And Yet the New Treadmill Is Nice

There is a RAT IN MY HOUSE.

RAT.

IN.

MY.

HOUSE.

RAT IN MY HOUSE.

Am hiding upstairs right now, waiting for exterminator to call me back.

(Story to come about really, honestly, not being filthy people - rather,the issue is a basement door being propped open for hours while our home gym being is installed.  But I can't write it right now because THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING RAT IN MY MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE AND WHY OH, WHY ISN'T THE EXTERMINATOR CALLING ME BACK?)

Comments

[Amy]

Had the same experience as possum pee but instead of possum it was racoon poop. When the kithen ceiling caved in a racoon family of three was living in my roof. They took out one racoon that was FIFTY POUNDS. Needless to say I am in the process of getting a brand new kitchen. I live in the north suburbs of Chicago and I am also not dirty. Good luck with the rat(s).

[Shawna]

Okay, Mishi connected the rat and the cookies....but who got the irony of the 100 damn cookie recipes and the rat coming in while the HOME GYM was being installed!!! I love it! I'll come eat the cookies while you work out.

[mishi]

The muthafuckin rat probably heard about the muthafuckin cookies you were making....evrybody loves a muthafuckin cookie.

[trice]

I had a rat in my apartment when I lived in China. The exterminator was quite an experience. After a humorous exchange in broken Chinese and English explaining what I needed, I was treated to 45 minutes of him chasing Mickey's cousin ugly around with a lighter and a broom handle. He eventually cornered it in the galley kitchen and beat it to death... and then tried to convince me that I should cook it for a meal. He was delighted to take it home along with his fee. Worst meal offer ever.

[Vanessa]

Don't feel bad- has happened to many of us, it seems. In fact, I had one take up residence in my stove when I lived in the nicest neighborhood of my city. My cats were useless about it and we only discovered it AFTER having a dinner party where, yes, we used the stove. I do remember it being one of the most foul experiences in my life and I also know that my (former) landlord lost some hearing in his ear after I screamed at him for quite some time about getting me a new stove, no ifs, ands or buts! My ex eventually chased it out and killed it with a broom handle, one of the finer moments in our otherwise ill-conceived relationship...

[Kealapono]

okay, that sucks. but, not as bad as standing in your apartment kitchen and having a light fixture fall on you and being showered with ceiling/insulation material and POSSUM PEE!!!!!!!!
yes, possum pee.
a possum mommy decided to make a nest right up there, and was in the process of moving all of her babies into this new posh nest and i guess the wiring was in her way, and she dislodged the thing holding up the light. and broke through!
can't remember much after that. i remember screaming, running to the shower, thinking i was going to go blind, pit bull barking and trying to jump up into the ceiling.
apartment was never the same after that. it always had a slight animal den smell.
hell yes, i moved out.

[Angela]

Once, when we still lived in the ghetto, we had a rat so big it actually chased my Dad and uncle around the kitchen because they pissed it off. Imagine, two grown men standing on a chair hugging each other out of fear. We named it Gus.

And we weren't dirty either. When the fine city of St. Louis tore down the houses next door, they didn't fill in the basements and hence, the rat's.

It took some serious rat poison to get that m.f.'er. HEY!!!! That would make a great story on my page!!!! Gotta go!!!

[Mimi]

Eeeeewwwwww!!!! I hope the exterminator has come by now. I have rats in my classroom and sometimes when it is quiet, they come out and run around.

Sometime over a cocktail (yes, I'm still convinced that someday we will have one together), I will tell you about my students chasing a giant cockroach around and around some desks and how we turned the moment into a brilliant science lesson OR...(if you're up for another cocktail) the time when a rat/mouse scaled my bulletin board and was trapped underneath the background paper.

Good luck. We know you are not dirty.

[Shelli]

Um. Forget about the exterminator. Just move.

Now.

[Lindsay]

Set the dogs on it! I would say set the cats, but from what I've gathered they're not the mouse chasing type. And from my experience with pits, Maisy would probably run away from it. Vicious dogs, my ass. Loki?
And look on the bright side- at least it's not a bat.

[LauraJT77]

It could be worse. We had a rat die UNDER our house and it took our landlord almost five days to get someone out there to remove it. It smelled so bad I cannot even covey how terrible it was. BTW...exterminators do not remove dead animals you have to call someone else for that. We found that out when my husband had to crawl under the house to remove the foot long rat out from under it.
I think ewww sums that one up.

[Mary]

It's not that bad. My last house, which was brand spanking new, came with a nest of mice. You haven't lived until you've smelled dead mouse in a dryer vent. I guess I didn't buy the optional "no mouse" warranty with house. My dogs didn't bother to tell me that there were mice in the garage when we moved in either.

[Susie Sunshine]

When she says it, it sounds like one word:
"Ratinmyhouse."
If it weren't so horrific, it'd be very, very funny.

[jenna]

sounds like no more free rent for the pit bull....

[Jennifer]

Why isn't my life as funny as yours?