For Those About to 'Tox (We Salute You)

UPDATES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POST

Wait - give me another minute to stop giggling over what I've titled this blog and then I'll begin.

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OK, ready.  (If you didn't understand that I was cracking myself up over twisting a famous AC/DC lyric to title this entry, then you're probably also too young to appreciate a frank post about the magic of age reversal via cosmetic procedure.  Come back in ten years.)

A couple of days ago I mentioned I got fresh Botox and it spurred a ton of questions.  For some reason, people still seem to think Botox is still a dirty word and no one really talks about it.  (Um, except for me, as I can't seem to keep my damn mouth shut about it.  I think I even told my UPS guy.)  Anyway, because there's a lot of misinformation out there and because so many of you wanted more details, I'm going to cover the basics.

WHAT IS BOTOX?

Botox is a brand of botulinum toxin type A.  Tiny amounts are injected just under the surface of the skin and it causes your muscles to atrophy into relaxation, thus greatly decreasing lines on places like your forehead, between your brows, and around your eyes. 

WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU ALLOW ANYONE TO INJECT POISON INTO YOUR FACE? 

Because I'm that kind of vain. 

WHY DON'T YOU JUST AGE GRACEFULLY?

Um, did you not just see the vain answer?  Seriously, I'm not ashamed about my age - but I do kick myself for not taking better care of my skin earlier.  I went years without sunscreen.  YEARS.  And it shows.  Plus, I'm still fairly emotionally immature and I want my outsides to match my insides.   

AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT SAFETY?

Yes, that's why I researched Botox thoroughly before getting it.  I learned about the risks and decided the benefits outweighed them.  Plus, Botox has been used for cosmetic purposes since the '90s with no more possibility of risk than any other pharmaceutical. 

As a caveat, the FDA recently began an investigation on dangerous side effects, but mostly because of cases where mass quantities have been used on children with cerebral palsy.  From what I've read, these few instances stemmed from unqualified physicians using too much toxin in what were already very sick kids.  (BTW, lecturing me about safety - especially after having done my due diligence - MAKES ME CRAZY.  You want to piss me off?  Then stand there with your boob job, your cigarette, and the entire Magna Carta tattooed on the base of your spine and pop off about taking unnecessary risks.) 

Granted, Botox hasn't been in use long enough to determine long-term effects, but again, I'm willing to take this risk.

WHO ADMINISTERS THE INJECTIONS?

The person who administers mine is a neurologist.  I figure if she's skilled enough to treat Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, Huntington's disease, etc. she can probably wield a tiny little needle without incident.  But you can also get it done safely by a nurse in the dermatologist's office or a med spa.  (Actually, the nurses who do Botox every day are most skilled because they do it so often.) 

TALK TO ME MORE ABOUT THE NEEDLES.

Seriously, the needle is TEENY because the doctor will only need to inject a few CCs.  Think more "acupuncture" and less "flu vaccine."      

DOES IT HURT?

There's been a tiny pinch when the needle breaks the surface of the skin each time I've gotten it on my forehead.  It stung a bit more between my eyes, but that's because the muscle is stronger.  I've done this three times so far and I never had any bruising - didn't even need the proffered ice pack.  There were itty bitty red marks where the needle went and a bit of tenderness but it was all gone by the next morning.  I can't say if it hurts to get crow's feet done because I didn't do it there.  (If you get it on your "elevens", it lifts the brows a bit and lessens lines around the eyes.

HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?

Anywhere from $200 to $500 - about the cost of a long weekend away.  I chose to do this for my 40th birthday, figuring I could go on vacation for a few days or I could LOOK like I'd been on vacation for a few months. 

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO WORK?

Botox takes about two weeks to sink in, although you can start seeing results in as few as three days.  I guess the more often you get it, the quicker it kicks in.  It lasts anywhere from three to six months (again, depending on frequency of use) and fades out gradually.    

IS MY FACE GOING TO FREEZE THIS WAY, MISTER?

No, your face won't completely freeze.  Personally, I still have a small amount of motion.  The thing is, motion is one of the reasons you have lines in the first place and by atrophying these muscles, you're preventing lines from getting deeper.      

AM I GOING TO END UP LOOKING LIKE LAURI FROM THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY?

photo courtesy of realityonbravo.com

In my non-medical opinion, yes.  That is, if your doctor injects you with a turkey baster full of it.  I've seen them get Botox on the show it it FLOORS me how much they use.  The needles I saw held ten times the amount I've gotten.

Honestly, from what I've read, Lauri and I have had a lot of same procedures done from the neck up - Botox, microdermabrasion, chemical peels, etc.  I've even had what I said I'd never do, which is getting an injectable filler in the nasolabial folds around my mouth.  (I'm not doing a FAQ on Restylane because it felt like getting hit in the face with a baseball bat eighteen times and left me crying into a bag of frozen peas all weekend.)

BOTTOM LINE, DOES ALL THIS SHIT WORK?

You tell me.  Here's a shot of me at age 35, having tanned myself into a handbag...

and here's a picture of me at age 40, taken this past Sunday...

Any more questions?

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UPDATE

You guys are giving me a(n even) fat(ter) head (than usual.)  Thank you. 

Anyway, here's a couple of answers to your questions.

WHERE DO YOU GO IN CHICAGO TO GET THIS STUFF DONE?

I go to the Avanti Center on North Ave and I LOVE them!  Not only are they professional and skilled, everyone there is also really fun.  Going there is a pleasant experience experience; I always plan extra time because I know I'm going to stand around and talk afterwards. 

What's funny is as soon as I posted this yesterday, I got an email listing their specials for March.  They're offering discounts on microdermabrasion (gets rid of splotches and fine lines), laser hair removal, and massage.  (Note: Their massages are fine; I'm just a bad massage recipient.)  There are Avanti centers all over the country, too.  Check 'em out!

IS (INSERT AGE YOUNGER THAN ME) TOO YOUNG TO GET BOTOX?

Honestly, finishing the third book is what prompted me to get work done, and not my age so much.  I lost weight and found myself with a whole bunch of new lines.  (Fat is truly the fountain of youth.)  Had I stayed the same size, I might not have needed it yet.  I guess only you can decide if you're ready.  On the one hand, it will stop your wrinkles from deepening.  On the other, I can see how it's addictive.  I'm all smug about looking natural now, but who knows?  Maybe Lauri started off just wanting to take a couple of years off, too?

WHAT ARE THE 'ELEVENS'?

They're the up-and-down lines that form over the base of your nose, between your eyebrows.  You know, the ones that come out when you're scowling?  I didn't get them done the first few times but did this time and I really like the results.

WHAT KIND OF SELF TANNER DO YOU USE?

Nothing at the moment.  I'm just finally healthy.  Here's about the best advice I can offer - get your blood screened for iron levels.  A couple of months ago I kept going back to the doctor because I couldn't figure out why I was tired and dizzy all the time.  I was in the office every other week and I kept getting shuffled to different doctors in the practice because everyone was going on maternity leave.

If you recall, this is when I was all pissed off that no one would give me drugs, but really, what made me angry was I felt like they were simply writing DIFFICULT on my chart and complaining to each other that I was wasting their time, yet I KNEW something wasn't right.  I mean, I was afraid to drive because I thought I'd pass out while on the road.  Long story short, my new MALE doctor finally ran some tests and found out I was so deeply anemic that he was ready to give me a transfusion.  (And OH BOY was he pissed at his partners for never doing a simple blood test.) 

Anyway, we were able to get my iron levels up with mass amounts of iron supplements and now I'm a normal color without tanning, instead of pasty-white.  I did hit the tanning place twice at the beginning of February, not so much for the color, but because we only saw eleven minutes of sunlight for the first two weeks of the month and I was feeling a tad homicidal. 

Finally, I'm using this by Smashbox and it creates a nice, smooth glow.

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE BOOK JACKETS?

I think they look messy and the book falls in the tub if you keep the jacket on while reading it.  My rule of thumb is unless the book is signed by the author or I have a blurb appearing on it, I throw the jackets away as soon as I buy them.  That way I can arrange them on the shelves by color.  (Did you not know my vanity extended to my home, too?)

And... I think that's everything.

Comments

[Jess]

You look FAB! It's my goal to look better at 35 than I did at 25 and so on. I just turned 31 and I am going for my first Bo in a couple of weeks. I am trying to break up with the tanning bed, but sometimes I have to see the sun. God knows there is none in Belgium.
I am also 'that kind of vain.' I don't plan on changing that.

[TheBabblingHousewife]

Yeah, please don't get like Lauri. On the last reunion show, my husband said she resembled a transvestite...a BAD transvestite.

I was all set to get Botox between my eye brows (well, in a couple of years) until I saw the Real Housewives episode where the new chick (Tamara?) was getting that done. She looked like she got stung by hornets or something.

Where is my alpha hydroxy lotion?

[LaskiGal]

This comment will probably totally get lost among the many you've received . . .BUT WOW! You look amazing. I'm getting it done. It will be my 40th gift to myself. You don't look over 30!

[Jackie]

Soooo...I moved to Dallas from the OC 2 yrs ago, and I SWORE that I was not going to get botox....BUT....after reading that, and looking down the barrel at my 37th birthday....guess what I'm asking for from my fiance for my birthday?? HAPPY FRIGGIN' BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

[Nanc']

p.s.
For all those in the Denver area, I go to Colorado Laser and Vein, PC
at 8120 S. Holly, Ste. 111
Centennial (Dr.Siroospour).
Before I had the 'tox, I thoroughly checked-out the doc. to include Tom Martino's ("The Troubleshooter") website.
Dr. S. has been practicing medicine for about 40 years and he's GOOD.

[Kara]

Amen, sister! I just got my fifth Botox treatment yesterday. I have been doing it for two years now and have no shame, complaints, or regrets! I feel that I am aging gracefully; I always want to look good for my age! And BTW, Jen, you look FABULOUS!

[Nanc']

WOW! Great post! I've been getting Botox for about 2 years now and I love it. So far, I only get 5 units above each eyebrow and I have it done in a REAL doctor's office by a REAL doctor. Here, in Denver, it costs me $120. each trip and it lasts longer each time I have it done. Sooo worth it.

[Amy K.]

Jen,

You look great! Thank you for being honest unlike so many celebs who are so obviously lying about their "work". I'm 38 and haven't done it yet but your picture makes me want to go down and get my 11's done. Your eyebrows look great!

AK

[Meryl]

You look great! Just to let you know that I'm an avid follower of your blog and i'm disappointed why Houston is not part of your itinerary. Oh well---here's hoping that I'd get a signed book one of these days.

[Megan]

I would just like to say wow Jen! You look absolutely incredible! Well done in choosing the proper people who don't give "Real Housewives" amounts of Botox too. It was really hard to find people who don't go crazy with the needles and the CCs when my Mom had it done, and thanks for the recommendation!

[Lisa M]

You look fab and ditto on the book jackets. They suck.

[Hallie]

I too will be 40 in 2 short weeks. From the neck down I've had my fair share of work done but so far I've avoided the face. But dang girl you look fabo! I may really need to consider the 'Tox!

[Heather B.]

Gorgeous as always!

Also I just found out about my low iron as well and suddenly I don't want to punch myself in the face every other day. It feels great.

[Amy]

It is true. Fat IS the fountain of youth. I am 35 years old and still get carded. I bought some vacuum cleaner bags at the Hoover store the other day and when the clerk was copying down my info onto my check from my driver's license he made a BIG deal about my age. "You do NOT look that OLD!" "Whatever you're doing, keep on doing it!" To the regular woman this would be a thrill! However I am 70 pounds overweight. :o( I KNOW it's because the lard in my head has filled out all those lines. WHEN I lose the weight I need to, I will look like Yoda. So...I'll probably be botoxing one day too!

Anyway...love the photo! You're very pretty! Up until this point I had NO idea what you actually looked like!

[Mrs. K]

you look great! goodness- I do Botox- very little between my eyebrows- I do want a peel- and may very well get one soon.

[PaintingChef]

Short and sweet my dear...

You look breathtaking.

[Ashley]

What kind of tanner do you use? Please dish, because my 21 y/o forehead looks way worse than your before picture. I swore off the tanning beds so I need to find a good fake bake and yours looks so natural!

[Kelly]

Okay, Jen. I'm 42 and do botox as well, but last time I got a little Juvaderm along those crazy folds. Let me just say, I'm a big weenie when it comes to needles, but I could actually tolerate getting a little Juvaderm - not as much as I probably needed, but some. It wasn't fun but doesn't sound nearly as bad as your Restalyne experience. I didn't have any lingering pain which it sounds like you did. Also, I don't know if your doctor does this or not, but mine uses a topical numbing cream before botox and juvaderm. Make it much more comfortable. You look great.

[kim]

You look gorgeous in both pictures, but the second one is amAHzing! Dare I say luminous? I'm 26 but I do have a big ol' line in the middle of my forehead (I blame people being dumbasses and making me raise my eyebrows all the time), so I'm aching for some 'tox...trying to hold out and make it a 30th b-day gift to myself.

Also, add me to the nosey Nellie's wondering about the dust jackets. It's a much neater presentation of the books. I may or may not have to copy this in my own home.

[Kari]

Wow! I think you looked great at 35, but at 40 you look amazing! You have just sold me on botox though I'm hoping I won't need it for at least another seven years or so. You look fantastic!

[Liz]

I have a boob job and in no way begrudge you some 'tox. No hypocrisy here.

[amanda]

Okay, but why do you take the dust jackets off your books on your shelves?
I take the dust jackets off when I read books, but I do keep them on the books I shelve. Just wondering!

[Deb]

You are gorgeous! I am SO getting this done! I was considering it, but now I am a believer. If it's good enough for Jen...

[Erin Gomer]

Is it wrong to cancel my gym membership, so I can use the money to get botox? You look fantastic. I promise to walk around outside every day. Well, except when it's raining, or cold, or I have a cold, or.. I just don't feel like it.

[LJ]

Jen you look lovely! Interesting to read the details of the procedure. I was always nosey on the costs. That's surprisingly not that bad. Kudos to you for being so open about everything. Refreshing :)

[amanda]

you look totally fabulous! Sign me up! Thanks for the information!!

[Alison]

You look gorgeous!!!!!

[Bunny Bunster]

I've posted this before, but I'll say it again.......LOVE me some Botox!! Plus I get my for free!!
You are looking way good, girl! Can't wait to see you in Indy.

[Shelli]

Gorgeous!!

Why do you take all the dust jackets off of your books?

[Katherine]

Rock on, you look great. Not a fan of it before but now that I'm 40, I might change my mind. You looked good before, now you look better. Way to start aging gracefully with a minor bit of help!

[Natalie]

I have always been a fan since I picked up your first book a few years ago- I am turning 40 soon and was contemplating botox and restylane- you look FABULOUS-and natural- I am convinced....

[January]

looking hot! I'm going to repeat the question though: where are your book jackets? lol

[Vanessa]

You look amazing! I think the second photo is much more flattering of you personally. I know I know, you didn't ask but sometimes I just can't help myself. ;)

[Antof9]

Thanks for the due diligence, totally darling pic, and here's my favorite part:

"Plus, I'm still fairly emotionally immature and I want my outsides to match my insides."

(that's why I dye my hair, incidentally)

[Heather]

Well, you look great :-) I don't think I'd do it, but I've always embraced the pale, so hopefully I won't "need" to!

[Jessica]

Oh, and the hairstyle? Awesomeness -- really good cut for you -- love it!

[Rosalind]

I always used Better Living Through Science when questioned about my microdermabrasion/LaMer addiction/etc etc...

... but am now adopting "because I'm THAT kind of vain".
Kick ass.

[Jessica]

Holy shit you look FABULOUS!!! You are absolutely gorgeous. I've always thought you were gorgeous, but man, it looks like you turned back the clock 10+ years. Good job!!!!!

[Jennifer]

You look awesome!!! I will so get the 'tox when my time comes.

[KatiBug]

lookin' good, sister! :)

[The Red Lobster]

You look INCREDIBLE!!
I laughed so loudly when I read your reference to Laurie. That show was hilarious. And your sessions with the trainer have really been paying off.

[Christie]

You look fabulous! Sign me up!

[SnarkyMommy]

Jen you look amazing! Seriously!

[rebeccala]

seriously, what's happened to your dustjackets?

you DO look fan-freaking-tastic.

[Laura]

You look so good!! Younger, happier and skinnier! You go girl!!

[Just Laura]

You don't know me from Adam and why opinion means anything I'm not sure but I felt I needed to let you know...

You look fabulous! Rested. No stress. Wow!

JL

[southernfriedgirl]

Holy shit, you look fantastic. I sure as shit hope I look like you when I am 40.

Actually I'd take it now. Damn it.

[tia]

yay botox! bring on the beauty treatments!

[Naomi]

Very pretty, Jen! Your skin looks fantastic.

[Courtney]

Umm You are adorable. I wish you were coming to baltimore :o(