No Vampires Were Harmed in the Writing of This Post

Blame Stephenie Meyer if I've been MIA lately.  I essentially checked out of my own life about a week ago because of the Twilight series and I finally came up for air on Sunday when I finished.  I have no idea why these books have drawn me in so much.  First, they're for young adults (strike one), they're about teenage vampires (strike two), and I pretty much hate every single character in them save for Alice and Jacob.  Also?  "Renesmee" is possibly the dumbest name imaginable.  (BTW, if I ever hear you calling to your little Renesmee in the grocery store or in the aisle at Target, THERE WILL BE MOCKING.)  Regardless, I haven't been sucked into a book to this extent since Harry Potter, so whatever Stephenie Meyer is doing, she's doing it right.

I've also been watching a lot of True Blood on HBO.  Not only have I seen all the episodes, but I also watched every produced short available about them via my cable's On Demand service.  Plus, I just ordered the books upon which it's based.  I'm not kidding when I say it's been all blood-drinking all the time around here.  Even though I'm confident that vampires don't really exist, I've watched/read so much lately that there's a tiny part of me that wonders what if it were plausible? 

Seriously, I've got to lay off the vampire genre for a while.

What's ironic is I just started reading my new friend Tatiana Boncompagni's book Gilding Lily.

Am adoring this book, except I've been on edge the whole time I've been reading it because I keep trying to figure out which Park Avenue socialite turns into a vampire.  (Hint?  None of them.)  (At least not in the literal sense.)

In other news, I'm editing my first draft, so posting will be sporadic again.  Also, we're likely going to be moving soon and I'll be busy there, too.  On top of our ongoing structural/mold/asbestos problems, a crime wave has swept a one block radius around here.  In the last two weeks, there have been a number of drug busts, a couple of thwarted stabbings, and break-ins in three different homes. 

The forced entries are what really get me - I mean, they're scary under any circumstance.  However, they're even more chilling because these entries aren't happening during the day when the houses are empty.  Each attempted attack has happened in the middle of the night.  This has caused some wild speculation on our part because we've been trying to figure out why anyone would try to break in when he knew the residents would be home.  That's not typical burglar behavior.  The person breaking in wants something - and it might not be a laptop.

The last attempted entry happened NEXT DOOR.  The police told our neighbors that a guy just released from prison recently moved into our neighborhood.  They speculate the issues we've been having relate to him.  Awesome!

I may actually have seen the person who's responsible for what's going on.  A couple of weeks ago I was working in my (sinking) office off the back of the house.  There's a glass door next to my desk and I leave it door open (but locked) because the cats like to sun themselves there.  Plus, this keeps them from trying to sit on my wrists. 

So, I was at my desk watching a non-homeless-looking person walking down my alley.  He appeared to be checking things out.  The thing is, unless you live here, there's no reason to be in my alley because it's not a shortcut to anywhere.  Just being there and not in a car is reason enough for suspicion.  I watched as this guy walked past my house and I saw the expression on his face when he noticed my door was open.  He stopped in his tracks and then immediately made a beeline through the vacant backyard next door and headed right towards my house.

What he didn't expect was for me to step out of the shadows with a pit bull and a huge shepherd/wolf mix, shouting, "NO FUCKING WAY."

He left a vapor trail in his wake.

Anyway, let me just say this in case anyone's worried about us - Fletch and I have taken every possible precaution to secure our home against intruders.  Every one.  More than anything, we're annoyed right now, but we're all set in terms of safety. 

Unless the perpetrator is a vampire. 

We don't have any silver buckshot.

Comments

[Lisa Johnson]

I am hooked on True Blood also. Now I'll end up reading the Twillight books. Keep yourselves safe. A baseball bat works wonders but I'm sure your dogs will keep you the safest. Also, even though your memory I'm sure is only slightly aged from wine, keep a camera or your cellphone at the ready in case you see this guy around again. It will aid in identification if needed.

[Nancy P]

I would have loved to see the look on his face when you did that! I hope you move SOON.

I have been avoiding The Twilight series but damn I might have to cave in. I did read The Host and that was good. So many books and so little time...

One request...I know you are busy with the book but PLEASE try to post a minimum of twice a week. :)
Nancy P

[Jenna]

Um, Jen?? In case you didn't know it, you and I are soul sisters. I read the entire Twilight series over the exact time frame as you. Also? My house was burgled over Memorial Day weekend and let me tell you, it's not a fun experience. Even though my husband and I have settled with the insurance company, installed a security system, put the house up for sale and added to our self-protection arsenal (read: guns. Lots and lots of guns. And Permit to Carry certificates in the great state of MN), we will never get over the thought of someone being in OUR house, touching OUR stuff, and turning OUR sense of security upside down. I'm so glad to hear you and your dogs thwarted this (potential) asshole. Please be safe!
And I love you. Can't wait for book 4!!