Ready For The Fail Blog In 5... 4... 3...

UPDATE:  The biggest idiot is the one who accidentally switched to comment moderation and then spent three days wondering why no one else thought this was funny. 

SECOND UPDATE: Also, they didn't lose their bumper but I did watch them eventually get frustrated (TWO HOURS LATER!) and attack the root with a hammer and a screwdriver acting as a chisel. Fletch suggested I lend them my loafer and a butter knife.

How's anyone supposed to concentrate on work when two jackasses are about to lose a bumper trying to oust a 100 year old tree root?

"We'll see who's laughing when we crash into your garage."

Comments

[Karina in T.O]

By the way girl, if these morons are your neighbours please, please never let your pets outside unattended. Oy vay...

[Karina in T.O]

Oh. Sweet. Christ.

What the hell kind of madness is happening in your neighbourhood, Jen? Seriously???

A few weeks ago some assclown descided to do some wood cutting at 7am on a Saturday. (Our condo overlooks an industrial park with a car garage and stuff behind it). And apparently on this day they found the need to chainsaw some plywood at the ass crack of dawn!

So, I open my kitchen window all the way (19th floor, btw) and knowing that if I can hear the roar of the chainsaw, he'll surely be able to hear the roar of Karina, I sit and wait for my chance......as he turned it off for a moment I belt out "Hey cocksucker its 7am, turn of the fucking chainsaw!!!"

He proceeds to put the chainsaw down, looks around in confusion at the condos.....needless to say he did not resume until later in the day. ;)

[Dani]

Obviously in this case, we are waiting for the right job to come around for the right tools.

Summer '08 - bumper crop of asshats.

[stephani]

Oh I can see this on AFV in the next season....or one of those "stupid things people do" shows on CMT....add a trailer and some beer and a tractor and it's rednecks at their finest

[Srah]

Heh... it could be worse, at least he doesn't have a mile of 'Tradesman's Crack' on display!

[Manic Mommy]

I'm starting to wonder if the car crashed into your garage and landed you and Fletch into the hospital??? Where are YOU!?!?!?!

[nicole]

I just picked up your book last night "Such A Pretty Fat" and I love it! As a matter of fact, it inspired my latest blog... I was so happy to find you had one (why wouldn't you?)

Nicole

[karen]

Hey girl......just finished reading your latest book....LOVED IT! You're so fun to read. BTW....you've inspired me to get my flabby ass to the gym this afternoon...cheers!

[DodiM]

How long did it take before they were bumperless?

Wouldn't it be great if they had people that you can hire to do stuff like that for you... people that actually have equipment for stump removal...

Oh... right.

[The Contessa]

And what became of the root? The bumper? The Idiots? Hanging on the edge of my seat.

It's comforting to know that I am not the only one who documents through photos the antics of jackass neighbors. My neighbors are heinous. I spend considerable time thinking of ways to torment them. Today's "plan" is to launch a thousand crickets through the doggy door that enters their garage.

[The Contessa]

And what became of the root? The bumper? the Idiots? Hanging on the edge of my seat.

It's comforting to know that I am not the only one who documents through photos the antics of jackass neighbors. My neighbors are heinous. I spend considerable time thinking of ways to torment them. Today's "plan" is to launch a thousand crickets through the doggy door that enters their garage.

[kristin]

What? No other comments? Hard to believe. Is that a pic of your neighbors? Please tell me it's not Fletch's antics.

I finished, BITNB as few weeks ago,and am now happily in the midst of BL,BA. Can't wait for SAPF. Thank you. :-)

[Sheri]

Well? Did they lose that bumper? And if so, did you point and laugh and take a picture?

[Lisa Johnson]

What you guys live next door? 'cause I swear you were refering to something my husband would try!

[Lisa Johnson]

What you guys live next door? 'cause I'd swear that you were talking about my husband!

[Kristin Francis]

OMG! This is freaking hilarious. And totally looks like something my husband would do. I just pulled his tractor down the road with our fully capable diesel truck, but kept thinking, "hmm, why does it sound like the back end is about to excuse itself from this exercise?" Granted, our usual form of entertainment is watching a dead horse on the grassy knoll of our property instead of truck labor...but that's a whole other story for the blog on my soon to be up and running website. TTFN!

[Danielle Woods]

I just have to tell you. A friend had been reading out loud excerpts from one of your books about your visit to the gyno. I laughed so much I ran right out and bought "Such a Pretty Fat". I am a flight attendant with a major airline, was on an overnight. Went to the bar to eat and get a glass of wine. As I was reading your book was laughing out loud uncontrollably, people were looking at me like I was crazy. I drank 4 glasses of wine before I realized that the more I drank, the funnier you got. I honestly did not realize I was on my fourth glass of wine. Thanks for the laughs.

[AtlantaDebbie]

More photos? Outcome?

[Momo Fali]

I'd probably have to stop what I was doing to go give them unsolicited advice. I'm bossy like that.

[Caroline]

So... are you still laughing?

I find the biggest distractions during my workday (at least the ones OUTSIDE my own head) come from the herds of chickens that constantly run through my yard.

Oh, yeah, and the big, loud, aging, crazy Moluccan cockatoo who lives in my living room.

[kris77]

So, I've been waiting with bated breath...did they lose the bumper? Or were you too busy laughing hysterically to take pics and post?

[SI]

Jen, just wanted to comment and tell you that I have read your books and loved them all. The first book I read was Bitter is the New Black and I was sitting in a filthy Amtrak train laughing out loud at 3:00 am next to a snoring senior citizen wearing a nylon pink tracksuit. Your book allowed me to forget the horrors of the train bathroom, lack of personal hygeine of most of the riders and the next 10 hours that were ahead. THANK YOU!

[Kari]

OMG what an asshat!

[Jess]

I believe that this is where you are supposed to grab the video camera. Great fodder for any number of the video funnies, yes?

[Toni]

Wow. That is soooo Alabama. (Are those my neighbors?)

[Soren]

And??? Did they fail???
Also, I'm really curious how you guys, who seem like normal people (normal in this context means "like me and my husband") landed in a neighborhood filled with the most creative losers EVER? I mean, the guys with the lighter and the lost keys under the car? And the backyard hooker party (so much more creative than old-school street walking)... Are you on the cutting edge of gentrification in your area? They say artists are the first wave you know :D

[Lisa B]

OMG Jen. How long did you watch him? Thats some home grown entertainment, no pun intended (enter cheesey smile here). I too would have been totally mesmerized by the cunning display of IQ. They get an A for effort though, no?

[Marisa]

IDIOT!

[Undomestic Diva]

Good times. Someone should film this for one of those Spike TV "World's Biggest Dumbasses" video installments. I'd watch.

[Carrie]

Color me delighted! That is one heck of a project!

[Lori]

Ah, but great fodder for a book chapter. Just think how amusing it will be when they discover they've hitched their bumper to a water line. If it's a gas line, you might want to take cover and make sure the dogs are in the basement.

[Bethany]

Well.... what was the outcome? I don't see after photos, so I guess that the bumper stayed intact?

[Amisue]

So, did they lose the bumper?

[Peggi]

It would be hilarious if they chained it to the axle and ripped it out from under the car :)

Oh it is so fun to be evil!

[Shan]

Ah! Obviously related to his northern cousin Bubba Buddy Butthead (a.k.a. neighbor down the block) who BEGINS landscaping his yard with Bobcat at 10 p.m. ROOOOARRRR. (beep. beep. beep.) ROOOARRR etc.

If I thought he actually owned the Bobcat, I'd put sugar in the gas tank. Does anyone know how to make a voodoo doll?

Jen, re your neighbor, aren't men supposed to the ones who use the right tool for the right job? Apparently, not so much.

[Jen]

I honestly, truly, want to know how things develop. Keep us posted!

[Jen in Seattle]

I wouldn't worry. It looks like they know what they are doing.
Detect a hint of sarcasm? You should!

[Beth]

Don't they have power tools for that sort of thing?

[TheBabblingHousewife]

So...did they get it out?

[Shannon]

Are they trying to pull that out with an Integra? Holy Christ on a cracker, you have some weird neighbors.

[Shannon]

Did it work?????

[Sheri]

Is there an update? This couldn't have gone well...

[Geege]

I hope you kept the camera rolling to capture the rest of this!

[Michelle]

Um, I can't say I've experienced percisely THAT acoustic pleasure, but I'm listening to one neighbor's (daily, multi-hour) dog barking cacophony while the other is apparently power washing corrugated metal sheeting in his living room...gotta love row houses.

[Jill Layton]

Well at least they are not sporting the PLUMBER CRACK!

[Karen]

Wow. The random stupidness of people continues to amaze me!

[J]

LOL....gotta love a man's "do it yourself" attitude!

[PAPA]

I hope he doesn't have a dog attached to that rope (National Lampoon's Vacation).

[tutugirl1345]

Are those the same idiots who tried to look under your car with a lighter?

[Lauren in MI]

Brilliant.