UPDATED WITH 100% MORE SQUALOR - HALP; Or, The Universe Does Not Want Me to Finish This Book

Remember last week when I said our new sink was leaking?  And I was upset because I thought it was a big deal?  And I was all stressed out?

Well, guess what?  I'm not stressed about the tiny leak anymore. 

BECAUSE MY HOUSE IS SINKING.

As in:

THE BACK OF MY HOUSE IS SECEDING FROM THE FRONT.

(Caveat: Yes, I realize I didn't just lose all my shit in a hurricane and I'm really sorry for anyone who did.  But I don't live in hurricane territory and yet MY HOUSE IS SO WATERLOGGED IT'S SINKING ANYWAY.)

I live in an old row house and there's a small addition off the back.  That's where my office is.  Part of the floor in there is now a good two inches lower than it was last week and the foundation beneath is cracked and water has been spilling into the basement.

But wait!  There's more!

Water's been gushing down the interior wall in my kitchen between the addition and the office - at least a gallon has come through the wall in the last day.  All the drywall is so saturated the under-cabinet light fell out of the wall and is now an on-counter light.  I'm concerned the studs are wet to the point that the cabinets may come down.  I'm just now figuring out this has all been leaking for quite a while, but each time previous I'd assumed a cat had peed on the counter and that dogs had whizzed in the basement.  (What?  We're a tad bit ghetto, so it was a rational assumption.) 

What's really scary is water's been pouring over the electrical outlet in the kitchen and washing over the breaker box in the basement.  The flow has stopped for now, but everything's still soaked.  Also, I've noticed I can see daylight through the bottom of the exterior wall because the entire corner of my office has rotted clean-through.

I'm no structural engineer, but in my professional opinion, this seems kind of bad.

Apparently my landlords don't find this to be nearly as immediate a problem as I do, because no one's coming over here to look at it until Tuesday.

Do you know how many times I can die in an electrical fire between now and Tuesday? 

(I bet it's a bunch.)

I rarely solicit advice, but for this?  Consider me soliciting. 

Has anyone had this kind of water damage?  If so, what did you do? 

Do we call the fire marshal in the interim?  Fletch said something about blah blah blah water grounds but the electric won't spark unless there's combustible material blah blah but I'd rather not take Mr.-C-in-Science's advice when it comes to my possibly being incinerated.  Worrying about fire kept me up almost all night last night and I came down to feel the wall for heat at least a hundred times.  I won't leave the animals alone in the house until we're given the all-clear and I've got a bag packed with extra clothes (and all my jewelry) in case something happens.  Yes.  This is exactly how I'd like to be living right now.   

I shouldn't be able to poke my finger through drywall, right?  And how moldy do you think this place is now?  (BTW, want to guess how great wet hundred year old insulation smells?)

Has anyone else ever had their office sink? 

And should we have gotten some sort of rent concession for losing two out of three bathrooms for two months and having our bedroom used as a garage?  Also, the construction got both dogs really sick and I had to pay $400 in vet bills for their upper respiratory infections.  Should that have been a concession?

Did I mention I still have one chapter left on this book which is already late because of the previous construction and this is the last fucking thing I need in the world right about now?

HALP.

Light fall down, boom.

Note: you're not on shrooms - the wall really is that wavy.

It's just a flesh wound.

Like the movie Titanic, only nobody gets naked.

Mah squishy walls, let me show dem to u.

What was lurking behind a really lovely pottery barn filing cabinet.  If you angle your head, you can see outside!  THIS CAN'T BE GOOD.

Comments

[the governor of jennsylvania]

Yeah, this is why I never leave my posts open for more than a couple days because fights start.

Everyone, thanks so much for your input. Our landlords (who are very nice/professional and who we have no desire to screw over/sue) have finally begun to take us seriously and things are progressing on that front.

As for Kadee, thanks for your "advise" but I've been documenting everything anyway because it would be stupid not to have a record if this somehow ends up in a legal battle over whether or not we need to break our lease. (BTW, I don't want to have to move until we figure out where we want to buy next year, yet I won't live in a house under major renovation that I don't personally own. The bathroom was bad enough and that was minor.)

Considering we pay almost thirty grand per year to live here, and we're only one month into that lease, I'm not going to just "get over it" and assume no one will miss/pursue the loss of twenty five thousand in revenue if we have to move. That's not only stupid but it's bad business.

Kadee, if you believe I'm acting like a victim by soliciting the kind of advice from this resource that will help keep my family, pets, and possesions from perishing in a fire or from getting poisoned by toxic mold, all while attempting to follow the constricts of the law and the rental contract I've signed, then I invite you to click the little black X in the upper right hand corner of this screen.

[Rhiana]

I think they should have put you and the animals up in a hotel!

[Ashley]

http://www.tenants-rights.org/index.php?page=repairs

Click on "Apartment Conditions and Repair" to view FAQ's and the Residential Landlord and Tenant Ordinace which outlines your rights.

I agree with the other posters that you need to get out if there is a mold problem. The mold and construction dust seems to have already made your pets sick and it will get worse if the mold is not properly cleaned up. Unfortunately, you cannot clean up the mold until the area is no longer damp.

I too take issue with Kadee's remarks and I realize this is not the forum to talk trash about other posters, but...victim-y?? Wow. I like how you call standing up for yourself and your rights as a tenant victim-y. I suppose if a tenant of yours damaged your property and then refused to take responsibility for it, monetarily or otherwise, you would simply say, "Oh well, shit happens". It is the right of the tenant to have a safe and habitable place to live. Yes, things happen that are beyond our control, but it doesn't mean that we need to sit back and hope for the best if the landlord refuses to make the apartment or home a safe and habitable place to live.

I found your comments to be idiot-y and jackass-y. I am fairly sure Jen will not lose sleep over losing you as a reader.

[Aimee]

omg! Thank god you have a landlord though! so those aren't your expenses. But seriously - I don't think you're going to be able to live there and have it get fixed. There's so much damage. :( That's so crappy. and I can't blame you for worrying about the animals when you aren't home. I'd be doing the same thing.

[Melody B.]

I hear a book in the making. "Such a Pretty Shithole" "Slumlords are the New Fascist Pigs", be my guest.

[Pattie]

Jen, We had a situation, sort of similar to this one only ours was a Beverly Hillbillies scenario - oil in the basement. We bugged our landlords to look into it. Their solution was to patch over the leak with cement and drylock. That didn't work, after many months of them being to afraid to do anything about it, I finally talked to my brother in law who does OSHA training. He told me exactly what to tell the landlords - DEQ - boy did that get the ball rolling! $10K later it's all fixed cats can safely play in the basement again. But that's all it took were those 3 little letters DEQ! Good luck on either getting it fixed or moving out! Can't wait for the new book! I'm ruined for reading any other books - all I want to read are your books and I've finished all 3 and feel lost...keep us all posted on the sinking saga!

[Michelle]

Jen:

Here is what my husband the construction attorney says:

1. Thank god its not your own house because you have a real mess on your hands. The house needs some major reconstruction and with the sinkage, it may never be right. The wavy walls look ugly, but drywall does that when exposed to signifciant water. It can be fixed, but your whole house needs to be checked for mold and then the mold neds to be removed whihc can take months. The sinking floors are a really bad sign as it suggests moe than one source of water and possibly structural damage.

2. Immediately get the city involved. Don't just deal with the landlord as you have some significant health and safety issues. These issues are a really good way to get the lease thrown out. If the city tells you to leave or issues any other official warnings, you may be able to avoid the whole "escrow for rent thing". One of the joys about government involvement is that you get to rely on their opinions and must follow directives. So if they tell you to leave and stop paying rent, you can.

3. My husband does not know Illinois law and every state is different, but leases usually discuss to some limited extent what a renters rights are in some of these situations. Even if they don't, every lease in every state has some inherent implied covenants. The principle one being the covenant of "habitability." Your landlord must provide you with a habitable place to live. If he doesn't he can in turn be rssponsible for any dmages or injuries resulting from that failure. Getting out of the lease would be the least of your opitons which also include medical care reimbursement, out of pocket expenses for alterative living arrangements etc.

This is where the attorney comes in. You can get reimbursed, but the actual costs may not be worth your time.

4. Find a new place to live. Even if the landlord agrees to fix the problem, you will have issues for months while the issues are fixed. One of the reasons you didn't buy a house is so that someone else can deal with the issues. Time to find another landlord.

[haley]

Kadee, this is "really below (her) 'get over it' overall attitude"?? This is BEYOND ANYONE'S "get over it" attitude!

[Karen]

I used to be a nurse and an attorney in Ohio before I had children. First, mold can make you sick. Second, the whole rent in escrow is correct. Third, sometimes you can talk to your landlord and work things out, but sounds like this one is not reasonable. You could do small claims yourself, but this is a big deal, lawyer up! Also, buy a house! I can just can't figure out why you have been renting all of these years! Good luck!

[mdb]

One word, M-O-L-D!

Ok two words, V-E-R-Y B-A-D.

[Manic Mommy]

Holy SHIT JEN!

My advice -- time for that move to the 'burbs! But to a place on a hill!

[The Stiletto Mom]

Everyone seems to have it covered above...I've lived in a house with mold...you need to GET OUT. If your dogs are getting sick that is such a bad sign. Your landlord needs to take care of you, and if he doesn't, you should drop copies of your book off to him so he knows what he is in for. If nothing else, that should scare the shit out of him and get him moving in the right direction!
PS...tell him all your fans are coming after him if you can't continue to write...I have now finished Such a Pretty Fat and am wandering around hopelessly lost until your next one hits the stands.

[Michelle]

Hi Jen,

My husband is a construction defense attorney. I'll have him look at this and respond when he returns.

Or email me direct email address to you and we'll email you our phone number and you can call him. We're in California, but I'm sure the law is pretty much the same in all states.

Gotta get you some help so you can get that book done!

[Faye]

Jen,

I found this link on renter's rights in Chicago. The website also explains landlords' legal obligations re repairs:

http://www.renters-rights.com/html/chicago.html

There's also a phone number here:

http://www.renters-rights.com/html/contact.html

They don't provide actual legal representation, but they might have some suggestions about your next step. Although, if possible, I do agree with the other posters that moving is your best bet at this point. Winter is coming, and it doesn't sound like these problems will be resolved soon!

I know this isn't much, but I hope it helps!

P.S. I normally don't attack other posters, but I just had to respond to Kadee, the landlord who said you were being a victim and should just suck it up. Um, Kadee, how would you as a landlord feel if your renters gave you checks that bounced, or if they wrecked properties you own? Would you just turn the other cheek and say "Oh well, no problem! Shit happens!" I don't think so . . . somehow, I don't think you'd be so sanguine about the loss of your money and the violation of your rights. I suspect there might even be some "lawyering up." Why shouldn't Jen, or any of us, have the same right to be treated fairly?

[Kadee Della Donna]

PLEASE do not become a VICTIM!! Do not take the advise of all your bloggers about documenting and reporting etc, etc. Just get out, make a deal with the landlord who will probably easily give you a few months rent, and MOVE ON. You do not OWN THIS HELLHOLE, nor should you spend your life (or the next few years) fighting about who should pay for what. I am a landlord in CA and SHIT HAPPENS. There is insurance, and most landlords are reasonable UNLESS YOU LAWYER up and get all victim-y symptom-y on them. It is not worth it. You do not own. Time to own my dear. So you can yell at yourself when SHIT HAPPENS, because it will.

I almost don't like your blog anymore, because this is really below your "get over it" overall attitude that we all love.

Kadee

[Katrina]

Jen, I told you the solution at your book-signing here: move to Arizona. Scottsdale, to be exact.

Leave the mold pit. (Thank God you don't own that structure!)

I lived it already in Chicago and I know all the good and the bad, and I could personally relate to every word in "Bright Lights, Big Ass," because I've been there. And now I'm here. In paradise, where it's warm and wonderful and dry. And your hair looks good year-round!

[Shannon]

ADVICE!
Call the cops - now. Call the non-emergency number and report your situation to the police and get them involved in EXPEDITING your concerns to your landlord. This situation happened to me in New York and I was allowed to abate rent to my landlord until ALL leaks were fixed to the satisfaction of the inspectors the cops sent. I had to put the rent in an escrow account, but my landlord didn't get a penny until the building passed spec.

[tutugirl1345]

Looks like you might have a massive mold problem- I'd get out. That being said, if the beams of your house aren't rotting, its not going to fall down around you.

I agree with the other commenters- I think you've found a topic for your next book- the "joys" of living in a house. You could totally get mileage out of that one.

[Amanda]

I just want to point out that moving to the burbs will not help you. 8 out every 10 people I know here in suburbia have flood damage from the recent storms too. If you truly want to move out here, go for it but know that it may not be much better. But if Fletch does win... there are 30 or so houses in my neighborhood for sale ;).

[bayouteche]

Jen, since my home in St Bernard, LA had 12ft of standing water for a week and a half following Katrina, I can tell you, your cabinets WILL NOT fall off the the wall (my ceilings collapsed and not one cabinet was out of joint). But, you may want to empty them anyway because of the mold. That part of your house will have to be COMPLETELY GUTTED down to the studs. After gutting and before new drywall is installed, INSIST on Mold Remediation. Google "Katrina Mold Remediation". Since you don't live in a flood prone area, you should be able to get some very good ideas on how to remediate for mold and perhaps pass these ideas along to the contractor. I'm with you about the electrical hazards, you just never know how one problem can lead to the next.

[AJMick]

I can't add any advice since your loyal readers seem to have you covered; just wanted to say this sux and I feel your pain! It's good to see you're keeping your sense of humor (for the most part)!

[Amy]

YES!!!!!! As a matter of fact the same thing happened to me same time last year. Remember the blackout/rain of last August (I live in Arlington Heights in an older home 1929 with a bad 70's addition) The aftermath of the storm weakened the addition and the house started to seperate. I could see the hole and feel a cool breeze. As we contemplated renovation the ceiling caved in. I am now the proud owner of a brand new kitchen/family room. It was hell but last weekend's storm was trouble free. Good luck to you!!

[Deb]

At least your manicure looks great in those pictures! Sorry about the situation, but I think you may have stumbled upon subject matter for the next book!

[mmd]

THis is what sucks in my opinion: when you love animals and you own one, two or three it is so hard to find an apartment that will take them, and sometimes you have to settle for an apartment that may have some issues, but hey, they will take pets so you will deal with it.

Jen, I hope this problem is solved soon. I am sorry you guys have to deal with this.

[DodiM]

OK, this sucks. I don't live in IL, don't have any idea what you should do, and feel horrible for your family. All I can think is with the nightly running of the rats I'm not sure I'd want to stay in the house that has openings to the outside world that close to the ground. Also, did someone earlier mention flesh eating bacteria? Holy Crap! Is that a possiblity? Call you ins. company to see if they can pay for one of those "Home-tel" places. In some of them you can have your pets.

On the bright side, that may not be mold you are smelling... it might t be book #5!

[LeeAnn]

I'm so sorry you're having this problem Jen. We had some of the same problems in our old house and ended up moving. The electrical issues are definitely a scary possibility, and mold can make you guys and the animals sick.
Alas, it may be time for you to become suburbanites! :) Damn, does this mean Fletch wins?????

[Frances]

So, it took me a few minutes to remember that THANK GOD you rent. That's all I can say, because there's all the good advice already given. We actually have had to deal with almost all of that amazing crap in a house that we own. Except we never had mold. Mushrooms in the basement, but no mold :)
Can't you hear that tiny scarey voice muttering "get out.....get out!" ?

[Linds]

Sorry I can't add any professional advice - but take your precious pooches and get somewhere that won't give you respiratory infections or heart palpitations. Keep us updated!!

[Carolyn]

Sadly i have no advice for you (i know i know, wtf am i commenting for), except to say that i HOPE it gets resolved quickly cause i'm D-Y-I-N-G for your fourth book!

In other news, are you ever going to do an audiobook for any of the memoirs? Would LOVE to hear you narrate, as i'm sure would many of your fans. If the answer is "no", then could i bribe you to narrate one anyway? Willing to pay $$$! (And soon i'll actually have a salary to back up that offer!)

Tres obsessed (with you),
Carolyn

[kelly]

PSSS- If your bathrooms are directly above the damage, I guarantee your tub drain was not put in correctly and the water has no where to go but in the walls.... My tub upstairs was draining into the kitchen cabinet above my stove directly below the upstairs bathroom (again, been there done that)

[kelly]

PS. It looks like there may be water behind the bubbles of paint. Prick them with a pin, and push lightly (sortof like sqeezing a zit) if water comes out.. you got a leak somewhere. ( been there, done that too)

[kelly]

Holy Fuckballs!

Ok, Jen, FLetch- heres the deal. Im from New york, and when we moved into my shitcan of a house, we redid everything from the basement up. (The good thing about being italian in New York is that atleast 9 ofmy cousins are in 'home contracting'. Heres the deal:

1) Double check with the vet to see if the dogs may have possibly had a reaction to "mold" . They have a tendencey to get symptoms earlier than us humans. (Been in your situation- my basemnet flooded the day after we closed on this place.) My two dogs (trixie, a mini-daschund and Churchill my yorkie poo where wheezing like asthmatics.. the vet gave them some shots, antibiotics and sent us on our way. the Next day, they were worse, and she asked us about he remodel, and we told her about the flood and she said "I bet you its mold" PS after breaking down walls of sheetrock to dry the studs out, we had to have mold removal. The dogs stayed at mymoms house and miraculously they were fine. (Being 3 months preggo, I stayed there too)

If you want an estimate my cousin can give you one just buy looking at pictures.. Deduct from rent! Any questions, please feel to drop a line.

Best,
Kelly aguilera

[Cyn]

RUN! Do not walk....even if you have to move in with your folks....get the hell out of there! Everyone who has given you good law type advice should be listened to, but jeez woman....get the hell out of that hellhole! Once again, it's not your problem...leave to the sons of satan from whom you rent..... If this is keeping you from finishing one paragraph of the delightful prose you provide for us... get out!

Easy for me to say? I don't have a spot in my house that lets in the sun? True, but I don't write some of the wittiest prose this side of New York City....or anywhere!

Seriously....now....get out of that shitcan.

[storman]

Hey, Jen - this sounds completely awful. And it's nice to know someone else is checking their walls for heat in the middle of the night; have done that before...and you've gotten great advice already. 1) don't stop paying your rent, 2) contact your landlord and get an answer as to when they will start repairs, 3) take your pets, your jewelry, your favorite clothes, passports/photos/etc (don't forget the credit card in the freezer if you do that trick and/or any other random things "hidden" so no one else can find them), your Fletch, and hightail it to a hotel, parents, friends, anywhere but there. If there's water running over outlets and breakers, not to mention wet mold, it's bad enough to get out of there. You can figure out how to fix it from afar - but don't stay in there. Good luck...keep us all posted. You have a whole nation rooting for you!

[~Liz]

Jen, your wisest choice would be is MOVE. I hate to say it, but you prob have HUGE amounts of mold growing God only knows where. Your house could cause some major health probs. It wasn't revealed until my senior yr at college, that the basement of the house was rotted through w/ black mold. I had gotten mono that semester (not b/c of kissing!), and my best friend had three of her major organs lose 75% function. Get out while you can!

[carrie]

GET OUT! SRSLY!! I would not stay there one minute longer. You could get black mold, lung infections, flesh eating bacteria... I would get out F A S T! You should go to a hotel, paid for by your landlord, until the situation is remedied. Move your nicer furniture to a dry storage unit and get your ass out!

[Thotlady]

I have one word for you...MOVE!

I am no help at all am I.

[Maggie]

I to am a Chicago Renting Resident and I would contact your alderman with these pics and horrific conditions you are living in. And tell him her need it mitigated ASAP. Then let your landlord know you did that and mention the word LAWSUIT. Hopefully he will hop to it then. If not, figure out a way to break your lease. I work for big bad lawyer's if you need one.

[kristin Kaminski]

I think the burbs are calling your name....let me reiterate....they're SCREAMING your name. They're at a football game and you're they favorite team and they're all "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?!?! OVER HERE! OVER HERE! WHAT? ARE YOU BLIND?"

[Dana]

Well, it sounds like good news and bad news. Sadly, the good news is that this experience will surely supply you with a wealth of material for a new book. Having enjoyed all of your other books, I always look forward to the next episode. I know that I would love to hear you detail the inevitable renovation in your own Jennstyle!

[Stefanie]

Ignore the mess, finish your book and then MOVE!!

[Karina in T.O]

Jeezus H, Jen.

Find a friend to take the pets, and GET OUT OF THERE!!! And then do all of the things suggested above!

[Val]

What a f**king mess! I feel for you. A couple of years ago, our downstairs toilet had slowly been leaking (for months) into the padding under our laminate wood flooring. We were unaware until a fecal smelling mutant mushroom began growing out of the floor boards. So horrifying. We were also (thankfully) renting at that time, which meant the landlords had to deal with the insurance company and the costs. In the meantime we lived virtual Beruit for the next 6 weeks. Good luck!

http://www.firstclasstohell.com

[AJ]

311 has been a real help for me in Chicago when looking for answers- good luck and keep us posted!

[Katherine]

The HVAC unit broke and flood my entire apartment rental a few months ago. Who knew that could happen, right? Anyway, they aren't going to replace the carpet (grrr) but sprinkled baking soda between, on, and around everything once it had sorta dried out. Apparently baking powder is like magic fairy dust and mold won't grow where it has been sprinkled and left. So, once everything has dried out/before they put up new drywall/whatever they do to fix this, if you are still worried about mold, go buy yourself large vats of Arm & Hammer and apply liberally. Good luck!

[suzanne]

why do u rent? maybe u have discussed this previously, but I am curious why someone who is a successful writer is renting instead of owning a home??

just sayin

[Sue]

Hi Jen:

I own a large insurnace brokerage. Please say you didn't think renter's insurance was not a necessity?? If you kept it through the dark days of unemployment et al, please contact your broker immediately, however, this may not be covered. If it is, document ALL potions of the loss including contents, cost to fix, ( yes, i think your time is invaluable as your writing amuses me to no end, but the insurance company won't have the same opinion) especially since adjusters are typically not funny, snarky or even have a sense of humor at all) At the same time...you were an executive.. realize you must kick in those multi tasking skils! ( kind of like eating chips and watching tv.)....hire an attorney, and start documenting all contact with your landlord.

Lastly, start looking for a place to move to STAT! The last thing you want is when the massive repairs start and you have to move out, is to look for a place at the last minute, especially because you have pets.

Sorry to be the grim reaper, and yea this always happens when I'm under deadline at work too. But's they why I have interns. or pledges as I like to call them behind their backs. See being in sorority did help me later in life! Good luck Jen and email with any questions.

[Kim]

Jen,

Tell Fletch electricity and water do not mix! Why do you think you have to get out of the pool when there's a lightning storm? As for the other issues, I'm with everyone else, or so it seems. Get out! Best of luck!

[amanda]

I don't know if Illinois landlord tenant law has this, but in MD, if your rental is in really bad shape as to pose a health risk or a danger to safety, you can go to the court, tell the court about it, and then the court will collect your rent and not give it to the landlord till the problems are fixed. So they have incentive to go fix it.

[Sarah]

I worked for a property management company for 3 years. If you even suggest something about mold, they should be all over it. Mold is a PR nightmare!