Setting: Our kitchen this morning, at the asscrack of dawn. Fletch enters the room all perky and freshly shaved and starched, whereas I'm clad in a combination of nightgown, sweatpants, and dirty hair.
Fletch: (kisses me on the cheek) Hey, good morning! What are you doing out of bed? Isn't it (looks at watch) about five hours too early for you?
Me: (blearily adding water to the coffee-maker) No. I always get up at a reasonable time.
Fletch: (snorts) Uh huh.
(What? I'm a WRITER - I keep a different schedule than most people... and sometimes that means sleeping in until 8:00. Or 11:30. Oh, big deal. I'm just tired because I was probably up late working. Or possibly catching up on the episode of Paradise Hotel I missed while I was working. You know what? Don't judge.)
Me: OK, fine, maybe it is sort of early for me. But the dryer repair guy is supposed to come this morning and I didn't want to just roll out of bed and answer the door in a nightgown with dirty hair. Thought I'd try taking a shower first and then I'd stay up and wait for him.
Fletch: (smirks and pats me on the back) You're a true inspiration. (puts a Cliff bar in his briefcase, gathers his wallet and keys) So, did you hear the news today?
Me: Nope. What's up?
Fletch: Eliot Spitzer's been busted in a prostitution scandal.
Me: Pfft. That happened yesterday. Matt Drudge and FOX were wetting their pants over it all afternoon. Old news. Where were you?
Fletch: Um, work?
Me: (measuring out coffee beans) Oh, yeah. That. Honestly, I didn't know who he was until I saw the story on TV. Did you?
Fletch: I knew he was the Governor of New York. And I knew he's been really anti-business.
Me: (thoughtfully) But apparently he's not anti-MONKEY-business. Ha! Haa!! Haaa!!!
(end up laughing so long/hard I hyperventilate and scare the dogs out of the kitchen and then must sit on the floor to recover)
Fletch: (sighs deeply and shakes his head) You might be better off with less shower and more sleep.
* * *
Dryer guy gets here at 10:41 AM, causing me to roll out of bed and answer the door in a nightgown, a pair of sweatpants, and dirty hair.
I apologize for nothing.
Re: Karina in T.O.
YES! You are speaking of No Shower Sunday!
I strictly follow this weekly holiday!
Posted by: Jessica | March 13, 2008 at 10:53 AM
All I have to say is thank goodness I am not the only one watching the trash that is Paradise Hotel. I love it so much
Posted by: rhi | March 13, 2008 at 09:33 AM
Penny! Hear, Hear! Fantastic idea! Lord knows that's what I would do if I were Mrs. Spitzer.
Posted by: Cindy from Cincinnati (Where the IKEA opened today!!!) | March 12, 2008 at 02:11 PM
Seriously? There are others besides me who sometimes (most times) on a Sunday don't shower until, like 5 pm? Please tell me there are?
Re: The monkey business? The best comment anyone has made so far was some politician ( I wish I knew who!!) that said something along the lines of 'How do these guys get their wives to stand up there beside them? The only place my wife would be standing would be over my bleeding body saying 'How do I re-load this thing?' "
Posted by: Karina in T.O | March 12, 2008 at 11:07 AM
I also work from home and have convinced myself that showering less often will actually slow down the aging process. The results aren't in yet...
Posted by: Bonnie | March 12, 2008 at 08:32 AM
Your page is adorable and you're clever, too. What a combination. Found you somehow randomly, as happens in the blogosphere. You follow some of my favs. I'll have to pick up your book on my next excursion, sounds like something I'll enjoy.
Off to peruse more of your bloggity goodness.
Posted by: rachel | March 11, 2008 at 07:48 PM
"I apologize for nothing." Classic! No wonder you're paid to be funny.
Posted by: Reluctant Housewife | March 11, 2008 at 07:45 PM
That is a hilarious quip!
Posted by: sizzle | March 11, 2008 at 07:29 PM
OMG that is HILARIOUS.......I seriously just laughed out loud at my desk.
Posted by: KaYkAy | March 11, 2008 at 06:25 PM
I am with you Penny! When will these women finally say enough and be done with the adulterous SOBs?!?
Posted by: Jenna | March 11, 2008 at 05:17 PM
Okay, I'm dying laughing about your monkey-business comment. Really, Fletch better appreciate your wit. I'm certain you sent him off with a smile on his face! This has really been bugging me....Mrs. Spitzer (and the others before her). When will a woman FINALLY refuse to stand by her man (suffering further humiliation before the world), and instead say, "You go have your press conference. I'll be at home changing the locks." And THEN, while the jerk is having his remorseful press conference, the reporters/paparrazi could split screen showing his wife tossing his stuff onto the front lawn.
Posted by: Penny | March 11, 2008 at 03:58 PM
Carey, thanks for the info, I will check out White Chicago right now, which is perfect because I am in Chicago :)
Posted by: Sara | March 11, 2008 at 03:55 PM
creepy! i said the SAME THING to my boyfriend yesterday. he texted me about the spitzer thing and i replied "old news. ha!" And he said "since when?" And I said "since 2:00." This was at 11:00 :)
Posted by: summer | March 11, 2008 at 03:47 PM
11:30? HA! amateur. try like two. :D
Posted by: kylie | March 11, 2008 at 03:29 PM
As someone who works on an ambulance, I promise if we have to cut your undies off we don't comment on them...OK, I lie...we laugh later. ;O)
Posted by: Tara | March 11, 2008 at 03:08 PM
Ok, Wikipedia took it down. I hope someone beside me got to see it.
It said something like
"Eliot Spitzer: An Adulterous asshole who will soon be kicked out of office."
And that was it. Now it has his bio etc. up. Not nearly as funny.
Posted by: Jennifer | March 11, 2008 at 02:07 PM
ya know- my job changed as well- and this morning i drove my daughter to school in my pjs with no bra on- all morning i prayed that i didn't get in a car accident- my undies would have shamed me to death. thank God I made it home in one piece, accident free and in time for a quickie nap before tennis. :)
Posted by: Mrs. K | March 11, 2008 at 01:58 PM
Look at what Wikipedia has up for Eliot Spitzer.
I am cracking up in Boston. gotta love Wiki.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eliot_Spitzer
Posted by: Jennifer | March 11, 2008 at 01:52 PM
No apologies when you're paying for the visit. Whatever...it's not like you hadn't brush your teeth, right?
Right?
Posted by: Kimberly | March 11, 2008 at 01:47 PM
Sara -- check out WhiteChicago, they do designer wedding consignment. I think you can send in stuff from anywhere too!
Posted by: Carey | March 11, 2008 at 01:21 PM
What I would give to sleep until 8 a.m. every day...::sigh::
I hate to do this, but knowing the highly fashionable company jennsylvania keeps, I thought you all could help! Does anyone know a bride-to-be looking to purchase a Monique Lhuillier wedding dress? I really want to sell mine, since really, it's preserved in a box, WTF am I going to with it now? My husband and I are up to our eyeballs in wedding debt and need all the help we can. Thanks mucho and Jen please forgive me for the plug.
XO's to all!
sarameccia@sbcglobal.net
Posted by: Sara | March 11, 2008 at 01:14 PM
Showering is totally overrated. Washing hair even moreso. I'm jealous! However, I would be up by 10 to at least see The Price is Right.
Posted by: Renee in Chicago | March 11, 2008 at 12:47 PM
Oh dear. D-dearie-dear. We have the same disease. I work from home and am lucky to get a shower once every 36 hours. You are my evil twin.
Posted by: DGs World By Big D | March 11, 2008 at 12:38 PM
But! at least you got some sleep! and a good laugh.
Posted by: Aimee | March 11, 2008 at 11:52 AM