Worst Tablescape Ever

First, the old business -

We're running about 85/15 anti-Secret to pro-Secret around here (bless your snarky little hearts!)  However, there's a vocal minority amongst you of the why-don't-you-fucking-read-it-before-you-judge-it variety.  Excellent point.  I'm always pissed off when people smack-talk my work when it's obvious they haven't actually seen it, so I shouldn't do the same thing. 

Tell you what - I'll read it.  And if that in any way changes my opinion, I'll post a retraction here. 

(In the words of Principal Skinner, prove me wrong, children.  Prove me wrong.)

(Also?  The dogs are already huge believers which totally explains their recent internet celebrity.)

Speaking of the ungrateful, I woke up this morning to discover one of the cats had whizzed on the kitchen table.  Again.  (This is Bones's charming way of letting me know he'd like his litter box serviced.) 

As I scrubbed, disinfected, and grumbled, it occurred to me that now would be the perfect opportunity for a breakfast cocktail.  Seriously, when you roll out of bed only to immediately start cleaning urine off the surface where you eat, the day's probably already shot.  But we only have wine in the house, and that just doesn't pair well with coffee and Pine Sol.

When I was away on my girls' weekend, we went to brunch and I discovered the ultimate breakfast martini.  Although it would have been phenomenal on its own, the fresh sweetness actually enhanced the Eggs Benedict. 

Or maybe just made me drunk and hungry. 

Regardless, I forget what it was called, but it contained:

1 part vodka

1 part St. Germain elderflower liqueur

1 part champagne

1 part white peach juice nectar

Best way to describe the taste is like a Bellini with a kick.  A delicious, delicious kick.

Anyway, since I've already got my rubber gloved hands full here today, this is a play along at home post.  Please list the recipe for your favorite adult beverage and the ideal time and/or place to drink it.

And with that, I bid you salut.

Comments

[Mary]

My fave is the Pink Flirtini: They say it was invented for SJP during Sex and the City, but screw her! It's my drink now!

Ingredients
1 fluid ounce raspberry vodka
1/2 fluid ounce Cointreau liqueur
1/2 fluid ounce pineapple juice
1/2 fluid ounce cranberry juice
1 dash fresh lime juice
1-2 raspberries
LOTS of champagne
Directions
Muddle the raspberries in the bottom of a martini glass (or don't-I usually don't church it up like that).

Combine the raspberry vodka, cointreau, pineapple juice, cranberry juice and lime juice in a shaker.

Shake and strain into glass.

Top with champagne.

Enjoy!

Tip: When I serve these at a party, I make a pitcher of Flirtini "mixer" (raspberry vodka, Cointreau, pineapple juice, cranberry juice and lime juice) ahead of time. Then guests can pour the "mixer" in their glass, and add the champagne and raspberries themselves!

Warning: After three of these and no dinner, a friend and I shared a bench in a bar bathroom laughing at ourselves in the mirror for 30 minutes.

[Taylor K]

The TayTini. Perfect ANY time of day.

Raspberry Stoli (2 Parts)
Cointreau (1 Part)
Pineapple Juice (Splash)
Cranberry Juice (Splash)
Champagne Float
Garnish with Fresh Raspberries!

Yum.

I stole this martini recipe from Azul in La Jolla (sorry for renaming it, azul management) and it is delightful. They call it the Wind and Sea.

[Karen]

Isn't Secret a deodorant? So what stink is the book trying to cover up??? Haven't read and, with so much GOOD stuff out there to read probably won't.

Fav drink is anything the husband makes in the blender for me. All I have to do is say it's slushie day and he pours various things in the blender and makes me happy!

[staseeface]

FRENCH KISS!

Tastes just like those little red fishies:

Equal parts berry vodka and chambord. Topped off with a splash of pineapple juice. Trust me. It's the pineapple juice that makes you forget you are drinking alcohol!

YUMMEROONY!

[Jen]

My Jen-tini is my most favorite drink as of late. . .

Get a martini tumbler fill with ice

2 shots good vodka
you are not allowed to use Gordons or Smirnoff--this drink has my name on it. When you create your own drink you can add your own liquor)

1 shot cointreau (I give my permission to use any $7.99 bottle of triple sec, spend the money on good vodka--that's more important)

Fill the rest with a cran/raspberry juice

Shake it up and poor into a martini glass. ENJOY! Not too tart, not too sweet, ahhh

[Liane]

See? That's why I love your blog! Okay - there's this drink that they showcased on the shortlived show "The Parker". I loved that show....Anyway, there was an episode where an overweight comedian who for whatever reason brought her NUTRITIONIST with her to the hotel, snuck away to the bar and ordered a Lemonade drink. Not a lemon-drop which I love, but I can't remember the name of it, but do remember the ingredients because I called the hotel to get the recipe. It's: Champagne and a sugar cube soaked in limoncello with more limoncello if you want and a lemon peel for garnish. DELISH! As far as WHEN to drink it - how about by the pool (if you have a pool) on a weekend early evening. Enjoy!

[Serendipitous Girl]

Four sweet little words: Grey Goose Lemon Drops ... preferably while sitting outside on a gorgeous summer day with tons of eye candy walking by.

[kristin]

First response: whatever is in reach!

More specifically:

After a rough day at work (lots of those lately!): a nice big glass of red wine

On a Saturday afternoon: nothing beats an ice cold coronoa.

Pre-dinner cocktail: pomegranate martini (citrus vodka, pomegranate juice, lime juice; shake with ice and pour in an ice cold martini glass and garnish with lime. YUMMY!)

[Suz]

When we went on a cruise last year, we took a catamaran excursion in St. Thomas. Now before we boarded the sailboat we had a Bushwacker (which is the drink they are famous for) and it is great but I don't know the ingredients.
But on the catamarn the lovely bar boys made us an equally yummy drink (note: there was no measuring because we were swaying on a sailboat, so use your best judgement):

Pain Killer
OJ
Pineapple Juice
Rum
a dash of nutmeg (this is the secret yummy factor)

Besides you always need a painkiller when you are going for a bushwacker!

[Julie]

I really just love a good dirty martini

Ketel One Vodka
Olive juice (LOTS)
Olives.

:)

[stephani]

Favorite drink....MUFF DIVE...(the name is total porn, the drink is delightful)

1 part cranberry juice
1 part peach schnapps(DeKuypers' pref)
1 part vodka (Absolute rules)

I like to indulge after a terribly hectic day as a customer service rep for a telecom company (see also: 12th level of Hell). It's a wonderful libation and oh so yummy...like punch! ENJOY!

I guarantee, a few of these and you wouldn't care what the cats did where...but personally, having MAJOR issues with any bio hazard...I would have burned the table. That's just me.

[cary]

I can't beleive no one said the Mojito yet!
They are a pain in the A to make, but people are so impressed when they are good!
12 mint leaves
1 tbsp sugar
half a lime in the form of 4 slices
2 shots bacardi light
club soda
muddle the mint, sugar, and lime.
Add rum over ice and shake vigorously
top with club soda

you friends will love you for teaching them a new drink, and bartenders all over will curse you everytime they order one!

[DCSweetie]

Ever since the time (a few weeks ago) that I got too drunk on mimosas to GO TO CHURCH during the brunch I made for me and DH, I'm sticking with evening drinks. My margaritas are killer...best drunk when bitching about work on the deck...

Fresh lime, orange and lemon juice frozen into ice cubes (so as not to dilute the tequila)

Tequila (lots)

Triple sec (less than lots)

Splash of sour mix

Blend and let the bitching commence. Can be mixed with Corona if you're feeling especially redneck-y

[lara]

I like a Honolulu cooler: SoCo, Fresca, Pinepple Juice. Start with equal parts of all three; then tweak to your tastes. Garnish with pretty fruit of your choice.

Lovely anywhere!

[Some People Call Me Mom]

My first thought when I started reading this post was: "why are all these people so against Secret"? Deodorant is a good thing. Sure it's strong enough for a man - but it's made for a woman. Then I wondered if maybe I had stumbled over to Amalah by accident.

Then my brain kicked in and I was embarrassed by my retardation...

All that said - Pomegranate Cosmo. Happiest drink on earth.

[Baltimore Hon]

Blueberry Lemonade -
This is my new summer favorite.

In a tall glass filled with ice:

Blueberry Vodka (love the VanGogh)
fresh squeezed lemonade
Club Soda

Mix in whatever proportion you like - I like 1/2 vodka, 1/4 lemonade, 1/4 soda. The sprinkle in some fresh blueberries.

Yum Yum Yum.

[diana]

Chi Chi Aloha
--------------

1 can frozen lemonade
1 lg can pineapple juice
2 c pina colada mix
2 c vodka

I put this is a big jug, put the lid on and shake like crazy til it's all blended.

Pour into freezer-safe container.
It takes at least a day to get to a nice solid slushy consistency.

Scoop til glass is 1/2 - 3/4 full (depending on taste) and add Sprite/7UP and mix.

This lovely concoction stays ready in my freezer 24/7.
Enjoy!

[Amanda]

I don't have a name for this, but I love love love it. Sort of reminds me of a strawberry cream lifesaver. Even though there's no strawberry or cream in it. Hmm. I invented it from a bastardized bay breeze that I had a wedding bartender make for me bc I don't like pineapple juice.

Captain Morgan's spiced rum
orange juice
cranberry juice

I don't know how much of each, just mix it with the ratio of juices that tastes good to you--I like mine to be sort of a ruby red grapefruit juice color.

Good for anytime!

[Kristine]

Jen, I am loving the comments to this entry. Thank goodness for bookmarks! These recipes are great.

Mine is very basic but it's my favorite because I love Midori. Can't resist the neon green bottle. :)

MIDORI SOUR
1 oz Midori melon liqueur
2 oz Sweet and sour
Shake with ice and strain. Garnish with a slice of orange. Ice is optional.

[Petunia]

Melon Ball - delicious ANY time -

make it tall, make it short - whatever.

Vodka, OJ & Midori (Midori is a green melon liqueur)

Never know measurements but I would say for a tall one do 1 1/2 shots of vodka, 2 1/2 shots of Midori and then fill the rest w/OJ.

Also, can go for just Midori & OJ - bit more mellow.

(And am I the only one who still likes the occasional Fuzzy Navel?! Peach Schnapps & OJ - and I'm not even a big OJ fan)

[Libby]

I have 2 to contribute:

Peach schnapps
Cranberry juice
-sprite if you need another buffer...

-OR-

Captain Morgan
OJ
A splash of strawberry kiwi propel (don't knock it until you try it)

**Portions/parts are at your discretion- I never look or control it

[april]

Typically I'm a beer girl (Leine's Summer Shandy on any hot day when I get home from work!!), but for a fun night, gotta stick with Patsy and Edina and drink Stoli Boli's... Bollinger champagne with a shot of Stolichnaya vodka. Add a strawberry for a nice twist :) Mmm... can't wait to get home!
After reading your blog... I'm glad my cat chooses to just pee in the bathroom sink!

[Stacy]

WEIRD NAMES, BUT GOOD DRINKS!!

Little Green Fucker recipe

1/3 oz Bailey's® Irish cream
1/3 oz Midori® melon liqueur
1/3 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
Pour Bailey's into the bottom of the shot glass. Add Midori melon liqueur, and float Bacardi 151 on top.

Do not do afer you have had to much to drink!!
Flaming Gorilla Titties recipe

1 oz Bacardi® 151 rum
1 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur
Add the kahlua and then add bacardi 151 rum to the shot glass. Place a small sipping straw in the mixture and then light on fire. The straw is so you do not burn your eyebrows off. Once lit suck the shot through the straw till empty. Tastes like chocolate milk.

[Working Girl]

Pineapple Upside Down Martini - Taste just like the cake YUM!

Pineapple juice
vanilla vodka
grand marnier

shake the 2 together and poor into your glass and than add red grenadine to it to give it that upside down pinapple look...so yummy!

[Becci]

So glad that I'm slacking at work today.
Two of my personal favorites:

In a glass of indeterminate size pour Passion Fruit Vodka over ice. Stop when you feel like it. Add cranberry juice. Sip & giggle.

In a 2nd glass of indeterminate size pour silver rum over ice. Again stop when you feel like it. Add Ting (very hard to find in US but Squirt will work) top with a dash of Angostura bitters. Very refreshing on a hot summer day. Will also kick your ass!

[Working Girl]

Pineapple Upside Down Martini - Taste just like the cake YUM!

Pineapple juice
vanilla vodka
grand marnier

shake the 2 together and poor into your glass and than add red grenadine to it to give it that upside down pinapple look...so yummy!

[vivnboys]

I'm a fan of the SMITHERS MARTINI, when there is nothing good on the dessert menu (it's happened - rarely, but it HAS happened.)
Equal parts:
Bailey's Irish Cream,
Frangelico and
Grand Marnier
- chilled, shaken and served in a martini glass with a little dusting of cocoa powder & cinnamon on the top.

Regular drinks? Can't go wrong with Lemon Drops, Pom Martinis and Caddilac Margaritas

[pineapple]

copied from mah silly blog:

Pineapple Surprise
2.5 oz malibu coconut flavored rum
2.5 oz pineapple juice
2.5 oz ginger ale
2 ice cubes
couple splashes strawberry syrup (or grenadine)
2 slices pineapple (for garnish)
mix equal parts all liquid ingredients in shaker (or large glass w/spoon, if you’re ghetto). grab two frosted cocktail glasses (frosting optional). place an ice cube in each glass and splash with 2 or 3 squirts of syrup (incidentally, snow cone strawberry syrup works wonders). pour equal measures of drink mixture into each glass. garnish with pineapple slices. enjoy!

somewhat ghetto and hodge-podge, but damn was it tasty. i wish we had some of the yummy strawberry sugar to rim the glasses like the tapas joint in maine, but i’m slowly working up my bar contents. either way, a light summer cocktail is a good thing every once in a while. especially to liven up a blah weekend.

=======================

so ghetto but so freakin' tasty. and now i want one but have none & am at work.

also, mama's moonshine above sounds DELISH!

[amykins]

Amy's Mango Sippy
2 shots Absolut Vanilla vodka
1 teaspoon coco loco
1 cup of really good mango juice
spritz of club soda for fizz
-Mix the vodka and coco loco until creamy, add mango juice to the top of your goblet, yes, goblet and then pour just about a half finger of club soda on the top. Great if all ingredients are chilled first. Everytime is a great time for this cocktail, but it is especially good when the kids are home from summer vacation and they have been home for almost two months:

[kara]

all that talk of cocktails prompted me to make a lunchtime run to the local liquor store and get the makings of a mimosa. good times.

[sheri]

Fav martini - the Key Lime Pie Martini
(what can i say, i'm actually one of the few true FL natives...)

Have no idea of the measurements as i have a fab fiance who just makes them for me when i wave my wand (really, it's only after hours of begging that he does this)

*Cream (half and half OR coconut cream)

*Vanilla Vodka

*Pineapple juice

*either sweetened Key Lime juice (you'll still need a pkg of splenda) OR a bit of frozen limeeade (prefer the limeade, no sweetener needed then)

*crushed graham crackers for rim of glass

[Kathi]

I am looking forward to your thoughts on "The Secret." I think you will especially like the part that food does not make you fat, your thoughts make you fat.

[Chunky A]

Heh. No drinky here, but a comment on the secret.
I havent read it either(unless 1 star vs 5 star on amazon count as knowledge)
But I did get an email about some guru Silva bs that said this:
Do you want to truly take advantage of Law of Attraction
as described in the hit DVD, The Secret ****(not the airy- fairy magical thinking part, but the proven "create the life you want" part)?***

So, I thought it summed up what I knew perfect..

[antof9]

White Girl/Skinny White Bitch

Fill a full-size water glass with ice
Pour in 2 shots of vodka
Fill glass with white grape juice
Stir and drink with a straw

If you use low sugar juice (which I do), then it's a Skinny White Girl. Which my friend Scotty keeps calling "Skinny White Bitch" and that name is getting more use in our house than the original.

Best? Really, almost any time, but especially in the summer.

[Jody Yano]

My girlfriends & I have a "Mommy Happy Hour" occassionally, and make a yummy little treat one of our husband's call the Loaded Mommy.

2 shots raspberry vodka
2 shots blue raspberry martini mix
Enough OJ to fill glass

Stir, add ice & enjoy! The kids are a LOT more tolerable afterward! :-)

[Party Girl]

OH MY GOD! THIS IS FUN!

[megan]

soo many to choose..
1) skinny bitch margarita (which i discovered by watching "real housewives of NYC- yes shoot me)
2oz patron
1oz cointreau
3oz fresh squeezed lime juice (who am i kidding, the bottled stuff works just as well).

2) French Martini
2oz Vodka
1oz Pineapple juice
1/4oz Chambord

[Bacchus]

SIDE CAR! Best place to enjoy? Solo so you don't have to share!

2 parts cheap brandy
1 part limoncello
1 part sweet and sour mixer
1 part triple sec
juice from 1/2 lime
Shake the shit out of it with ice. Put it in a lime zested, sugared glass.
Tastes like a damn great twisted margarita.

P.S. You are welcome ;)

[Jaci]

Hilarious! What exactly would little Miss Sandra Lee say if she found cat pee all over her breakfast tablescape? I would pay to see her reaction...and I don't think she would smile and cheerily say, "It's COCKTAIL time!"

[Amanda]

I call this:

"Bathing Suit Shopping Aftermath"

In a tall delicate flute glass combine the following:

Equal parts Vodka & Vodka

Tissue box optional.

[tutugirl1345]

For those days you need dessert and a drink:
Amaretto Sour
-Amaretto
-Sweet and Sour Mix

For those days you're going to kill someone if you don't have a drink:
Manhattan
-vermouth
-bourbon
-5 maraschino cherries

For those days you want your relatives to think you're fucking nuts, cause you don't make anything the way they think it should be:
Pimm's Cup
muddle cucumber, orange slices and mint, pour a bunch of Pimm's No.1 on top and let sit for an hour. Pour out the amount of booze you want and top with ginger ale.

This last one only works if you're not in North Carolina where the stupid ABC stores don't sell fancy stuff like Pimms.

[Jennifer]

The Vodco (named after my dog, Rocco)

Coconut Rum (get it, the "co"

Vodka (because he is a Siberian Husky and Vodka is big in Russia which is close to Siberia, right?!)

Vanilla Ice Cream (again because he is a Siberian Husky it has to be a Frozen!!)

[Molly]

I will say my favorite place to drink is always with friends and outside preferably in nice weather!

TIFFANY'S SUMMER PUNCH!!! Yea!

12 ounces frozen orange juice
12 ounces frozen lemonade
12 ounces frozen pineapple juice
24 ounces water (try Pellegrino!)
1 fifth "99 Bananas" (clear alcohol - one bottle yummy stuff)
1 fifth pineapple rum
1 2 liter bottle 7-Up (diet?!)
1 2 liter bottle Fresca
Ice cubes and a wadload of friends. Goes down way easy - be careful! If you are on a lake or in a pool, THIS IS HARD TO BEAT!

*Also to the pink panty put downs or Pink Panty Droppers above...very easy - 1 12 ounce frozen can anything - 12 ounces of your favorite liquor (rum, vodka, tequila), 12 ounces beer, and 12 ounces "stretcher" such as 7-Up, Sprite, Water...whatever...and you can't go wrong.
A panty dropper I love is limeade, tequila, beer, Pellegrino for the stretcher. Yum!

[Meg]

Wendy - I totally have the little bottle of Hot Sex in my fridge right now! And she's right, its delicious.

As for my favorite drinks, I have too many to count so here's two. One is for after dinner and one is a "punch" sort of drink to make for a party.

First, the after dinner drink:

Buttery Nipple:
1 part Butterscotch schnapps
1 part Bailey's
You're supposed to float the Bailey's on top when it's served as a shot, but if you stir it up and serve over ice in a tumbler, its perfect to sip. I once had a big table full of 60 year old ladies order them after dinner. That was the first I'd heard of them and I almost passed out.

Second, the party punch that packs a punch.

We call it "The Biz" but on college campuses nationwide it is more lovingly known as "Strip and Go Naked" because let's face it, enough of it will cause your clothes to fall off.
6 Beers - we use PBR (it won blue ribbons for a reason people)
12 oz Lemonade or OJ concentrate
12 oz Vodka
You can use off brand everything because once it is mixed together, it is delicious. It sounds awful, but trust me, the juice masks the beer/vodka-y taste. Just put 3 cans of beer in a large pitcher, dump in the juice concentrate and the vodka and then put in the other 3 beers. Stir and pour.

The last time we made this, we made a triple batch in a cooler (Christmas break in Breckenridge). I'd love to tell you what happened that night, but I can't.

Anywho, enjoy!

[Corey]

Washington Apple my friends :) Tastes like apple juice... but kicks your butt!

1 part Crown Royal
1 part Sour Apple Pucker Schnapps
1 part cranberry juice.

Leave it there for a shot (using 1/3) or add a bit more to your cup and fill the rest with 7up. Either way it tastes JUST like an apple...

Just don't throw it up out your nose. That hurt.

[Sara]

Hmm. Other than wine, I'd have to say my favorite adult beverage is an extra-dirty martini...any vodka except cheap (I like Grey Goose or Absolut)a bit of vermouth and a whole lot of olive juice plus a few olive (bleu cheese stuffed if you've got 'em) I love them so much that my boyfriend gave me a magnetic bumper sticker with a picture of a martini that says "I Like it Dirty"--though I have to take it off before I go to my parents' house. ;)

[Sarah]

Okay, so I'm famous for many reasons, but the main reason is that I make this thing called "Spinning Punch." Why is it called spinning punch? Because I make it in a salad spinner. I swear on my life it makes it taste better.

Basically, it's every kind of rum you can get your hands on, white and gold tequilla, peach schnaps, grenadine, coconut juice, pineapple juice, guava juice, and papaya juice, then a twist of Lime for an extra yummy kick!

It'll knock you on your ass, but it's the best drink ever if you serve it from the salad spinner, I promise you!!!

[Brandi]

I guess I'm lame, I can just drink peppermint schnappes on ice and be happy. And Midori sours. I guess I need to expand my repertoire...

[Autumn]

One Easter, my mother and mother-in-law were working my last nerve pretty good and I was going "Licking the Light Socket" crazy, so I invented what my kids now refer to as "Mommy's Easter Punch." It's nice, because it's a versatile drink that allows for substitution when mixing under duress. (Additionally, without the liquor, it makes a nice mocktail for kids - they love it with the garnish.)

1 part Lazzaroni Amaretto
1 part Liquor 43 or Tuaca or Navan Vanilla Cognac
1 part Pineapple or Orange Juice
Splash of Club Soda or other clear fizzy liquid on hand (Sierra Mist Free works well)
Stir

Add a Splash of grenadine or Maraschino cherry juice and garnish with cherries or pineapple chunks or both)

In a pinch, a shot or two of Lazzaroni Amaretto by itself does a body good, too.

Also, X-Rated rocks hard on ice by itself.

[Bijoux]

for Cats and their slaves...

The Pompeii by Bijoux

Put into blender
2 parts Kettel Vodka
2 Tbsp Ciao Bella Blood Orange gelato
1 part Volcano blood orange juice
3 icecubes
1 Tbsp fresh lime

Rinse, repeat