Snow Porn

I just called Fletch to report that someone drew a gigantic wang in the snow on the neighbor's windshield.

He replied that someone stomped out PETE IS GAY in fifteen-foot letters in the snow on the roof of the office building across the street.

Oh, Chicago winters, how I've missed you...

(Comments are open.  BEHAVE.)

Comments

[jenna]

yup, here in Amherst, MA, also a college town, one house made a 6' tall snow woman and dressed her in a bikini. the neighbors across the street responded the next morning with a 6' wang...I was driving into work and saw the Amherst PD knocking on the front door...gotta love the college town.

[Becca]

Ugh I want some snow! I live in Alabama and its 75 today. Its just impossible to get in the Christmas spirit without cold weather. Im so glad my parents live in chicago so i can spend christmas in a real winter!

My boyfriend showed me a picture of something he and his friends constructed in Oklahoma. It was a snow statue sitting on a bench. It was a male sitting and woman kneeling in front of him....you know. It was actually very detailed and accurate. My boyfriend claimed he did not participate in that activity. Somehow i just dont believe him....

[Molly]

SOOOO THANKFUL that comments are open!! Yay! And PS--I, too, love Chicago winters.

[Courtney]

That's strange because a week ago we had our first snow in Boston and when my boyfriend and I got back from dinner we saw one windshield with a (hairy) penis drawn on it and the windshield of the car parked behind it also proclaimed "Pete is GAY!".

Maybe its a nationwide snow conspiracy. Probably not though..people who take the time to draw/write crude things in the snow probably have much better things to do with their time.

[tutugirl1345]

I'm so jealous of all you people with your snow--I just checked the weather for today, and it's going to be 79 degrees. In December. Even in North Carolina it should be a little cold!

[Jennifer]

I live in Minnesota (we've had ten inches of snow already--I love it!), I'm in college, and in a sorority. The day after the large snowstorm, we discovered that one of the fraternities had crafted a rather large male model in our front yard during the night. We had to knock it down, as we had an alumna party later that day.

(And how did we get them back? Shoveled their cars in :) )

[tia]

come out come out wherever you are, Pete!

[Sara]

Snow porn vs. black ice in Chicago(circa last night!!)...I'll take snow porn any day!! Seriously, my alley is an ice skating rink and I can't get in my garage...can I trade anyone my ice for a snow penis? LOL

[Lisa]

Love it!! At least the snow porn was "erasable". Try mistyping ASPEN SNOW just once on your office computer and see how erasable it is when the IT geeks show up to lock down your computer and your boss is discussing the "sensitivity" training you need to attend. CR*P people!! All I wanted to do was check to see what the snow conditions were like!!

[Katherine]

My friend in Mississippi just noticed last night that the reindeer her son put up on the roof last week, have been "doing it". She has offered her son to anyone who wants him.

[Heather]

Just for the record, I think maybe Pete has decided December of '07 is the year to come out, and downtown Chicago was the place.....and as for the wang on the windshield.....this is just some desperate housewife's way of saying "Lay it to me tonight, or the mailman gets a really special Christmas present this year." I could be wrong, but, who are we kidding....I'm not wrong.....

[Shelly]

There's nothing like listening to Christmas carols while it's nearly 75 degrees outside...Welcome to GA!

[Lesli]

This reminds me of last winter when some of my male friends built a giant snow penis in their front yard. Oh, college boys! I am a long-time reader & first time commenter--glad comments are "on" again. Happy Holidays!

[Patti_Mayo]

I live in the snowbelt in NE Ohio and i've never seen snow porn accept on the puter...damn Ohio-ans...they are so lame.

[iamlandlocked]

Enough with the winter porn! Fill us in on the important snow info--did you ever find a good pair of boots?! I can't get that last Zappos image out of my head. It was like needles in my eyes!

[nadine]

can't beat chicagoans for imagination. it's a toddlin' town fer sure.

[Black Herring]

I am powerfully motivated to do this to my ex-boss. As she fired me on Wednesday, I have all the time in the world to accomplish the task. Must be kismet.

Anyone who hears "JULIE C IS A BITCH! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! " was stomped in the snow; that was me.

hey Jen, new to your site, love your books, and in some sick way...love Chicago winters!

[Ami]

I'm just jealous as fuck that you have snow...what I wouldn't give to live farther north! Here in AR, one day it'll be 30 degrees and they'll be predicting snow, and the next it will be 70 and sunny. I long for a land of predictable weather!

[Karina in T.O]

PS. For any practicle jokers out there. A wang on a windshield that is made with that Snow Spray stuff?? You know, that stuff in a can people spray on the inside of their windows.... Much better than the real thing! When that stuff dries, it needs a nice scraping to get off, not just some windsheild washer fluid...

I always think it a nice touch for friends to drive home with a big pecker on their windshield from the Christmas 'hen' night...thats just my style. This way when a copy pulls them over and asks, 'have you had anything to drink tonight miss', and your girlfriend hasn't...at least it gives the cop something to giggle at.

[Karina in T.O]

Snow porn...Love it! Years and years ago when my hubby and I were living at his moms house, during a huge snowstorm we made an entire villiage in the backyard. It took us hours! There was a group of us out until the middle of the night, having snowball fights and the such...We made igloos and one giant snow man with a porno profile that could be seen by every car driving down the steet, and Ms. Snowlady with a rack that would make Dolly Parton jealous! They were a big hit.....we could literally see people driving down the street, taking in the beautiful winter scenery and doing a double take into the yard. 15 years later, we still laugh with some of our old freinds about the pronographic snowman and his snow-lady companion.

I mean c'mon, a wang made out of snow?? Always comedic!

[The House and I]

Maybe that was just Pete's way of coming out? Maybe I should go out in my yard and stomp out "Erin is lazy!"

Nah, I'm too lazy.

[Shelli]

Ah nothing says Christmas like a snow penis!!

[Amanda]

Ah yes, Chicago winters. Aren't they sumpin? Jen, I went to Purdue too, and my favorite winter memory there is walking back to Windsor Hall when my eyelids froze shut from the wind. Chicago, well, I think it's the two apartments I've lived in here in Bucktown where the the furnaces quit working overnight. Snow porn, now that I welcome!

[Texie]

When I got home at 9:00 tonight, there were some kids pulling out lawnchairs to sit in the driveway. They were wearing shorts, T- shirts, and no shoes. That's Mississippi in December for ya.

[Peggi]

It only snows enough for soft-core porn here :)

[Michelle]

Anyone have neighbors that do the annual, "Who put the dick on the snowman?" contest? Oh yes, the Queen City is FULL of Frosty's with more than the usual accoutrements! Voted one of America's Most Liveable Cities, by "Porn World Today"...honest!

Psst, Landis - Yeah, Pete is so gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay! I can't believe he didn't tell you!

[landis]

pete is GAY?? since when? no one TELLS ME ANYTHING!!!!

[Mary W.]

I teach in a 5th/6th grade building upon which someone drew (quite poorly) what was supposed to be a set of male equipment. The kids had to ASK what it was...so we told them it was a banana and some oranges.

[Regina]

Welcome back winter!!!! Oh snow porn how we have missed you. I prefer to make Snowmen...all you need is snow and a turkey neck. Happy Holidays!!!!

[Jessica]

When Seattle got an unexpected amount of snow last year (read: 5"), someone made a six-foot-tall, verrry anatomically correct set of mens' bits outside of the leather daddy bar on Capitol Hill.

I finally saw the picture last week, and it was just as amazing as hoped.

[Elizabeth]

We wrote "Itty bitty titty" in the snow on a co-workers car window this afternoon...I expect a call from Human Resources first thing Monday morning

[Libby]

Jen - I live in Western New York (Buffalo to be more specific) and when you can find the humor in the weather, it makes it all the better! Thanks for the funny post:)

[Mimi]

Makes you feel all warm, fuzzy and ready for the holidays, doesn't it?? And why is it always a big, old peepee? Why not draw some boobs in the snow? C'mon people...tap into your inner creativity!

[Lisa D]

I love that this is the post in which you bring back the comments section.

[Angela]

HA! A couple of years ago I 'rearranged' my cousin's light up christmas deer so that they were doing what comes natural to deer. She always thought it was me but could never prove it. It was a light winter and we weren't getting any snow.

PHOTOS!

[jewelz916]

Oh yes...the snow-dick! Back in my college days (WMU circa 1984-1988) we made a GIGANTIC tribute to the male genitalia. The funny part was that we made it in a courtyard that was completely surrounded by the glass windows from our communal cafeteria (shared by 3 dorms). It was hilarious to watch as it began to melt....I'm sure more than one of the guys could relate to its flaccid appearance!

[The Modern Gal]

I tried to do that with a pile of dead leaves that's more typical in the South than snow. Funny, it didn't have the same effect.

[Malia]

You know, it's nice to see people using snow as a medium to create wangs. The last time I saw one was at the beach this summer. Someone drew a twenty-foot wang in the sand. Which is a regular occurrence in Provincetown.

[Sara]

At least there hasn't been a GIANT free standing snow "wang" yet! Living on a college campus, I have seen my fair share of "snow porn".

[Wastin' Away]

At least its not permanent (well depending on how you feel about your neighbor you might want it to be).

Here in TN (which = 0 snow & 500,000 rednecks) someone would have shoe polished that on there, which leads to have to spend $3 at the car wash...annoying.

Not speaking from personal experience... :-/

[Ginny]

Wonder if the art on the neighbor's windshield is a commentary on the artist's opinion of said neighbor??

Meanwhile, here where I live, we had something like 65 car crashes during morning rush hour because we experienced a bit of frozen precipitation in the early morning hours ...

Oh, southern winters, when will people learn their 4 wheel drive isn't going to help them on ice?!?!

[Kathleen]

Ah, winter. When I was in college, there was a quarter-mile track outside our dorms. One winter, someone sculpted a 6-foot tall snow penis (complete with testicles), in the center of the field, and shortly after a pair of breasts appeared. The best was walking past a parent and prospective student staring out at the field, the student trying to get the parent to keep walking, and the parent veerrrry confused.

[Debby K.]

Sounds like Pete made someone mad! I wonder what he did!

[tutugirl1345]

That is awesome. Makes me wish we got real snow down here more than once a decade.

[Leigh]

At least those people wrote their messages with their hands and feet. I live in a college town where they prefer to say it with urine. Ever seen a man profess his love for Mia in yellow? I have.