Yesterday I was working on a piece about going through sorority rush as a freshman. I'd interpreted the words "informal rush" to mean just that - informal. The opposite of formal. Casual. Thus, I wore the entirely wrong thing to the first round of parties. (I had on a jean jacket. Even now, twenty three years later, I cringe at the memory of how the Kappas looked at me. There's no sex in the champagne room and there are no jean jackets in sorority rush.)
Point? In this chapter, I'm comparing my rush faux pas to forgetting to dress in green on St. Patrick's Day back in '77. Everyone else in the entire goddamned school remembered, even renown nose-picker Jeffrey Covitz who skated through on a technicality by virtue of the alligator on his shirt.
As I'm reliving the fear of being tapped by the Principal's shillelagh - he was ruthless to the ungreen, yo - I realize I have no idea how to spell this word. I put my proposed spelling in the search bar. All I get back are names of law firms. I try again and again, with similar results.
Apparently I'm so far off on the spelling even Google doesn't know what the hell I'm trying to ask.
But unlike rush, this story has a happy ending.
I get the appropriate spelling by typing the following:
Irish stick for hitting
And by the way, the Kappas can suck it. That jean jacket was hot.
Ha-I love the line "the Kappas can suck it".
I remember going through rush as if it was yesterday--it was 25 years ago. All the drama-but I did join one, and it worked well for me.
Posted by: NB | July 29, 2008 at 09:47 PM
"Knockwurst and Shillelaghs, Paging Dr. Froid!" (Spoken with a lisp while holding a Shih Tzu.)
Best. Movie line. Ever.
Posted by: Autumn | July 29, 2008 at 02:40 PM
I wore a sundress in Feb for pref night ( in MN). How was I to know I would need a cocktail dress in college!
Still go into a great sorority and was fine. But wow was I cold!
Posted by: Megan Canny | July 29, 2008 at 01:08 PM
I can't wait to read about your sorority experiences.
Long live the jean jacket!
Posted by: andie325 | July 29, 2008 at 11:30 AM
I just read through the comment trail to see that my comment was attributed to Mandy D., and I suppose that I must have hers. But I'm not mad, 'cause I felt as if I could have written hers! I AM in a drug-addled haze, complete with real drugs. "DRUGZ: WE HAZ DEM."
I was thinking that would be kind of a fun internet virus. . . one that goes around swapping up peoples' posts and whatnot. It would bring people together and drive them insane in a whole new wacky way!
Posted by: malkatsheva | July 28, 2008 at 10:06 AM
I remember going to Delta Sigma Theta sorority rush - tramatic plus I was a freshman when you should have been a sophmore or junior. Oh Well. I didn't rush or get a bid and they got on probation (ha!).
The only group activities that got me through college was mocking sorostitutes (my own word), singing in choir, and finding a public service organization. I escaped in three and went back for grad school.
Jean jackets are kitch especially mine - Chico's all the way. Screw em! I still rock mine until the end of time. I look cute and that's all that matters.
Posted by: Kristen | July 28, 2008 at 10:02 AM
Pretty sure being a Pi Phi is the best anyway. :) We like jean jackets.
Posted by: Melinda | July 28, 2008 at 09:53 AM
Oh Jen. During my first round of formal recruitment, I mentioned my hometown to a few sisters of a sorority I won't mention (*ahem* ZTA). One of our college's outstanding football players had graduated from my high school a few years ahead of me. Well they asked if I knew him and I scoffed (loudly), "Oh yeah, what a douchebag."
The room? Silent.
The glares? Angry.
My chances with that particular sorority? Not so good.
(P.S. It's my birthday on Wednesday, and all I want is a new Jen Lancaster book in my future.)
Posted by: Bridget W. | July 28, 2008 at 09:38 AM
So I became a sucky Kappa (but we wern't sucky..we were awesome...sort of) and I got rained on during my first round of informal rush. And by rain I mean drenched to the point of standing in the Chi-O house while twisting my standard issue-informal rush shirt out and watching the water pool on their floor while they brought up things in my life I hadn't told them about. CREEPY.
Posted by: Daisy Duke | July 28, 2008 at 09:29 AM
haha I can't remember life before google...
Posted by: Sarah W | July 28, 2008 at 08:49 AM
Having to find a cute white initiation dress in the middle of fall semester was my greatest fashion nightmare to date. It far outweighed my stress of rush week.
Posted by: marveyb | July 28, 2008 at 08:46 AM
OMG. Someone said 'plaid'. I, too am a former Catholic School girl and personally will never, ever don plad in any context again. I covet the madras plaid shorts that are (back) in but every time I go to try one on I begin to sweat and have flashbacks. Nary a stitch of fabric that contains any sort of pleat has touched my skin post high school. Not even my husband is allowed to wear Oxford shirts. The poor bastard.
Posted by: Cafe De Venus | July 28, 2008 at 08:25 AM
This is great. Can't wait to read the sorority stories - from the way you've described it elsewhere, promises to be nothing but amusing!
Posted by: LJ | July 28, 2008 at 08:19 AM
Just as there is "no crying in baseball" (From a League of Their Own), there are no jean jackets during Rush. I was a Delta Zeta and made plenty-o-faux paus during the late 80's, when I rushed....it's all good now.
Posted by: Marlee | July 28, 2008 at 08:09 AM
I can totally appreciate your "kappas can suck it" comment. When I was in college, I was so anti-Greek, I was a part of the GDI's (gawd-damned independents). We were the antithesis of all things Greek...and we wore jean jackets all the time! Also, being Italian, it was a personal choice NOT to wear green on St. Pat's day...what did he ever do for us, anyway? My family's big feast was St. Joseph's day(the 19th of March). St. Pat...not so much. Can't wait for the book...hyperventialing til it comes out!
Posted by: Stephani | July 28, 2008 at 06:44 AM
From 1986-1990 I attended a women's college. We had freshman week which included one "hazing" event where we got our class beanies and had to wear them for the next 24, or was it 48?, hours after a donut eating contest without using our hands.
I had a Big Sis who was relaxed and said "Wear it if you want, no penalties if you don't. It's not worth the cap head on your hair." Gawd, the hair was big and the beanie didn't stand a chance of even resting properly on my locks of product let alone damaging it!
I was grateful for the lack of penalty but wore the cap for freshmen solidarity. I was there for the experience after all.
Other than that, sorority type traditions lent themselves in only to our breath-taking ring ceremony during our junior year.
I was grateful for the history of tradition, focus on studies, trips to co-ed parties, and memories. I look forward to reading about your mad-cap adventures in plaid - an event no doubt your humor and wit will help me value some of the trauma you went through and feel proud to call yourself a sorority girl after all these years. Keep writing and I will keep reading.
Posted by: Dena W | July 28, 2008 at 03:09 AM
I have never been prouder to have NOT gone greek.. i have great friends.. and I have never had to pay for them...
Posted by: Megan | July 27, 2008 at 09:52 PM
My mother made us wear orange on St. Patrick's day as children; we are Welsh & Scottish. I got pinched more than a Hooters girl on 2 for 1 hotwing night.
Posted by: Adriane | July 27, 2008 at 08:20 PM
So I did not know the definition of "shillelagh", but I did know how to spell it, owing to the most famous Irish pub in Detroit, The Old Shillelagh.
Posted by: JD | July 27, 2008 at 07:00 PM
The South is serious about Rush. Denim? Was SO not allowed. Stupid, yes, but the rules.
Mean Girls, anyone?
Posted by: StephanieW | July 27, 2008 at 06:38 PM
your books are halarious! my friends and i pee ourselves every time we read one of your books!!!! (a comment on your body weight; i dont think you have to lose anything... its society that thinks you do!)keep up the brilliance and i hope "pretty in plad" is as good as the rest of your memoirs. (it probably will be) best of luck in writing!!
*kayla, 13 years old, a HUGE fan*
Posted by: kayla | July 27, 2008 at 06:29 PM
So.. did you get pinched?
Posted by: Anndi | July 27, 2008 at 04:49 PM
I thought the same thing about a penis/shillel uh stick too 'another Jen'!
Posted by: pam | July 27, 2008 at 04:34 PM
Every time I think I didn't learn jack from my sorority experience I come across a nugget like this. Like it or not, we are judged by our appearances. Wearing the wrong thing at the wrong time absolutely and completely can make the wrong impression.
My sorority attire faux pas was after I had already crossed. I wore a black dress with white print to a Black & White event. I shit you not, I was fined (!) for inappropriate attire.
Nothing like literally paying for a bad fashion choice to make sure don't make that mistake again.
Posted by: mail4ajc | July 27, 2008 at 03:14 PM
This Kappa just wanted to say she loves you!
Posted by: AMH | July 27, 2008 at 12:12 PM
The idea of rush being informal is just funny. Now, they have websites for rush that gives ideas of what to wear for each round. It was very helpful when I went through.
Posted by: Sheenah | July 27, 2008 at 12:01 PM
Can't wait for the new book! So glad you still here blogging... thanks Jen.
All the best,
Maria
Posted by: Maria | July 27, 2008 at 11:52 AM
Rock that jean jacket. I work mine like a rockstar and people WANT it.
Kind of like I want those maryjanes the Crocs people sent you.
Posted by: Rebekah | July 27, 2008 at 09:47 AM
Well, I had never heard of that stick thing, so your method of getting the correct spelling had me laughing.
Posted by: sarah louise | July 27, 2008 at 07:44 AM
Hi, Jen:
I just got "Such a Pretty Fat" from Amazon yesterday, and I plan to spend the entire day today on the deck, reading and giggling. Can't wait for the new one!
Posted by: jana | July 27, 2008 at 06:41 AM
Oh man, my Catholic school was WAY into St. Patty's day, and one time I forgot to wear green. The kids and teachers surrounded me like packs of wolves until, finally, I said "I have green on my bra!! Wanna see?" That shut'em up ;)
Posted by: Lindsey_in_Germany | July 27, 2008 at 01:54 AM
About a decade ago, our "formal rush uniform" for day 3 actually required a jean jacket (to punch up our khakis and white blouses)...
Popped collars optional. We were laid back like that.
Posted by: Cortney | July 27, 2008 at 12:06 AM
Ok, we're having a total love fest in Texas over you. I read Bitter in 24 hours. Sux that my kids have to eat or it would have been quicker. Bright Lights: LOVE. Pretty Fat: LOVE. Cannot WAIT for #4. Anyway, someone said they were paid a high compliment comparing your writing to their conversation. I offer that THAT is precisely the beauty of your books - it's like a reading a recorded conversation with your best girl friend - the funny, irreverent one. We're LOVIN' you in Big D!!!!!!
Posted by: Vicki | July 26, 2008 at 11:26 PM
Hey, I have Kappa issues, too. And Theta ones on top of that, but that's a story for another day.
The South. We take rush seriously.
Posted by: Busy Mom | July 26, 2008 at 11:07 PM
Everyone's stuck on the kappa thing and now I have Chris Rock in my head while everyone is talking about the jean jacket ban.
Hmm, guess who didn't swear to a sorority?
Posted by: Corey | July 26, 2008 at 09:32 PM
i'm pretty sure you're getting them all back now! and i'm sure the jacket ROCKED!! ;)
Posted by: J | July 26, 2008 at 08:24 PM
Ugh. Barf. Kappa, gamma, delta, whatever ... they all sucked. I never understood the appeal. Was too busy working full time to support myself and taking 15 credit hours a semester to worry about the snobby girls and their pearls that were paid for by rich daddies.
Jenn, I think you're one funny girl. And I have to say I RESPECT you tremendously for the fact you eventually graduated college on your own dime. This is more important than what you wore to rush.
Soap box over.
Posted by: Stephanie | July 26, 2008 at 07:59 PM
I was/am a Zeta and I still wear jean jackets. In fact, I found an awesomely cute one a TJ Maxx Friday that I cannot wait to wear. Denim rocks all decades...as do pearls and plaids!!
By the way, have you seen the plaid Sperry Top Siders??? A must have!
Posted by: Lizzo | July 26, 2008 at 07:35 PM
ahem...I'm a Kappa and rocked a jean jacket many times (it can really throw an outfit together...think jersey sundress and j jacket...it works i swear)
Posted by: Caitlin | July 26, 2008 at 07:04 PM
Scary Rush memories! Having been in a sorority in the DEEP SOUTH, I don't know if all Rush functions were as high-stress and rule-riddled as ours. Dress checks -- to make sure we were appropriately attired. We had to actually raise our arms above our heads (as we would be doing on the front lawn when we were singing our songs) so the Rush Adviser could make sure our slip didn't show. NIGHTMARE fight with the Rush Chair because she said my dress was two inches shorter than "tea length" and it HAD to be "tea length". I usually came to Rush Rehearsal hung-over--wouldn't you if you had to deal with these Crazy Sallys? I got 'em back. Lost my virginity in one of the study rooms. SOOOO against the rules. (PS Married the guy and we have five kids now. Too cute?)
Posted by: QuadMama | July 26, 2008 at 07:02 PM
Can't wait for the new book.... and I am so glad shillelagh has more than one meaning or your St. Patrick's Day could have turned into a Dateline NBC special. omg
Posted by: Lady Q | July 26, 2008 at 06:37 PM
In my drug-addled haze, I read that story initially to mean that you found the spelling of the principal's name by entering 'irish stick for hitting.' It took a second read to clear me up. If only I had actually taken some drugs to induce that haze. Sigh.
Posted by: Middle Aged Woman | July 26, 2008 at 05:59 PM
I never truly understood how lucky I was to attend high school so much farther north than you, Jen! At Appleton West, we did not have nearly enough Irish about for anyone to be getting all "whisht, colleen, I'm sportin' me shillelagh" around the halls. We had a massive overstock of Polish, with a teeny-tiny side order of Jewish -- me and the Balkanski girls, who were Jews but, as the name reveals, also Polish. I must say (at the risk of falling into more naughty jokes) that I never fully appreciated the Kielbasa until I heard about your Irish Hitting Stick trauma.
Posted by: malkatsheva | July 26, 2008 at 05:27 PM
I said "the Kappas can suck it" too, except by "Kappas" I meant Alpha Gams and by "suck it" I meant "die." (My apologies to Alpha Gams. It's been 10 years and I've learn to let go. Mostly.)
Also, I wore STIRRUP pants during the first round of formal rush. I froze my ass of walking from house to house in the dead of January.
Posted by: Mandy D. | July 26, 2008 at 04:41 PM
"The Kappas can suck it" was a popular saying for me too. And this brought back memories of shopping with my mom for my formal rush wardrobe. 15 years later, I cannot believe I just typed the phrase "formal rush wardrobe". I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Posted by: jaye | July 26, 2008 at 03:21 PM
I was dragged to one of those charity fashion shows by a Kappa. For the duration of the show, she kept pointing out which of the "models" (actually they were rich housewives) had been Kappas.
After a while I found myself coming up with dictionary definitions, to wit:
Life, get a, noun, Used to describe a person who is well over 40 and is still compelled to tell people which sorority she belonged to.
Posted by: Poppy Buxom | July 26, 2008 at 02:56 PM
hahaha, I'll agree on the Kappas can suck it part. They're that way at my school too. I believe we call them "Daddy Daddy Gimme."
Posted by: JRaehusker | July 26, 2008 at 02:25 PM
Heck, I WAS a Kappa, and I generally ended up saying that the Kappas can suck it. I vaguely remember a ban on jean jackets and tennis shoes.
Posted by: Amy | July 26, 2008 at 02:04 PM
The Kappas can suck it was something I uttered on a regular basis during college.
Posted by: All Adither | July 26, 2008 at 01:35 PM
My parents are from Ireland so our house always had a shillelagh by the front door. My sisters and I would tell our friends it was an Irish version of a baseball bat!
By the way, I've never heard of a shillelagh being referred to as a man's penis. And I doubt very much that my father with 4 daughters at home would have kept it around the house if he knew that :)
Posted by: Deirdre | July 26, 2008 at 01:18 PM