THE RAT JUST RAN ACROSS FLETCH'S FOOT...

... and under the stove, in a room full of WORTHLESS cats and dogs eating breakfast.

It's possible that it really was a mouse.

Regardless, I'm going back to bed.

Comments

[gigi]

Jenn, our cat was mistakenly diagnosed with kidney problems. Get a second opinion! We use Marla at Family Pet. THE BEST. And many people have diabetic cats, they do ok. We have TEN cats, so I know what I am talking about. (My husband keeps bringing them home. And we are not living in squalor like the crazy people you see on the news. We live in the Gold Coast in a swanky condo, nobody knows how many we have either.) Do yourself a favor, get a second opinion!!!

[Jen]

This comment is not reflective of the rat situation (although I sincerely hope that by the time you read this Operation Rat Removal has been declared a success.)
A friend of mine texted me "who is that author you're into right now?" and the reply was "Jennifer Lancaster." So I thought maybe you would be interested to know that despite the fact you have to deal with rats, people around the country are texting of your greatness. That's got to count for something, right?

[iamlandlocked]

Mice are pesky and kind of messy. Rats are another thing entirely. Have you seen the book "Rats" by Robert Sullivan? An interesting, albeit horrifying, read. (Do not confuse it with a book of the same name by Debbie Ducommun, which tells you everything you can do with your rat, from "basic care to fun games.")

I used to work on the waterfront in Boston. The rats there were way, way, way scarier than the mob.

[Jen]

Have y'all seen the new species of rats they discovered recently - called appropriately enough the Giant Rat - the MFers weigh in at about 15 lbs. and are as big as fat cats. Soooooooo gross I am creeping myself out just typing this!!!

Good luck Jen!!!

[Jen]

Have y'all seen the new species of rats they discovered recently - called appropriately enough the Giant Rat - the MFers weigh in at about 15 lbs. and are as big as fat cats. Soooooooo gross I am creeping myself out just typing this!!!

Good luck Jen!!!

[Tamara]

When I was 8 years old, a mouse was running loose in the hallway of our apartment building. My mother, the resourceful woman that she is, managed to corner the little beast with a plunger and bludgeon it to death with a water shoe. That's right, a water shoe. You know, those attractive shoes that are usually some kind of neon coloured material with a rubber sole. Amazingly, she could kill it but couldn't dispose of the little beasty, so we had a neighbour dump the mouse in the garbage.

Later in my life I worked at a pet store in the Small Animal department. This means we sold mice and rats and other little rodents as pets. But we kept them in cages. Idiot customers often would have pet rats and their pets would have babies and they would dump them at our store (not give, abandon in the freaking store because we only take our pets in from breeders)So this evil rat had been let loose in our store and was attacking some of the animals in our department by biting them through the cages. One night I enlisted the help a guy that worked in reptiles to catch the rat and give it to the reptile department to feed to a snake. Good plan. The reptile guy caught the rat by the tail, and the nasty bugger bit him. So reptile guy dropkicks the rat and breaks its neck. In front of me. I was mildly traumatized. At least a deserving snake had a tasty treat!

[marie]

When are you going to say something about the Jamie Lynn Spears teen pregnancy debacle?!?!

[Rebecca]

Rodents are freaking gross.

Peanut butter traps my ass. I swear to god, the mice in my apartment can recognize the traps and just walk around them. Gross.

[LJ]

OMG. Ewwww. The only place rats don't freak me out are down scurrying on the tracks of the NYC subway system. Otherwise eww eww eww, no! You are stronger than I...

[Rachael]

Got a shop vac? They work wonders with mice. Gotta corner it first though, and once you suck the little critter up you can dump him outside!

Sounds weird I know, but it worked for me!

[kalisah]

I am so sorry to have to tell you that I can not return to reading your blog until all talk of rodents has ceased and desisted.

Can't. Even. THNK. about. naked. tails.

[Cindy from Cincinnati]

Holy Moley Jen. I've been offline for a few days and your life has gone to a crazy new place. I say start drinking and do not stop until the rat is killed or sent marching. Break out the Bellini's and Mimosas, Bloody Mary's and Screwdrivers. Certainly you know how to drink in the morning if you went to Purdue. Breakfast Club, anyone?

[Rebecca]

EW EW EW EW EW!!

At least it wasn't YOUR foot! *shudder*

When is the exterminator coming??

[Heather]

Just a brief history of myself all in light of making you feel better.....Straight out of the University of Tennessee, Knoxville....I became part of the local Sheriff's department.....I worked my way up through the corrections division, to the patrol division, even making patrol sergeant (might I add, the second female patrol sergeant in the over 200 year history of the department), and now am a Major Crimes Detective...you know, homicide, rape, kidnapping, etc. All serious crimes against people....Well, that didn't stop me from calling my brother to get a two inch mouse (that measurement includes the tail) out of my house because not only myself and my children were petrified, but alas, so was our Effing 10 year old cat (I guess it is obvious he has spent his entire life declawed and in the house.) Let me just say that yes, my brother has mocked me since with things such as "Oh sure, you will chase a meth snorting, wife beating, beer drinking, auto mechanic working, wife-beater wearing, no tooth having, bank robber, but you need your younger brother to get the vicious mouse out of your house!" Ok. Yes, I do. And yes, I will call him or my husband again shall a mouse cross the thresh hold of my doorway ever in the future....Love always, Fearless Heather

[Sally]

Living in Chicago, you just have to get used to the rats. I just saw one tonight while looking for a parking spot (as the number of available parking spots and the number of rats are inversely proportional). I think my best rat story (so far) is when I saw one while stumbling home from a bar - we both stopped and stared at each other for a while. He/she then decided I wasn't that interesting and left. I kept looking behind me for the rest of my walk home which almost ended with me flat on my ass.

[Liz]

I bet Fletch believes you now, huh?

[Patti_Mayo]

Ugh!! Rats are just gross...I could send you my cat, Mater, he definately knows how to kill 'em and leave them on my porch.

Mater also knows how to leave the half dead ones that are still breathing on the deck too. This past summer, I get a call on my cell, from my husband, while at the girlie doc asking me what he should do. Uh, hmmmm, get a dust pan and throw it in the woods. Damn men...such pansies.

Good luck with the rat. I second Shelli's suggestion of checking into a nice hotel until the problem is solved.

[Natalie]

Had a mouse in a house in Texas(was so close to sounding Seussical there for a sec). It ran under the stove, pretty sure it was in the oven at one point...told husband needed new stove or I would never, ever, EVER cook again...pork chops or otherwise. Moral of the story: 7 traps + 3 dead mice=1 fancy schmancy new glass top stove!

[Jennifer McKenzie]

I think it serves Fletch right. I hope he screamed like a girl. LOL.

[Lisa Ann]

I second your belief and commitment to your pets. I ate PB&J for 6 months because Bud E. Phat Cat (the love of my life and best tail I ever got :-) has FIP and had to have every one of his teeth pulled. Quality of life is good and the vet said he could live with out them just fine.

Cat from rescue: $95
Exam, Oral Surgery and follow-up $1,500.00
Fancy Feast for the rest of his life (est. 15 years): $20,000
The love I get ever single night while he snuggles next to me and purrs so loudly I can't sleep: PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Liz K]

my fiance's parents' house had the occasional mouse that would find its way inside from the field that surrounded their house. i called them all mr. squeeks.

[Daphne]

I feel your pain. We lived in Bucktown 5 years ago and had a rat in our place. We went to a hotel w/the dog and I was fine to never go back, except I wasn't willing to sacrifice all of my belongings to a filthy rodent. Then it died. In the wall. In our bedroom. I can't begin to describe how horridly foul an odor that is.

I'm praying for you, sister.

[Mimi]

At least he seems to understand that he doesn't belong. He could be all entitled to your kitchen and that would be way worse.

[Tina]

We had mice. That's right plural. My cat just stared at the wall. I guess she heard them in them behind the wall in the pantry eating the unpopped popcorn and marshmellows. That diet alone should have killed them. They seemed to prefer the peanut butter and gourmet cheese we set in the traps. Cheese gone... Peanut butter nibbled... no sign of mouse (except for mouse poop, bright green from poison) Eventually no more mice. Note to self. Use cheap cheese next time. Guess they got bored and left. Maybe you can figure out a way to set trap with soup.

[Lisa]

Consider yourself lucky that your dogs and cats ignored it. We came home a couple of months ago to a pigeon massacre in the house. I made the horrible mistake of leaving the door open and it appeared that the dog and cat tag teamed a pigeon which must have innocently wandered in for a bit of a look - resulting in feathers, blood, organs all over the house. The carpet cleaners laughed at me... an expensive lesson learned.

[Lilykn]

You're forgetting where we live, Jen! Midwestern mice are rather large...
BTW, where did your mother order that cake from, it was truly divine, a work of pink and green art.

[dodim]

Get those sticky traps. They seem cruel, but boy do they work! (Well, they work for mice, and I don't even want to go in to why I know that so well...)

[Katherine]

I could send my dog, Chance, to kill the rat. I had one in my house after we first moved in and I don't think he realized we were the new tenants. Chance is a lab/shar pei mix and is a great killer of small things. I had to point out the rat to him. The dogs barked, the rat hissed and then he was dead. I was on top of the chair in the other room when Chance came trotting in with the dead rat in his mouth. My hero!! My husband was out of town at the time and I couldn't reach my cell phone as it was in the kitchen by the rat. I don't know anyone's phone number by heart and I didn't think the police or fire department would think it was an emergency of the life threatening kind. Good luck - rat or mouse, still scary.

[Aaron]

Rats can be rather friendly, ergo the movie Ratatouille! Chef, please! Thats funny! At any rate just started read this blog, funny stuff!

[Lynda]

I found a snake a few weeks ago in the living room. I had to wake the husband up to get him to "take care" of the situation.

He taped a kitchen knife to the end of our broom. It's hard to laugh and be scared at the same time.

But it is possible...

Hope your rat problem gets "taken care" of quickly!

[tia]

i'm really sorry this is happening to you...but i must admit i find it very amusing.

here's to a rat-free new year!

[Melanie]

Maybe your dogs think the mouse/rat is a member of the family because it's in the house (like not being able to eat the cats). Or they could just be lazy... I have the same problem with my cats. Not with mice, but with bugs.

[Barb]

Our rat story begins something like yours. Garage doors open too long on a several winter’s eves, despite the fact that I warned the husband to please keep them closed because it made our bedroom, which is right above, too cold. Husband, who is an automobile freak was checking the stable (3 silver cars), (we are really not very politically correct). He noticed some telltale droppings and figured out we had a rodent problem in the garage. Now, all of a sudden I remembered our daughter whining about some noise she heard in the walls of her bedroom, which I dismissed as: “too much imagination, and please be quite and go to sleep”. So now we read in the papers that our area ( the Seattle suburbs) is under attack by the very large Norwegian Roof Rat. We also have a lot of Norwegian people but they aren’t much of a problem other than occasional outbursts of accordion playing. We also went out and bought many traps, lethal and otherwise (sticky paper). We were afraid of poison due to our pets, 2 cats, 2 dogs (Jack Russell Terriers who should have taken care of this problem but seemed oblivious). We found the rat had been traveling through the furnace ducts throughout the house and on one informative night husband saw the rat when he went to put the cars to bed. The rat jumped up into the wheel well of one car and then ran over to the furnace and disappeared. He opened the car hood and found a nest on the engine and (horrors) the rat had been munching on the rubber hoses. This was now truly, war! For the next few nights he watched for the rat again. Then one night late dressed only in a short robe without underwear he again spotted the rat jump up into the car wheel well. He quietly opened the garage doors and quietly opened the car door, released the brake, put it in neutral and pushed the car outside. Then closed the garage doors. Then he got into the car, started it up and watched the rat repeatedly hurl itself against the garage doors. Meanwhile husband is cheering and jumping around in his skimpy flapping robe and the neighbors were peeking out curtains in disgust. Our neighbors might not like us. We are not Norwegian.

[Melissa]

I have a lovely feline named Violet who eats mostly mice, rabbits, birds and garbage. I'd be happy to lend her your way. That's the plus side of strays in the country...they like their meat FRESH!

[Amanda Rene]

Okay. So, peanut butter is two separate words. I just looked it up. I promise to proofread from now on.

[Amanda Rene]

I have two words for you...PEANUTBUTTER TRAPS! Problem solved. Guaranteed. I'm surprised that this rat/mouse is so brave. Usually, if you see them once you'll never see them again until they're lifeless in a trap! Maybe I'm just used to country mice instead of city mice.

[Shelli]

Please go check into a lovely hotel until this crisis is solved!

[Rebecca]

How is it that your dogs freak out when there is a squarrel outside but dont even notice a rat IN THE HOUSE?

Lol. Dogs are crazy.

[Carrisa]

We get mouse problems sometimes. I have to go all terminator on them and set out peanut butter traps and clean out my pantry from top to bottom. But watching those suckers die gives me great pleasure. I've even been known to stomp on them with my foot or bludgeon them to death with a spatula if I can. I'm evil.

(also that spatula is used for only that reason now. I no longer cook with it. In case you wondered.)

[kiki]

be thankful it only ran across Fletch's foot, and didn't eat it! the largest rat i have ever seen was the size of a large house cat...in halifax, ns. "Splinter", no joke.

[kiki]

be thankful it only ran across Fletch's foot, and didn't eat it! the largest rat i have ever seen was the size of a large house cat...in halifax, ns. "Splinter", no joke.

[Wendy]

We got a snake in our old house - twice. I'll take a mouse anyday.

[Rachel]

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. UGH.

Need I continue?

Go back to bed. Bring a bottle of liquor with you.