A Cup of Civility

Before you even ask, no, the new book isn't done yet. 

Sigh.

It had been due September 1st but I got my due date pushed back until the end of the month because the tour was more extensive than originally anticipated and then we had work done in our house.  Work that was supposed to take somewhere between three days and a week.  That ended up taking eight. 

Eighth weeks.

Of construction.

In my house.

While I was trying to write a book.

For which I'm not compensated 'til complete.

Even though the contractor was super nice and his work is beautiful, eight weeks is more than enough time to lose patience with anyone.  I guarantee if John-John Kennedy himself came back from the grave to install your split travertine shower tiles, after a couple of weeks you'd be all crossed arms and a tapping foot, asking, "So, when do you anticipate finally being out of here?"

Anyway, I hope to complete the manuscript in the next few weeks, so posting's going to be even more light than usual, with a 50% chance of dog pictures when I do post.  However, in the next day or so I'll put up some reading/viewing suggestions in case you have a Jennsylvania-sized gap you'd like filled.

Also?  When I'm finally done with the book, you might expect me to weigh in on the election. 

Yeah, that's not going to happen. 

You guys know what team I'm on.  I don't need to tell you in fifteen paragraphs of ten-point font.  I'm not going to take this space to spout political ideology because that's not the point of this website.  And it's offensive if you came here to read funny Fletch-in-the-kitchen stories and instead, find me prattling on about privatizing Social Security or drilling in ANWR.  I have too much respect for you to force my own conservative dogma down your throats

And no matter what I'd try to say or the facts and figures I could dredge up, the simple truth is everyone has different views because all of us come from different circumstances.  Our individual histories influence each of our unique perspectives.  For example, my friend Shayla and I have very different feelings on labor unions.  Her earliest memories are of living in a small town in Iowa where her friends' families went bankrupt when the local factory decided to shut down rather than allow a union to operate.  As for me, mine are of not seeing my dad for months at a time because he was out breaking strikes and trying to get rid of unions.  Could our perspectives shift as we got older?  Sure.  But more often than not, we're going to view some issues through our original filters. 

And you know what?  We can still have a three hour lunch together, laughing the whole time, and none of the above changes that. 

In my writing I strive to find common ground with my readers.  I address topics on which we can come together.  I'd much rather discover what puts us in the same accord than that which draws us apart.  Maybe we're not on the same page about guns or taxes, but I bet we can agree on less important stuff, like cupcakes and wine and 80's music and Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl.  (OK, that last one might just be me.) 

Whatever team you're on, I bet if you check, you'll find that your dog's feet do smell like Fritos.  I bet you love your husband.  I bet you have a great group of girlfriends.  I bet you've all cursed your neighbors when they leave their garbage cans in your driveway.  I bet you've had at least one disastrous haircut in your life.  I bet you own a certain pair of shoes that you'd have cut a bitch to possess. 

I bet if you think about it, you'll find we all have a million samenesses and just a few differences. 

But those differences don't have to prevent us from enjoying each other's company provided we have a modicum of respect for each other.

Not long ago I went to a friend of a friend's house to watch Project Runway.  There was a group of us there and we were having a fabulous time until I was outed for having voted for the Bush administration.  Even though I'd been laughing and talking with everyone for a few hours - they LIKED me - the mood in the room changed instantly.  Suddenly, I was the enemy without ever having opened my mouth about politics.  After my outing, one of the people there literally stopped talking to me for the rest of the night.  Seriously, he would not even acknowledge my presence.  And that was bullshit.

I'm deeply weary of what I'm seeing on the Internet right now, too.  I'm tired of reading blogs by members of BOTH parties saying that if you don't agree with me, if you don't see the world exactly as I do, then you're either stupid, uninformed, or just quoting sound-bites.  I'm repulsed by the notion that if your ideas don't mirror mine, then you are WRONG WRONG WRONG and now I shall sic my comments section on you so they can reiterate how wrong you are because you couldn't possibly have drawn conclusions based on your own research, on your own experiences, on your own historical filter.

Again?  That's bullshit.  We should be grilling our leaders, not grilling each other.

When did we stop having rational discourse?  And why is there suddenly such a lack of common courtesy out there?  I understand everyone's passionate about what they believe, hence so many fiery posts.  But I don't think we're accomplishing anything with all polarizing, screamingly dogmatic blog posts.  How can anyone be expected to listen or get a better perspective on other people's filters when there's so much yelling going on?   

Regardless, this website is my living room on the Internet.  You all are my guests.  So I'm not bringing politics on this site during election season because I WILL NOT allow anyone to make you feel unwelcome or uncomfortable here in my home.

And if you need to use the bathroom, it's upstairs and to the right.

Comments

[class factotum]

My fiance's parents got mad at something I wrote on my blog (I mentioned that I was a little concerned about seating vocal atheists next to my fiance's minister at our wedding supper) and told him they weren't coming to our wedding. Then they again went into their how can you marry her? her religious and political beliefs are so stupid! where did we go wrong to have a son who would break our hearts this way, blah blah blah.

I don't know why they just can't be polite to me the way I am to them. Even though I find their views equally incomprehensible, I don't feel the need to argue about them or even discuss them at all. Can't we just talk about food and cats?

[Kelly]

Amen Sister! Very well put - I couldn't agree with you more or thought of a better way to put it (guess thats why you are the writer!)

We like to call the Fritos smell "popcorn feet" in our house!

[Barb]

This is my first post on your blog. Jen, you completely rule. You should be in politics, but I like you as a writer an awful lot. I'm from Alaska & I love Sarah even though I don't agree with her on 100% of things. She rocks. I met her briefly at the annual "Governor's Picnic" this past summer in Anchorage, she was so nice. She was serving food to long lines of people. (Salmon burgers).
I'm currently reading "Such a pretty fat". I want to send all your books, but it especially to my sister who lives in Madrid, Spain. It's such a good book. You just hit the nail on the head so often. I am your fan in Alaska. Come up here to do some readings! Bless you!

[DebiDebi]

Damn I wanted to be the first to say "Amen Sister!" I so totally agree with everything that you said. You are the best! Thanks for coming and writing us a little bit. Now get back to work

[ColoradoMama]

Amen Sister.

[Samantha]

Couldn't have said it better. Saw you in Round Rock on your tour. Great yellow dress! I'm so proud of all you have accomplished.
Samantha

[Melissa]

The Fritos thing is dead-on. Our house calls it "corn chips". Does the smell get stronger when they're snuggled in or is it just me?

[Carolyn Pearl]

Love. You.

That's all...

[Michelle]

Jen,

My old beagle smelled like Fritos. She would lay on my pillow at night and I would nuzzle her just thinking of the corny goodness. Sadly, she passed about 3 years ago, but was replaced with two spoiled rotten dogs, which brings my brood to 5 total. My point....I get the fritos dog.

You mentioned those pair of shoes. I picked up a pair of black Tahari's off Ebay for $40. They are the cutest most comfortable shoes I've ever worn, and scour the earth trying to find another pair. I LOVE shoes, and yes, I would cut a bitch for another pair! I wore them today just from you mentioning on your blog yesterday!

Regretfully we live in a policitically correct environment where we can't express our freedom of speech rights for fear of pissing off some poor misguided lunatic. To be honest...if I offend...I could care less.

Keep up the good work and good luck with the book!

[Regina]

Yea for JEN!!!! I am so tired of people changing their friends and attitude towards others because of politics. Two subjects that are so taboo to me...politics and religion.

[Kelly Quinn]

I like how the concept of being open minded seems to be completely lost when an election rolls around- DIVERSITY is what keeps this country great. If you want to exercise a little political passion, do it in the voting booth (and by 'do it' I mean vote...get your mind outta the gutter).

[Daphne]

I totally agree. 2 of my best friends are Republicans and I'm not, and it matters not. They're friends, they love me and support me and I them, and THAT is all that matters.

[myrtle]

mmmmm... fritos...

[Lesli]

Awesome post, Jen! I did something similar myself called "Agree to Disagree". You said it so well!

[Joanna]

Jen, you're totally amazing! I think it's so unfortunate how polarizing things have gotten between all of us. I got my degree in political science, and I'm a die-hard Democrat (and a Hillary Clinton supporter at that). This election has been really up and down for me, to say the least.

BUT... my sister (my best friend in the entire world), is an Independent, although I know she's voting for Republicans the majority of the time. That doesn't change anything about our relationship- it just showcases that when it comes to our ideas on government involvement in foreign countries or on gun rights, that we differ a little bit. There's nothing wrong with that, and in a way, I think it's awesome. Who else to debate with than the person I love the most? It makes our relationship as sisters and our friendship as adults that much better, and at the end of the day I respect her for her views and what she does for a living in the military, and she respects me for mine and what I do at the nonprofit I work at.

Your post was great and I plan on passing it along for her to read (if she hasn't already).

Joanna

P.S. I just moved to a new city and there's an entire bakery here devoted only to- CUPCAKES! Delicious cupcakes, I might add.

[Danielle Carlson]

I had to laugh, I remember my dog's feet smelling like Fritos (okay I couldn't put my finger on what they smelled like, but now that you say Fritos that is EXACTLY what they smelled like).

I couldn't agree with you more about politics, you are spot on about opinions and discussions regarding politics. By the time this election is over I may have to maim my father in law for talking about politics...it helps to smile and nod and change the subject but he just doesn't seem to get the hint.

[Bethie]

Amen sister!

[Fe]

Do you think it might be possible to brew up a super giant Cup of Civility to serve up to the entire country? Cause clearly, it's sorely needed.

Thanks for this post and thanks for welcoming us all into your fabulous online living room.

[Jill]

OMG! Why DO our doggies feet smell like Fritos???

too funny..

Seriously - can't wait for your next book - checked out "Bitter" from the library - which is WAY over due - I think I'll just offer to buy the book rather than return it!!

[Sue Kowalski]

I know what it's like to be avoided when my own family found out I was for Bush in 2000 and 2004. I'm the only sibling out of 4 who is a conservative. I've just learned to not bring it up in front of them. There's too much hate for Bush. But you gotta agree- Sarah Palin's rimless eyewear is totally cool! I hear that it's the latest rage at optical places- everyone is asking for the Sarah Palin glasses!

[Jennifer]

That last one is not just you; I love Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl. I actually replayed several times that scene from season 1 where he gave Blair the necklace.

No pressure, but I am salivating for your next book!

[wubbiemom]

well said jen. well said!

[just roaming the cities]

Hey Jen-
I got your book "Big Ass" and it is so good. I really enjoy reading from "real" writers, and you are one of them. I like all the stuff in there of your bantor between you and Fletch, and your email to the phone book company about the stack of books that your dog might be peeing on cracked me up so bad, because they do that here in Minneapolis as well and it drives me nuts!
So keep up the writing, I for one enjoy it immensely, and look forward to reading your book at the end of the day before I get to sleep, makes me lighten up on life and smile :) Thanks for being yourself.

[Lisa Johnson]

your blog is what keeps me sane somedays! Can I just say I'm in love with Palin's very dreamy husband?

[Alicia]

Jen, I just finished reading all three of your books and I couldn't stop laughing! Keep up the good work!

[Chrystal]

Glad to know people out there know what's important! Thumbs up to Chuck Bass!

[Lisa Randall]

AMEN!! Here's to all of those who know how to make up their own mind and respect all the rest who do too! No one's opinion is wrong until they try to force it down the throat of someone else! Happily, I generally agree with yours!!!!

[Kendra Klemme]

Thank you for the post! I am in complete agreement with your views on being respectful and having open conversation. This country was built by a large number of different people with different opinions, and a true democracy should allow you to say your piece without being attacked for it! My family is split down the middle, but we still love each other and can have an open debate about the issues. I'm excited about the new book! Good luck finishing it!

[nadine]

yay for what you said...

[katherine dain]

Just smelled the dog feet. OMG, they do smell like Fritos. So I guess this means the guy who invented Fritos had some weird dog fetish?? Who knew.
I will now always think of dogs when eating Fritos AND will always think of eating when smelling my doggie's paws...
Jen, turn off the Bass-meister and get back to work, we are all waiting for another book =0)
Saw the MTV thing too - turned the channel after hearing British guy tell Americans who to vote for. His pants seemed a bit too tight to be making political statements. Changed the channel to Food Network instead!

[Shoshanna]

Fantastic post...and even though we agree not to "go there" politically, can we at least comment on Palin's bouffont hairdo? Please??

Good luck finishing the book!

[CiCi]

OMG "Bass-hole" !!!!!!! Fabulous!! I heart Gossip Girl!! New name for any one who outs a persons political affiliation - "Bass-Hole" Classic

[Another Jen]

Even the candidates shake hands when its time to say goodnight!

Jen, the sweetest name I know!

[Melissa]

Jen,
Read all three of your books over the course of a week, started with Such A Pretty Fat and went backwards, they were awesome and have since turned friends on to them. (my husband became upset that all I was doing in my free time was reading your books...) You rock, now I come to your blog so my withdrawals don't get too bad until the next book. I play for the other team politically and am happy to be in your living room here anytime.

[Nancy P]

I call myself a recovering former republican and I love you anyway! WTF with that guy that stopped speaking to you?
I for one will be first in line to purchase your new book when it comes out. Hell I would probably pay to read your blog!

By the way. I so love your relationship with Fletch.

[Qristyn]

Fletch would make great Vice President. Whatever would Fletch be if you win the Presidency---Mr. V-Fletcherrie? Mr. Vice Fletcher? Mr. Vicer Fletch? What the hell would we call him? Damn too much beer for me tonight!!!! :)

[Darcey]

Love your post and love your writing. Am very far to the left of where you are politically, but am glad that I am welcome in your living room. Can I bring some dip or dessert over next time?

And my dog is named Frito.

[Cyndi]

The number of political digs in the "neutral" responses amuses me.

And dog feet totally smell like Fritos! I consider it a feature.

[linds_g]

Hey Jen! What a great post! I am a high school government teacher, and while we don't vote for the same team, I can't agree with you more. In fact, I think that's what makes this country so freakin' cool: that we can (in theory) disagree with each other politically, but still understand each other. I loved in "Bright Lights" when you wrote about how ridiculous some people were when they talked about moving to Canada after the 2004 election (I really wanted to use it in my class, but alas, too much objectionable language! Bad Jen!). Rock on sister friend! If you love this country, do something. Vote, volunteer, serve. But do something to make this country even better! And appreciate that our differences are what make us BEAUTIFUL! And I agree, WTF is up with outing someone's poltiical views at a Project Runway party? Not cool. Too much good stuff and drama to focus on, who needs politics?

[Kasey]

Thank you! I just wish that the (BRITISH) host of last night's MTV VMA's would have given the same message that you did.

Instead of telling the MTV generation to vote for a certain candidate (it doesn't matter who he chose), he should have reminded them to vote and to make an informed decision. End of politics, start the damn show.

Last night while watching said show I felt that, at almost 25, I'm too old for MTV. Which isn't really Music Television anymore anyways. On to VH1! There's still Rock of Love, right? =0)

[tracee]

Well said Jen. Another reason why we love you.

[nicole]

This is why I love your writing! Your wit is sooo to the point! Thank you for being you and inspiring me! You ROCK!!!

[Stephanie]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but my dog's feet smells like fritos and she has a YEAST infection. A yeast infection on her paws that has cost me approximately $346.87 to clear up.

Good thing that bitch is cute or she'd be looking for a job to pay her douche bill.

[Amy Walker]

Great post...love your books and love your blog!

[SnarkyMommy]

You know I feel your construction pain. So glad to hear it's over. Ours is almost there, alllllllmost.

And you are so very right about the politics. Well said.

[Manic Mommy]

Two questions:

The bathroom, the one upstairs and to the right? Is the construction finished up there?

and ...

regarding that one pair of shoes you'd cut up a bitch over? I bet you anything they're your Mickey Mouse silver ones, aren't they!?!?!?

[Rebekah]

I'm proud to exercise my right as a Jenizen to vote for whomever I please!

Remember that part somewhere in one of your books (you know, THAT one) about how it's stupid that people threaten to move to Canada or commit suicide (same thing, really) when their candidate doesn't win? I paraphrased that to some whackjobs at work the other day and felt morally superior. So thanks for that :o)

[Mia]

Get to work missy! I was in Target the other day and "sold" a copy of Such a Pretty Fat to a woman looking for a good book. So not only was I spending my money at Target, but now I'm helping spend other people's money. We don't have a dog to check out the Frito theory, but our cat Mabel, the cat the coyote was hunting, smelled just like chocolate chip cookies.
I'm with the South Park theory on politics, douchebag vs. giant turd sandwich. Although you are my favorite Republican.

[angeelew]

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Governor Jen (we should all just move to Jennsylvania, don'tcha think? Good times for all!)!

THIS is what politics should be about ... having a thoughtful discourse on the issues of our country and learning from each other because of our richly varied backgrounds. Not getting all frenzied and red in the face and talking shit without being able to back it up with anything.

So, although I'm as far to the left as can be, I still want to hear and learn from other people with differing views from mine. Whoever thought that getting into a shouting match over politics is a good idea? "Oh my god! You are completely right! Now that you've yelled at me and belittled me for my beliefs, YES! That changes everything! Thank you for making me see the error of my ways and opening my eyes to what an idiot I was!" Riiiggghhht.

BTW ... who the hell OUTS someone's political views at a Project Runway gathering? That is a holy, sacred time that should not be sullied by any talk ... other than debating that if Suede refers to himself in the 3rd person ONE MORE TIME, he's not going to win "Fan Favorite" with that bullshit! Tim Gunn should really give Suede a heads up about that. I got to meet Tim Gunn last November when he was in Arizona, and he was a DELIGHT! I heart Tim Gunn SO MUCH! Would Tim Gunn ever get in an ugly political yelling match? I think not!

God, is it Wednesday night yet?

[celticbuffy]

It really sucks that people can get so tightly wound about politics.

Hope all goes well with finishing the book and hope all of the house constructions looks beautiful.

In honor of your inspiring me to start blogging, I have given you an award in my post from today! Congrats and thanks for the inspiration!