Worst Tablescape Ever

First, the old business -

We're running about 85/15 anti-Secret to pro-Secret around here (bless your snarky little hearts!)  However, there's a vocal minority amongst you of the why-don't-you-fucking-read-it-before-you-judge-it variety.  Excellent point.  I'm always pissed off when people smack-talk my work when it's obvious they haven't actually seen it, so I shouldn't do the same thing. 

Tell you what - I'll read it.  And if that in any way changes my opinion, I'll post a retraction here. 

(In the words of Principal Skinner, prove me wrong, children.  Prove me wrong.)

(Also?  The dogs are already huge believers which totally explains their recent internet celebrity.)

Speaking of the ungrateful, I woke up this morning to discover one of the cats had whizzed on the kitchen table.  Again.  (This is Bones's charming way of letting me know he'd like his litter box serviced.) 

As I scrubbed, disinfected, and grumbled, it occurred to me that now would be the perfect opportunity for a breakfast cocktail.  Seriously, when you roll out of bed only to immediately start cleaning urine off the surface where you eat, the day's probably already shot.  But we only have wine in the house, and that just doesn't pair well with coffee and Pine Sol.

When I was away on my girls' weekend, we went to brunch and I discovered the ultimate breakfast martini.  Although it would have been phenomenal on its own, the fresh sweetness actually enhanced the Eggs Benedict. 

Or maybe just made me drunk and hungry. 

Regardless, I forget what it was called, but it contained:

1 part vodka

1 part St. Germain elderflower liqueur

1 part champagne

1 part white peach juice nectar

Best way to describe the taste is like a Bellini with a kick.  A delicious, delicious kick.

Anyway, since I've already got my rubber gloved hands full here today, this is a play along at home post.  Please list the recipe for your favorite adult beverage and the ideal time and/or place to drink it.

And with that, I bid you salut.

Comments

[Karen]

The lazy margarita:

Jose Cuervo gold margarita mix
(none of that cheap shit, it makes me gag!)+
Ice= one happy mommy!

[Sharon]

Lime cooler:

Take 1 can frozen limeade, put that in a pitcher. Add 1 can of vodka and 1 can of club soda.

Drink two glasses laying on the couch with your dog on a Friday night after a hard week at work and wake up 4 hours later with your contacts glued to your eyes and wondering where you are. Delish!

[Leslie]

The Nixon
(a bit time consuming but so worth it)

1 peach, peeled and chopped
1 tsp to 1 tbsp sugar (depending on sweetness of peaches)
2 oz. good bourbon
2 oz. plymouth sloe gin(must be this brand)

Muddle the peaches with the sugar. Strain in to a cocktail mixer filled with ice.
Add bourbom and sloe gin.
Shake until cold.

Strain into a glass and enjoy!

[Jennifer]

While you were cleaning up cat poop, my sister and I were celebrating my birthday with Sgroppinos at Temple Bar in NYC. I have to say they are my new favorite summer drink! There seem to be many versions of this drink recipe floating around the web but I would recommend one that doesn't include cream or ice cream or any dairy...summer drinks are supposed to be light, not creamy! The version from Temple Bar was composed of Lemon Italian Ices, Prosecco, and Vodka. My sister tried to make a batch at home, but learned the hard way that you shouldn't put sparkling wine in a blender. The bartender last night told us he uses an immersion blender (one of those handheld thingys). I suggest everyone reading this drop what they're doing right now, and make and drink a pitcher of Sgroppino! Booze it up folks!

[Kelly]

I know The Secret was the last post, but I'm with you 15%. When I saw the author on Oprah, I thought "What about little starving kids in [fill in the blank]? What badness did they commit in the universe to 'attract' poverty/starvation?"

To attempt to erase such thoughts, I recommend a lemon martini:

Combine about 2 parts citrus vodka (whatever brand you prefer), 1 part lemon juice, 1 cup or so of ice (crushed, preferably, to dilute the vodka a bit) and about 2 tbsp. of Splenda (it's diet!) to taste in a martini shaker. Shake and pour into martini glass with fresh lemon rubbed along the rim and dipped in sugar. Garnish with lemon wedge or peel until you're too drunk to care what the f@#$ it looks like.

[Paige]

Okay, I just wanted to give my two cents about the secret. I didn't read the book, but I opted to watch the film version. As an atheist, when my three catholic girlfriends/coworkers invited me to watch it with them, I was pretty skeptical to say the least, thinking it was some religious thing. But my curiosity made me watch, and I have to tell you- I really think there is a lot of truth to it. Positive thinking has gotten me pretty damn far in my life so far, and I didn't even know I was using "The Secret." I'm pretty young to have accomplished what I have, and I did it on my own, with the only help being my attitude and perserverance. So...that's all I have to say about that :)

[JaymeK]

Have a Brazen Hussy in a traditional martini glass,

Partially fill cocktail Shaker with ice cubes
Add 1 measure vodka
1 measure cointreau
1 1/2 measure of fresh lemon juice.
shake well, strain into cocktail glass

Drink at twilight while wearing a jewel encrusted caftan and remark "Life is a banquet and people are simply starving!"

[Shari]

The Zolatini, from Zola's New World Bistro in State College, PA. Not sure of proportions, but have fun trying!

vanilla vodka
amaretto
cranberry juice
lime juice

[Carrie]

Frozen Mixed berries and Champagne.
The berries act like ice cubes and give the champagne a fruity taste. At the end you can eat the alcohol laced berries. A classy version of a wop.

[Morgan]

I don't think it has a name...but I like to mix Stoli Blueberry with cranberry juice and add a splash of soda with a lime wedge. It's delicious!

[Amy]

How can it be that no one has yet named my own personal fave: The Greyhound? I know, it's not schmancy like so many of the above, but it's awesome, and the perfect brunch-y/ breakfast drink (especially at work).

2 parts Vodka
1 part fresh Grapefruit Juice
Ice

Combine, Shake, Shake, Shake and Sip. Yums!

[Windbag]

My sorority sisters and I came up with this one night:

Rape
Equal Parts of:
Chambord
Malibu
Jager
Mt. Dew

It doesn't matter how you layer the liquors in, just make sure the Mt. Dew is last. This drink is best if made when all the ingredients are super cold. You can drink it just as well warm, just don't mix it warm.

[Jessica]

Two drinks:

The Raspberry Sparkle:
2 parts raspberry vodka
2 parts Rose's lime juice

Shake and strain into a martini glass, finish with a splash of cran-raspberry juice and a splash of brut champagne or sparkling wine (I whole-heartedly suggest Freixenet's brut cava, under $10/bottle and dry as I could hope). Drink anywhere your husband won't jostle your elbow and spill it down your new white sweater or all over your friend's carpet. Also an excellent fuel for the "I can totally kick ass at singing on Rock Band" evenings.

Mimosas:
Glass of (again, I suggest Freixenet) champagne or sparkling wine, approx. 3/4 full.
Fill the rest with fresh-squeezed OJ for color. Drink everywhere at any time.

(Alternately: Dump bottle of champagne into Nalgene bottle, add approx. 1-2 cups OJ. Place in cooler in back seat of car, let passengers drink it. Bonus points if your wife, who is in the middle of a geology class this quarter, gets drunk by 10am when you're driving to the Gorge 3 hours away and spends the last hour of the drive lecturing you about lava formations in Eastern Washington.) (Not that, you know, I've been that wife or anything.)

[Amy]

This is magnificent! My husband and I work really hard on our "summer tolerance". We spend most weekends out by the pool with the kids. Around 10:00 we start with the "crystaltini".
Parrot Bay (lots)
Triple Sec
Strawberry Orange Banana Crystal Light
Pour all over ice and stir.
Later we switch to Margartias. This is the best ever, but you must not stray from this ingredient list. We take great pride in them.
1oz El Jimador tequila
1oz Grand Marnier
1oz Limoncello
3oz Dr. Swami & Bone Daddy's Sweet Sour Mix (found at Cost Plus or online)
Mix all in shaker with ice. Pour into salt rimmed glass.
We also make the blue version which is tequila, blue curacao, and triple sec with the mix. Use the same amount as above.
It has changed my life. ;)

[Katie]

PS I just printed this out and plan to hit the liquor store tonight after work or maybe during my lunch :).

Anyway this past weekend I had the most refreshing and amazing drink - it has fruit so it is healthy too.

Blueberry Lemondrop

Blueberry Vodka
Lemon-aide

Add a few blueberries to the glass and presto a yummy summer drink.

Cheers to all!

[Kristen]

I'm a lightweight:

Frozo Margaritas - Jimmy Buffet Style

Titsani - which is Proseco (Champagne) and Red Grape Juice.

Mimosas - Proseco and Orange Juice

I'm getting married in about two weeks - guess what will be in my hotel room? Proseco and Orange juice!

and my all time fav an Ammaretto Sour (which is always on hand in my house - Sweet and Sour Mix (Whiskey Sour) and Ammaretto.

I know I can't spell Ammaretto but I should be consistent with the misspelling. Enjoy.

[Heather]

Cherry Coke and Rum.....I use Badardi Select...I highly recommend if you must sleep and you are drinking this at night....To use Caffiene free Coke with Grenadine....I speak with experience

BTW I don't care if you read the book and say it is great, I am not going to read it....It is what you said "Horsesh&%"...Unless I become a member of the CHURCH OF OPRAH (find your inner spirituality, blah blah blah) then I doubt it will be any good to me.....

[Candice]

Large Glass of Ice...(really large)
2 shots Blue UV
2 shots Malibu
Sprite or bubby sweet stuff of your choice.
Tastes like summer. Smells like vacation. Feels like hell the next day.

[Sara]

Called "The Sara" Best drink EVER!

Malibu Rum
Pineapple Juice
Splash of Grenadine

Delish! Good anytime, especially at breakfast (It has juice!)

[yetanotherJen]

...and if you really want to give The Secret a chance, screw reading the book, watch the DVD. It will save you hours of your life that you will never get back.

[yetanotherJen]

No umbrella in this one...

1 part Jack Daniels
1 part Coke
stir

[Danon]

My favorite is one part frozen pink lemonade (the whole can) and a bottle of champagne. stir and guzzle it down. its wonderful!

[Danon]

My favorite is one part frozen pink lemonade (the whole can) and a bottle of champagne. stir and guzzle it down. its wonderful!

[Danon]

My favorite is one part frozen pink lemonade (the whole can) and a bottle of champagne. stir and guzzle it down. its wonderful!

[Jennifer Camacho]

No recipe, but I vote for Pink Panty Pull-Downs and the Pink Sparkle! Party at my house, ladies!

[Kasey]

I've noticed that there is a lot of vodka recipes listed here...why is the rum always gone?

I love a drink called the Zombie. A few different kinds of rum, tropical juices, with a dark rum floater...mmmm! I also love margaritas, on the rocks, with salt when I can't think of anything else to drink. I also love a good Bloody Mary the morning after a long night!

There is also a new drink that I had at Mimi's cafe during brunch that is a new spin on the classic Mimosa.

Instead of OJ with the champagne....they used this strawberry puree/juice with strawberry slices in it. It was like an adult strawberry lemonade. The dryness of the champagne went really well with the naturally sweet strawberry flavor.

I also would suggest checking out thehungovergormet.com for new drink recipes to try as well as some strange hangover cures. I know I'll be trying some of these drinks this weekend! Thanks for all the awesome ideas!

[Janice]

Lychee martinis! Not really a breakfast drink, but really should be!

2 parts lychee juice
1 part pineapple juice
2 parts vodka

Shake until the ice crystals form! AAAH!

[Manic Mommy]

Jen, I think you need to take all of these recipes and make a cocktail recipe book! Yeah, like in your free time! LOL!

[Manic Mommy]

God, I HATE being late to the party! Here's one my girlfriend and I invented and not only is it fun to drink, it's fun to drink WHERE we drink it, and it's fun HOW we drink it.

We call 'em POOL BOYS.

This is what you'll need:

A Sharpie pen. Yes, stay with me on this one.
A Solo cup, preferably the 16 oz. sized as we like our Pool Boys LARGE!
Store-bought Ice
Champagne
Cranberry juice
Pineapple juice
Fruit garnish of your liking (orange or limes are the best.

You invite your guests over to enjoy your Pool Boys, best poolside. You ask them if they would like a Pool Boy and then you tell 'em they have to name their Pool Boy. We prefer exotic names such as Enrique, Julio, Xavier, Juan, Pablo ... the more exotic, the better. Then, after we've written their Pool Boy's name on their solo cup, you fill their cup with ice, and as much champagne as you feel like. I usually prefer at least 1/2 filled with champagne. Next comes the cranberry, and then a splash of pineapple. Stir, garnish with fruit, and then enjoy your Pool Boy.

It's always fun if it's a big party to go around and see what the names of the other Pool BOys are. And yeah, we did this on the last day of school this year.

[Windbag]

My sorority sisters and I came up with this one night, and we called it Rape, because, well, it sorta rapes ya.

Equal parts of:
Chambord
Mountain Dew (Kroger's Citrus Drop works better if you can find it)
Jagermeister
Malibu

Layer the liquor in first (doesn't matter what order), but save the Mt. Dew for last.

The trick to this is to make sure all the ingredients are super cold when you first make the drink. It's still good when warm, but if you make it warm it doesn't taste as well.

I gotta admit, y'all posted so GREAT drink recipes! Can't wait to try them out.

[Jules]

I have 3 favorite summertime, delicious, refreshing drinks (in no particular order):
1 part Stoli vanilla, gingerale, twist of lime.

Muddle lime w/a bit of sugar (I love lime so I use a lot), 1 part simple syrup, 1 part Bicardi Limon, splash of club soda, twist of lime on top.

"Blue Drink" - 1 part Blue Curacoa, 1 part tequila, 1 part Rose's Lime Juice (a must!) and 1/2 of lime squeezed on top. Lots of ice. Did I mention I love lime?

[hebba]

Always reminds me of my college years:

Blue Whale
blue curacao
vodka
lemonade
Mix together in a pitcher in whatever random way you wish.

Alternately, add pink lemonade and call it the purple whale.

Drink while wearing jean shorts, a giant oversized sweatshirt, and a matching scrunchie!

[Tanisha]

That drink sounds fantabulous and I must try it immediately! One of my favorite drinks is the Red Apple Martini:

1 shot of Apple Pucker
2 shots of Vodka
Apple juice to taste
Fresh crushed peppermint candy cane for the rimmer.

[Ginny]

Funny how cats tend to communicate their deepest thoughts via PEE-mail!

[Kathryn]

too many too list, but here is the current seasonal fave, best consumed any time there is a sunny patio to be sat on:

tall glass full of ice
2 oz Pims
1/2 lime, juiced
topped with Organic ginger-ale (trust me, the organic part is imprtant)
inch-think cucumber round
1 fresh strawberry

yummylicious!

[Ange]

So glad I'm not the only one that wakes up to cat p and puke on the kitchen table! But has anyone got a tiny little dog that has to cover it with his scent too? Ahh welcome to my world :)

My favourite: Strawberry Daquiri
Rum (as much as you like)
strawberries
ice
blend
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Samantha]

Jen- So funny! I haven't read your blog in a week, and I thought you all were voting on Secret the Deodorant! I almost had an asthma attack laughing when I read down further.

The Secret works extremely well. Sorry if that makes me a Pollyanna.

S

[Christine]

I am SO loving this post. Definitely have to take some notes ; )
I'm pretty much a wine drinker, Cab year round and lately very chilled Savignon Blanc.
But I do have a few tasty and quick Margarita recipes that I have used at Buffet concerts and the beach.

1 pkg Crystal lite lemonade
1/2 the amount of water you would use w that
3 shots tequila
3 shots triple sec
4 shots Roses lime juice

Here's a weird combo but it works:
1 12oz bottle Corona
1 12oz frozen limeade (defrosted ; )
1 12oz can of 7-up
6 oz tequila
2 oz triple sec

Wow I am VERY thirsty right NOW!

[Boo]

Pomegranate Mimosa:

sweet champagne/sparkling white wine (preferably Schloss Biebrich from Trader Joe's)
sparkling pomegranate juice

pour into a travel mug with a lid and walk to the beach at low tide with friends. great drink for summer and sunsets, too. Salud!

[Kimberly]

Usually, it's a corkscrew, a bottle of red and my Big Gulp cup but I'll play along.

Fill a 2 Quart Pitcher up with the following:
1/3 cranberry juice
1/3 ginger ale
1/3 vodka of choice
Squeeze 1 whole lemon in & stir

I call it "The Kimmy"

[littlemsblogger]

www.catpaper.com - you'll love it.

[Princess Cat]

Screw Mimosas ...

1/3 Sparking Pomegranate Juice
2/3 Champagne

Breakfast is served!

[Lizzie]

I think its an excellent idea to actually read it, worst case scenario- you have extra ammunition with which to snark, best case scenario- it totally revolutionizes your life! Hahaha :)

Just please buy it second hand, so as not to add to the machine.

[Michelle]

The best new vodka out is UV Pink Lemonaid flavored. I mix it with regular Pink Lemonaid and it's divine. Goes great with the backyard BBQ on a warm day. But be careful... it's best to have the hubby tend the grill because you might not realize how quickly the drinks hit you (and, not saying that this happened to me or anything, but you might just scorch the hell out of the perfectly seasoned steaks or, worse, burn your freaking hand by touching the flaming hot metal just to show off to your friends that you can handle the heat).

[Suzanne]

It's almost 5pm in California, and now I want a cocktail!

White Orchid Martini

1 part Vodka
1 part White Grape Juice
Fresh or Roses Lime Juice to taste
Garnish with a white orchid

Drink at sunset overlooking the ocean...

[Lauren]

Singapore Slings! It's the perfect celebration drink!

1/2 oz grenadine syrup
1 oz gin
sweet and sour mix
club soda
1/2 oz cherry brandy

Pour grenadine into the bottom of a collins glass, and fill with ice. Add gin, and almost-fill with equal parts of sweet and sour and chilled soda. Top with cherry brandy, and serve unstirred, garnished with a cherry.

[nikki]

the classic bloody mary -
comes in serious handy when dealing with a hangover but also a nice treat just to catch a buzz on a crisp sunday morning while reading the newspaper or getting it on.

2 shots vodka (i prefer ketel one)
1 small can of tomato juice/V8
2 pickles or maybe 3-4 martini olives (no celery here...unless you're on a diet)
and a couple dashes/splashes of Louisiana Hot Sauce.

:)

[Lindsay Teague]

Just wanted to stop by to say hi, so hi! You clearly have no idea who the eff i am, but a friend recommended your book to me after reading my blog (drawing comparisons that I'm not sure were complimentary or not, but hey, I always assume the good stuff when it comes to me). I read Bitter is the New Black and LOVED IT! Seriously, it changed my life (not really, but I trend toward the dramatic in life). Thanks for the fun reads. I'm moving on to the next book.

Lindsay

[AJMick]

Oh, I have such simple needs where booze is concerned... and soooo many favorites, but my ultimate?

Mezzaluna vodka on the rocks

It works.

And you can't buy that shit in the middle of BFE Midwest where I live but I have a lovely vendor on the East coast who gifted me a bottle a few weeks ago. I still haven't opened it. But the right time/place for it? A lazy evening, good food, some Charlie Parker playing in the background, and pleasant company (or not). The End.

Also, for some reason my cats have decided they love our kitchen table; am so fucking glad right now we haven't had any similar incidents but you better believe I'm gonna keep that litter box clean after reading this post.

[Jorie]

I usually don't post just enjoy your blog, but now your into an area where I feel I am an expert. Kate, at Starlite Lounge in San Diego, is truly a genius at the drinks. Her's don't use flavored alcohol rather she makes the flavoring herself..

Lavendar Martini

First make your own lavendar honey syrup. Bring one cup water to boil. Take off heat. throw in 2 cups good honey and about 1/4 culinary lavendar. let steep and strain out lavendar. refrigerate after use...

Now for actual drink part...
Muddle 4 mint leaves in shaker
Add 1 or 2 shots kettle one
1/2 lemon
1-2 tablespoons of lavendar syrup
Shake

Strain and pour in glass.
Yum.. I tend to call this one the mind eraser.

She also has one at the bar called the Gunga Din that is an alcoholic version of sweet iced tea...
Lavendar Honey syrup works great as an alternate to Simple syrup and also is great in Earl Grey tea.