Setting: The little alcove off the bedroom where I write. Fletch is on the computer, I'm putting laundry away in the closet behind him, and the dogs are wrestling on the bed a few feet away.
Fletch: So they'll deliver the shoes free? And I can order however many pair I want, try them all on, and then decide which I want to keep?
Me: Uh-huh.
Fletch: And I can send back all the rejects for free?
Me: Yep.
Fletch: And I never have to deal with a salesperson or go from store to store, digging through sale racks to find what I want?
Me: That's right.
(a few minutes later)
Fletch: Check out what I've picked so far.
Me: (scanning his selections) Honey, Zappos.com is going to have to use a dump truck to deliver all those shoes to our house. Maybe you should narrow your choices a little.
Fletch: I would but I can't concentrate - the dogs are wrestling too loudly.
(the entire time he's been online, the dogs have been biting each other, diving over one another, woofing, snarling, and picking pillows up off the bed and shaking them like British nannies)
Me: Pfft. Welcome to my world. They beat each other up all day long while I'm trying to write. You just have to learn to work past the distraction.
Fletch: Why do they have to do it on the bed? We have a whole house they can terrorize each other in.
Me: (shrugging) I guess it's more comfortable so they they can fight longer. (pause) Hey, wait a minute - I just thought of something. That's why the floors are all springy when you see people in a boxing or wrestling ring, isn't it? The bouncy floors cushion their landings. Did you know that?
Fletch: Um, yeah.
Me: Oh, wait - is this one of those instances where everyone was aware of this fact except for me?
Fletch: (thoughtfully) What number is greater than "everyone"? Everyone and a bag of chips? Everyone and the horse they rode in on?
Me: Whatever. Just promise me you're not going to order 900 pair of shoes.
Fletch: Promise.
"Technically, there aren't 900 pair here."
ahhh, fletch has found his inner shoe 'ho...
*susan wipes tear from corner of eye away..
sniff!
Posted by: susan | November 09, 2007 at 09:06 AM
Arrrgh, why do you always shut the comments so early? This just has to be said. I keep looking at that picture of the Oompa Loompa, and I keep thinking:
He's pretty hot for an Oompa Loompa.
Posted by: Texie | November 09, 2007 at 12:34 AM
They...and their outlet center...are 30 minutes from me...but at least when you order off the web you get to avoid stupid people.
Posted by: TheBabblingHousewife | November 08, 2007 at 09:23 PM
Wow...I didn't know men could order that many pairs of shoes at once...
Thank you, Zappos.
Posted by: Megan | November 08, 2007 at 09:18 PM
i snorted when i read "shaking them like british nannies."
thanks for that.
Posted by: tia | November 08, 2007 at 08:23 PM
FINALLY. My husband has been telling me that although there may be other women as obsessed with shoes as me, there's no way that there's a guy with the same "problem". Thank you Fletch. I only get one box at a time, delivered on days when my husband won't be home. You make me proud. Thank you for coming out of the shoe closet.
Posted by: Airing Dirty Laundry | November 08, 2007 at 08:13 PM
Are those ALL Fletch's shoes, or are there a few pair of strappy sandals thrown in for good measure? ;-)
Posted by: Gina B. | November 08, 2007 at 07:49 PM
I didn't know about the floors, either. But I must admit that I hadn't ever given it any thought.
Posted by: Melissa | November 08, 2007 at 07:17 PM
I didn't know about the floors, either. But I must admit that I hadn't ever given it any thought.
Posted by: Melissa | November 08, 2007 at 07:16 PM
I saw the picture and first and thought "there is a woman after my heart" but when I found out it was Fletch, I wanted to marry him. j/k He certainly has got me beat on buying shoes... I just got a Zappos box with 6 shoes and 2 weeks ago another 5. I only kept 5 :D
My husband went to pick up my birthday cake when we were at a party and he stopped in the mall to buy a pair of shoes.
Posted by: Laura | November 08, 2007 at 07:04 PM
Soldier on, you must - this post is hilarious!
(Any hints on how to get a man to shoe-shop? My husband's one pair of "casual-but-not-sneakers" is, um...heinous, to be kind.)
Posted by: Cyndi | November 08, 2007 at 06:35 PM
Jeez! The Redneck just sends ME out for his shoes and then complains that they're not "right". *rolls eyes*
Love Fletch stories.
Posted by: Jennifer McKenzie | November 08, 2007 at 05:45 PM
That's about opposite how my husband does shoe shopping. He researches for at least a week and then orders the ones that he deems the best based on all that research. When he gets them he loves them for a day before finding their one flaw and then it starts all over again.
Opposite, yet comparable in annoyingness.
Posted by: Jessie | November 08, 2007 at 05:03 PM
LOL. The story was funny... the pictures, priceless. So make the post!
Posted by: LJ | November 08, 2007 at 04:45 PM
Are you guys sure that you're not my friends Tracie & Gordon in witness protection? You four could be clones of each other. Hilarious.
Posted by: Suzanne | November 08, 2007 at 04:24 PM
Oh my gawd, I'm laughing out loud!
I heart Zappos with the heat of 1,000 suns. But I think Fletch's got me beat.
Posted by: Kristabella | November 08, 2007 at 04:13 PM
What is this 'Zappo's' you speak of?
And exactly how many pairs did he order?
Posted by: Angela | November 08, 2007 at 04:09 PM
I feel a lot less guilty for the Zappos abuses of my past.
(Why does TypePad keep telling me my Blogspot blog URL is invalid? Anyone? Bueller?)
Posted by: Ellen | November 08, 2007 at 03:17 PM
Gotta love Zappos!!!
Posted by: Kate | November 08, 2007 at 03:00 PM
I've only met one other straight man who liked shoes that much. Having my own shoe fetish, I can completely relate. How many will he actually keep?
Posted by: Megan from NC | November 08, 2007 at 02:52 PM