Six Days, Six Words

Jesus Christ, am I weary. 

I've been ridiculously, obscenely busy for the past six days.  That's not necessarily a bad thing because I thrive under stress and I'm much better off fully occupied than having big chunks of time on my hands.  However, this website (and really, most of my career) is tangible proof that a bored Jen = a Jen who spies and picks fights and documents the results... so there's that. 

In case you're curious, in the last six days I've:

Gone to a radio station and recorded an essay slated to run on a national program. (Side note:  Am likely the only person to ever leave an NPR affiliate, get in her car, and flip on Rush Limbaugh without even an hint of irony.)

Written an article for a major magazine.

Been interviewed by a paper of record. (Not THE paper of record, but close enough for horseshoes or hand grenades.)

Answered questions for an upcoming television appearance.

Lest you think I'm too impressed with myself, please note that none of the above are sure things.  I can't confirm any of this stuff will run until I see it/hear it on the radio, internet, or newsstand. 

In the last six days, I've also:

Struggled to make the basement smell less like pee. (FAIL.)

Done ridiculous stuff to my body every day at the gym for at least two hours a shot.  (Did you know this old thing could run a mile for the very first time in its 40 years of existence?  TWICE?  I certainly didn't.)  (Nor did my cardiovascular system because hit 200 BPM.)  (What's nice is my trainer ALSO almost had a heart attack when she saw my pulse rate.)

Learned why you don't consume diet tea ordered off the internet.  (UPDATE:  Point of clarification - the TnTea described last week is still awesome.  The troublesome party is the Three Ballerinas Dieter's Tea I recently got.  Trust me, DO NOT WANT.) 

Watched the series finale of Rock of Love with WAY too many invested emotions.

Called the police on my new neighbor.  (What was I supposed to do when I saw a stranger climbing under my car with a Zippo?)  (Apparently he lost the key to his new house somewhere on the curb and was trying to find it with only the wan incandescence of a lighter.  For four hours.  So far I am unimpressed with his problem-solving skills.)

Fortunately, this is the year Fletch and I finally got our heads out of our asses and had our taxes done by a CPA so that was one less worry.  (Another side note:  I just got back from the post office and watched a man do his entire tax return from the counter over by the packing boxes.  And not the EZ form either - I'm talking the one with all the schedules and complex equations.)

Point?  Our CPA is so, so nice and when he came over Sunday, we found out it was his birthday and he laughed about never, ever getting to celebrate it on the actual day.  I felt bad not having any cake on hand (you might be surprised at how often I DO have birthday cake in the house) and I wanted to have something nice for him when he stopped by with our forms last night.  I came up with a plan and started to run out the door but realized I need to let Fletch know when I'd be back.  This is what I wrote:

Anyway, that got me thinking about this thing I've seen and heard of in a couple of places lately.  Long ago, Ernest Hemingway bet someone he could write a life's story in six words.  A fellow bar patron took that wager and ended up owing Papa a ten spot for writing:  "For sale, baby shoes, never worn." 

So this six-word cupcake note?  Sums up my life pretty damn well.  But then, right before I left for the post office today, I came up with an even better six-word-story when I realized the fruit flies in the hallway were coming from the banana I'd forgotten in my handbag:

My new six words?  "Have officially turned into my mother."

And now while I catch my breath from a very long week, tell me your story in six words.

UPDATE:  There's a whole book of six word memoirs by famous people!  Sweet!

Comments

[richcat]

Oh, let's eat out again tonight!

[David]

Turned 29 today, aging no more!

[Jennifer]

Having the time of my life.

[Ali]

What really cracks me up is that the notebook stating said cupcake emergency is propped up beside two Dilbert books. Made me laugh . . . then I cried . . an old banana in a Coach purse . . . . blasphemy? Close, but in a Louis V? Definitely.

I shop, therefore I am . . . .happy.

[Becca]

Need a LONG vacation right NOW!

[Jen]

So over work; when's happy hour?

[pineapple]

heh.

that's all fabulous, but i was so distracted by the PAUL FRANK! under the rotting banana! heh.

what happened with the diet tea via interwebs?!

[Kathy]

***looking around office***

"And they wonder why I drink???"

-please realize I'm not a lush. This is after I explained to a 38 y/o man that Japan is indeed part of Asia.

[Lib M.]

I got up today for this?

***NOTE: This does not in any way relate to reading your blog, Jen.***

[Therese]

Life sucky--drinking time starts now!

[kristin Kaminski]

for sale, skinny jeans, never worn

[Snelly]

Feeling stabby, often crabby, ass flabby.

[southernfriedgirl]

Often tired, always bitching, amazingly happy.

[mishi1911]

I'll get up again and again

[bibliophile26]

I'm starting my diet on Monday.

[REINA]

IN THE DOGHOUSE WITHOUT A PADDLE

[Barb]

Hi Jen

Love your books and website! Can't wait to see you next month at your book signing in Chicago.

I have an ideal for your pee smell problem. I had an elderly cat who would pee anywhere, if she needed to go. I would purchase the solutions sold at pet stores, but nothing worked. I was told by my vet that the ONLY thing that works to get out the smell out so the animal (or humans) could not smell it so they would not continue to "mark" the spot. The solution is to use equal parts water & vinegar to clean up the area where they pee. It really worked for me...give it a try.

[Teri]

Life's passing too quickly, need vacation.

That about sums it up for me! :(

[Beckie]

Unique for NOT having a tattoo.

[lisa]

Laundry, dishes, garbage, carpool, cooking, repeat.

[Dangerous K]

Reading blogs at work - enough said.

[Kari]

Five university degrees later, life begins

[Laurie]

May I please expense a minibar

[tutugirl1345]

Can't- I have rehearsal or homework.

As a devoted NPR listener, I will now be glued to the radio, hoping to hear your name. Was it a "This I Believe" essay you recorded?

[Ellen]

Intoxicating spring!...yet stuck at work.