Six Days, Six Words

Jesus Christ, am I weary. 

I've been ridiculously, obscenely busy for the past six days.  That's not necessarily a bad thing because I thrive under stress and I'm much better off fully occupied than having big chunks of time on my hands.  However, this website (and really, most of my career) is tangible proof that a bored Jen = a Jen who spies and picks fights and documents the results... so there's that. 

In case you're curious, in the last six days I've:

Gone to a radio station and recorded an essay slated to run on a national program. (Side note:  Am likely the only person to ever leave an NPR affiliate, get in her car, and flip on Rush Limbaugh without even an hint of irony.)

Written an article for a major magazine.

Been interviewed by a paper of record. (Not THE paper of record, but close enough for horseshoes or hand grenades.)

Answered questions for an upcoming television appearance.

Lest you think I'm too impressed with myself, please note that none of the above are sure things.  I can't confirm any of this stuff will run until I see it/hear it on the radio, internet, or newsstand. 

In the last six days, I've also:

Struggled to make the basement smell less like pee. (FAIL.)

Done ridiculous stuff to my body every day at the gym for at least two hours a shot.  (Did you know this old thing could run a mile for the very first time in its 40 years of existence?  TWICE?  I certainly didn't.)  (Nor did my cardiovascular system because hit 200 BPM.)  (What's nice is my trainer ALSO almost had a heart attack when she saw my pulse rate.)

Learned why you don't consume diet tea ordered off the internet.  (UPDATE:  Point of clarification - the TnTea described last week is still awesome.  The troublesome party is the Three Ballerinas Dieter's Tea I recently got.  Trust me, DO NOT WANT.) 

Watched the series finale of Rock of Love with WAY too many invested emotions.

Called the police on my new neighbor.  (What was I supposed to do when I saw a stranger climbing under my car with a Zippo?)  (Apparently he lost the key to his new house somewhere on the curb and was trying to find it with only the wan incandescence of a lighter.  For four hours.  So far I am unimpressed with his problem-solving skills.)

Fortunately, this is the year Fletch and I finally got our heads out of our asses and had our taxes done by a CPA so that was one less worry.  (Another side note:  I just got back from the post office and watched a man do his entire tax return from the counter over by the packing boxes.  And not the EZ form either - I'm talking the one with all the schedules and complex equations.)

Point?  Our CPA is so, so nice and when he came over Sunday, we found out it was his birthday and he laughed about never, ever getting to celebrate it on the actual day.  I felt bad not having any cake on hand (you might be surprised at how often I DO have birthday cake in the house) and I wanted to have something nice for him when he stopped by with our forms last night.  I came up with a plan and started to run out the door but realized I need to let Fletch know when I'd be back.  This is what I wrote:

Anyway, that got me thinking about this thing I've seen and heard of in a couple of places lately.  Long ago, Ernest Hemingway bet someone he could write a life's story in six words.  A fellow bar patron took that wager and ended up owing Papa a ten spot for writing:  "For sale, baby shoes, never worn." 

So this six-word cupcake note?  Sums up my life pretty damn well.  But then, right before I left for the post office today, I came up with an even better six-word-story when I realized the fruit flies in the hallway were coming from the banana I'd forgotten in my handbag:

My new six words?  "Have officially turned into my mother."

And now while I catch my breath from a very long week, tell me your story in six words.

UPDATE:  There's a whole book of six word memoirs by famous people!  Sweet!

Comments

[JennC]

Not what I signed up for.

[ConnaKomo]

My semi-charmed life? It's all good.

[lesli]

Love that you have Julius the monkey in the same bag as an old banana!

[Julianne]

Prevention of squishy bananas

www.bananabunker.com

[Christine]

Please keep us posted on WHEN those articles and interviews will be run.
Definitely want to catch them.

[Christine]

Bitter is the beauty of me.

Wine it truly does help.

I see dumb people.

I can't make up my mind. LOL

[Julie]

Busy turning my daughter into me!

[Mandy D.]

Despite Lean Cuisines, still not lean.

[Rennie]

Sense of humor...will laugh

[Katie D.]

Life is short, eat dessert first.

OR

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

[Karen]

I'm going to have to think about that one, 6 words to sum up my life....
Can't wait until your new book comes out. Will be at B&N on May 6th!
Why aren't you coming to L.A. on your book tour? There are fat people here too, you know.
Keep up the good work!!

[Fannie]

Better late than never:

Over Served Again; Not My Fault

[Katherine]

Bartender, can I get another Cosmopolitan?

[Casey]

I'm losing weight, life is great!

[Jane]

Okay I have two...
1. It has to be 5o'clock somewhere.
2. Taking 2 steps forward...one back.

[JJ]

On April 3rd a tornado drove through central Arkansas devastating communities and landscapes. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow although the clean up is going well there is still rumble everywhere.

Last Friday, the National Guard and the police stationed at the front entrance disappeared, however my clearance tag still hangs from my rearview mirror. Every morning I drive through the park zig zagging between bull dozers, dump trucks and piles of debris. I still shake my head each time in disbelief. The memory of walking out that night is still vivid. The massive fire that shot up to the sky and continued to burn and explode for hours. The houses that were destroyed, twisted, upside down and in trees with people pouring out screaming. It was literally like a war zone, something you only see on TV.

Being evacuated onto the main street in the rain, we stood, mothers holding their babies, children attaching themselves to the legs of their parents with tears running down their faces and the elderly being helped up the hill. People praying that there loved ones survived and scanning the flocks of people in hopes they will see their familiar faces. A yell comes from the crowd “Another super cell is headed this way!! Find cover NOW!!” We were forced to walk down Hwy 5 to Fred’s which was locked!! Later that weekend we were told by a Fred’s employee that they were going to let us in, however the district manager had called and refused to give us refuge. I WILL NEVER STEP FOOT INTO THAT STORE AGAIN AND HOPE WHOEVER READS THIS WILL DO THE SAME…

The main path was only about 50 feet from my home. Two trees slammed into my neighbors, literally spitting distance from where my family, including 2 precious babies, hunkered down. If the direction had changed just inches I shiver to think of the outcome. It seemed like only minutes before the area was lit up with red and blue lights. First responders were on their toes that night. Chainsaws echoed in the night as they desperately tried to clear a path for the fire trucks and ambulances. Swarms of men and volunteers tracked through the area for anyone in need of help. That continued throughout the night and week and it still continues today. I’ve talked to a few that have lost everything and I’m amazed by there spirits and wonder could I ever be that strong. I hope I never have to find out. A 60 year-old women, who had lost everything in the fire calmly stated that there was a purpose for everything and even though she didn’t expect to start over at her age she will.

Ok I’m sorry I totally got off track… the purpose is in regards to the 6 words…Maybe it was because I had just read the portion of your first book about 9/11 last night (NO COMPARISON AT ALL) but this morning I didn’t shake my head. I thought about our service men over seas and people in other countries that see this type of thing everyday. The difference: Mother Nature vs. MAN!!! I’m thankful I have a roof over my head, a job (currently – being laid off at end of month), freedom and rights and live in a country that pulls together during a time of need. It made me rethink my six words:

THANK GOD I LIVE IN AMERICA!

THANK THE LORD NO ONE DIED!

And one selfish one.
THANK HEAVENS IT WASN'T OUR TIME!

Sorry for the long posting.. I got carried away in the moment.

[Shannon]

I'll perk up in a minute.

my poor husband.

:(

[Patti_Mayo]

four kids, three pets, plus job

That's my life

Glad to see you are back. I was starting to go into Jen withdrawls and was getting really worried about you.

[Jessica]

Never seem to do anything right.

[Dawn]

Cogito Eggo Sum:

I think, therefore I'm a waffle. :)

[Pat]

Divorce is expensive. Freedom is priceless.

[tab]

I could do it, but why?

My six words!

[cj waggs]

Dallas Stars lost, shoulda gotten drunk.

[jodi]

I'm only funny in my head...

or

unhappily looking for happiness, need directions.

[AmyLu]

Wow! Life gets better every year.

[summer]

law student, hates school, plays scrabulous

[Leslie]

I couldn't make this shit up..

[Rachel]

Box of wine - always a good time

Yes, box wine is delicious and cheap. I recommend Black Box Pinot Grigio. Happiness in a box!

[Jeannie B.]

Prison-themed bar was good idea

[Katie]

Fell in love; he didn't. Typical.

[Shelli]

Completely invisible, mom of three boys.

[Laura]

I've always had a broken heart.

[AtlantaDebbie]

Automated robot pasting comments on blogs.

[AtlantaDebbie]

I shaved my legs for this?

(rip off of country music song, but I love the sentiment!)

[Sarah]

I suppose it could be worse.

[Liz]

Work equals waste of make up

[Princess Callie]

A series of question marks, period.

[Heather H.]

I Am Not A Chicken Nugget.

....

Oh wait, that just makes me seem like a vegetarian.

..

Cat Stolen By College Kid Neighbors.

or

Dad Writes Screenplays About Lesbians & Hobos.

Yeah.. that pretty much sums up my life. Sadly.

[Heather H.]

Wow.. ironic that someone named Heather made the last comment. Am not the same person btw.

You have the strangest neighbors.

I just started reading your second book. My friend gave me the 1st and 2nd for my birthday and I have to say, I am very amused by your life. I doubt my teachers are though because I havent really been paying attention to them lately. Its all your fault! Kidding.

Honestly, a Zippo lighter to find keys? Has he not heard of a flashlight? Somebody has been stuck in their cave for a couple decades too long.

[Heather]

motherhood, murder, make do, make happen!

(0and it's all m's.......I think I am craving peanut m&m's)

[Sabrina]

congradulations on finding something to wear.

[Gina]

ooops that was seven, but i meant to leave out "i'm"... sorry, it's late and i'm still working... *sigh*

[Gina]

stop burying me - i'm not dead yet...

[Katie]

Also have banana sitting in purse...thanks for the reminder to toss before fruit flies infest my house.

And...Rock of Love? I too was overly invested. Where you pleased with the results? And are you looking forward to the bitch-fest cat-fight that appears to be the reunion show?

[MsMickey]

FYI found two fritos and a quarter which had been in my bra all day. who knew?

[MsMickey]

fat girl, not happy, always hungry

[MegsNP]

One year, seven jobs, Fuckin' A!

[Kelly Duncan]

Bananas in purse? I once found old crabcakes in my car. In August. In the south. Three days too late. Cocktails may or may not have been involved.

My six:
Having a pretty good time, regardless.

[Merely]

On life. On wine. On everything!

[Merely]

What the hell?! Count me in!!!