Opinion?

OK, fine. 

It's possible that not every single box of the Zappos order was Fletch's. 

Maybe someone else in this house has been freaking desperate to find a pair wide-calf boots and she knows she has to get them NOW, NOW, NOW or else all the other better-organized girls with muscular calves with snatch up every damn pair and they won't be available again until next year which she found out the hard way last February when she spent six fruitless hours looking for them online and if she doesn't get them this year it will really suck because she has since determined Crocs simply aren't good snow shoes and this is why she ordered a bunch of Zappos boots to try, none of which fit properly except for the pair below which she is on the fence about because she can't determine whether or not they look like stripper shoes.

Please select from the following:

A)  OMG, so cute!

B)  Cute, but will they really go with your twinsets?

C)  Not cute, but better than Crocs.  Dear God, anything is better than Crocs, and sweet Jesus, don't let her discover those Sherpa Crocs.

D)  Yeah, they'll look cute... ON THE POLE.

The person who lives here and is not Fletch thanks you for your support.

* * *

UPDATE:  All right, all right!  I get it.  You hate them.  You REALLY hate them.  As of this moment, I promise they're all boxed up and ready to be sent back so a more deserving dancer/drag queen can wear them in good health.

Let us never speak of this incident again.

(But they were kind of cute with my long black skirt.)

Comments

[stripper babie]

oh they do NOT look like stripper shoes. no stripper would wear those. not even close.

[K8]

Honestly? They look like Mary Jane's for people with prosthetic legs.

Two words: Hot. Mess.

Sorry to burst your bubble!

[Kate]

Since you are practically my hero I have to ask you to please, please, please not by the boots that look like shoes with knee high socks. I mean I would still buy your books and read your blog (religiously) but there would be like a Barry Bonds *astrick* in my mind.

How about www.jcrew.com ? Extended calf sizes--I know. I have an "extended" calf:-)

[cayce]

As a wide calf gal myself, I've had great luck with boots from J Crew - they have several styles that come in a special "wide calf" size. Also - I found this article regarding Chicago's cupcakes I thougt you might enjoy:

http://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/December-2005/Let-Them-Eat-Cupcakes/

[Kate]

Since you are practically my hero I have to ask you to please, please, please not by the boots that look like shoes with knee high socks. I mean I would still buy your books and read your blog (religiously) but there would be like a Barry Bonds *astrick* in my mind.

How about www.jcrew.com ? Extended calf sizes--I know. I have an "extended" calf:-)

[Ginny]

Somewhere between C and D, even in brown. SOOOOO not cute, no matter what color. They're just so Curly-Toed-Mary-Janes-With-Knee-Socks-Stripperific. No one needs to wear these except Santa's very naughty helper (and hers will be in red).

[becki]

Eww.

[Jen Vegas]

This wide calf lady found a GREAT pair of Kenneth Cole Reaction boots for pretty f'in cheap in the Filene's Basement on Sate Street...or maybe it was the Marshalls...but I'm pretty sure it was Filenes. Pretty dope. These are totally stripper Xmas Elf boots.

[Amy]

D-not cute at all. Won't look right with your pearls.

[Beth]

Can you model them? I'm having a hard time passing judgment from their photo alone.

[Jewelz]

D) Yeah, they'll look cute... ON THE POLE.

OMG...seriously???? These look like they would not only hurt your feet within minutes of squeezing into them, but they would hurt your reputation as a fashion diva FOREVER!!!! I've got a great pair of Franco Sarto boots that zip up the back and are STUNNING. They are plenty wide in the calf, so check out www.francosarto.com

Oooh....and I've been a 'hater' of Crocs ever since the fat chef guy started sporting them. HOWEVER, for Halloween I was a surgeon (Dr. McJimBeamy) and I bought a pair to look more authentic. Holy Crap!!!! These things are to die for...sooooo comfy! I bought them in surgical white, so now I'm being a major fashion faux pas because I'm wearing them all the time. Oh well...ugly, out of season, but VERY comfortable! Woo woo!

[Christi]

Ugliest. Boots. Ever.

Hang up and try your call again.

[chicago nellie]

Sorry Jen- #D.

[chicago nellie]

Sorry Jen- #D.

[Christine]

I admit, I have never seen Mary Janes look like something a stripper would wear.

[Stephanie]

I have to agree with Heidi...cute, but will you break your neck in the snow?

By the way, I wrote you a few months ago about how much I enjoyed your books. (Can't wait until the third!) I decided my e-mail was witty & charming & I was oh so pleased with myself as I sent it off to you.

It was only later when I re-read it that I discovered the typo I somehow missed the 17 times I had reviewed it while patting myself on the back for being so clever & "Jenn-like". (Something about "wondering" around the bookstore vs. "wandering".)

Anyway, I can only thank you for not pointing out what an asshat I had made of myself. Happy holidays!

[J]

Nacht. Stripper elf, definitely. Maybe with a red velvet stocking cap trimmed in white ermine and some sort of matching stripper-gear, but not with pearls.

[Kristin]

Hideous. Try widewidths.com

[Jen]

(And I totally bought the Sherpa Crocs.)

[Wendy]

C...C...C....My God, anything, even Uggs, more than Crocs. I am far from a girly girl, and I wouldn't be caught in these boots...but man, NO CROCS EVER!!!!

[Jen]

OK, OK, uncle! They're going back. They did fit really well which is they only reason I even considered keeping them.

Would they be less drag-queen-y in brown?

[Victoria]

Oh, I'm stuck between C and D. It's the toes, they remind me of the Asian women who bond their feet.
Have you tried bluefly, shoes.com or Overstock?
Good Luck!

[Dawn]

Second C for me

[Heidi]

A few years ago I was running all over town for wide calf boots. A friend told me that Naturalizer makes boots with both a calf and a shoe size : ) I have had them ever since and they are my favorites--they are basic black boots and go with everything!!! Hope this helps!

[Marija]

Umm, D, all the way. Ick, eww. Try avenue.com for wide calf boots.

[Lindz]

I love you, so I have to tell you the truth. I don't think so. They don't look like boots at all. They look like black tube socks in stripper-looking mary janes.

So please, PLEASE, don't. Have you tried Torrid? I know it's a store for size 12+ 14 yr olds, but they usually have all the basics in shoes, for ladies with wider calves.

[ashley]

c). So so much

[Teresa]

ewwww. Yuck. Don't buy those. They don't even look like stripper boots, they look like drag queen boots.

Are you just looking for tall boots? These are more riding boot-ish:

http://www.silhouettes.com/dept.asp?dept%5Fid=10300&cm_re=hp-_-b3dr-_-shoes%2fboots

They have boots for girls with muscular calves(x-wide & xx-wide).

This muscular-calved girl has already ordered hers. Return policy is pretty easy and they give you the shaft measurement (hee, that sounds dirty!) so you can determine which size to order, and the calf width and the shoe width can be different (so you could order a medium width boot with extra-wide calves)

[Lisa D]

C (the second one)

Check macys.com for extended calf boots. I like these http://www1.macys.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=275331&CategoryID=22676&LinkType=EverGreen

Holy crap, they just went on sale.

[Heidi]

I'd go with B.
But may I also add: E)while much cuter than the crocs, they are equally useless in the snow.

[SueMo]

I have to go with B and D. I think they are super cute but a little trashy. I feel you pain with the wide calf. Tried super cute boots at Target but the zipper didn't make it up. Like I need that kind of humiliation from my footwear!!!

[t]

One step above crocs. Lord, anything is better than crocs! What are people thinking when they wear them? Especially mothers and daughters with matching pairs of hideous shoes.

[Debby K.]

oooo! That's a tough one! I'm going to be lame and vote for B and C. Now, I'm off the Zappo's for some wide calf boots myself!

[Kristina]

These are terrible....

[Cathy]

C) Not cute, but better than Crocs. Dear God, anything is better than Crocs, and sweet Jesus, don't let her discover those Sherpa Crocs.

Love ya, Jen...but what's with the toe? They're a little stripper-elf. Don't give up...there's still a little time to find another pair!!

[Squeaky Wheel]

If they fit properly and are comfortable, and you're sure you have clothes that match them, I say go for it.

[R]

Are these the Marc Jacobs boots that in beige look like legs in mary janes? they're definitely innovative... but maybe not so practical. And if you do get them, they have one w/ a chunkier heel that I like better than the tapered heel... but that's just my opinion. Good luck!