Setting: The front hallway, right off the living room. My giant suitcase is open and I'm sorting its contents into piles before I take it back upstairs to re-pack for Boston. Fletch sits catty-corner in the living room watching me work.
Him: What's that big stack of colored paper?
Me: These are gift bags. Check out some of the presents people brought to my readings! (use Vanna White-type skills to lift and display items such as engraved bookmarks, gourmet caramels, hand-crafted mugs, Target dog, etc.)
Him: Wow.
Me: I know, right? How cool is that? I'm just glad people actually come to these things. Presents are totally a bonus.
Him: (points) What kind of wine did you get?
Me: (gestures to the bottles) These are all Chardonnay.
Him: But I thought you only drank German wine.
Me: No, honey. That's you who doesn't drink Chardonnay. I like anything white. Plus, I'm always writing about "sweating Chardonnay" because it sounds funnier than "sweating Riesling" so I imagine that's why people chose what they did. Also? You should have seen all the cupcakes I got! One girl made me Margarita flavored ones and they were about the best thing I've ever tasted.
Him: Oh.
(long pause)
Him: (looking thoughtful) Hey, you know what you should do?
Me: What's that, honey?
Him: Before you go to Boston, instead of saying you like wine and cupcakes, you should tell everyone you like bourbon and five dollar bills.
* * *
Speaking of Boston, don't forget I'll be at the Borders on 511 Boylston St. at 6:00 PM on Wednesday, June 25!
(No bourbon or five dollar bills required.)
YEA! T-2 days until you arrive in Boston!
Posted by: Rebecca | June 23, 2008 at 03:38 PM
If you come back to Dallas (ya know, just because we were so super fun the first time) I will give you TWO $5 bills...one for you and one for Fletch.
Posted by: Melissa | June 23, 2008 at 03:27 PM
I heard you on NPR - great!
And I'm currently reading "Bitter is the New Black".
Took it out on our boat yesterday - totally good tanning read while lazing on the deck with a glass of chardonnay (plastic stemmed wineglass from LNT, thank-you-very-much)
I managed to keep it free of sunscreen smudges or spilled wine. Can't wait to get back to it and read your others!
Posted by: kristin | June 23, 2008 at 02:49 PM
So great to meet you in Minneapolis last week, Jen!
Have a great book tour and good luck on the writing!
Posted by: Muffy Willowbrook | June 23, 2008 at 02:46 PM
I'm beyond bummed. I have been waiting for you to come to Boston FOREVER and have been SO excited about your visit here. Unfortunately I just found out my dad needs open heart surgery and I won't be able to make it. Please have the best time for me and come back again soon :o( -BIB (Bummed in Beantown)
Posted by: SoxyLady | June 23, 2008 at 01:58 PM
Dangerous K - Thanks for posting that link to the Jen interview in Minneapolis. I was so bummed I missed it (you know, work during the day stuff), it's great to see it online.
Posted by: Paula | June 23, 2008 at 01:55 PM
Wow. Five dollar bills? I want to strip at the club he goes to. HAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!
ROTFLMAO!
Posted by: Nicole | June 23, 2008 at 01:15 PM
Before your appearance at Borders you should stop by Best Cellars at 745 Boylston for free wine tasting from 5-8. I don't work there, nor will i even be there*, but i ALWAYS go to the BC in brookline for free tastes and you would probly love it!
*i have softball so i can't even go to BORDERs :(
Posted by: cary | June 23, 2008 at 01:03 PM
I am so excited you are coming to Boston!! Are you staying in town for more than one night? There are so many fun places to eat, shop and of course sample cupcakes! See you soon--safe travels!!
Posted by: Courtney | June 23, 2008 at 12:57 PM
OMG - hilarious, but why stop at $5.00 bills? Make that hundred dollar bills!
Posted by: carrie Link | June 23, 2008 at 12:52 PM
OMG I didn't know you were coming to Boston!!!! I will SO be there! I will be so nervous. I apologize in advance if I act like a starstruck idiot! Yay, can't wait!
Posted by: Kelly | June 23, 2008 at 12:38 PM
I'll take credit (for Jenatics!), but I'm soooooo happy that it's gaining popularity!
Good use of moniker too :)
I like the way Fletch thinks... and my fav white wine is a Gewurtztraminer (sp?), especially when they have lychee flavors! mmmm, wine.... Anyone else wish that work came with a porch, rocking chairs, a breeze... and a nap room for later?
Posted by: Soren | June 23, 2008 at 12:19 PM
Jen, reading your books and cupcakes are two of my all-time favorite things!
I've finished all three of your books and I need more!!! Thank you for weeks of enjoyment and inspiration.
Here's a link to another margarita cupcake recipe:
http://shecraves.typepad.com/my_weblog/2006/03/better_than_dej.html
Just in time to celebrate summer!!!
Posted by: Susan | June 23, 2008 at 12:18 PM
BTW - I'm not attempting to take credit for the term "Jenatics." I just think it's clever and thought that I would use it in my post. Kudos to the the creative person who came up with the moniker! :)
Posted by: Kristi | June 23, 2008 at 12:03 PM
Totally off topic, but I was SO excited to see SAPF at Target last week. I've had my copy since "Opening Day." However, since I wasn't able to find your books at Target last summer, I was so happy for you (and your Jenatics, too!) to see that your books are available at one of your favorite stores! Yay! :)
Posted by: Kristi | June 23, 2008 at 11:57 AM
I'd bring you bourbon and 5 dollar bills!!
Posted by: Kate | June 23, 2008 at 11:56 AM
Damn, I hate that I missed you when you were in Atlanta! We'll go for Chardonnay, bourbon, and cupcakes(sorry I don't bake, but I know where some good cupcakes may be found)! As for the five dollar bills...well, I'm currently unemployed, and you know how that is! :)
www.saneandsingle.blogspot.com
Posted by: saneandsingle | June 23, 2008 at 11:51 AM
Jen, any plans for Wilmington, NC? I am fast and furiously building you a fan base here. We love you! . . . and Fletch :)
Posted by: Ivey | June 23, 2008 at 11:49 AM
I've been holding on to your book b/c I'm leaving Friday for the beach & it's one of three beach reads I'm taking with me.
Last year, I saved the final Harry Potter for the vacay and OMG EVERYONE at the resort was reading it. Instead of saying "Hi" "How are you?" "Where are ya'll from?" everyone greeted each other with "What page are you on?"
I'm fully expecting this year for it to be "Pretty Fat."
Posted by: kalisah | June 23, 2008 at 11:45 AM
How stoked am I that the above poster linked us to the cupcakes goods??? YUM.
Posted by: Butter Eater Lis | June 23, 2008 at 11:44 AM
Margarita flavored cupcakes?!?! I MUST have the recipe for those!!! They sound awesome.
Posted by: stephani | June 23, 2008 at 11:40 AM
I just finished reading Such A Pretty Fat and I must take this moment to tell you. . . YOU ROCK!!!
On that same note, Piesporter? Pie-sporter or Pies-porter? How ever do you pronounce that?
Posted by: Agnes | June 23, 2008 at 11:28 AM
My friend is making me cupcakes for my wedding and has been sending me various recipes. Here is the margarita one and an add'l recipe for a mimosa cupcake. I haven't tried either, but will shortly....
http://www.cupcakeproject.com/2008/02/mimosa-cupcakes-best-sunday-brunch.html
http://www.cupcakeproject.com/2007/05/margarita-cupcakes-can-cupcake-be.html
Posted by: Joan | June 23, 2008 at 11:26 AM
Is this your way of telling folks (in the nicest way possible) to stop buying you Chardonnay? German wine, is my fav! Try a Piesporter. Its white wine to its perfection.
Posted by: Denise | June 23, 2008 at 11:20 AM
Seriously, I can't figure out why the Haute isn't on your tour....I mean, other than we only have one bookstore. Where's the love for Indiana?
Posted by: MrsWaltz | June 23, 2008 at 11:20 AM
Is it cool to post a link to Jen's interview on Mpls TV? If so:
http://www.showcaseminnesota.com/show/client_article.aspx?storyid=515539
Posted by: the other Moira (who knew?) | June 23, 2008 at 11:19 AM
Five dollar bills? Fletch must go to those classy strip joints. I only carry singles.
Posted by: Dangerous K | June 23, 2008 at 11:13 AM
Boy, he doesn't play around, huh? I probably would have said one dollar bills. Which is why I continue to be stuck in this office job that I do not care for. I have no vision. Could Fletch be my mentor? Cuz I need a life coach right now.
Have a great trip!
Still kind of bitter about the lack of love to the L.A. area but I'm dealing with it. Slowly but surely.
Posted by: patricia | June 23, 2008 at 11:00 AM
What's this???? Margarita-flavored cupcakes???? I MUST have this recipe!! Anyone? Anyone?
Posted by: Jeannine | June 23, 2008 at 10:49 AM
Smart smart Fletch. Although, I'd take the white wine - preferably Chenin Blanc. Sounds mighty fine right now... happy travels! And can't wait for the next one that has had you in a frenzy as of late.
Posted by: LJ | June 23, 2008 at 10:42 AM
Is it wrong to be so excited about Wednesday? I mean, I'm already worrying about wardrobe selection, best travel routes (to avoid the parking lot that is Boston proper), excuses for leaving work early, etc.
Of course, my husband thinks I'm nuts. But he's never read your work. ;-)
Posted by: Michelle BB | June 23, 2008 at 10:22 AM
Hey Jen,
I just started reading Such A Pretty Fat and it's hilarious. I love your tone of voice and the way it feels like you just read my thoughts and put it on paper. We're as different as can be, but we share similar struggles and wit (!) so I'm going through your book like I go through chips! lol. I started yesterday so I'm only around pg 180, but whether you actually lose any weight or not, I'd like you to know that you are an inspiration and a fantastic author. You've inspired me to (at least) think about the stuff I'm inhaling.... thanks! Gisela
Posted by: Gisela | June 23, 2008 at 10:22 AM
LMAO!!! Fletch rocks.
Posted by: Andria and Co. | June 23, 2008 at 10:13 AM
At least he didn't tell you to say worn thongs and condoms!
Posted by: manic mommy | June 23, 2008 at 09:50 AM