Eat, Sleep, Pick Fights

My schedule for the last week and a half:

Eat, sleep, swim. 

Eat, sleep, write. 

Eat, sleep, write, watch Olympics. 

Eat, sleep, watch Olympics.

My productivity has dropped since opening ceremonies... like, a lot.  Sure, I've been attempting to churn out this book, but I keep finding myself lapsing into diatribes about how real sixteen year olds aren't missing baby teeth and how more sports should be performed on trampolines and what an excellent word "Velodrome" is (sounds like a futuristic breath mint, yes?) and why Speedos aren't the devil after all.

As part of my all-Olympic, all-the-time regimen, I was watching the interview with Michael Phelps last night and he brought up a point that made me shout, "He just ripped off my Women's Health article!"  Then it occurred to me he's been a world-class athlete for years and years, and not just since reading my story in the July/August issue.  And then I remembered they cut out that piece of advice, anyway.

(Brief aside for those who saw the interview: how cute is it that he's breaking records and winning medals but is still still compelled to check out his Facebook page?)

(Another brief aside: yes, I'm going to start a Facebook page again if/when I ever finish my deadline.) 

If you missed the interview because you were busy having a life (or possibly writing what someone has already paid you for in anticipation of your actually finishing it) and not just camping out in front of Olympic coverage all day, then you didn't see where Michael said he's not swimming against himself.  Rather, he always performs his best to show the nay-sayers they don't know what they're talking about.  He mentioned how Michael Jordan would manufacture an issue before games so he wasn't just playing, he was playing to beat whomever slighted him.  This is exactly the point I made in my article:

Finding a nemesis:  I finally learned to play to my greatest strength - a competitive nature.  Now any time I'm engaged in an activity, I quietly target one unsuspecting gym patron and watch to see whatever he or she is doing.  If my nemesis lifts seventy pounds, I try for eighty.  Should he walk on an incline of five percent, I try for seven.  If she rides the bike for forty minutes, I will do forty-five and I celebrate every time I beat her even though she has no clue we've been competing.  Childish?  Maybe.  Effective?  Absolutely.

Works nicely in many aspects of life, not just athletics.

When I went through my archived documents to find this, I ran across an opinion piece I did for Forbes.com last year.  (A reporter queried me and wanted to know if I had any thoughts about a life-coaching organization called Becoming Alpha.  Not surprisingly, I did.)  They only used a piece of what I wrote, but I'm reprinting the whole thing here because it remains one of my favorite things I've ever written:

I'm naturally quizzical of an enterprise with an admission price of $10,000, particularly when that enterprise involves Life Coaching, an industry lacking any sort of regulatory standard.  I'm even more wary when said enterprise claims the ability to teach people to become Alpha Males (and Females.)  And I'm downright suspicious when the company offers no credentials about its instructors on the website, its main marketing tool. 

Seems like if their whole business model involves using coaches to affect results, they might want to mention why they're qualified.

Unless, of course, they're full of shit.

Enter BecomeAlpha, a “high-level life/business coaching for individuals and businesspeople interested in learning ways to legitimately and significantly increase their business's profitability, their salary at their company, or their ability to climb the proverbial corporate ladder.”  Essentially these mysterious coaches teach people how to tap into their inner Alpha Male which, ostensibly, will lead them to ultimate success, profitability, and hot and cold running Brazilian supermodels twenty-four hours a day.  (OK, I may have made that last part up, but it's certainly implied in the press release.)

BecomeAlpha claims to be a hard-core, Marine-style boot camp for individuals who are tired of complacency and mediocrity.  They say the only way to become an Alpha is to do something about it, rather than doing nothing, which... OK, sure.  That makes sense.  Doing stuff beats not doing stuff.  For example, the guy who made piles of money by inventing the knit beer can cap sat around and emptied a lot of Miller High Lifes first.  His fortune only came when he said, “Hey, what if I added some yarn?”

BecomeAlpha instructs students on tapping into their uber-selves through a variety of workshops and conference calls.  Among other classes, they teach sessions on hypnosis.  Funny, but when my father discussed his Marine boot camp experience, he talked a lot about the 26-mile road marches on Parris Island, but never mentioned the hypnotherapy.  (To be fair, maybe Big Daddy missed Hypnosis Day because he was busy fighting a war with the North Koreans.)  BecomeAlpha also provides coursework on Intimacy and Seduction, crucial in any boardroom situation, don't you think?  (Ten bucks says they advise you pull your spouse's hair during the act of love, which may be sexy the first time, but will likely land you a spot on the couch with the dog if you try it twice.)

My issue with this particular business is their assertion you can't achieve success (and supermodels) until you're an Alpha and you can't become an Alpha until they teach you confidence.  The rub is that confidence can't be taught – it can only be achieved, say, by climbing a mountain or perhaps putting $10,000 towards an MBA program.  Although I do agree confidence is important, it's not the only part of the success equation.  Have all the bravado you'd like, but it's for naught if you can't back up what's coming out of your blow-hole.  Being competent in your profession is key and this isn't something you can learn in a classroom full of strangers from dozens of different industries.  Again, if you need to drop ten-large to hear you should be reading trade journals, becoming an Alpha is the least of your problems. 

Being an Alpha and being successful are not mutually exclusive.  Just look at Bill Gates – no one can say he's an Alpha, yet he seems to have done nicely for himself anyway.  Plus, definitions of success vary wildly from person to person.  For some it might be leading the pack financially, but for many that might entail the freedom to leave the office at 4:30 in order to make it their child's T-ball practice.

The bottom line is I don't believe it's possible to change who you are at your core, and if you could, it would be through intensive personal self-discovery and achievement, rather than being coached in a classroom full of people who are precisely as willing as you to part with $10,000 USD.      

On their popular television show, Penn and Teller summed up Life Coaching best in one word – bullshit. 

And I couldn't agree more.   

 

I'm going to amend this now by saying if you want to Become Alpha?  Swim faster.

Comments

[Emily]

Yeah, a past English teacher of mine used to spend about five, ten minutes a day trying to entertain my class with stories of his races and competitions at the gym (unbeknownst to his competitors). Surprisingly enough, he lost over 100 lbs in the length of the school year doing just that.

For the record, when he told us about that little trick it just seemed dumb. When you talk about it, however, I nearly fall off my chair from laughing so hard.

Coincidence? Not so much.

[Natalie]

You never cease to make me smile. One day to go until the first day of school (I'm a high school guidance counselor) and I definitely needed that blog entry today!! Thanks for being willing to put your thoughts out there.