Cause, Meet Effect, Effect, Meet Shovel

I've finally pinpointed the cause of this weekend's inflated aggression level. 

The problem stems from watching too much boxing.  First, I saw the Klitchko/Ibragimov flight from last week (give Ibragimov a step-ladder to stand on next time, please) and then I moved on to the Marquez/Vasquez match (less blood next time, please) and then I watched some cage fights in between going out front to shake my shovel at passers-by in a menacing manner. 

I suspect people like me who are already way too aggressive for their own good should not be encouraged (allowed?) to watch grown men bashing the bejesus out of each other, as it gives them ideas.

Also?  Fletch made me put my shovel back in the garage. 

It's nice to know at least one rational adult lives in this house.

(But I'm not apologizing for scolding the lady at the Fresh Market.  I guarantee that bitch will remember to use her inside voice next time...)

 

Comments

[Meg]

Although I am usually the rational adult in the house, I succumbed to the rage this weekend as well. Let's just say that if you haven't been involved in a shouting match inside a Borders, you haven't really lived. The only thing that would have made the experience any more satisfying (besides all the super-clever barbs that came to mind AFTER the incident) would have been the ability to shake a rusty shovel.

[AtlantaDebbie]

Loralei, you beat me to it. Let's all threaten Cottilard with a shovel. Or a boycott. Actually, the boycott isn't a threat in our house. Its a done deal.

[Loralei]

O.K., first, I'm alarmed because someone named Mickey who uses the word, 'fucktard,' wrote to you and judging by her anger level and love of boxing, it could be my sister and it sounds like she's off her meds (no offense meant, of course, if you're not really related to me).... But what I really want to comment on is that incredible BITCH, Cotillard and her un-freaking-believable opinions regarding 9/11. Why do they let people like that out of their CAGE? Anyone who was over the age of - oh - TWO, that day will live with the pain and fear inflicted by witnessing such senseless destruction for the rest of their lives. Jen, when you're thinking of threatening someone with a shovel or beating someone up in a cage, please keep her in mind, won't you.

[Lori]

Do you, perchance, have a gun anywhere on your premises? If so, may I suggest giving all the bullets to Fletch? ;-) For further thoughts on the subject (and why I don't have guns in my house... hint: occasional rage issues) see my recent blog!
http://www.fermentedfur.com/2008/03/dont-shoot.html

[Mickey]

Just when I thought you couldn'r be any more perfect, I discover that you are also a boxing fan.

Jen, I'm sure you get tired of hearing this, but YOU TOTALLY ROCK!

And if Fletch won't let you use the shovel on those fucktards, try turning a hose on them. Especially effective in ice cold weather!

[Patti_Mayo]

My husband is the rational adult in our house as well. I'm the scary neighbor lady who used to yell at people who played their music too loud and woke up my twins. I actually went out one day and almost whooped the crap out of this one stupid teenie bopper for laying on the horn instead of taking her lazy ass to the door twenty feet away. I had just put my then 18 mos old twins down for a nap and she woke them up.

Add in a confrontation with a couple of skaterboarders at 1 a.m. in the local strip mall next to my old apt. complex. All you heard was whap whap of their boards hitting the concrete. I walked around the fence with a baseball bat and told those inconsiderate f@ckers to get out of there or i was using the bat on them. Needless to say, they left and I never saw them again.

I currently reside on a cul de sac, and it is super quiet...just the way i like it.

[tutugirl1345]

Are you available to wave the shovel at drunken frat boys on the weekends? I woke up this morning to TWENTY broken bottles of Andre just outside our door. Your presence (along with that of the shovel) would probably be a much better deterrent than the old man security guard who sleeps in his minivan.

[Heather]

I've always toyed with the idea of installing a PA system on my car but haven't for fear of being arrested for shouting "Nice signal, motherfucker!" next to a school bus full of children or nuns.

[Jennifer]

Would it be inappropriate to bring my shovel in my car for when people don't use the courtesy wave in traffic? That's the one that brings out my aggressive side!!!