I Never Do This (Except for Jolene)

My friend Jolene just tagged me for a meme.  I rarely participate in these things, but I'm making an exception for my girl.  (Also, this is a cheap 'n easy way to tell a few tales from my weekend without having to do much work.)

So here goes...

1.  Link back to the person who tagged you.

2.  Post these rules on your blog.

3.  Share six unimportant things about yourself.

4.  Tag six random people at the end of your entry.

* * * Six Unimportant Things about Jen * * *

1.  Fletch and I are the dumbest smart people we know.  For example, we've been having router troubles, so we spent HOURS dissecting the whole seven-layer OSI model and running complicated diagnostics and pinging servers all over the world to figure out what was going on with our at-home network.  At no point did it ever occur to us the problem could be the cat sleeping on top of the router in the cabinet.

2.  I have a "thing" for banana flavor. As a plain piece of fruit, I can take it or leave it.  I tend to eat them more for the convenience/portability factor rather than any great and abiding love.  However, the second you add sugar, cream, or alcohol, the banana takes on MAGICAL qualities, such as in the case of Cafe Selmarie's Bananas Foster pancakes with the caramel-toffee-rum glaze that I inhaled yesterday.  (Related note: while we were waiting to be seated for brunch Fletch was so excited to be out of the house for once that he couldn't modulate his inside-voice.  Everything he said came out as though he were announcing it, which was fine when he was noting exactly how many people were wearing NorthFace jackets, but less so when he proclaimed, "There sure are a lot of lesbians in here!"  Me.  Floor.  Open.  Die.)

3.  I'm actually able to turn the other cheek once in a while.  Let's take this morning, for example.  The construction crew next door began work at 5:30 AM - with hammers and everything - two and a half hours earlier than what is legal.  I didn't call the police to report a code violation, figuring whomever is swinging a hammer at 5:30 AM isn't doing it because he wants to.  The crew has got to be on deadline and that's something I can respect, so I put in earplugs and went back to sleep.  (The fact that Adrienne Shelley, my favorite screenwriter, was murdered by the loud contractor she complained about may have factored into this decision.)

4.  Despite the ability described in #3, I'm still really, delightfully, and creatively vindictive.  Case in point, some 20 year old emo kid just put a bunch of captions on my photos on MySpace calling me fat.  Um, hi?  Yeah, I know I'm fat; I've seen myself naked.  I've also written an entire book about having a positive body image so I'm not exactly crying into my coffee (with heavy cream!) right now.  The vindictiveness comes in because I read this girl's profile and she's all about ending world hunger and promoting peace, both lovely sentiments.  Yet as a direct result of her asshole-ery, I'm going to make donations to both the NRA and the McCain campaign from my hey-I'm-fat-book money in her honor.  Nice job, Justine from Portland.  Because of you, there will be more armed Republicans on the street.  Oh, the irony - it burns!  It burns!

5.  Every night before bed I read in a tub scented with either lemongrass, eucalyptus, rosemary, or tea tree oils.  And I'm deeply in love with Burt's Bees Therapeutic Bath Crystals because it combines almost all those scents.  (This one is kind of anti-climactic, isn't it?  No fighting, no armed Republicans, no clueless emo kids.  Sorry.  Will try harder on the next one.)

6.  I don't understand everyone's recent fascination with bacon.  I mean, yeah, bacon is good.  Meaty.  Smoky.  Crunchy.  (Or chewy, depending on your preference.)  Bacon is always a nice compliment to dish.  However, bacon is not and will never be the new cupcake.  Go on the Atkins Diet for a week and then tell me if you're still so goddamned excited about it.

OK, that's it.  Illuminating, yes?  Now I'm tagging the following people:

Kristabella - Fine, she has a cat named Bacon, but I believe she's always been a fan and isn't one of you bacon-come-latelys.

Manic Mommy - Despite her penchant for floor-candy, I'm interested to hear what she has to say.

Jess - She's likely freaking the fuck out over her upcoming book launch and would probably dig a quick distraction.

Martha - Because she hardly ever posts anymore and that is a damn shame.

Fussypants - She's adorable and always writes something uplifting, thus she can compensate for all my vitriol.

SnarkyMommy - You'll want to check out her shirts, and she'll make up for all my right-wing-edness.

The rest of you can consider yourselves on the hook for leaving one random/unimportant fact about yourselves in the comments section.  So have at it. 

(But be cool, 'cause I have my checkbook ready...)

Comments

[Renee in Chicago]

OK, you are starting to scare me. I too have a passion for all things banana flavored. Everyone I meet seems to hate banana flavored. Give me a banana shake, a banana Laffy Taffy, the banana shaped Runts, whatever, I LOVE BANANA. I am going to go to the restaurant you an Fletch went to because it sounded like an awesome dish and I am always up for counting lesbians in NorthFace jackets. I was thinking of Will Ferrell when he had is voice modulation problem on SNL. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. See you May 6th!

[Kelly J.]

I once paid a small fortune to have my brown hair colored auburn. When I came home from the salon my youngest son said to me "Oh, Mommy, your hair is gorgeous!". Pleased, I replied "Really? You think it looks gorgeous?" To which he answered, enunciating more clearly, "No, Mommy, I said ORANGE-ISH". Nice. So that's why I'm sticking to brunette from now on.

[Erin]

I want to smack all the Top Chef Chicago contestants because of the Block Party episode- seriously could you not do better than that, all of you self important chefs? I can make pasta salad interesting and tasty and even I, a non-culinary school attending home cook know that a corn dog does not improve with age, no matter how yummy it started out. Seriously, you people call yourselves chefs? Jen, I think you should have been a guest judge on one of the episodes- it could have had a banana flavored theme! I would love to hear you at judges table!

[Stacey]

I listed myself as a male on myspace to see how many gay friends I could make. It worked great, I made my page the Wizard of Oz, gay men LOVE the Wizard of Oz!

[Stephanie]

Since we're on the topic of bananas, I must say that I may be the only person on the planet that hates bananas. Chalk it up to a HORRID childhood experience involving bananas (which need not be discussed). But since the age of 6, I have not let anything banana touch my lips. I even find the smell rather putrid and disgusting. Lucky me, my son, now 10 months old, just L O V E S bananas, so they have reentered into my world, and I'm trying my very best to keep my happy mommy smiling face on while trying to hold back the gagging feeling that I have in the back of my throat. Oh, the sacrifices we make, right?

[Carrie]

I didn't know there was a new fascination with bacon. I have always loved it, but now that I am knocked up, I want it for every meal!

[Wubbie]

I'm one of the few people left on the planet addicted to Tab and would kill to get a cold one in an 80's style glass bottle with the little stars on it.

[patricia]

It doesn't get more unimportant (or sillier) than the fact that I totally just missed my mouth and ended up pouring very cold water down my chest. Thankfully the top I'm wearing is kind of thick, hence absorbent. sigh. I'm getting a sense of what my life is gonna be like every day when I'm 80.

[Ali]

My quirk - I'm afraid to walk over grates in the sidewalk. Big, small, shallow, deep; I just can't do it. I'm afraid I'll fall in and who knows what's down there. Metal fails, concrete fails. Luckily, my husband finds it endearing.

[Krista]

All my television, radio and any instrument that has a digital setting must always end in zero or five. Seriously. My volume on my tv is currently 40. My car A/C is currently on 65. Never 66 or 68, but 60, 65 or 70. It really sucks when 65 is too cool and 70 is too hot.....

[Kelly P]

Seriously, what is the deal with the North Face jackets and why do I feel like a loser for not having one? I am so not in the know.

[Kate]

I'm in Portland, and would happily find Justine and punch her in the neck.

[FitGeGe]

You know those emailed quizzes you get from friends? The ones that can be tricky (i.e. 'Which animal gets the banana off the coconut tree faster: a monkey, an orangutan...')? I always say I got it right when someone asks.

[Becca Marshall]

Unimportant (and very odd) Fact: I absolutely hate when the insides of my ankles touch. Just thinking about it now sends a gag reflex through me. Ugh. The thought of them touching, ankles getting close to each other, feet standing together...it just all makes me sick to my stomach. I have to rub my ankles with my hands everytime I see or hear about this. Don't worry - all friends and family have pointed out how freaking weird I am for this. I believe this sickening feeling came from my high-jumping days in track. It would always bring tears to my eyes as my ankles clanked together to force my butt over a 5'0 ft bar backwards. (For any fellow big booty high jumpers, you know what I'm talking about).

[Beckie]

Unimportant/Random factoid about me: Every morning I put 11 strokes of deoderant on each side. Never more or less.

[Carolyn]

Radom fact about me....My Dad still has and wears a Members Only Jacket

Don't hate.......

Carolyn

[LJ]

I have a scar on my nose from a carpet burn I got at a birthday party in the fifth grade where I pushed a coin across the floor in a stupid game we were playing. I won a prize that did not work and a scar for life. The end... haha.

[The Modern Gal]

Your creativity in vindictiveness is inspiring to us all.

[kelly]

I once secretly added Purina Cat Chow to my nasty brother's Cocoa Puffs, then enjoyed the show when he unknowingly munched away. There was a distinct difference in crunch decibels when he hit the kitty food. Mwah ha ha!

[Kristin]

I'm scared of the Pillsbury bisquit rolls. They freak me out when I have to open them and they pop. My husband and children laugh at me when I jump and shriek.

[Sarah Grace]

A thought... Bacon Cupcakes?

Which would certainly lead to Pepto Cupcakes?

Ew. :)

[Susan]

One of the most random things I can think about with me, is that I have to check the garage and make sure it is shut every night before I go to bed. If I forget, I have to get my ass out of bed and check because otherwise I will dream of people taking the crap in my garage, thus forcing myself awake to - you guessed it! - check to make sure the garage is closed. This is also true on nights when I am the last one home and I close the doors myself. Yes, I'm that paranoid.

[Jenn in AZ]

Boxes of pink, lavender, yellow, green, and blue sugar-coated bunnies and chicks sit on my pantry shelf. Yep, a week after Easter and I still have several boxes of Peeps left. I couldn't help myself, I had to have them in every color. I have a problem and I think I need to go to Peep-hab.

[Nicole]

There's always that gourmet chocolate-covered bacon bar. :cringe:

Random/unimportant fact: I cannot sleep with the closet door open. It has to be completely shut - the current incarnation is one of those doors with the hinge in the middle and if its propped open the tiniest bit I leap out of bed and shut it.

[iamlandlocked]

My new favorite TV show is "Miss Guided," starring the fabulous Judy Greer as a high school guidance counselor (you may remember her as the wacky assistant Kitty on "Arrested Development" or the evil best friend to Jennifer Garner in "13 Going on 30"). Thank God for this show, since no one is back from the strike yet, and "Millionaire Matchmaker" and "Real Housewives" are sadly done with their seasons. "Miss Guided," like my favorite cocktails, has a little sweetness, a little bite, and nothing to make me regret it the next day ("The Simple Life" anyone?). With a great supporting turn by Chris Parnell of SNL fame, the show is likely to appeal to viewers who appreciate the quirkiness of "30 Rock" and the I-get-to-go-back-and-try-it-again spirit of "Never Been Kissed." Thursdays 8/7C and 8:30/7:30C on ABC. Enjoy!