Fiction/Fact

What I wrote:

Dear FedEx,

Can you please leave the package between the screen and front door?  I'm home but on a conference call and might not be able to make it to the front of the house to sign.

Thanks,

Jen Lancaster

What I really meant:

Dear FedEx,

I am napping. 

Again. 

I know. 

But frankly, I'm as tired as you are of seeing me in my pajamas, so please just leave my stuff here between the doors and we'll both be spared our routine ten seconds of awkward conversation.

Thanks,

Jen Lancaster

Comments

[Erin]

How do you so casually mention this fourth book? Just hidden in there so you almost miss it!I will be camping in front of my local Chapters store waiting! Also, is there any chance ever you will make it North to Canada?

[Amisue]

A word to the wise for all of you working ladies who have Blackberries...do not EVER read this blog during a sales meeting...it turns out that snorting and choking due to uncontrolled laughter is unacceptable in the work place...

[Ginny]

I'm with Tina on her question! I remember you asking us for ideas about what you should write your next book about and I remember you mentioning working on your book proposal, but I don't remember ever hearing the proposal was accepted! Woohoo!!! BOOK FOUR!!!! Ladies, start your credit cards!!!!!

Soooooooooo ... what's it going to be about??? Will you write about college and sorority life, as so many of us requested? Tell, tell, TELL!!! :-)

[amyinbc]

MUST remember that one. Notorious napper here. Good on you!

[Shelli]

What did FedEx bring?

[Andria]

Snort. That's hilarious. BTW, I really wish you were coming to Austin on your book tour!

http://andria-and-co.com

[Tina]

NEW BOOK? that's the damn important part...about what?

[MichBoston]

He must not be that cute - or is he?

BTW - I am so glad you've added Boston to your list of promo stops. I've already read SAPF so I'll be at Boylston's Borders on 25Jun to greet you with the best cupcakes this side of Boston!

[donna]

I just wish FedEx would just come to my house. Although, I like the idea of avoiding them in my pajamas - or worse, with greasy, shower-lessed hair!

[iamlandlocked]

The FedEx people keep changing every other week, but I heart my UPS guy. We have good chats, and I have plied him with fresh-out-of-the-oven homemade banana bread, but he's married (sigh--I would so be all over that, given the opportunity).

It is a little embarrassing, though, how many packages I seem to get from Victoria's Secret. I'm sure he secretly thinks I have some crazy fetish or I'm running a brothel. The reality is I just have reverse body dysmorphia. I keep buying all these cute things in much, much smaller sizes than I can possibly wear, and I have to send them all back (he doesn't see that part). For a few days afterward, I feel like a cow, then the dysmorhpia sets in, and I start the whole cycle all over again. I think I just need to take a picture of me in said tiny knickers, tape it to my armoire, and be done with it. I guess it's better than ordering from Lands End all the time and having him think I have a big collection of mom jeans and swimsuits with skirts.

[Erika]

I knew a delivery guy once who got all the best notes. One of them was "I'm naked so please don't knock" and another said "If I don't answer when you knock, please check on me to make sure I'm not lying unconscious on the floor while cats eat my face."

[Twenty Four At Heart]

Why are all UPS men HOT?! At least they are here in California ... so much hotter than the Fed Ex guys!

[Shannon]

I always meet the Schwan's man in my jammies. HE comes at a time when normal folks are dressed, but well...I'mnot. So he gets an eyeful of the braless Wonder Twins and my sock monkey jammies.

Did it work?

[Indigo*Blu]

Oh, FedEx. How you always manage to turn me into that five year old who hears the ice cream man ten blocks away is beyond me, but that signature smile on thos amazon boxes gets me more excited than chocolate covered strawberries and roses.....

[car]

did you also catch your book review in People magazine??

[Lys]

Fed Ex never listens to me nor does UPS. Then again, I think they both have "Beware of B*tch" posters with my picture up on them in their trucks. Clearly, they know I'm a shrew *LOL* but I wouldn't be if they just, I dunno, didn't screw up everything? Jus' sayin.

[The Modern Gal]

Did FedEx heed? Because whenever I leave UPS notes like that, UPS doesn't heed.

[Ginny]

And the burning question is ... did he? Because I find, no matter how clear and simple my instructions, people still find a way to screw things up! (And no, I am not the bitch boss from hell. I am actually the boss of no one except my two kids and they only allow me to live in the delusional belief that I am the boss even of them!)

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I'm sure the Fed Ex guy is fine with lies.

Unless your pajamas are super low cut.