Condotti. I notice that they have left trash bags lying in the front hall, wet rags on a chair, my bedroom throw rug on my bed (yuck), and my bathroom floor is filthy. There's a new stain on the bedroom carpeting and what looks like a bleach hand print on one of my bathroom towels.

I'm thinking about how I'm going to can Angie's ass when this timely missive arrives in the mail: "Please. I am asking for an extra $20 everytime we service your house...Your house has a lot of dog's hair and it's really hard to clean up dog's hair." (Um, no, not if you use the vacuum cleaner I bought expressly for that purpose.) "I am going to be using my own special vacuum canister and I just need the extra money for the vacuum bag's-the belt-and for the repairs or something else."

Okay, does anyone else think this sounds like the world's most expensive vacuum cleaner? I mean, she's not buying a new one, just supplies for the existing one. I'm a little curious about the "something else" clause, too. And I'm worried that if I cough up the extra $20, I'll be an easy mark for the $10 bucket fee or the $2 surcharge for actually flushing the toilet after scrubbing it.

I calculated what Angie makes in a year, and it's more than I do. From her demands for cash only, I surmise that she doesn't pay much in the way of income taxes, either. I think it's time to quote the Donald: "You're fired."

[Kasey]

All these stories are pretty similar to what I've experienced (except for the dudes fixing the flower beds-hysterical!).

In terms of pure stupid entertainment, this experience was by far one I'll always remember:

I live in an apartment complex where we can put service requests online and (most of the time) it will be taken care of the next day. So I put in my request that there was a wasp nest growing on the underside of the awning on my balcony.

When the maintenance dude arrived this is what he carried in his arsenal:

1 pair of thick gloves
1 large black trash bag
1 broom

(You've got to know where it's going by now)

He walks out to the balcony, closes the sliding glass door, and proceeds to go ape shit on the nest (with many now-pissed off wasps in the area).

I'm teary-eyed with laughter becuase not only can I see his shadow as he's swinging for dear life, but if he breaks anything it's totally on them to fix!

Needless to say, I ended up buying wasp spray and dealing with the problem myself. I also have not called on them to "fix" anything else in the apartment because I'm afraid of what they'll bring...

[Heather]

Our heat has been out for over a week. On Halloween the repair guy came out and of course had to order a couple of parts. Now they have called to say some of the parts are in but we can never get anyone to answer the phone or call us back to schedule the installation of said parts. Its pretty damn cold with no heat, even if I do live in the south. We have a home warranty which is good to get people out here to look at the problem but you can never get them back out to actually fix it.

You can't just call up to tell them to send someone different. I tried it once before. We needed some duct work replaced. It had some holes in it and was collapsing. The first guy came out and told us that he needed to measure to have another piece made. After about two weeks I called to see if the work had been done. Apparently it only takes about a day to do, and had been done but no one bothered to call us to say it was ready. Then we couldn't get them out here. There was always an excuse like the guy cut his hand. THEN we went back and forth about who was actually going to be coming out. By the time they got here the piece had been made reversing the measurements for the length and width. Bunch of idiots. We got some Chili's gift cards out of it as an apology but it wasn't good enough for me.

I could also go on and on about how bad Charter sucks but I think everyone already knows that.

[Jen]

Ok, seriously, if you live anywhere in SoCal, and Charter is your only cable option, may I suggest Direct TV? Of course, I've never tried Direct TV personally, however, it has to be absolutely luxurious compared to dealing with the brain-dead idiotrons Charter somehow hires out of the "Total Losers Seaking Jobs" section of Monster. Here's 1.58% of my Charter drama: I never even wanted cable TV, but couldn't get cable internet with our the cable TV. I waited 8 hours at my new apartment for our Charter installer, talked to no less than 9 customer "service" agents, was transferred over 15 times, and hung up on once, after the the agent politely informed me "Mam, I am going to hang up on you now." - Thanks. I finally found out they sent our installer to my exact same street address in an entirely different city. Somehow, they got the tiny town of Los Angeles mixed up with some other hole in the wall town. What gives? I settled for DSL and haven't seen a TV program since.

[Jessica]

you are forgetting the CABLE GUY. hate him

[Ria]

Our house has been on the market for a little over a month now, but if anyone was capable of doing their jobs, it would have been on the market just over three months by now.

We had plumbers, carpet guys, painters, and movers come fix up the house before we put it on the market. Exactly zero of them were on time. The first day the plumber was supposed to come was Monday at 11. He got here Tuesday at 2. The painters were supposed to be here Friday at 5. They got here the next Monday at 7. The movers were supposed to have all the boxes out in one day - took them two weeks. They forgot to come back from their lunch break for a few days. But the carpet guys are the real winners. They showed up exactly 167 hours late. Not that I counted. (Yes, I did call and make sure I had the right day and time. They just conveniently did not show up.)

[Angela A]

These are some funny stories...we were selling our first house when the inspector found a gas leak. We had this program through the gas company where we paid a few bucks a month and they'd come fix it. They said it had to be during the day, so I took a day off work.

And the dude (or dudette) never showed. I called at 3pm and said, um, somebody is coming, right. Oh yes, someone's coming. Called at 4:30 and said, no one came. "There's a note in your file that he knocked on the front and side door twice and no one answered." Okay...TOTAL CRAP! I kind of went off on her. I said, I have been sitting here for 9 hours waiting, I am sitting in a room that overlooks our front door, the driveway & the street, and NO ONE came. She was like, well, whatever.

Then all of a sudden they had evening appts and sent someone the next day.

Don't even get me started on tree people. The most idiotic, unreliable losers in the universe. If you can actually find one to give you a quote, they NEVER show up when they say they will, if they even get to you before everything freezes.

OK, bitterness over, thanks for listening.

[Karina in T.O]

Gals, lets be honest here...the only truly good service you'll get is from a service professional you actually know.

Like, really, thank God my hubby used to be a furnace man, and knows plumbing and stuff....'cause I'll never let some idiot into my house, knowing what I know about these dudes. The stories he's told me about the ass-clows he's worked with??!! Yeah, your furnace man showing up late(when he should be cleaning your furnace or putting in a new thermostat/humidifier), that's the least of your worries, be more worried about him pissing in your laundry tub or flooding your basement!! Oye, the stories I could tell!

Kudos to the pooch who bit the idiot cable guy, dumb bastard deserved it!

And an even bigger kudos to Miss Sarah up there who posted the pics of Itchy and Tubby. That is FANTASTIC SHIT! The only question I've got is girl, why didn't you send those pics to the president of the contracter they work for?

[Anna]

My old landlord had surveyors come over (for an unknown reason) and they showed up an hour late, were drinking beer, refused to move their vehicle that was blocking my boyfriend in the driveway (he was runninglate for work), and then took a swing at my boyfriend with the survey tripod when said boyfriend insisted they leave!!!

[Jess]

This is definitely not encouraging me to call the tree service guy, which has been on my to-do list for weeks.

[Jody Yano]

Our furnace was making a rattle, static-y sort of noise, so we, naturally, called the furnace repair guys. I took the 11-2 appointment window, and when does he show up? 2:55, as I'm loading my infant in the carseat to go pick up my daughter from preschool, then has the AUDACITY to give me attitude and try to charge me for the service call! I SO don't think so! Don't mess with a sleep deprived mom!

[Muffy Willowbrook]

Can I just say how happy I am that you're blogging everyday!!

[susu]

That's CLASSIC! Lys rocks:)
Your general lack of respect from service folks may have something to do with the fact that you rent. Most landlords don't give a damn and never see the result of the contractor's work anyway, so, if the service providers know you rent....expect a problem.

[Jennifer McKenzie]

Okay, I'll share someone else's story.
Woman has a dog. Dog is a WATCH DOG. Dog bites strangers that enter house without owner present.
Owner informs Cable company that dogs are dangerous and sets appointment with a "Do Not Enter Property Without Owner" warning.
Cable company show up (amazingly) an hour early (astounding) and ENTERS PROPERTY WITHOUT THE OWNER!
Cable guy bitten by dog.
Cable company demanding that dog is destroyed.
WHAT. THE. FUCK. (Yes. I dropped the "F" bomb. Yes, I'm amazed I only dropped it once.)

[Becca]

OMG Sarah! That is the funniest story! Thanks for giving me a good laugh on this never ending work day!

[Sarah (check out the link for pictures)]

Okay this should be fun...

At my office we sit in front of these huge ass window, I mean floor to 20ft ceiling, but they're mirrored on the outside so people can't see in. We've had the funny ones where people look in like they would a mirror and play with their hair or adjust their clothes but nothing as hilarious as the 2 week long period where the 2 laziest workers ON THE PLANET were supposed to re-chaulk our flower beds.

Why on earth this needed to be done I have no idea but this is what they did.

I don't know if pictures will post here, but I will add a link to my photobucket account if you'd like to see the two culprits.

First guy we had was a little latin guy who would sit in front of these flower boxes cross legged, his back to the window. Well, crossed legged in baggy pants=butt crack. And not just plumber crack, this was ALL the WAY DOWN! crack. On top of that his ass was stained, no not just streak marks, his butt (crack) was actually 2 shades darker than the rest of him. Looking like he NEVER wiped. It was the most disgusting thing...well until he topped himself.

A co-worker and I were conversing in her cubicle, Crack Man was outside. All of a sudden she throws her hand over her mouth and begins to choke and laugh at the same time. I snapped my neck to the window and oh boy...Crack Man had the community screw driver (probably a foot long) jammed down his britches (under the underwear) and was scratching his stinky, stained butt crack...IN FRONT OF US!!!! And in the middle of the parking lot (which is what we face). HE WAS SCRATCHING HIS ASS WITH THE COMMUNITY SCREW DRIVER PEOPLE!!! Do I have to say more?? Hence forth he was known to us all as "Itchy"

But Itchy was not alone...oh no.

Itchy had a friend, and no it wasn't Scratchy. Itchy's friend was quite robust, and while he did not scratch he was the laziest Mo-Fo on the planet. While doing his job, instead of sitting cross legged like Itchy, "Tubby Bear" was too fat...he couldn't bend over. Instead Tubby would lie down on his side to work on these boxes. Which I guess would be fine, but he wouldn't necessarily work...he would nap. When their boss would come around he would fain work but no...he slept!

There are 4 boxes in front of each group of offices, so about 16 boxes in all. So if they each did 2 boxes a day...that would be what...4 days of work? right...oh no, with these boys they may get half a box done a day...each...so it took them 2 WEEKS!! 2 WEEKS!!

Oh and EVERY single DAY of those 2 weeks Tubby Bear wore the same shirt! I swear it was the same exact shirt and jeans. He wore a generic brown shirt (yes brown like Itchy's butt) and some dirty ass jeans.

The laziest men...OMG..but it was the most entertaining thing I have experienced. We would look for them everyday and watch and crack up. Nearly peeing your pants at work..now that is priceless.

I will never forget them...and I have the pictures to prove it.

These were taken with my iphone so I apologize for the quality, I can't zoom with it...

Here's the link to all the pictures:
http://s215.photobucket.com/albums/cc214/underlings_photos/

[Lys]

Oh this would make me turn into a shrew!! I agree with the comments re: the service industry - WHAT SERVICE????

[Cathy D.]

Do not even get me started about the calls I've had with Verizon over billing for FIOS service. Promises, promises, and hundreds of dollars of overcharges. I'd almost rather have the occasionally snowy pictures with the Dish.

[Emily]

Wow, I wonder if your dryer guy is related to the fridge guy we hired who not only couldn't make the "sometime between 10 and 3" window he'd given us but failed to show up at all (after I'd taken the day off work to wait for him), leaving us with a refrigerator full of spoiling food, and then had the nerve to bill us for a missed service call when he showed up two days later and we weren't home. I think the "service" industry needs a new name!

[Megan from NC]

My parents live in a small, retirement community in NC and they have the same problem with people not showing up to do work...not even just little service work but major repairs worth big bucks. I don't understand the work ethic of some people. I'm not sure if it's because the people who own the company are money hungry and just accept all jobs even if they're already overbooked and don't have the manpower to do it all or if the service people are too busy smoking up and getting drunk.

[Melissa]

Oh my, you make my cable TV/central vac repair/basement remodeling projects COMBINED sound like a breeze compared to your issues right now And I agree, in this tight economy the only people freely pissing money away are service contractors. WTF???

[Becki]

Oh the foolishness. Putting POISON in your BODY? and they haven't even figured out long term effects . . .

You finally detox from tanning, and then just pick another poison. And probably will become addicted to THAT. And you are absolutely beautiful and fresh faced as you are . were .are . whatever

In the name of what?

We all grow old. And yeah, wrinkles are hard.

But have you checked out Wayne Newton lately?