Opinion?

OK, fine. 

It's possible that not every single box of the Zappos order was Fletch's. 

Maybe someone else in this house has been freaking desperate to find a pair wide-calf boots and she knows she has to get them NOW, NOW, NOW or else all the other better-organized girls with muscular calves with snatch up every damn pair and they won't be available again until next year which she found out the hard way last February when she spent six fruitless hours looking for them online and if she doesn't get them this year it will really suck because she has since determined Crocs simply aren't good snow shoes and this is why she ordered a bunch of Zappos boots to try, none of which fit properly except for the pair below which she is on the fence about because she can't determine whether or not they look like stripper shoes.

Please select from the following:

A)  OMG, so cute!

B)  Cute, but will they really go with your twinsets?

C)  Not cute, but better than Crocs.  Dear God, anything is better than Crocs, and sweet Jesus, don't let her discover those Sherpa Crocs.

D)  Yeah, they'll look cute... ON THE POLE.

The person who lives here and is not Fletch thanks you for your support.

* * *

UPDATE:  All right, all right!  I get it.  You hate them.  You REALLY hate them.  As of this moment, I promise they're all boxed up and ready to be sent back so a more deserving dancer/drag queen can wear them in good health.

Let us never speak of this incident again.

(But they were kind of cute with my long black skirt.)

Comments

[Boo]

Maybe if Barbarella went to the North Pole...
Talbots.com has some nice (wide calf) boots that might coordinate with the pearls. When you hit the jackpot, please share pics.

[Cait]

Lies! All lies! Those boots are wonderful! Great for the season and the heal will be okay for a winter in Chicago! Buy them! Be happy in them!

[Nerdette]

Sorry, must go with D... :(

[pheebee]

C & D. Really? You weren't serious with these?

Here's an unsolicited tip: Try Anne Klein or Franco Sarto. I've had good luck with those.

[andrealynn MSU]

I LOVE boots but these ones are a little strange looking. I also have musclar calves from mountain biking but there are better ones than these out there. I definitly go with C ANYTHING is better than Crocs!

[Kiki]

Atrocious Mess.

C/D.

Don't do it...please...

[Sally]

They kind of look like something you could get at Skyscraper Shoes (you know, the tranny shoe store on Belmont?) I say no boots are better than bad boots.

[alani]

I ordered my wide calf boots from here and was totally thrilled with them! Ive had them for 3 years and love them! http://www.wide-calf-boots.com/

[Susan]

D. D-D-D-D-D-D-D. Oh, and did I mention - D.
There are other boots - cute ones, even - out there. Please, PLEASE go find them.

[Julie]

Definitely look like pole wear...not that I would know, of course!!! ;-)

[The Red Lobster]

C - please don't keep them. You can always buy a pair you really like and a shoe cobbler (that word cracks me up) can put a slit into the side and put a piece of leather in it to allow you to wear ones that were not designed for larger calved people.

[Kathy]

D.....buy those and I may have to boycott your books!!!! PLEASE dont' make me do that!

[Ally]

D!!!!

[Allison]

Oh honey. No. A thousand times, no. (Yea, I know I don't actually know you, but I feel like in times of great fashion crisis and/or peril, girls have to bond very quickly or suffer the consequences. This is one of those times.) Those are really hideous, and so not appropriate for a (cough) year old woman. I see where you may be distracted by their uniqueness, but honestly, they will do you no good. Back away from the boots.

[Allison]

Oh honey. No. A thousand times, no. (Yea, I know I don't actually know you, but I feel like in times of great fashion crisis and/or peril, girls have to bond very quickly or suffer the consequences. This is one of those times.) Those are really hideous, and so not appropriate for a (cough) year old woman. I see where you may be distracted by their uniqueness, but honestly, they will do you no good. Back away from the boots.

[Aimee]

I vote D. Stripper boots for sure. And? I have the sherpa crocs and they ROCK!!!

[Allison]

Oh honey. No. A thousand times, no. (Yea, I know I don't actually know you, but I feel like in times of great fashion crisis and/or peril, girls have to bond very quickly or suffer the consequences. This is one of those times.) Those are really hideous, and so not appropriate for a (cough) year old woman. I see where you may be distracted by their uniqueness, but honestly, they will do you no good. Back away from the boots.

[Morgan]

C.
Have you seen the boots at Target by Issac Miz? They are stretchy and cheap and great for wide calves! And way cuter than those Marc Jacobs!

[Jennifer In Dallas]

AAAAAA- ok, they may not be for you, but they are so for me. (and no, I am not lady-of-the-night). thanks for finding them for me! luv ya!

[LJ]

B/D. I like the stripper elf comments - hah. They do look elf-ey. I feel your pain. Boots are hard! I finally found some winners at Aldo of all places. Good luck... may you find your magic boots of choice!

[Karen in Dallas]

These are just God-awful, and no, they will not go with your twinsets and pearls!

[Melissa]

D!!!!
ps what happened with the cupcakes?

[Terri]

A little Stevie Nicks, no?

I prefer these:
http://www.silhouettes.com/product.asp?product=402343M10BAzz&dept%5Fid=10300&An=102&A=&Au=RollupKey

[Cathy D.]

They look like elf ho boots.

[Jen]

Sorry, gotta go with D on this one... although they'd make a nice gift for Fletch?

[Cyndi]

C - Crocs = *gag*

I know it's probably not where you'd normally hang out, but I spend a fair amount of time on the WeightWatchers.com message boards and those girls KNOW where to find cute, wide-calf boots. You don't have to pay to use the msg boards, just register. I'm sure if you put "wide calf boots" in the Search box there, you'll get tons of ideas.

[Allie]

Sorry, Jen -- but I have to go with D -- NOT cute at all -- we can do much better!

[Mimi]

D. Just D.

[Ginny]

I've been reading all these comments and, among other things (SO many other things!), wondering to myself -- WTF are "sherpa crocs"? So I finally had to Google it and see for myself. OMG - seriously - just when you think people are going to have to take a break from this heinous aberration in footwear due to the glorious arrival of snow and ice, they line the SOB's in fleece and give them a new life. WILL THERE BE NO END???

[Addie]

D.

I heard someone call the sherpa crocs "cruggs" the other day: crocs + uggs ...

[Paula]

D! What are you thinking? I myself suffer from "farmgirl leg" syndrome and ordered a pair of Brewster extended calf boots from J.Crew. They are FANTASTIC! Being a fellow prepster, they totally go with all fall and winter wool/plaid skirts and for the first time in I don't know how long I can not only put them on, but also take them off without having to break out the Pam. Food for thought.

[Paige]

Let's go with C. They just don't look right, combination elf and stripper. I bought my wide calf boots from Ann Taylor Loft. They were cute, not expensive, and definitely don't look like stripper boots. Good Luck!

[Christine]

D. Sorry, my dear. But definitely D. Check out Nordstroms online- they have so many options, and if you are interested in a pair and don't know the calf width, call them- they are the best.

[iamlandlocked]

No, no, oh God, no. The only thing that would scream "Stripper!" louder than these would be clear heels. Okay, maybe clear heels with goldfish inside. And they have a little dominatrix thing goin' on, too. Definitely hard to pair with twin sets and LaCoste.

Girl, let your fingers do the walking and go to duoboots.com. You send them your exact shoe size, shoe width, and calf circumference and apply it to any of the lovely styles they have available. They send you a pair of semi-bespoke boots (from Britain no less) that you will actually be able to wear in public without frightening small children and possibly some street walkers, too. I ordered a pair in black suede last year--love them, and they were only a couple of hundred bucks--no worse than Macy's.

[Liz K]

They're hideous. And you know they are hideous otherwise you wouldnt even be asking. You're trying to turn a hoe into a housewife- shoe speaking. I've been there believe me, and now I have a pair of slouchy boots that have sat 100% unworn in my closet for my efforts. We all have certain looks in our heads that we want to achieve and sometimes we have to just let them go.

[eowyn_2]

I just bought these for my "muscular" calves. LOVE THEM. The brown leather is cheap-looking, but the cognac is great. And I'm half-tempted to get them in black too.

http://www.zappos.com/n/p/p/7269623/c/216.html

And no, I don't like those either. They look cankle-inducing.

Well, you asked!

[Wendy]

jen. sorry babe I have to go with try again. They just won't match your beautiful twinsets.

[tutugirl1345]

Please run away from those shoes as fast as humanly possible. I agree with what people are saying about them looking like prosthetic legs.

[TheBabblingHousewife]

Sorry...they look a little bit like wooden shoes with knee highs worn underneath.

Is that suede?

[JODIE]

WOW, I FEEL THE SAME WAY..I HAD SUCH A HARD TIME FINDING COOL WIDE CALF BOOTS... I AM SERIOUSLY THINKING ABOUT DESIGNING THEM!! WITH THAT SAID, I HAVE TO CHOOSE - IF THEY FEEL GOOD ,GO FOR IT! THEY DO LOOK VERY HIGH THOU, MIGHT WANT TO LV THEM AS YOUR 'LYING' DOWN BOOTS!
HEY... WAY TO GO ON THE BOTOX...MY HERO.
LOOKIN GOOD. ENJOY

[Jessica]

I say B. Adorable, but honestly I can't see them with a twinset. I think they would be perfect with really cute wrap dress!

[landis]

um. hon. unless you have the feathered skirt to go with those, you will have that "fashion victim" thing goin on big time. especially at the bus stop on fullerton when it's snowing. and you can't move for fear of slipping then you grab the pole when you get on the bus and some guy tries to put a dollar in your jeans and you slap him and fall, losing both dignity AND the dollar.

[rachel]

Don't listen to these hos- the boots are fierce. And if they don't match the twinsets, then think outside the box and pump up the potential of the twinset! A/B for me.

[Jenn6]

Funny, I almost ordered these.
Ended up going with these http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/18130846/c/3.html , the greatest boot in the history of all the world ever. They make me feel a wee bit dirty-girl.
I have three pairs of Type Z boots and they are all amazingly comfy. Mayhaps try another style?

[Fe]

Hmmmm. They are kinda ugly. But sometimes ugly means cute when it comes to shoes. And I feel your pain finding boots that fit your calves. Everytime I see a stick-thin woman wearing boots that are practically dancing around her legs, I just want to stop her and force feed her donuts!

[Alisha]

Gotta give these boots the thumbs down. Not only are they not good for snow, they don't even pass the "twist my arm" test by being uber cute. I know wide-calf boots are hard to come by, but I concur with the recommendations for J. Crew. Also Eddie Bauer. I know - not the height of fashion, but I just ordered a pair of riding boots last week, and they had higher-heel varieties as well. Now, If you would provide us with your actual shoe size, your loyal legions could search Zappos *for* you and present you with acceptable alternatives! Friends don't let friends buy ho-bag boots!

[NYC Tracy]

Sorry Jen... I have to go with D too... plus, they just don't look comfortable at all!

[Alisha]

Gotta give these boots the thumbs down. Not only are they not good for snow, they don't even pass the "twist my arm" test by being uber cute. I know wide-calf boots are hard to come by, but I concur with the recommendations for J. Crew. Also Eddie Bauer. I know - not the height of fashion, but I just ordered a pair of riding boots last week, and they had higher-heel varieties as well. Now, If you would provide us with your actual shoe size, your loyal legions could search Zappos *for* you and present you with acceptable alternatives! Friends don't let friends buy ho-bag boots!

[Kim]

Ok, you can really make me laugh & I LOVE your books, but please do NOT buy those boots! U G L Y

[K8]

Oh! And try www.silhouettes.com for way cute extended calf boots.

I'd definately go with a flattering pair or riding boots with a twinset, plaid skirt, and pearls. Perhaps like these! (I received mine 2 weeks ago and LOVE THEM!)

http://www.silhouettes.com/Parent.asp?product=402161x&dept%5Fid=10300