Six Days, Six Words

Jesus Christ, am I weary. 

I've been ridiculously, obscenely busy for the past six days.  That's not necessarily a bad thing because I thrive under stress and I'm much better off fully occupied than having big chunks of time on my hands.  However, this website (and really, most of my career) is tangible proof that a bored Jen = a Jen who spies and picks fights and documents the results... so there's that. 

In case you're curious, in the last six days I've:

Gone to a radio station and recorded an essay slated to run on a national program. (Side note:  Am likely the only person to ever leave an NPR affiliate, get in her car, and flip on Rush Limbaugh without even an hint of irony.)

Written an article for a major magazine.

Been interviewed by a paper of record. (Not THE paper of record, but close enough for horseshoes or hand grenades.)

Answered questions for an upcoming television appearance.

Lest you think I'm too impressed with myself, please note that none of the above are sure things.  I can't confirm any of this stuff will run until I see it/hear it on the radio, internet, or newsstand. 

In the last six days, I've also:

Struggled to make the basement smell less like pee. (FAIL.)

Done ridiculous stuff to my body every day at the gym for at least two hours a shot.  (Did you know this old thing could run a mile for the very first time in its 40 years of existence?  TWICE?  I certainly didn't.)  (Nor did my cardiovascular system because hit 200 BPM.)  (What's nice is my trainer ALSO almost had a heart attack when she saw my pulse rate.)

Learned why you don't consume diet tea ordered off the internet.  (UPDATE:  Point of clarification - the TnTea described last week is still awesome.  The troublesome party is the Three Ballerinas Dieter's Tea I recently got.  Trust me, DO NOT WANT.) 

Watched the series finale of Rock of Love with WAY too many invested emotions.

Called the police on my new neighbor.  (What was I supposed to do when I saw a stranger climbing under my car with a Zippo?)  (Apparently he lost the key to his new house somewhere on the curb and was trying to find it with only the wan incandescence of a lighter.  For four hours.  So far I am unimpressed with his problem-solving skills.)

Fortunately, this is the year Fletch and I finally got our heads out of our asses and had our taxes done by a CPA so that was one less worry.  (Another side note:  I just got back from the post office and watched a man do his entire tax return from the counter over by the packing boxes.  And not the EZ form either - I'm talking the one with all the schedules and complex equations.)

Point?  Our CPA is so, so nice and when he came over Sunday, we found out it was his birthday and he laughed about never, ever getting to celebrate it on the actual day.  I felt bad not having any cake on hand (you might be surprised at how often I DO have birthday cake in the house) and I wanted to have something nice for him when he stopped by with our forms last night.  I came up with a plan and started to run out the door but realized I need to let Fletch know when I'd be back.  This is what I wrote:

Anyway, that got me thinking about this thing I've seen and heard of in a couple of places lately.  Long ago, Ernest Hemingway bet someone he could write a life's story in six words.  A fellow bar patron took that wager and ended up owing Papa a ten spot for writing:  "For sale, baby shoes, never worn." 

So this six-word cupcake note?  Sums up my life pretty damn well.  But then, right before I left for the post office today, I came up with an even better six-word-story when I realized the fruit flies in the hallway were coming from the banana I'd forgotten in my handbag:

My new six words?  "Have officially turned into my mother."

And now while I catch my breath from a very long week, tell me your story in six words.

UPDATE:  There's a whole book of six word memoirs by famous people!  Sweet!

Comments

[Jody]

I need another glass of wine!

[Christi]

Wipe your own booty, Mommy tired.

[Paul]

I kinda borrowed a bit from a Carrie Underwood song, but mine is:

"Pages turned, bridges burned, lessons learned."

[Katee]

After careful consideration, I came up with 2:

Procrastination can not be put off.

and

I want shoes. Gimme gimme gimme. :)

[BeadGirl]

You know those quizzes that tell you which side of your brain is the dominant side? Well, I'm one of the 1% of people who are pretty much equally right and left-brained. I totally believe this is the reason my life can be summed up by a list of opposites. I am:

Intelligent/unmotivated, artistic/analytical, ambidextrous/uncoordinated

And I have the bruises to prove the uncoordinated bit after biffing it going down the stairs to the ladies' room at work yesterday. Again. My ginormous boobs (thanks Mom!) blocked my view and I missed a step. My boss said she's already pre-filled a bunch of accident reports for me so I can just sign and date one each time I fall from now on.

[Zakiya]

I am officially a professional student.

[Kristin L]

Be grateful; could always be worse!

[Kasey]

Just did laundry, want more clothes.

or..

Don't need a man, want one.

(I couldn't decide!!)

[TheBabblingHousewife]

(*&!@ @(*!*& *&!^@%# !#*& #@!$ &%@$!

[Jackie]

Old fart but young at heart!

[Lisa M]

Accident craving love from wrong people.

[Tammy]

Mommy, I pooped in my pants.

[Beauty411]

Being a road warrior sucks. Seriously.

[Emburke]

Deadline missed, Boss is pissed, TEQUILA!

[giselle]

I wish I were a Princess..

[Meredith]

Hi Jen,
Just wanted to note that I thought you had posted a picture of my purse. I too have recently left a banana in the exact same Coach bag. I also carry a pink razor in the same pocket and usually always have a purple pen handy.

[ana]

wake,work,laugh,love,sleep,repeat

[Lydia]

Animal lover, friend enabler, career undecided.

[kristin]

Lipgloss, heels, moxie and a smile.

[Ginny]

This isn't mine but I'm adding it after someone told me today it would be hers. I think it's hysterical:

Cheating rat bastard got nothing. HA!!!

For myself, I can add (to the ones I've already entered above ... just can't seem to stop!):

Thought marriage equals nirvana. SOOOOO wrong!

[Darci]

Okay, I couldn't decide either, and although I could steal both "Never too busy to judge others" and "I've always had a broken heart" from above (excellent!) I will do my own...

(A good friend gave me this one, the first letters spell out my first name) --
Dream Always, Reality Comes Inevitibly.

or

Really TRYING to enjoy the journey...

or

Small town city girl, hopeless romantic.

[Undomestic Diva]

If you don't mind, I am going to link to your site on my blog tomorrow with this same Hemingway idea, giving you credit of course. [Please let me know if you don't want me to do so.]

I was honestly shaken by some of the responses in your comments. Amazing.

[x]

always learning the hard way. always.

[Heather Sheldon]

Bye bye New York, hello Colorado

[helen]

5 boys, 1 girl. am tired.

[Jen]

Where did all the money go?

[Jade]

Beer Promoter, Paid to black out.

[Kristin]

I've seen normal; it ain't pretty

[Kristin]

6 strong hands on the steeringwheel

(Say what you will - I will forever love the Dixie Chicks)

[Annamarie]

Horrified another stranger; my day's complete.

[Debby]

Lately my life story goes something like thing:
"Oh well! Can't win you know!"

PS. I don't think I've summed up ANYTHING in 6 words before, let alone my life story...

[Louann]

Jen, you rock! I just discovered your books not too long ago and I'm sure my cats were wondering why the crazy lady was laughing so hard she had tears running down her face. Hint: it was the "exploding" paper gown in your doc's office. I've heard laughter is the best medicine, can you also lose weight that way? :-D

[Melanie]

I actually said this at this morning's staff meeting. It pretty much describes my life at work and why I haven't been able to diet successfully since I've started here.

"Oh man, I need a cupcake!"

It is also my birthday today =)... there aren't usually cupcakes in the office, but always some type of unhealthy food.

[Emily]

standing in'th sun, arms spread wide

I tried to make 7 words into 6, see. I am so smart. S-M-R-T

[Flannery]

Prisoner of inertia, escape not possible

OR

in honor of our Democratic nominees

gun toting, Bible reading hate monger

[Joanne]

Ugh not again, I've been smurfed!

[Tom]

love my family, work for them

[Heather]

Just had tummy-tuck and boob job.

P.S. Sooooo sore!

[Jess]

Counting the days 'til school's out.

(From a 4th grade teacher/aspiring writer.) :) Only 32 31 more to go!

[Candy]

Check bounced, this time husband's fault.

[iamlandlocked]

Not working up to potential. Still.

BTW animal urine is essentially a mercaptan, so the antidote is usually something with acetic acid (hence the suggestions involving vinegar, etc.). You might try looking for solutions that say they can counter mercaptan odors. When I worked search and rescue with my Labrador, we always carried vinegar and water douche to decon skunk sprays, which are also mercaptan based. Try buying a case of Summer's Eve and explaining to your pharmacist that you don't have a "freshness problem!"

[Rachael]

Or...

What the HELL was I thinking?!?!

[Rachael]

Work sucks, want to go home.

[jenmakesmehorselaugh]

sucks to have snow in april

[Jen T]

Never too busy to judge others

[Susan]

So tired. Is it summer yet?

[Alison]

Chocolate - a cure for everything imaginable!

[Emily]

Stop complaining. It could be worse.

[michele]

Pregnant again...what was I thinking??

[Katie]

Definitely had to Google margarita cupcakes.