A Cup of Civility

Before you even ask, no, the new book isn't done yet. 

Sigh.

It had been due September 1st but I got my due date pushed back until the end of the month because the tour was more extensive than originally anticipated and then we had work done in our house.  Work that was supposed to take somewhere between three days and a week.  That ended up taking eight. 

Eighth weeks.

Of construction.

In my house.

While I was trying to write a book.

For which I'm not compensated 'til complete.

Even though the contractor was super nice and his work is beautiful, eight weeks is more than enough time to lose patience with anyone.  I guarantee if John-John Kennedy himself came back from the grave to install your split travertine shower tiles, after a couple of weeks you'd be all crossed arms and a tapping foot, asking, "So, when do you anticipate finally being out of here?"

Anyway, I hope to complete the manuscript in the next few weeks, so posting's going to be even more light than usual, with a 50% chance of dog pictures when I do post.  However, in the next day or so I'll put up some reading/viewing suggestions in case you have a Jennsylvania-sized gap you'd like filled.

Also?  When I'm finally done with the book, you might expect me to weigh in on the election. 

Yeah, that's not going to happen. 

You guys know what team I'm on.  I don't need to tell you in fifteen paragraphs of ten-point font.  I'm not going to take this space to spout political ideology because that's not the point of this website.  And it's offensive if you came here to read funny Fletch-in-the-kitchen stories and instead, find me prattling on about privatizing Social Security or drilling in ANWR.  I have too much respect for you to force my own conservative dogma down your throats

And no matter what I'd try to say or the facts and figures I could dredge up, the simple truth is everyone has different views because all of us come from different circumstances.  Our individual histories influence each of our unique perspectives.  For example, my friend Shayla and I have very different feelings on labor unions.  Her earliest memories are of living in a small town in Iowa where her friends' families went bankrupt when the local factory decided to shut down rather than allow a union to operate.  As for me, mine are of not seeing my dad for months at a time because he was out breaking strikes and trying to get rid of unions.  Could our perspectives shift as we got older?  Sure.  But more often than not, we're going to view some issues through our original filters. 

And you know what?  We can still have a three hour lunch together, laughing the whole time, and none of the above changes that. 

In my writing I strive to find common ground with my readers.  I address topics on which we can come together.  I'd much rather discover what puts us in the same accord than that which draws us apart.  Maybe we're not on the same page about guns or taxes, but I bet we can agree on less important stuff, like cupcakes and wine and 80's music and Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl.  (OK, that last one might just be me.) 

Whatever team you're on, I bet if you check, you'll find that your dog's feet do smell like Fritos.  I bet you love your husband.  I bet you have a great group of girlfriends.  I bet you've all cursed your neighbors when they leave their garbage cans in your driveway.  I bet you've had at least one disastrous haircut in your life.  I bet you own a certain pair of shoes that you'd have cut a bitch to possess. 

I bet if you think about it, you'll find we all have a million samenesses and just a few differences. 

But those differences don't have to prevent us from enjoying each other's company provided we have a modicum of respect for each other.

Not long ago I went to a friend of a friend's house to watch Project Runway.  There was a group of us there and we were having a fabulous time until I was outed for having voted for the Bush administration.  Even though I'd been laughing and talking with everyone for a few hours - they LIKED me - the mood in the room changed instantly.  Suddenly, I was the enemy without ever having opened my mouth about politics.  After my outing, one of the people there literally stopped talking to me for the rest of the night.  Seriously, he would not even acknowledge my presence.  And that was bullshit.

I'm deeply weary of what I'm seeing on the Internet right now, too.  I'm tired of reading blogs by members of BOTH parties saying that if you don't agree with me, if you don't see the world exactly as I do, then you're either stupid, uninformed, or just quoting sound-bites.  I'm repulsed by the notion that if your ideas don't mirror mine, then you are WRONG WRONG WRONG and now I shall sic my comments section on you so they can reiterate how wrong you are because you couldn't possibly have drawn conclusions based on your own research, on your own experiences, on your own historical filter.

Again?  That's bullshit.  We should be grilling our leaders, not grilling each other.

When did we stop having rational discourse?  And why is there suddenly such a lack of common courtesy out there?  I understand everyone's passionate about what they believe, hence so many fiery posts.  But I don't think we're accomplishing anything with all polarizing, screamingly dogmatic blog posts.  How can anyone be expected to listen or get a better perspective on other people's filters when there's so much yelling going on?   

Regardless, this website is my living room on the Internet.  You all are my guests.  So I'm not bringing politics on this site during election season because I WILL NOT allow anyone to make you feel unwelcome or uncomfortable here in my home.

And if you need to use the bathroom, it's upstairs and to the right.

Comments

[Katherine Dain]

I'm headed home to smell the feet of my 2 dogs. I'm not sure what they smell like, today might be butt since I am about 4 hours late feeding them.
Construction is great the first week.Period.
Whoever you vote for, do some research and make an informed decision. That's all I'm gonna say on the matter.
I'm headed home to start bringing in things that might fly around the house if this hurricane heads our way!!
Look out for Ike.

[Susan]

My boyfriend thought I was nuts when I said my dogs' feet smell like Fritos. He smelled them. He smelled his dog's feet. He agrees.

[gabrielle]

Amen, sister! I get a wee bit crazy listening to my liberal friends go all off on crazy shit, and we have the same ideological views! Seriously, folks on both sides have gone a wee bit batty this year- so thank you for stepping outside the ring. And best of luck to you on finishing your book. I love your stuff, and even if we might have different political views, we both still love cupcakes. Obama and McCain will be left to the history books 'ere long, but cupcakes are forever.

And dude, my dog's paws totally smell like Fritos, wtf?!?

[Alli]

Yet again, you so totally rule. I love your books and your blog though we are political opposites. But I promise if you came to a party at my place, the left and the right would both love you-no cold shoulder. That's just re-frickin-diculous that you were treated so callously. I love a good political debate every now and then, but face-to-face, one-on-one; not an online, insult-hurling free-for-all. Wow, that was a lot of hyphens in one sentence! Thanks for maintaining your integrity and your common sense. May you be blessed by many Manolos.

[Elizabeth]

Thank You! This is why I love your site so much!

[Momo Fali]

A-to-the-freaking-men, woman!

One of these days, I'm going to have to buy Danny Evans a drink for getting me hooked on you.

[kristi]

My dogs feet smell like cat crap because she's been in their litter box again :(

[teachergirl]

Gee, Jen, I don't know. If John-John was in my bathroom, I don't think I'd care what he was doing or how long it was going to take him. I think I'd just let him and his shirtless self (he is shirtless in this fantasy, right?) meander about as long as he'd like.

With that in mind, good luck with that book deadline.

[MJ Kochen]

You rock the mic Jen. that's all I have to say...you just rock the mic. Nuff said. :)

[Ally]

Thank you so much for the refreshing take on different views in politics!! Which by the way I read during Gossip Girl...who doesn't LOVE Chuck Bass?!

[Molly]

So I read this blog authored by a Liberal and was ousted for commenting with my opinion - factual, nice, MY opinion. The comments were nasty, etc. Makes one wonder!

Anyhows...I do see many more Obama yard signs in my neighborhood. We don't have street frontage or we would put up a McCain sign. Anyone who serves his country...deserves to SERVE his country. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I do forward very controversial emails (that are negative toward my candidate) to my SIL with the heading.... "In case you need more ammunition...just to show her I am informed and have a SENSE. OF. HUMOR!

[kelly]

refreshing post. A persons polital views should be kept private unless your my dad, a vietnam Vet, totally screwed in the head and a mcCain advocate. This man makes Archie Bunker look conservative. Anywho- allofthis kills my xanax buzz, so Ill be going to bed sniffingmy dogs wee little frito feet....

AGet crankin on that book Girlie... you have fans awaiting!

[southernfriedgirl]

So well put. I'm so tired of having people ram their opinions (whether I may agree with them or not) down my throat. I'm ready to vote and be done.

[Stacey]

I've been completely jaded about politics since before I was old enough to vote. I remember seeing a South Park episode where the kids had to vote for a new mascot, and the pearl of wisdom everyone was left with was something to the effect of "elections have always been between a Giant Douchebag and a Turd Sandwich." I feel like that most days.

Good luck meeting your deadline. I've read all three of your books in the last month, and can't wait for the next one.

[Ginny]

Thanks, Jen. I only wish my mom had your attitude. If I have to receive one more piece of hateful email, begging me to come to my senses and support her candidate/party instead of the one my gut tells me is the right choice, I am going to scream. She keeps calling my candidate the anti-Christ and telling me the world is going straight to hell if my candidate wins. I want to love and be respectful of my mother, so I simply delete the emails without responding, but I don't know if I can take this for another two months!

Thank you for at least being the voice of sanity and reasonability here in your "living room". Another reason for me to enjoy hanging out here!!!

[Mrs. K]

aye, aye...shit what am I a pirate? But I know whatchoo mean and I'm so sick of everyone blasting others because of their political views- some of my friends are like- are you serious? you LIKE her? leave me alone and for me, and to me, it's better the devil I know than the one I don't know...so just let it go.

[Erin]

That was really nicely put, and definitely sums up how I've been feeling about this election season. Even though we're on different sides of the political fence, it doesn't really matter.

I appreciate what you've written. I haven't read any of the 139 comments because, honestly, I fear they might not be as kind and generous as you were (though I hope they were) and don't want to lose this nice rosy buzz I've got going. I hope, though, that they all gave you the pat on the back you deserve for this post.

Thanks.

[Megan]

Jen,

Thanks so much for this post! It is so refreshing to see that there are indeed sane people on the Internet who value their site as an escape for those who read it and not a place where they can push their ideologies on visitors. Good luck with your deadline and I can't wait to read "plaid".

[Suzanne]

I think all the discussion is healthy as a means to discuss what matters when we vote. What is not healthy when people get mean...because then others simply stop listening.

I can't wait for your next book, good luck with the final push!

[Faith]

I taught with someone a few years ago who was just as passionate about being a liberal as I am about being a proud conservative. We disagreed on every issue, even on the state football teams we supported. Our common ground was that we loved children and we truly liked each other. We knew where we each stood and occasionally talked about big issues. Once she sent me a Christmas card and on the outside of the envelope it said: "No guns", "Liberals Rule", "Pro-Choice" and lastly, "Go Dawgs". My husband nearly fainted when he brought the mail in. He asked me what in the hell do you and Abby have in common. I told him we were just friends and that was enough. Wish I could say the same thing for a friend I'd had since 7th grade. I thought we could have the same relationship that Abby and I had, but I was wrong when she wouldn't let it die at dinner that I was Republican to my very core. She never spoke to me again. Oh well, you win some and you lose some and a few get rained out.

[amy]

Well put.
Good luck meeting your deadline!

[Becky]

Ha. I just got back from visiting my sister and meeting her new in-laws for the weekend. She warned me that his family are conservative, and warned his family that I am liberal. So her FIL and I get in a discussion and have a little too much tequila and he turns to my sis and says, "Can I? Pleeeeease?" Sis is all, "Oh, oh no...." And he launches into asking me about my politics. The cool part, though, was that we're both: a) "I totally love and respect you, man!" drunks, so we were pretty amenable, and b) we were both able to back up our opinions rather than just spouting off. It was actually kind of fun actually TALKING with someone instead of just being all two dimensional about it, and at the end of the evening, I was as accepted into their family as my sister.

As for dogs and Fritos, all I know is their black lab woke me up the next day licking my face, and his breath.....whoa. I was dreaming I was Buffy the Vampire Slayer opening a stinky crypt ready to kick some undead ass and almost staked the poor pooch before I knew what was going on.

Lesson? Fewer margaritas and more sturdy latches on their guest room door.

[Michael]

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I hate election time for many reasons. I used to be extremely interested in politics, to the point where I actually contemplated wanting to pursue it as a career. Then the election of '04 came around and I realized just how incredibly caddy it all is. Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Communists, Socialists, etc. There is ALWAYS so much unnecessary stone throwing. And with this year's election I can only bare to watch CNN for so long before I have to turn it off. All the approved messages from the candidates are so incredibly immature, regardless of whether or not they're presenting facts. *biggest sigh ever*. So I keep my opinions to myself for the most part now, even if people share all the same thoughts.

In ANY case, sorry to hear about your construction woes. I'm currently attempting to paint parts of my house and it's not going well.

I finished 'Such a Pretty Fat' about two weeks ago. Fabulous, obviously. But now I'm going through Lancaster withdrawl. I can't wait for the new book.

[Kari]

I'm tired of hearing and talking politics period. Let's vote already dangit!

[stacy]

Dude, it is so not cool to out someone without their explicit consent.

And you're right, of course, we are all much more alike than we are different from one another. People who can't see past those few differences really miss out. The guy who would no longer even acknowledge your presence? Just a shining reminder that people can be total jackasses.

[Ally HAll]

A + from me!

I'm a 20 year old in college and in political Science, where I am asked constantly about my views because we are the "next generation". It's nice to have a place to escape online, I can come to your blog in between my projects and get away from the crap that makes us grow up too fast. Thank you for keeping me young!

My mom asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up. I told her sense I didn't plan on growing up, I wanted to be Jen Lancaster. hehe

[Gina]

Hey, Michael Phelps will be hosting Saturday Night Live next week! If that isn't something to bring everyone together...I don't know what is!

[Ophelia]

I am very familiar with the aroma de frito!

[Andrea]

That Mother Chucker! Ha!
*I realize that wasn't the point you wanted me to walk away with, but I couldn't resist.

[Angie]

I love your books and I am looking forward to your next one but I have to admit that the comments regarding Rush, Ann and Hannity made me uncomfortable when I came across them. They of course did not stop me from continuing to adore you and your sense of humor but it was kind of like watching a really good movie or reading a good book and being surprised to be find a raunchy sex scene when you did not expect one. Just my take.
Cannot wait for your new book!

[Kelsey]

You're not the only one who gets criticized for voting for Bush. I have a ton of friends and only 1 other person besides me has the same views that I do. I get threats at school to "vote for Obama, or else" (since they'll be with me at the voters booth and all) People try to start fights with me for voting McCain, it's crazy!
So even though we're on the same team, thank you thank you thank you for not turning your blog into one more place that I have to hear about politics. I just wish that I could hear your views on Palin, because personally? I love her.

[Tamara]

Oh, and bring on the dog pictures! You always manage to capture your dogs doing something funny.

[Middle-Aged-Woman]

I don't have a dog whose feet I can sniff and that is perfectly fine.

[Tamara]

I really like this post. It makes sense. Two people are never going to fully agree on everything (and if you find someone that does fully agree with you, you probably would be annoyed or bored with them). I think it's really silly that your 'friends' ousted you for difference in political leanings, and didn't even appreciate your opinions, or YOU for that matter. It's just not nice.

I took a class in teacher's college where I sat there most of the time, afraid to speak because I knew my views would differ greatly from most/all of the class. I was afraid of being ostracized, or hated (and accused of hating, though I didn't), because of my opinions. Because sadly, people will do that. They'll show you hatred, and accuse you of hate. They'll call you ignorant, when you simply don't agree (after much consideration of all sides). But, fortunately not everyone is like that. Which is why I appreciate your post, oh governor of Jennsylvania, for demonstrating that to everyone.

:)

[Erin]

Jen for President!

FINALLY- someone speaking logically. Thank you.

[Megan Canny]

Thank you!

[Jennifer]

i love that you haven't turned this into a political blog - i love coming here just to laugh and enjoy your stories :)
and you're completely right, everyone's experiences influence their beliefs. and being able to respect those differences is what makes us civil.
as always, love your blog!

[Karen]

I also shy away from any of it. I don't talk about it on my blog, and I don't comment on anyone else's when they bring it up. Usually, I'll close out and stop reading if I see it because it ALWAYS turns into a rabid shouting match.

Good on ya

[Jennifer]

first off, I have all your books and I love them *blush* so I try to read your blog as much as possible, but I NEVER comment (on anyone's blog really)

but I MUST applaud you for this last post, I completely agree with you and love love LOVE you for it (but not in a stalker-y type way :D) I stay completely out of political discussions, especially with family cuz it's not worth the emotional heartache. I know how they feel, they know how I feel, NONE of us are going to change our minds, so why bother arguing about it? Because there can be no rationality in the discussion, it immediately degenerates into "you're stupid cuz you don't believe like me!!!"

anyway, just wanted to say that I am so so so so so so in agreement with you!!!! <3

[stephani]

Ok, how totally juvenille for someone to stop talking to you because of whom you voted for...were you at a high school by chance? And THANK YOU for not posting any more political rants. I come to your blog(and read your books) for what they are...entertainment. I know what the state of the nation (and world to a lesser degree) are and you are my pink jacketed, shoe worshipping, weird neighbor hating escape. If I could get frozen margaritas here, I would NEVER leave! I raise a frosty, salt rimmed, lime garnished glass to you! Salud!

[Kelly]

If I could be frank, I've been checking in everyday to read your thoughts on Palin.

I'm a little disappointed. But only a little.

[Michelle]

My dog's feet smell like POPCORN.

[Marci]

One of the things I love about you is how you don't force-feed to your readers your political views. I don't care whether you're Republican or Democrat, I love you because you make me laugh. And laughing is what makes me happy.

Plus, I'm Canadian and I don't particularly care about the US Election, I have my own to worry!!

[Jenn-with an extra 'n']

Thanks for keepin' in light, you rock! And so does Chuck Bass....and I'm REALLY sad I can say that last part since I'm supposed to be a grown up but WTF-ever...xoxo Jenn (with an extra 'n')

[Kinsey]

Thanks for your sanity on the comments about our presidential election and the candidates. I visit another site regularly and I knew the commenters were very outspoken in their beliefs but was shocked and actually stung by their vitriol against the rep vp candidate. I've wanted to respond with some well thought out and articulate comments but know that it wouldn't make a bit of difference to anyone. And it would just make me more upset to see the hatred focused my way.

[Phyllis]

I love you! And I love Chuck Bass. (as well as the actor who plays him. Have you heard him speak in real life? Lovely British accent.)I love the whole man-whore falls in love with the biggest bitch story line. It's my favorite part of GG.

[Jen Bauer]

Amen!!!

[Heather]

A-Freaking-Men. I've been stirring a post just like this one in my head for over a week. I've been disgusted and disappointed by some of the stuff I've read from Bloggers I really admired. I agree with you wholeheartedly.

[Lauria]

Bravo, and thank you for sharing some un-common courtesy and un-common decency in an otherwise nasty political climate!

[Lulu]

I have always said that my dog's feet smell like popcorn!! I had no idea that I was not the only crazy person out there that actually had attributed a certain smell to their pet's feet.