Tom Grunnick: "What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?"
Aaron Altman: "Keep it to yourself."
"Or maybe put it on your blog."
(Also, our faces were not blurry in person.)
(And one of is batshit, bugfuck, ham-sandwich crazy and it isn't me.)
(And yes, I mean that in the best possible sense, and no, Carrie Bradshaw cannot even attempt to hold a candle to the giant, magnetic personality of her alter ego Candace Bushnell. If you don't have Sirius satellite service, you should get it because she is ridiculously entertaining.)
(And did I mention she has a new book coming out this fall? Woo!)
* * *
Anyway, Week One is over and it was great! (I don't need no stinking sleep!) Big, big thanks to all of you who came out! I have many stories and I would tell them now except I'm about to pass out at the computer so they'll have to wait a bit. (Am sorry. Am EXHAUSTED.)
Don't forget, this week is all about DC, Atlanta, Dallas, Austin, and Cincinnati! Specifics of when and where are in the Appearances link.
Now, I'm not promising anything - and it's not up to me - but there's been chatter about extending the tour. Keeping in mind Minneapolis and Boston are first on my personal priority list, where else should they send me? I mean, other than straight to hell?
Or straight to bed.
Which is where I'm going now.
Florida! Preferably the Naples area but I'd go just about anywere.
Posted by: Frances | May 14, 2008 at 09:40 AM
I had to ask for it at my B&N as well....can't wait to see you tonight in Dallas! :)
Posted by: Jackie | May 14, 2008 at 09:25 AM
Boston, Boston, Boston! And remember if you come during the summer, the mecca for everything Preppy awaits you on Nantucket... or even parts of the Cape — you can't miss out!!
Posted by: Jennifer | May 14, 2008 at 09:06 AM
DETROIT! Or the suburbs, if you must. I'd drive to see you!
Posted by: LMD | May 14, 2008 at 06:50 AM
Seriously come to Phoenix. It's the off season so you will be able to partake in mad deals at the resorts--and I swear it truly is a dry heat (I prefer it over my old humid Chicago summers.)
Plus! I know an entire book club of women who LOVE you and would be seated in the front row :)
Posted by: Erin | May 14, 2008 at 01:24 AM
Los Angeles and/or Long Beach...puleeeeze! We cannot be ignored. Well, we can but we prefer not to be. I already have a case of the Champagne of Beers chillin' in the fridge and Ice Ice Baby chillin' on the iPod. Whatever it takes.
The fans in my office alone could fill out the Borders. (I'm talking about the number of us, not the SIZE of us but then again...)
LA has a big airport and we're pretty easy to find. Keep us in mind.
Posted by: karen | May 14, 2008 at 12:40 AM
Thanks for coming to Atlanta! I am so sorry (hands over face), that I barked like a drunken chihuahhua at my husband while I thought I was still in line to say hi to you. My two brains cells are relatively reliable for projecting an image of a borderline-functioning persona, until eyes are watching. Then things go awry quickly, sorry.
I hope that your extended tour sends you to Tahiti or Bimini - anyplace w/umbrella drinks and cabanas. I hope you have a great time on the rest of the tour, and enjoy the applause - you have SO earned it!
Posted by: Kelly Duncan | May 13, 2008 at 11:30 PM
Ok, so today I finished 'Such a Pretty Fat'. I didn't want it to end! I was actually sad when I finished it, because I realized there would be anymore (for a while). Unless you post some funny anecdotes soon (no pressure; and by no pressure I mean PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!).
And, any chance of a Canadian tour stop in the future? Like, in Toronto perhaps? :)
Posted by: Tamara | May 13, 2008 at 10:23 PM
I got your new book for my birthday last week. I can't wait to read it! (Must wait until finals are over...)
Posted by: christina ina | May 13, 2008 at 09:56 PM
Boston?!?! You wouldn't tease a girl, would you?
This coming from the girl who got the very last copy of SaPF from the Downtown Crossing Borders! Serious.
Posted by: Erin | May 13, 2008 at 09:05 PM
You need to come to PHOENIX!!!!!!
Posted by: Cortney | May 13, 2008 at 08:07 PM
Clearwater, Florida!!! I work at Borders and rave about your books all the time!
Posted by: Sheenah | May 13, 2008 at 07:27 PM
St. Louis sucks! (Lived there for 35 years before I wised up and moved). Come to Boston instead!!!!
Posted by: Stephanie | May 13, 2008 at 07:14 PM
San Diego, CA!!! :)
Posted by: Samantha | May 13, 2008 at 06:43 PM
Oh My God, Jen! I got to meet Augusten Burroughs today and I can't believe I get to meet you next week! Life cannot get any better than this!
Posted by: Jessica | May 13, 2008 at 06:41 PM
Toronto, Canada!!!! Or Buffalo. I'm easy.
Posted by: Geege | May 13, 2008 at 06:24 PM
Is it just me, or does Candace Bushnell look like a guy in drag??
Posted by: snarkygirl | May 13, 2008 at 06:23 PM
I used to like Candace Bushnell a whole hell of a lot more before she was one of the judges on some reality show about being the next "Great Style Maker" or some such crap...Bobby Flay and some queeny queer guy were the other judges, and Bobby was the only one of the three who was not just a raving bitch to the contestants. He came off as very gracious and classy, while I lost a LOT of respect for Candace after seeing how she treated people on the show.
Posted by: Nicole | May 13, 2008 at 06:20 PM
Columbus!!! My dumb girlfriends bagged out on me for girls weekend in Cincinnati - something about the Bar Exam and studying??? What?? Seriously???
Posted by: Shana | May 13, 2008 at 05:36 PM
BOSTON! BOSTON! BOSTON!
Posted by: KimmyBlair | May 13, 2008 at 05:18 PM
Southern California, please!
Posted by: SusieP. | May 13, 2008 at 05:05 PM
Minnie-apple-lish!
Posted by: Allison B | May 13, 2008 at 04:28 PM
Brussels. I'd even drive all the way to Paris.
OR if you're going to MN, perhaps it could be after June 20. Because I'll be there visiting my inlaws. So I'll be drunk.
Posted by: Jess | May 13, 2008 at 04:00 PM
Oh please please please come to Kansas City!!! KC does some great book signing presentations. Sweet Potato Queens, Paula Deen, you'll have a great time. Promise.
Posted by: KristiInKC | May 13, 2008 at 02:16 PM
You have GOT to come to BOSTON!!! I'm dying to meet you!!
Posted by: Kate | May 13, 2008 at 02:13 PM
Any chance of coming to Wisconsin?? I know you're thinking we're just a bunch of cheese heads, but would love to see you!!! Madison would be prime, but Milwaukee would be great too!! Love the books, keep them coming!!!
Posted by: Connie | May 13, 2008 at 02:12 PM
San Diegooooooooooo!!! Or, really, anywhere in SoCal... it will give me an excuse to go on a mini vacay; even if that means leaving my students to a substitute so that I can tra la la my way to Hell-A.
Posted by: Emily | May 13, 2008 at 01:52 PM
Come to Orlando!! :)
Posted by: Jenn | May 13, 2008 at 01:48 PM
Denver, Denver, Denver please.
Posted by: Ali | May 13, 2008 at 01:45 PM
Yes, Canada -- but add Edmonton.
I'm half way through SAPF. The line about Jabba the Hut with pearls made me snort my white wine. (I am SUCH a lady.)
Also, vis a vis baby panda sneeze, the day someone sent that clip, I got NOTHING done. SO cute!!
Here's looking A-CHOO, kid!! (Ew, sorry.)
Thanks for laughter and keep shinin'!
Posted by: Shan | May 13, 2008 at 01:11 PM
The real question is: When is Sirius going to wise up and offer YOU your own talk show? (Much better than WLS 890 in my book, too. And hey, you can say asshat!) I'd even offer to quit my phat professor gig and become your Maisy-wrestler while you're on the air.
Safe travels to you out there.
P.S. Go Minneapolis!
Posted by: Shayla | May 13, 2008 at 01:06 PM
L.A. Why isn't it on the original tour? L.A. is the place...
Read your book the first day. It was great! When does the next one come out and what's it about??
Posted by: Karen | May 13, 2008 at 12:12 PM
Please come to Kansas City!!! Loving your book...especially since I am a personal trainer!
Posted by: Alison | May 13, 2008 at 12:01 PM
My vote is cast for Orlando again - only because I couldn't go to the Philadelphia appearance causing much frowning on my part! I wanted to show support and I couldn't. So if you come to Orlando, we'll make sure the house is PACKED!
I already got the gals in Altamonte Barnes & Noble reading your book ;)
Posted by: Lys | May 13, 2008 at 11:56 AM
Southern CA!!!!! Stat!
Posted by: SoCal Whin-O | May 13, 2008 at 11:45 AM
Please come to Salt Lake!
Posted by: Candice | May 13, 2008 at 11:35 AM
Oh please oh please...
If you extend the tour, will you do another one in Chicago at a time when I'm *not* teaching a class? :-)
Posted by: Heidi | May 13, 2008 at 11:03 AM
I cannot wait for you to come to Boston!!
Posted by: Julie | May 13, 2008 at 10:51 AM
Um, seriously... no LA? Hell, no CA stop? Unthinkable.
We're waiting with our finest white in hand.
We make us some fabulous wine here, you know...
Posted by: simple me | May 13, 2008 at 10:46 AM
Denver Denver Denver Denver!
(I bought my copy last Thursday and then forgot to take it on my trip over the weekend -- grrr!)
Posted by: Antof9 | May 13, 2008 at 10:34 AM
Boston! Boston! Boston! Who-rah!
Posted by: Rebecca | May 13, 2008 at 10:12 AM
Toronto!!
Posted by: heather | May 13, 2008 at 09:23 AM
Screw Cinci and Cleveland! Come to the capital of Ohio! Columbus!! Or even Athens, Ohio...who wouldn't want to go to a place that has a bar everywhere you turn! You'll be saying things like let's make like a fetus and get out of this mother once you experience it there!
Posted by: Molly | May 13, 2008 at 09:04 AM
Let me just say how royally pissed I will be if you extend your tour to Boston and you wind up doing a reading in Boston the week after I have moved to San Francisco... thus missing your reading there as well. Big time POOP.
Posted by: Joy | May 13, 2008 at 08:07 AM
PLEASE come to Grand Rapids, MI! We are a three hour car ride from your home town, or a one hour flight - your choice! We will come out in droves to support you - promise!
Posted by: Susan | May 13, 2008 at 07:54 AM
Please, please, please swing by Charleston, SC!!! Or maybe Charlotte, NC??? We're bitchy as we wanna be down here - we just preface our snark with "Bless her heart,...." Love you!!!!
Posted by: Leslie | May 13, 2008 at 07:39 AM
DETROIT. Remember, we get violent when we don't get what we want. OK, that's crap. We actually get Haagen-Dazs and stomp our feet a few times to show we're serious when we don't get what we want.
Birmingham Borders - it's where all the cool writers go.
Posted by: Karen Buscemi | May 13, 2008 at 07:07 AM
OMG!!!!! JEN PLEASE COME TO LOS ANGELES!!!!!
Posted by: Brandie | May 13, 2008 at 01:14 AM
OHIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Corey | May 13, 2008 at 12:25 AM
VANCOUVER, BC!!! It's a three hour drive from Seattle! I noticed no Canadian dates on your tour...(Boo-urns!) I have passed out the proverbial Jen-Kool-aid (lent your books out) and have accumulated a small, but loyal group devoted to all that is Jen.
Prior to purchasing your book, I re-read your first two. This came in handy while trying to procure three copies of your book (for myself, and the kool-aid gang). While calling my bookstore (who had the gall of keeping your books still packed in boxes in the stockroom), I managed to convince a very kind but frazzled employee (aka "Jenployee") to dig out the books and call me the minute they found them. I also pleaded pretty please with a cherry on top for her to put three on hold for me to pickup! I went through the joy of having to spell out your book title, TWICE, while at work where eager gossip-mongering ears were waiting for something juicy to titter about (the fat IT Geek ordering a book about being fat *SQUEE*!!!). Long story short, only two copies were put on hold, so I had to go up two flights of stairs (because the escalator is OFCOURSE broken on the ONE day I wear uncomfy, but oh-so-pretty, walking heels) and explain to the rather portly Customer Service employee (Less of a Jenployee, more of a Jerkployee!) the name of the title I needed. Yep, that's right...I said FAT...not PHAT. He gave me "the look" when I told him the title, and again when I had to spell it out for him. So I looked him right in the eye and told him "takes one to know one chub chub, now get me my damn book!"
Please come here. At least to help me take Sir Chubsalot into the alley for a PHAT girl beating!
Posted by: Flannelbabe | May 13, 2008 at 12:05 AM