Tom Grunnick: "What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?"
Aaron Altman: "Keep it to yourself."
"Or maybe put it on your blog."
(Also, our faces were not blurry in person.)
(And one of is batshit, bugfuck, ham-sandwich crazy and it isn't me.)
(And yes, I mean that in the best possible sense, and no, Carrie Bradshaw cannot even attempt to hold a candle to the giant, magnetic personality of her alter ego Candace Bushnell. If you don't have Sirius satellite service, you should get it because she is ridiculously entertaining.)
(And did I mention she has a new book coming out this fall? Woo!)
* * *
Anyway, Week One is over and it was great! (I don't need no stinking sleep!) Big, big thanks to all of you who came out! I have many stories and I would tell them now except I'm about to pass out at the computer so they'll have to wait a bit. (Am sorry. Am EXHAUSTED.)
Don't forget, this week is all about DC, Atlanta, Dallas, Austin, and Cincinnati! Specifics of when and where are in the Appearances link.
Now, I'm not promising anything - and it's not up to me - but there's been chatter about extending the tour. Keeping in mind Minneapolis and Boston are first on my personal priority list, where else should they send me? I mean, other than straight to hell?
Or straight to bed.
Which is where I'm going now.
Jen - I just wanted to let you know that I went to B&N at Webster place last night after seeing Forgetting Sarah Marshall to buy your book and they said I HAD JUST MISSED YOU!!! GRR. I did get one of the autographed copies but I wish you would have still been there!
Posted by: sarah | May 18, 2008 at 08:54 AM
PLEASE come to South Florida! Anywhere down here... Miami, Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach... I'm not particular :) Oh, and I LOVED the book!!! I just started weight watchers and joined a gym, so you're definitely helping in the motivation department!
Posted by: Cher | May 18, 2008 at 12:27 AM
So, I'm going to vote for Raleigh, even though I saw you in Atlanta. Is that cheating? Probably, but it'd be fun to see more of you!
Posted by: tutugirl1345 | May 17, 2008 at 09:03 PM
you last posted on the 11th....and now it is the 17th,.....where the hell are you? i had to have 2 people search for your latest book in Fresno, Ca this past monday....yes i bought it 6 days after the release date.....oopppsss
Posted by: Qristyn | May 17, 2008 at 08:32 PM
Detroit/Ann Arbor/anywhere Southeastern Michigan or Northwestern Ohio
Posted by: Marie | May 17, 2008 at 09:50 AM
I would love to see you in Boston!
Posted by: Elise | May 17, 2008 at 08:20 AM
Am destroyed that I missed you in Atlanta. I was actually reading your book the day you were here :) Just finished and went online to see about tour dates, and alas, I missed you by 4 days. Such is life :(
Posted by: Brandy | May 17, 2008 at 08:03 AM
P.S. Olivia was dressed in her pink and green Polo dress just for the occasion! Thought you would enjoy that! Was too nervous and hivey to point it out!
Posted by: Lauren | May 17, 2008 at 06:22 AM
Speaking of stammering and sweating, I drove 2 hours to Cincinnati last night for the signing and by the time it was my turn to meet you and have my book signed, I was so nervous that I had hives all over my neck and chest. I have no idea what I said to you! My husband and 6 month old were with me and he teased me all the way home. I guess you could say I am a HUGE fan! Did you notice that Olivia, my baby, Had torn the book? Sorry about that!
Posted by: Lauren | May 17, 2008 at 06:17 AM
San Diego?
Posted by: Tripa | May 17, 2008 at 02:18 AM
Jen:
It was so AWESOME to finally meet you! Everyone should come out and get to meet the fabulous Jen. Thank you for coming to Austin and signing all our books
Everyone:
If you get the chance to see The Fab-u-lous JL in person: DO IT. She was so a wonderful "host" and spent minutes talking to each person as we went through the book signing line. Plus was gracious enough to pose for endless photos with the fans. It was my first book signing and if every author is as gracious as Jen Lancaster, I will be attending more of them.
Posted by: Lisa Ann | May 16, 2008 at 04:23 PM
I've said it before, I'll say it again, you want to come to Columbus Ohio!
Posted by: Nicole | May 16, 2008 at 02:39 PM
TORONTO!!! ONTARIO!!!!! CANADA!!!!!
Posted by: Shari | May 16, 2008 at 02:14 PM
Please come to Houston! And you do look beautiful in that picture. And so happy - which makes me happy for some strange reason! I love the color of your blush!
Posted by: Jen | May 16, 2008 at 01:39 PM
Please come to Houston! And you do look beautiful in that picture. And so happy - which makes me happy for some strange reason! I love the color of your blush!
Posted by: Jen | May 16, 2008 at 01:38 PM
Phoenix, mostly because I can't afford the time or price of a ticket to fly to any of the other shows. Which I seriously would do if given the chance!!
Posted by: Gina | May 16, 2008 at 09:46 AM
The book was amazing! How do you make it seem so effortless? You are one of the funniest people I have ever read. You and Sedaris. Your discussion on Jenny Craig was so right on (including the moley girl (Moley Russel's Uncle Wart)). It got to the point for me that I would only eat the damn sunshine sandwich and turkey burger all 7 days of the week. I did love that turkey burger, but everything else was pretty much crap!! You were right about the tuna - just awful, cat food is likely better.
I think I may have laughed the hardest, though, during the thrift store chapter (or the journey thereto).
You look fab in the picture - I hope the book will motivate me to get my ass in the gym! My friend and I are heading to SF next week - can't wait!
Posted by: Lisa | May 16, 2008 at 12:12 AM
You don't have any Canadian tour dates... and you TOTALLY need to come to Toronto, preferably in the summer when the weather is oh so lovely... I will gladly (!) take you around wine country-- that's right, we have our very own Napa/Sonoma, minus pretension :D
pleasepleaseplease come to Toronto? :D
Posted by: Soren | May 15, 2008 at 09:50 PM
We have outrageously good pie here!
http://www.avilavalleybarn.com/bakery.html
Come visit SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA!
P.S.
POINTS allows for pie once in a while, right?
Posted by: Lulu | May 15, 2008 at 07:47 PM
BTW, you are WAY prettier than Candace Bushnell.
Posted by: Nicole | May 15, 2008 at 06:43 PM
I just finished reading SAPF. I was a little disappointed after "Bitter" and "Bright Lights." I guess b/c I see you as a funny person and not just some fat girl. I really enjoy reading about your crazy dogs and crazy neighbors and Fletch. Probably b/c it mirrors my own life and SAPF? Not so much. I hope your next efforts stick with what you are great at and I hope you are still working out and feeling healthy. It really is better for you, but not so much fun to read about.
Posted by: Nicole | May 15, 2008 at 06:41 PM
DENVER!!
FYI- I think I laugh the hardest when Fletch has done something... bear on head + squirrel = asthma & tears :)
Posted by: Nikki | May 15, 2008 at 06:26 PM
Because it bears repeating: Denver.
Posted by: Jennifer | May 15, 2008 at 03:26 PM
I swear if you come to Little Rock or Memphis, I'll dance around and do the "Woo Pig Sooie" Razorback call. Pearls and everything! PROMISE!
Posted by: Ashley | May 15, 2008 at 02:17 PM
Jen -
It was so great to meet you last night in Dallas...you are precious in person! Thanks for giving us a reason for Girls Night Out in the middle of the week! Congratulations on the successful book release and book tour! :)
Posted by: Kristi | May 15, 2008 at 12:33 PM
My husband's SURPRISE BDay gift:
TRIP TO PORTLAND!
Itinerary:
Monday, May 19, 2008
1:32pm - Leave Phoenix.
4:00pm - Arrive Portland.
5:00pm - Pick up Rental Car.
5:15pm - Drive to downtown Portland. Fast. (Need to be sure to make early dinner reservation and under no circumstances can be late because we are on a SCHEDULE here baby)!
6:00pm - Husband's BDay dinner @ Jakes. (Just down the street from Powell's Book Store). Coincidence? I think not!
6:15pm - Rush husband through dinner and urge wait staff to hurry up with the cake and singing already.
6:30pm - Tell husband that it is a GREAT and WONDERFUL idea to keep mind active and busy as he ages. Steer him up street to POWELLS. Books. Good. Learning.
6:45pm - Send husband upstairs to picture book section in Powells.
6:46pm - GET MY ASS TO JEN'S BOOK READING!!
Happy Birthday to....ME!!!!
See you Monday in Portland Jen!!
Posted by: Kay B. | May 15, 2008 at 11:57 AM
Jen - I'm so sad that I wasn't able to make it to your appearance at Borders in the DC metro area. With the horrid rain we had that day (nearly seven inches), the basement of our house was under a couple of inches of water and several other chaotic events took place. I really wish I could have met you! Your books are so much fun to read. Best of luck with the rest of your tour. I do hope you'll make it back around to DC.
Best, Julie
Posted by: Julie K | May 15, 2008 at 11:38 AM
Oh please oh please push for Boston!!!! It's so pretty here right now, not too hot but not too cold, perfect for a cute dress and a little cardigan. They're also filming a bunch of movies so there's lots of celeb-spotting to be had.
Posted by: Alison Driscoll | May 15, 2008 at 10:23 AM
Crap! Crap! Crap! Figures the week I'm on vacation and in the mood to drive, you're all the damn way on the West Coast!! Ahhh! If you were somewhere in the North East me and a couple of the gals would have done a Jenny Road Trip! Damn it!
My only consolation is that Amazon.com just sent me an e-mail yesterday confirming shipment of Such a Pretty Fat. I am pacing anxiously by the mail slots here in the office in the hopes that I'll be able to read the book next week!
I'm going to have to work on your Canadian fan base. You'd totally dig it up here in Toronto!
Posted by: Karina in T.O | May 15, 2008 at 10:06 AM
Just saw Jen in Dallas last night. She is FAB-U-LOUS!
Posted by: Casey | May 15, 2008 at 09:55 AM
Love all your books-just got the new one! Have you heard the new Barenaked Ladies CD Snacktime? That should be the themesong for this booktour! Any song that works in microwave chocolate donuts, jelly beans, salt & vinegar chips & bbq is worth including. You are the best!
Hugs,
Kate
Posted by: Kate | May 15, 2008 at 09:18 AM
I missed you in Dallas because of prior obligations, but if you were to come to Oklahoma City (or ANYWHERE within driving distance of OKC) then I will most certainly be there. Love ALL your books!!!
Posted by: Jenna | May 15, 2008 at 08:11 AM
FORT LAUDERDALE!!!
Posted by: Rachel M | May 15, 2008 at 07:19 AM
FORT LAUDERDALE!!!
Posted by: Rachel M | May 15, 2008 at 07:18 AM
Seattle -- it is the second most literate city in the U.S. (I think we were beat by Minn. this year).
I just finished Bitter is the New Black. At first, I almost put it down because I found you offensive -- then when you got traded the pearls for a pit bull I became a fan. Hilarious. Especially since I just got through a four month bout with unemployment.
When I was near finishing your book I got a job offer for a copywriter position. Yeah -- I'm finally out of the tattered blue bathrobe.
Posted by: Amanda Halm | May 15, 2008 at 12:04 AM
Oh, you MUST MUST MUST come to Boston!! The fact that you're even thinking about it totally made my night! Absolutely loved the book. Finished it yesterday and now feel like I'm out of touch with a friend - so you have to come!
Posted by: Lisa F | May 14, 2008 at 11:31 PM
Great pic, great book...am trying to savor by not reading it sooo fast like I've done with the first 2....
And thanks again for the Postcard Posse/Asstini Shout Out!! I really totally forgot and it was a great surprise...especially in front of my friends who know I worship you...
BTW...love your new song lyrics when you were sick of your music on the ipod!
Cheers, Miss Brewer
Posted by: Amy Brewer | May 14, 2008 at 11:01 PM
CHARLOTTE!!! Come here! 3 of us are die-hard fans and quote you all the time. Even bought some bitter is the new black t-shirts off cafe press!
Posted by: carrie | May 14, 2008 at 05:49 PM
STL!!
Posted by: K8 | May 14, 2008 at 05:42 PM
I second Birmingham, AL! PLEEEASE? Alabama loves some Jen Lancaster!
Posted by: Elizabeth | May 14, 2008 at 04:22 PM
hi jen.
1) really looking forward to seeing you read in oakland. am driving from sacramento just to see you! (um, that's like a 1.5 hour drive cause we loves ya).
2) went to a border's yesterday to pick up your book, and also peruse local interest section for dog friendly travel guide to california (we just got the most splendid puppy). your book was no where to be found.
when i did a search at the info kiosk, you came up and it said "likely in store." you were not in humor or literature, or anywhere really. the book clerk "checked in back" (bah! i used to work at waldenbooks, he didn't do anything!).
yet another reason to shop on-line. i was so bummed.
so i went to get your book, and spent $75 on dog guides and fashion mags. no pretty fat for me. yet.
Posted by: coco loco | May 14, 2008 at 03:52 PM
Jen,
Thanks for coming to DC! You were awesome and the reading and book signing has been the highlight of my week!
You have to come back for your next book tour. I know you're already sick of hotels and airports but I would definitely say that you need to hit more southern cities - Memphis and Birmingham.
Spread the pearls and polos movement across America!
Posted by: Kristen | May 14, 2008 at 03:26 PM
Come to Michigan! To Michigan I say! Anywhere in the LP will work!
Posted by: Jenn | May 14, 2008 at 02:05 PM
WOW- just read the posts and saw other ORLANDO fans! I'm thinking that it's about time we got our fairshare of Jen Lancaster. No offense to the rest of you people screaming out your cities- but Orlando is DUE!
Posted by: Rebecca | May 14, 2008 at 01:49 PM
You look fab in that picture!!! Am inhaling your book as I type, love it! Congrats on your much deserved success!!
Posted by: Whitney | May 14, 2008 at 01:29 PM
Toronto - Chapters on the The Queensway.
Canada deserves one day, no?
Posted by: Bing | May 14, 2008 at 12:44 PM
MILWAUKEE!!! It's so close to Chicago.
Posted by: Ang | May 14, 2008 at 12:27 PM
Des Moines! Come to Des Moines! You have many, many fans (i.e., BUYERS) here! It's a cheap trip! Think of it as a outlying western suburb of Chicago!
Posted by: Sharon | May 14, 2008 at 10:52 AM
MY Suggestion....
(Breaking out my best Friday night 3 cocktails Karaoke voice that I promise not to sing when you get here!!)
I'm goin' to Kansas City Kansas City here I come
I'm goin' to Kansas City Kansas City here I come
They got some crazy little women and I'm a gonna get me one
Gonna stand on the corner of 12th Street and Vine (Kansas City here I come)
I'll be standin' on the corner of 12th Street and Vine (Kansas City here I come)
With my Kansas City baby and my bottle of Kansas City wine
(Kansas City here I come)
(I might take a train I might take a plane)
But if I have to walk I'm gonna get there just the same
I'm goin' to Kansas City Kansas City here I come (Kansas City here I come)
They got some crazy little women and I'm a gonna get me one
(Kansas City here I come)
[ steel ]
I'll be standin' on the corner...
I'm goin' to Kansas City...
PS:
Did you know if you take a Xanax and fall asleep while reading your book on the airplane, you 'channel' Jen into your dreams? SCORE!
Posted by: Christina in KC!! | May 14, 2008 at 10:50 AM
Please please please come to Daytona, FL!!!
LOVED the new book--I just read it in one sitting :) And I absolutely adored the Chasing Amy movie line. You kick ass!
Posted by: Jamie | May 14, 2008 at 10:37 AM