Great Job Again, Chicago PD!

Time we called 911 to report an act of prostitution happening in the backyard next door: 12:10 AM

Time the customer, um, finished his transaction and drove away: 12:21 AM

Time the police actually showed up: NEVER O'CLOCK

Time I visit my Alderman's office tomorrow morning, demanding some goddamned answers on why the police refuse to respond in this neighborhood: The second they open

First Ward, YOU SUCK.

Go ahead and grab yourself an iced tea, Alderman Manny Flores, because we're going to have ourselves a nice long chat.

Comments

[Sarah]

Do you live in my neighborhood?
:-)

[Kelly]

I could see providing people with a place for these transactions might provide you with some additional income for those unexpected target necessities. I believe I could see you as a madame. Think of it as a new application of all the motivation you had to do for your sales team. Pimps really do use the same skill set.

[Twenty Four At Heart]

Hi Jen
I am a new blogger with mini-readership compared to you. I love your site - and books. I know you said you won't be posting as much, but I have added you to my blogroll so that my readers have the opportunity to enjoy it whenever you do.

[Melissa]

Jen... who do you think was getting the services performed by said prostitute -- probably one of the Chicago PDs very own.... LOL -- why do you think they don't come.

[Carly]

Hi Jen,
I just found this blog after reading 'Such A Pretty Fat,' and wanted to tell you that I absolutely love your writing. I'm trying to get a book published (as well as lose a little weight ... and pay off my credit cards ...), and you've inspired me to never give up. I'm going out tomorrow to buy your other two books!

[Mindy]

Looking up your website I found

Jen Lancaster
Find Jen Lancasters at Great Prices.
www.Pronto.com

Woot! Good Jens, Great prices!

[Kristen]

i thought you were going to move to the suburbs this spring? I just finshed Pretty Fat- and wish you had before and after photos!

[Shanna Paul]

I totally look at Ihazcheeseburger.com and ihazhotdog.com every single day to get my daily dose of funny...When yesterday I spotted your dogs...I made my boyfriend run over to the computer (in the middle of a very important Xbox game)to see...needless to say...he did not get as much enjoyment as I did...but he did start reading your books yesterday...so it is progress....

Thanks for all the laughs.

[The Red Lobster]

I'm surprised by that. I live in E. Lakeview and there was a wagon parked on the street that kept "updating" the date on the temp tags when they would expire. I called 411 and Chicago's finest were on the scene within about 15 min. They towed the car.

It was my finest moment as this had been going on for about a year and I had just finished reading your last book and felt empowered.

[Soren]

Ok Karina, I'm out in "Misery-ssauga" and I'd loooove to know where you are that you can 'spot-the-hooker' at the local mini-mall strip?

I think bombardment for the alderman is the way to go-- dates, times, photos... and for your own peace of mind, the spotlight-- if you run off enough of her johns, the ho-next-do will have to go!
:D

[Karina in T.O]

Awesome Jen! But please other readers, do not simply assume the 'burbs don't have ho's. Oh, we do....in my burb of Toronto we've got hookers strutting down the street out front of Subway subs!! Yeah, thats right, a footlong assorted with a side order of crabs on the lawn out front! And I'm ashamed to even discuss the pay per hour motel strip, that have the 5.0 out front on a weekly basis.

Be a crime fighter Jen!! Work it girl (ahem, not work it like that, but ya know...)

[Kristabella]

Weird because Manny Flores is actually supposed to be a good Alderman. Apparently he's too worried about recycling to care about HOOKERS.

[Malloree]

So, did you actually watch the "act"? Jen, you're a total prude, I can't believe it if you did...

[dalitza]

Jen, you should totally be the MAYOR!!!!!

[dalitza]

Jen, you should totally be the MAYOR!!!!!

[shannon d.]

heather erin, i am cracking up! nice commentary! lol. hot dog in a hallway, i love it. yes, spotlight and take photos, hilarious! post any not too x rated shots on your blog. let's get a good look at these skanks.

[Butter Eater Lis]

Jen, have you thought about joining the volunteer patrol? Think about it! POWER!

[HeatherErin]

Bullhorn and spotlight. "ANNNNND he's throwing some killer moves, look at that thrust, look at the power in those buttocks! His stamina is amazing! And I can't believe that 'ho is still going - this is her fifth trip 'round the track tonight! Talk about throwing a hot dog down a hallway! We're going to award you each five points for style, and an additional two points to the 'ho for being able to hide that Herpes so well!"

[Shawna R. B. Atteberry]

I agree with somedayme2: get a spotlight. In college we used to go to a park and spotlight people making out. They always scampered away. Plus the looks on their faces can be priceless.

[Susan]

Or you could use your megaphone (you have one, don't you?) to give a shout out to the customer that you've just snapped his picture posted it on your blog read by MILLIONS of WOMEN and probably his WIFE!

[Melissa]

Insanity! Get 'em!!

Also? If you move to Austin or Dallas (ya know, home of the cupcakes), I bet that doesn't happen. OK, it will in Dallas but I'd love to come visit you in Austin, I love Austin.

[Ren]

I JUST finished reading Bitter is the New Black and I cannot tell you enough how excited I am that you actually have this blog. Reading your work reminds me of my best friend and I having our usual conversations.The perpetual sarcasm that is rampant throughout the book not only had me rolling in laughter, it made me feel right at home. I have since recommended this book to all of my friends since you have our same sense of humor. Best wishes and much luck!
-Ren

[Kelly]

I'm dying for an update on what happened when you went down to the station...

[Magen]

I called CPD because there was prostitution solicitation happening in my entryway MORE THAN ONCE only to have the cop tell me I should have known better before moving to the neighborhood. I live in Wrigleyville. Good luck. Take pictures next time. Freaks them out.

[Suzy Q]

If this happens again, you might try calling the police NON-emergency number. (Unless your eyeballs are bleeding from the what you're witnessing, of course.) You might get a better response.

[jeninseattle]

OMG.... I have been catching up with Jen's blogs and feel totally responsible for something. Going back to the May 27th blog, the part about the cookies, that was me! I brought the doggie bakery cookies. I remember also looking at the box thinking it was beautifully packaged, much better than the local bakery does. Easy mistake. Sorry Jen, should have put yellow caution tape on the box. I should have understood how tired you would be.

As for the prostitute and john....yuck! Don't give up on the city. The "john" was probably from the burbs!

[Sarah]

I heard a gunshot in my neighborhood last saturday nite and it took the cops 20 minutes to get to my house. Glad I wasn't being raped.

Today's lesson: Don't get raped in Edwardsville, IL. And if you do, keep him there for at least 20 minutes.

[Bethany]

OHMAHGAWD! That's kinda funny but it's not. I would have spot lighted their asses!

[AJ]

THEY SO SUCK. My BFF called the Chicago PD, who have a station around the corner from her, to tell them her ex boyfriend was CURRENTLY IN THE PROCESS of kicking her door in. Took them 30 minutes to get there. Luckily he just kicked it in and ran. Otherwise it could have gotten worse. They SUCK!

[Laura]

I used to live in your nayb, and it only took me six months of that kind of crap to get out of there. Believe it or not, I've been enjoying the border of Uptown on Irving Park for a year and a half, and I couldn't be happier.

Sorry...I got a little braggy and preachy there. Didn't mean to.

Anyway, there used to be this hobo that slept against my back gate. I'd always find his (loads of) fast food detritus, and sometimes I'd even open the gate in the morning to find him asleep and foul. The day I moved out, my dad and I caught him openly raiding the trash barrel to nab all the stuff I'd tossed out not 20 minutes before. Not that I have anything against dumpster diving, but there's got to be some kind of hobo-etiquette for these things, right?

Better yet is the raucous gunfire emitted from Puerto-Rican-flagged cars during PR week on the borders of Humboldt Park, and the shouts of "Bodequa! White people!"

Not a convincing case for the city, but STAY HERE - WE NEED YOU!!!

[Nicole]

Not that I wish on you any more “transactions” but if it does happen again, may I suggest a solution a friend used when faced with the same problem in his neighborhood – a foghorn.

They were so shocked that dude didn’t even have time to pull up his pants before he drove off.

[Nicole]

I moved to the burbs last year thinking all I would have to worry about would be nosey neighbors and grass regulations... HA! I live across the street from the town drug dealer... and not a cool one like on Weeds. We sometimes sit and watch how many deals he does out our front window. He's like the McDonald's of Marijuana. People pull up to his house, he brings the drugs to their cars. The ironic thing to the whole story... we live on the same street as the PD!

[SnarkyMommy]

We even have problems getting them to come in the LP these days. Damn that new police chief.

But you must admit, it does make for some fantastic material.

[Melody]

Guess the whole gentrification thing is kaput?

[Carrie]

Holy smokes . . .

[PBS]

Ah a "Full Moon" outside your window?
bah hahaha....

(I couldn't resist.)

[kalisah]

not enough people taking actions in the neighborhoods. That's what leads to their demise. Good for you, Jen.

[Kristina]

Ah a "Full Moon" outside your window?
bah hahaha....

(I couldn't resist.)

[Melissa]

Doesn't Wheaton look better and better? Promise we haven't seen the occasional naked visitor in....hmm...EVER! Although you do have crazy soccer moms which could be just as bad :P

BTW...what happened to less posts now that the deadline is looming? haha!

[somedayme2]

Jen, Take matters into your own hands...buy own of this and spot them out...just like spotting deer, they will either FREEZE or RUN. Either way, it will stop!

http://www.preparedness.com/doresp2micap.html

[Shannon A.]

"Oh, this is going to be good story for a future book:

"Such a Pretty 'Burb: Tales of a Chicago Girl Who Moves Out to the Burbs, Joins the Junior League, and Lusting After Minivans."

I concur...

[Sara]

Oh please, the 'burbs are no better! There instead of prostitues you have the "your grass is too tall" police and the "we are watching your every move" neighbors who most likely won't take kindly to your naughty dogs...hookers or not, the 'burbs make me shudder inside...

[shannon d.]

gross. maybe you should invest in a nice quality paint gun and become the neighborhood vigilante. get permanent paint, not washable.

[ally]

Alderman Mel's office hears from me on such a regular basis that they recognize my voice and ask what I'm complaining about today when I call. I take pictures of illegal activity with my cell phone and bring them to their office, too. They hate me so much that it's forced them to do something so I don't call/visit as often. My husband calls me Gladys Kravitz (as in the grouchy neighbor on Bewitched)

[LJ]

Haha CCL above beat me to my comment. The posting after your post about your impending disappearance from the blog has been followed by more frequent posting!

That's crazy about your neighbors. But then again, you always seem to have some interesting ones, right? Makes for good writing material, if nothing else.

[Jen]

Good luck with that. I've been complaining to Manny's office for TWO MONTHS about the damn construction next door and the debris I find on my car on a daily basis. Has it stopped? Nooooooo....

[CCL]

Ewwwww! Go crack some skulls, Jen!

BTW, I have to laugh because ever since you said you were not going to be able to post as much because you have to concentrate on your book, we have been able to enjoy more of your posts than ever! Procrastination at its best? Love it!!

[Jen on the Edge]

Oh, this is going to be good story for a future book:

"Such a Pretty 'Burb: Tales of a Chicago Girl Who Moves Out to the Burbs, Joins the Junior League, and Lusting After Minivans."

[tutugirl1345]

The suburbs aren't looking so bad now, are they? Next time just tell the dispatcher that someone's trying to light your car on fire. They'll probably get there faster.

[Katie]

What is with your neighborhood? Geez...