New Year's State of the Blog Address, 2008

UPDATE:  Thank you all for thinking of my mom - she's gotten over 300 greetings so far and you guys have totally made her day!  I'm taking the link down now because I guess we have kind of overwhelmed the volunteer staff.  Thank you again!

A lot of you guys have been emailing me about what I've been up to as the site's technically been dark since last year. 

But before I get into updates, I've got a request. 

My mom's in the hospital recovering from surgery (short version is she's going to be fine, long version is when your doctor tells you to avoid certain foods for the rest of your life OR ELSE, you should maybe listen) and I found a way for people to send her a quick electronic greeting.*  She's definitely on the mend because she's getting restless, so I thought she'd get a kick out of hearing from anyone who's interested. 

*I'm hoping this hospital has some redundancy/latency built into its network and the act of you guys sending e-greeting cards doesn't cause it to crash or slow down.  I admit I'm slightly dubious because this is the same town where my 4Runner broke down back in 2002 and it took the auto repair shop almost six weeks to fix a cracked engine block.  (I sensed I was in trouble when the tow truck guy showed up and said something along the lines of, "I ain't never seen no car like that before."  Yeah, Toyotas are EXOTIC, ain't they?  Of course they charged us $1500 for a repair that would have cost $5000 up here, so it wasn't a total loss.) 

Anyway, onward and upward.

As for me, I haven't posted because the only thing I would have written was OW OW OW over and over again.  Among other assorted holiday maladies, I had the GENIUS idea to cash out the rest of my 2007 FSA by getting all my dentistry taken care of on New Years' Eve day as I was not about to let that $255 go to waste.

Again, GENIUS, right?

A bit of advice, if I may?  If you ever decide you'd like to shitcan all ten million of your silver fillings and trade them in for porcelain ones because you are vain enough to think anyone cares what the inside of your mouth looks like, keep in mind the process will HURT LIKE A BITCH and that doing them all at the same time is EXTRAORDINARILY STUPID.

Also?

NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT WHAT THE INSIDE OF YOUR MOUTH LOOKS LIKE. 

So, instead of going to any festive New Year's parties, I spent three days crying every time air hit my teeth and sucking down the Codeine Fletch had previously ferreted away from me because he figured I'd have used it recreationally.  (Strong is the force in that one.)  I have high hopes to begin chewing again this week.

What else?  Oh, yeah, I wasn't even going to address this because it kind of isn't worth it, and yet I've gotten enough email to be annoyed to the extent I have to respond.  People, I don't think New Year's resolutions are a bad thing, OK?  And if you've made resolutions, stuck to them, and found ways to improve your life, that's great!  Good on you!  The point of my post was that everywhere I'd gone that day strangers asked me about my resolutions and I thought it too personal a question to pose as a generic silence-filler.  Period.  So please cease and desist attempting to engage me in an argument about whether or not resolutions are effective and sending me detailed lists of all the things you've accomplished via resolution because I don't care, WHAT WITH YOUR RESOLUTIONS BEING NONE OF MY BUSINESS.  Aarrggh.  (And no, I didn't respond to each of these emailers suggesting they resolve to improve their reading comprehension.)  (I blame the Codeine for taking away my edge.)

Finally, the ratinmyhouse situation... two weeks ago Fletch said there was no way any rodent would still be here, what with the six hungry carnivores we keep.  He swore up and down that nothing could survive the killing fields of our house and that the second the guys caught the scent of vermin, their instincts would kick in and it would be over.  Dogs and cats would work together to circle and trap their prey, snapping and tearing and rending flesh before going all Lord of the Flies, putting the tiny rat/mouse head on a stake as a warning to any other who dared cross their paths.

Fletch sounded convincing, yet when I looked at the five furry mass murderers, all snoozing comfortably together on the guest bed, I had my doubts.  (FYI, the sixth killer was in the guest room closet, curled up on my cashmere sweaters.)  Oh, yes, he promised me again and again over the course of his Christmas vacation, that rodent was long gone, so I returned to eating my room-temperature soup and trying not to cry.

A couple of days ago, Fletch had to access a plug in his little back-porch office.  I heard him moving furniture to get to the outlet before poking his head into the kitchen to ask me, "Hey, why do you think there's a hundred pieces of dog food behind the couch?"

"Hmm," I replied.  "I guess maybe because the ratinmyhouse you promised had left?  Didn't."

The good news, and I use the term loosely, is we've definitely determined him (please, God, let it be a him) to be a mouse based on, um, what he left behind.  The bad news is he's evaded every means/person we've employed to chase/capture/kill him. 

Also, the creature in question is definitely NOT Remy from Ratatouille because he much prefers his traps loaded with plain old Wisconsin cheddar over the more nuanced flavors of artisanal Machego and smoked Gouda.  (Yet another unimportant side note?  I thought watching Ratatouille would make me less squicked out over the idea of having a ratinmyhouse and yet I swear my heart stopped beating every time I saw the vermin congregate.)

Even worse, this goddamned creature is turning me into Carl Spackler from Caddyshack as I try to get him with non-traditional means and by non-traditional means, let's just say there's been more running around the kitchen banging pot lids together than I care to mention. 

Last night I decided the reason we haven't been able to flush him out is because we don't know where he's hiding anymore... so I came up with yet another GENIUS idea.  I spread flour out in front of all the places I thought he might be, thinking he'd walk in the flour, leave little powdery footprints and I could ambush him in his home.

Again, did I mention the GENIUS part?

Here's what I learned from this little CSI: Martha Stewart exercise:

• Although they will leave a slash where their tail trails (thus confirming their continued presence) mouse-feet are too small to pick up enough flour to leave tracks.
• Cat-feet, however, are not.  Would you like a detailed account of every place each of my extraordinarily busy cats walked last night?  Because I can give it to you. 
• Stupid pit bulls named Maisy think raw flour is the most delicious treat imaginable and will lap that shit up until the combination of flour and saliva glues her jaw shut.
• Flour, particularly when having been licked to the point of adhesion, will never, ever completely come out of hardwood.  Or leather.  Or wool.

Aarrggh.

So... that's what's been happening around here.

Aren't you glad you asked?

   

Comments

[jen]

you are so hilarious! i'm sitting at work (at a plastic surgeon's office)...phones aren't working, no patients getting nipped or tucked. laughing out loud at your post. just wanted to say thanks...i needed that!

[Edna Taylor]

I finished your second book and I am glad to see that I am not the only person who thinks dogs' feet smell like Fritos. I always thought Doritos, but same thing, corn chips, they smell like corn chips.

[chantell]

I swear to our Lord and Saviour, I would much rather have babies (and I have had three, two natural) than have ANY sort of dental work. Nice job gettting it all done at once though. Perhaps drinking yourself into a stupor? That always works for me.
The "Rat Chronicles" are most highly amusing. Thanks for the joy!

[margie]

I nominated you for a bloggie.

http://2008.bloggies.com/

[Nerdygirl]

Ok, way back in the day when I moved into my first apartment, I had discovered a mouse when the woods behind the complex were being torn down. Anyhoo, someone gave me this electronic thing that you plug into the wall and it's supposed to ward off rodents by emitting some high pitched sound that only animals can hear. I thought it was a load of crap, but I plugged it in. Within a couple days, there were no more signs any mice. I don't know if it was the device or if the mouse was just passing through, but thought I would share.

[Lisa Ann]

I almost hate to say this, but I am starting to feel sorry for the little mouse. Does he know he is the target of an all out nation-wide snuff-out? I have almost started calling him Sparta since he is drastically out numbered here. Hopefully your neighbor's food will start smelling better and Sparta will move on to a different killing fields.

[Orlando Deb]

Love your blog. I sympathize over the mouse. My parents had a mouse in their garage while I was visiting which I named Pepe. Evidently the mouse was taunting my Dad. My Dad tried to catch him a few times but Pepe was too fast for him. Finally, my Dad decided to put one of those traditional snap mouse trap in the garage. Alas poor Pepe ate the wrong cheese and is no more. My father was so proud of himself and wanted my Mother and I to admire his hunting skills and his kill he brought the carcas into the house. We refused to look at poor dead Pepe. If I had known, I would have gotten him a humane mouse trap and just relocated Pepe. My Dad thought that was a stupid idea and pointed out that Pepe might have left little Pepes building mouse condos all over his garage. I told Dad that in that case he better watch out, Pepe's relatives could be out for revenge on him. I have this picture of 20 of Pepe's mouse relatives scurrying through the garage to the Mission Impossible music. I then see them building a mouse pyramid underneath my Dad's car to get high enough to chew through the car's break lines avenging Pepe's murderer. Good luck with your mouse.

[Lisa in Boston (please come here!)]

I hate to tell you this, but it might help you on next New Year's Eve - that FSA account can be used for a month or two into the new year.....

[Danielle]

Okay, that does it.

I officially love you like oxygen.

You happy now? You have gained posession of my SOUL!

And also my mom won't shut up about the release date of your next book, so I blame you for that too.

^.^

[AtlantaDebbie]

No mice advice, my cat will attack any other animal she sees. She and a squirrel had a very amusing fight through the window last night.

However, a cookbook to recommend is Southern Living. Everything I have ever made from their books has turned out well, and I entertain a good amount. Never a pie that wouldn't thicken.

Glad your mama is feeling better and I hope your tummy continues to get better, too.

[Gail]

Jen-
Just finished Bitter is the New Black...just as I lost my job a week ago. It is nice to know that I still have a husband that is working to keep us going...but you are so true on so many levels. Loved the part about sign this piece of paper and will give you this big check. Mine was sign this and we will give you nothing. I am currently holding my laptop and cellphone hostage until they come and rid my house of their unwaned property. I want my number back!!!!!! I know I will land on my feet...but at 50 years old...it is just so tiring. How do you tell them in a polite Catholic girl voice to fuck off and get their shit out of my house!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the inspiration to keep going...I needed that!
Gail

[Kelli]

Jen-
Thanks for the laugh today! I needed it.
I agree completely with Tara-peanut butter and a ba-zillion snap traps. My husband didn't flush the hairy little bastards--he put them trap and all in a zip lock bag and threw them in the garbage outside. I made him do "rounds" before I would even go down to our kitchen to dispose of the bodies. Nasty, nasty, nasty!!
I do have to tell you that I found out (after a couple of days of mouse killing) that my husband was using MY FAVORITE SPATULA to pick up the dead animal and trap. He would put the spatula in the dishwasher after he was done, apparently thinking that this wouldn't competely ruin the spatula forever. Why didn't he use the cheapy salad tongs?!!
As far as the gall bladder thing, I had mine out a couple of years ago with the laproscope thing. It was a complete breeze. Didn't even need pain meds. (and I am a pain weenie!)

[Edna Taylor]

I had to share this. It was sent to me today. Since you talk about your pets, I thought you might like it (yes, long, but worth the read):

The Journey

When you bring a pet into your life, you begin a journey. A journey that will bring you more love and devotion than you have ever known, yet will also test your strength and courage. If you allow, the journey will teach you many things, about life, about yourself, and most of all, about love. You will come away changed forever, for one soul cannot touch another without leaving its mark.

Along the way, you will learn much about savoring life's simple pleasures -- jumping in leaves, snoozing in the sun, the joys of puddles, and even the satisfaction of a good scratch behind the ears. If you spend much time outside, you will be taught how to truly experience every element, for no rock, leaf, or log will go unexamined, no rustling bush will be overlooked, and even the very air will be inhaled, pondered, and noted as being full of valuable information.

Your pace may be slower, except when heading home to the food dish, but you will become a better naturalist, having been taught by an expert in the field. Too many times we hike on automatic pilot, our goal being to complete the trail rather than enjoy the journey. We miss the details: the colorful mushrooms on the rotting log, the honeycomb in the old maple snag, the hawk feather caught on a twig.

Once we walk as a dog does, we discover a whole new world. We stop; we browse the landscape, we kick over leaves, peek in tree holes, look up, down, all around. And we learn what any dog knows that nature has created a marvelously complex world that is full of surprises, that each cycle of the seasons bring ever changing wonders, each day an essence all its own, each day a gift from God.

Even from indoors you will find yourself more attuned to the world around you. You will find yourself watching: summer insects collecting on a screen; how bizarre they are; how many kinds there are or noting the flick and flash of fireflies through the dark. You will stop to observe the swirling dance of windblown leaves, or sniff the air after a rain. It does not matter that there is no objective in this; the point is in the doing, in not letting life's most important details slip by.

You will find yourself doing silly things that your pet-less friends might not understand: spending thirty minutes in the grocery aisle looking for the cat food brand your feline must have, buying dog birthday treats, or driving around the block an extra time because your pet enjoys the ride. You will roll in the snow, wrestle with chewier toys, bounce little rubber balls till your eyes cross, and even run around the house trailing your bathrobe tie with a cat in hot pursuit, all in the name of love.

Your house will become muddier and hairier. You will wear less dark clothing and buy more lint rollers. You may find dog biscuits in your pocket or purse, and feel the need to explain that an old plastic shopping bag adorns your living room rug because your cat loves the crinkly sound. You will learn the true measure of love. The steadfast, undying kind that says, "It doesn't matter where we are or what we do, or how life treats us as long as we are together."

Respect this always. It is the most precious gift any living soul can give another. You will not find it often among the human race. And you will learn humility. The look in my dog's eyes often made me feel ashamed. Such joy and love at my presence. She saw not some flawed human who could be cross and stubborn, moody or rude, but only her wonderful companion. Or maybe she saw those things and dismissed them as mere human foibles, not worth considering, and so chose to love me anyway.

If you pay attention and learn well, when the journey is done, you will be not just a better person, but the person your pet always knew you to be. The one they were proud to call beloved friend.

I must caution you that this journey is not without pain. Like all paths of true love, the pain is part of loving. For as surely as the sun sets, one day your dear animal companion will follow a trail you cannot yet go down. And you will have to find the strength and love to let them go.

A pet's time on earth is far too short, especially for those that love them. We borrow them, really, just for a while, and during these brief years they are generous enough to give us all their love, every inch of their spirit and heart, until one day there is nothing left. The cat that only yesterday was a kitten is all too soon old and frail and sleeping in the sun. The young pup of boundless energy now wakes up stiff and lame, the muzzle gone to gray.

Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead, young and whole once more. "God speed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again.

And bless their souls for sharing their lives with us... and adding so much to our very existence.

[Candice]

You are halarious! Thanks for always making me laugh out loud!

[Tara]

I had mice in my apartment in philadelphia. Part of city-livin' I guess. Sigh.
The best and only solution... "the killing fields."
My then-boyfriend (now-husband) set 10 traditional "snap" traps (the ones with the metal snap bar), with peanut butter (cheese is ok too) at night all around the kitchen (this is where we spotted the mouse). The next morning, 2 dead in the traps. He did this for 3 nights in a row. 10 dead in total. He continued doing this until we stopped seeing dead mice. Then, we knew problem solved.
After that, step 2 was prevention. This involved keeping every single particle of food stored away. Let me repeat. Every single bit of food. After eating, food was rinsed and put down garbage disposal, plate in dishwasher. No food on counter ever. Any food in cabinets was in a sealed container. Any food possible in fridge. This worked ok for us, because fortunately, the mice came in through the stove and could not enter the cabinets, so food was safe in the cabinets. You may have a bigger problem if they are in your cabinets (eek). If mice have no food source, they likely will not come in your home that often.

This is the only thing that ever worked for me- I tried the poison, glue traps, etc.

Trust me on this. I hate hate hate mice.
Also, you'll want fletch to pick the mice up off of the killing fields (he can flush down toilet). It's not pretty. Some are still partially alive.

Best of luck and love your books,
Tara

[Heather]

Jen,
Katie is right..........GLUE TRAPS........poison not an option because of other animals...I just want to warn you, you WILL be traumatized when you see a mouse on a glue trap.....and they think the lethal injection is cruel?????

[Gatorlovergirl]

I hope your mom is better...mine was in the hosp last month...didn't listen to her Dr. either. I swear this is why I don't have children. Please fill better soon...I so share your pain. I love the post, thank you so much for the laughs. Peanut butter works great for rodents...however our cat is the bomb...he lives to kill. Do you want me to Fed-Ex him? Be thankful your dogs are oblivious, mine wakes me at odd hours to open canbinets and move furniture, I have never found what ever it is he thinks (knows?) is hiding there.

[Donna]

As previously stated, Peanut Butter usually does the trick. However, you can be like my husband and get all Rambo on his ass and hunt him down with a BB-Gun while knocking down any furniture that may be in the pathway. (Hey, he did get it, after the damn thing set off yet still mananged to escape dozens of traps including one my husband put make-shift 'teeth' on)

[Donna]

As previously stated, Peanut Butter usually does the trick. However, you can be like my husband and get all Rambo on his ass and hunt him down with a BB-Gun while knocking down any furniture that may be in the pathway. (Hey, he did get it, after the damn thing set off yet still mananged to escape dozens of traps including one my husband put make-shift 'teeth' on)

[Jenna]

Can we go back to the Ikea post from sometime last year? I'd like to re-examine that concept. Because as of right now? Ikea won't even answer their phones anymore! I currently have no where to sit in my living room because my new couch and chairs were supposed to be in and they never showed.

[marisa]

Amanda, just reading your post- yes its horrible when they are screaming and crying. A friend of mine had caught a mouse in a regular old trap, and it was squealing and she went to check it and it was CHEWING ITS LEG OFF! I guess they do whatever means necessary to survive. So I will have to say HELL NO to regular traps, not after that visual.

[Elizabeth]

Thought you would enjoy this...I went to the grocery store new years day. I bought some odds and ends including bacon and ready to eat cheesecake filling. As I am checking out the bagger who asks me paper or plastic, follows up with... "So I guess someone didn't make the resolution to lose weight this year." I ALMOST KILLED HIM.

Hope your mom is doing better. BYE!!

[tia]

hope your mom feels better soon!!

and you made me laugh out loud, especially the part about maisy. silly doggy.

[amanda]

Ok, second comment today. Re: glue traps. I'm not a bleeding heart animal rights nut or anything, but those things are cruel. The mouse gets stuck and struggles, causing other parts of the body to get stuck, so its bones break, fur/skin pulls away from body, the thing is squeaking bloody murder. My roommates and I found a mouse in this situation under our kitched sink; apparently, the previous tenants had left a glue trap under there. (Shows what kind of housekeeper I am, but this was back before I cooked.) If you go the glue trap route: DON'T put it someplace where you might have to hear the thing squeal and squeak till Fletch gets home, unless you want to dispose of it yourself!! Also, it could totally get stuck to parts of the dogs or cats, which wouldn't be fun for them

[booyah]

ok, for the flour, been there done that, but a toothbrush or similar to work it loose helps. But you will find some still a year later.
Gallbladder, dang, had mine out. Now I have a strict two drink maximum or I am sick as a dog. Which is a bummer, because I used to be a two drink minimum girl.

Last, loved the book, scary dead-on my life, but replace Chicago with Boston, with a weekly plane trip to Chicago. Brought back all kinds of memories of the city. Best title EVER award for bitter!

[dodim]

I'm telling you, the only true way to get rid of crafty mice is sticky traps. Stick a piece of cheese, or a blob of that mouse attractant that they sell alongside the traps, and booby trap the areas you think they are hiding. I put 6 of them across our pantry doorway last time we had mice just so they couldn't get near the food. (The mouse attractant gel doesn't attract my dogs... so we used that.)

These things work.

good luck!!!!!!

[Sheenah]

I just saw Ratatuille for the first time and I had to hide behind a blanket every single time the colony started moving around with their very realistic scrabbling noises. Eeeewww.

[mishi]

You still have the gall bladder, right? Vicodin is the way to go for the pain. Then after you have it taken out, vicodin is the way to go for the pain.

I shot milk out of my nose reading your blog today. My husband thatnks you for that...makes a good story for all!!

[Liz K]

I got a tooth colored filling for my first cavity, then my dad (who had bomb dental coverage) switched me to my mom's insurance (which had barely passable dental coverage) and for each successive one I had to get silver. I was so upset, until I too one day realized that no one cares what the inside of your mouth looks like except you, in your own mind.

Having said that though, I am still vain and if I could have it done for free, I probably would have all of them replaced just cos...

Also, glue traps worked like a charm when I had a mouse in my old college apartment.

[Laura]

The flour idea sounded good to me :) Sorry about the hardwood, wool and leather. (snort)

Try glue traps and peanut butter. We had one that would walk in and watch TV with us and the glue trap worked (I did feel bad b/c he was becoming like family)

Hope your mom is doing better and you too! I did the same thing, but it wasn't too bad. Didn't like mercury in my mouth more than vain (yeah righ)

[Amanda]

Jen, you are TOO funny. I hate stupid people! And I want to know where your cat went, just because I know it will be super freaking hilarious. I hope your teeth feel better. Youch. I have a bunch of fillings, too. Love me some candy.

Lisa, I totally screamed, LOUDLY, when the mouse in my old office ran from under the copy machine to a stack of boxes, not five feet from my desk. The funny thing is, I screamed, and people laughed, but no one was concerned or perturbed about the little creature in our midst. I started keeping everything on my desk, including my walking shoes.

[ayntastic]

Be careful what you wish for--we used to have a cat who liked to bring us little mice presents ON OUR BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. And they weren't quite dead yet, so they made horrible death noises. Seriously, show me the love in almost any other way.

[Katie]

So on the mouse subject one of the girls that came back from her break said she just saw one in the office! I want to go home...NOW!! Its going to be embarrassing if I see it because i will probably scream.

[Lisa]

Too funny. Being a dog lover, I can't help but laugh out loud at your stories....As far as the mouse/rat thing, tootsie rolls work extremely well for catching those nasty little suckers....thier teeth stick and BAM! they get stuck! Good luck! Can't wait for the new book.....

[trish]

Roger that, Boo...We had a full blown RAT building a nest (to deliver a handful of little RATS we later discovered) on our upstairs deck...peanut butter on the RAT trap was the key...worked like a charm.

[Marisa]

Okay this is gross, but we found the best way to catch mice (on accident). Take a bucket, fill it part way with water, smear some peanut butter around the top. Mice will jump in for some peanuty goodness and thus, drown themselves.
Ya I know its nasty, but it works! Weve caught countless mice this way. Well, my husband has. I cant look.

[Boo]

I'm not sure what's worse: the rat or the cat on the cashmere...one of my cats loves to creep into the closet and recreate the womb by burrowing into hubbie's Polo t-shirt collection (even my cats like labels). DLTBWYD. (my dad's favorite saying makes a good silent mantra: don't let the bastards wear you down.)
But what really matters is that your mom is getting better.

[Alison in Oregon]

I, too, laughed out loud at the CSI:Martha Stewart bit! Thanks for that!

[Erin Rodriguez]

Hehehehe....has anyone ever told you that you and Fletch should have your own sitcom? Although I am inclined to believe you've heard that before, seriously, I think you should pitch that to your agent. If Brett Michaels can get his own reality show, dammit, your show would be a HUGE success. Think about it. XOXO

[Lisa Ann]

I can completely commensurate on the dental issue. I am on the side of being such a wuss that I had to take 2 xanax, have full nitrous gas and pop the oxycodone I had hidden away from my boob-job (GAWD I LOVE THE TWINS!!!) just to make it through the procedure. I had four fillings on both side (top & bottom) done on the same day. I have to say that having the muscles ripped from your chest and having a big ol bag of silicone shoved up under them doesn't hurt half as bad as getting your teeth roto-rootered. Here's hoping you feel better soon.

P.s. Thanks for making 2007 a great year. I have laughed my rear off at your blogs, your books and how many times I find myself thinking "Now, What would Jen do?"
Here's to an AB-FAB 2008!!

[revonah96]

Your mother lives in Washington? My father is from there..."interesting" place, isn't it?!?!

[Heather in Texas]

Thank you, thank you for making my day based on your GENIUS strategies. Little mousies love peanut butter, but PLEASE don't use a glue trap, kay? icky...

[Heidi]

Years back, we had a mouse in our house. We set out traps, but he had absolutely no interest in the cheese, so we couldn't catch him that way.

However, he absolutely could not resist the salami we left for him. Seriously? Try it.

[Kimmy]

I am very afraid of the dentist needle that freezes my mouth, so my dentist replaced fillings on 1 side of my mouth at once. They were very sensitive for a long time cold. I found that Sensodyne toothpaste really did help.
I also had gallstones (I had my gallbladder removed), but I found when I had attacks, taking Advil when the attack starts helped a lot with the pain.

[Mimi]

I can't stop laughing! Thanks for posting with an update...you always make me laugh.

I love the whole flour/dog thing (although I am aware that you probably don't).

And, as a teacher, thanks for the shout-out to poor reading comp...adults are sometimes worse than my second graders....(sigh)

[Nicole]

Jen, supposedly old-fashioned mercury fillings do leach into your system over time and the white ones are supposed to be much healthier. I know, Botox (with the key part being TOX) and all, you probably don't care, but I wanted to let you know that aside from vanity there may be other unseen health benefits from ditching those fillings as well. Hope you feel better soon.

[The House and I]

First of all: I hope your mom's okay.

Second: Sympathies on your Dental Damn. I've been going through (and, to the dismay of my readers, blogging about) one of my own for the past four months. You are smart. Do it all while it is paid for. Do it now (well, not NOW, because now it is January and you might as well wait another year).

Third: I always advise people that cats are the answer to their mousey problems, but I guess I'm wrong. I guess I just got lucky. Rock on, Stupid Cat!

[Vanessa]

Jamie, I'm so curious..."I had my gall bladder removed for cosmetic reasons five years ago" What were the cosmetic reasons?

[AJ]

I totally sent your mom a card- I think that is such a cool idea!

[Jamie]

OMG. I had my gall bladder removed for cosmetic reasons five years ago and I still have a problem with fried foods and pizza (of all things).

CSI: Martha! Ha! You're too much. Good luck with the mouse. I've found that screeching irrationally and incoherently and jumping on the furniture at odd and inconvenient times to be a large motivation to the male species to do something.