Previously on Bravo (Night)

Last week on Project Runway night:

"...I have trouble watching her on 90210 because she was so evil on Nip/Tuck.  Like, profoundly evil.  And perpetually, persistently wicked.  You'd see her do something so horrible one week that you couldn't believe she could top it, and yet she did, week after week.  I see her now and remember how vicious her character was.  She was so depraved that it colors everything else I see her in going forward.  I keep waiting for her to stab someone on that show," Stacey says.  "Do you understand what I mean?"

"Yeah... I get it.  Like Jason Bateman," I reply.

Stacey looks puzzled.  "When was Michael Bluth ever evil?" 

"Oh, no.  Ha!  I mean like Patrick Bateman."

"Who?"

"Patrick Bateman, you know, American Psycho?  Um, what's his name.  You know.  Patrick Bateman."

"I'm sorry, I don't know who you mean.  I've never seen the movie."

"You know him.  What's his name?  Um, Patrick Bateman.  Patrick Bateman.  Patrick Bateman!  You know.  Patrick Bateman!"

She shakes her head. "No, I don't know.  Does repeating it over and over again and shouting seem to help you remember?"

"Yes, and come on.  You know this guy.  Patrick Bateman?  Or," I snap my fingers, "Batman."  (pause)  "Batman."  (pause)  "Batman."  (pause)  "Come on, help me out; I can't think of his name.  Batman."  (pause)  "Patrick Bateman Batman.  Bateman Batman.  BATMAN!  BATMAN!"

"Adam West?"

"Too old!"

"Michael Keaton?  George Clooney?"

"BATMAN!"

"Val Kilmer?"

"NO, BATMAN!  NOT OLD BATMAN, NEW BATMAN!  BATMAN, YOU KNOW, PUNCHED HIS MOTHER, TABLOID, BLOND HAIR, BATMAN, SKINNY FOR THE MACHINIST, YOU KNOW, BATMAN!  BATMAN!!  BATMAN!!!"

She's a bit shell-shocked after my outburst.  I notice she's moved all the way to the end of the couch and her back is kind of pressed up against the wall and her eyes are wide.  Slowly, she asks, "You mean Christian Bale?"

"Yes.  Batman.  Christian Bale.  Anyway, what were you saying about the 90210 girl?"

* * *

And this week on Project Runway night, all is forgiven. 

As an added bonus, we take a Top Chef field trip to a tasting night at Chalkboard.

"For the love of God, Stephanie, don't mention Batman."

Comments

[Farrah]

Are you not the funniest woman on the PLANET?

What's the word on your house? Or have you fallen into a black hole, also known as your backyard. It's all very Poltergeist if you ask me. But then again, you didn't ask.

btw- shameless plug: http://thisismyfreshhell.wordpress.com/

[Chole]

Yeah, that would be Tuesdays haha!

[Chole]

I had the same feeling when I saw that girl on 90210! I think I'm overprotective of the characters on Nip Tuck, as dorky as that sounds. Unfortunately I have class on Tusdays so now I can't watch and wait for her to stab someone lol.

[Rachel]

Haha this is the perfect entry for this new website I found. Not that I want the new book delayed but Jen, this procrastination website is simply THE BEST.

http://wordle.net/create

Type in a passage and it'll create a work of art for you. The more often a word is used, the bigger it is. In this one, Batman took up the entire screen!

PS: I was so moved about your entry on Ohio's idiot-ness that I posted the issue and Tyrone's information on my own blog.
Check it out?
www.rachelw91.edublogs.org

[Karina in T.O]

Ahahhahahaaa! American Psycho is still in my books one of THE WORST MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN, because Christian Bale ruined for me! My girlfreind and I were like "What the fuck just happened there???" We were so busy bitching while walking out of the theatre that I popped a ciggie in my mouth and lit it right there in the lobby!!! And yet somehow, even with all that burning hate, she now loves Christian Bale. Go figure. I on the other hand am still a bit tainted by him.

But what made me howl with laughter was the fact that that same girlfriend of mine, once asked me the a very Stacy style question and busted me with "will you yelling it over and over, louder and louder make me understand what you mean????"

I made some off-colour joke about getting waterboarded. (something about I'd rather have a relaxing waterboarding session, then listen to that douche-blowhard in a meeting for the next 3 hours) And she said with a blank look on her face, "What? I don't know what that is, I don't know what you mean." It turned into me yelling, "YOU know, waterboarding, waterboarding!!!! When they torture you, YOU KNOW"
....and still she was like "Dude....no idea".

And just for the record, while I know its a wonderful guilty pleasure for you Jen, and some of my fav gal pals, I refuse to watch 90210 or Gossip Girl or The Hills, because those shows just piss me off. NO ONE lives a life like that, all 82 pounds of them wearing their $3500 handbags. I don't want to watch a bunch of rich-bitch mean girls. I've tried!!! And I just can't do it!!! Its the same twitch I get when I spy a Chanel add featuring an 18 year old model.....teenagers have no business having all this money, they should work at The Peach Pit and earn minimum wage! Ya dig???

[kate s]

oh dear god! i can't stand that girl! first of all, eat a damn sandwich... and second, being a bitch on nip/tuck totally ruined any future acting she does. i'm so glad to know someone else out there agrees with me!

[Jackie (notwifezilla)]

One more reason I love you Jen! Pop culture references to American Psycho in a entry entitled "Previously on Bravo night". Not too mention a pic of you and Top Chef Stephanie! (I'm so jealous!)

[AJMick]

Omg. I am you. You are me. I totally brain fart all the time and start yelling at people because *I* cannot recall what I'm speaking of... I think I need a moment alone to reflect on my behavior and yours. Thank God we both seem to have good friends who understand our outbursts because, seriously? We should not be allowed in polite, public conversation.

[derfina]

Just finished the last book and anxiously awaiting the next. Just a little note-it is a huge pain in the arse to read footnotes on a Kindle! Love your work. And yes, how is the house sitch?

[Abby C.]

First off, I love you.
Uhhhhh, I mean, in that wow-your-books-sound-like-me-talking way.
Moving on.

Second, have you not been watching 90210? And, what about Privileged? It comes on after 90210, so even if you get a nasty taste in your mouth over the fact that the only thing older about Kelly and Brenda is their hair, you can laugh and groan with Privileged immediately afterward.

Third, that crown molding in your bathroom is delightful! I want.

Thanks for being an author who makes me laugh out loud!

[marie]

BATMAN!

[LoriF]

That is why my mom CAN NOT watch Desperate Housewives - because of Bree Van De Camp being SO evil on Melrose Place...may I add that my mother is 67 years old??

Love Top Chef!!

I LOVE your blog, brings laughs to my days!!!

PLEASE come to Michigan for a book tour stop!!!

[LoriF]

That is why my mom CAN NOT watch Desperate Housewives - because of Bree Van De Camp being SO evil on Melrose Place...may I add that my mother is 67 years old??

Love Top Chef!!

I LOVE your blog, brings laughs to my days!!!

PLEASE come to Michigan for a book tour stop!!!

[heather in tx]

thank you for the laugh outloud! Definately needed it this week. We just got power back and am so exhausted I could sleep for a month. I was having Jen withdrawls with no Internet! Seriously! Thank you for helping me keep my sanity.

[Kelly]

Oh my gosh. I was so off. I was thinking all along you were going for Jason Bateman - the kid from the show Valerie or Arrested Development. I was thinking "what has he done?" Obviously it has been a long week.

[Mrs.D]

Christian Bale was the guy from "Little Women"?? I never realized. Love your polka dots, btw.

[anna]

Bah--I love Christian Bale! I think he really disappears into his roles, though, I don't have the Patrick Bateman problem. Thankfully.

[Gina]

I can't stand Christian Bale because of American Psycho! His role in that movie has ruined any other movie he might be involved with. I can't stand him! And because of American Psycho...I am quick to believe he really did hit his mother...sister...wait staff...you name it!

[Kristen]

I get you!

Plus the girl from NIP/TUCK was completely evil but I don't have a hard time with Christian Bale (he was a singing newspaper boy and a the cute boy in Little Women before he went crazy).

It takes a while but the message comes across. Enjoy your tasting!

[Jenn-with-an-extra-N]

Total digression but is it just me or does Naomi just need to fire the show's hair stylist cause the girl has curly helmet head in every episode.

I have shoes to match your dress/top/whatever-it-is. Me = Jealous....

[Mimi]

jen, love your blog! i came across another blog you may like too - http://www.theministerofcommonsense.blogspot.com/

[Brandy]

I laughed SO HARD at this post, Jen.

Mostly because my friends and I are totally the same way. That last bit where she got it and you were totally calm going back to 90210 is classic me, dude.

"Adam West?"
"TOO OLD!"

[tracee]

Jen, after reading the above post, I can honestly say that we would totally be BFFs if you lived here. I swear we share a mind (well not really, because then I'd be a famous author and all your thoughts would be in my brain too and sometimes maybe I don't want to know what you're thinking and you probably don't want to know mine.... wait, I'm babbling...).

Anyway, it's nice to know that the coolest girl on the planet (that I met! I have pictures!) thinks like I do.

Disclaimer: I'm not a stalker. Just an avid fan who throws your books into random carts of women in the book section at Target.

[DawnMarie]

Whatever happened to Nip/Tuck? They always stop making the good shows. As for the new 90210, I just can't get into it. I'm a old school tv show fan (90210, original Saved By The Bell etc).

Also, Christian Bale kind of looks like he had his face pinched in the door.

[Linds]

TOP CHEF!!! CHALKBOARD!! im sooooo jealous. i saw her and dale at the green city market a few weeks ago and i was the only person there who was visibly star-struck. some people love movie stars, me...i love people who make good food.

[pineapple]

I cannot STAND Christian Bale. He has permanent douche-face. Like, he always looks like he's just smelled something horrible.

Plus, and I know i'm in the unfortunate minority here and don't care, the dark knight was HORRIBLE AWFUL BUTT BALLS BAD. Uch. Just thinking about it makes me want to wash the bad taste out of my mouth. I made it less than an hour through, yick. And Mr. Douche-Face didn't help. At all.

Michael Bluth can be evil, I bet.

[Dominique]

I'm all about watching the train wreck that is the new 90210. Why? Why? It matters not because I am totally sucked in now. There's no escape....And I could never hang out with you, you are waaayyy too adorable and put together. Although, I DID find my grandmother's pearls the other day......they surely are pretty. At the risk of ruining my reputation on my turf, I just might have to trot those puppies out some time. :) You're looking good gurl, looking good.

[Jen Z.]

Boy, I don't know how I feel about the fact that I'm the only one to mention Bale as the little boy in "Empire of the Sun", a totally depressing but really good Speilberg WWII movie from 1987 (no, I'm not smart enough to know the year, checked on IMDB). He was just a wee thing back then!

[Karen Mc in Dallas]

Jen, you look divine! Before you closed the last post (and I so understand why you did and agree with your comments), I wanted to tell you how pretty your kitty is. More pics of your kitties, please!!! And, I'm with Karen, please don't leave us hanging about the house and keep us posted!

[Emily]

I will always see Christian Bale as Laurie from Little Women (technically he was imbedded in my mind as Jack from Newsies, but he was so PERFECT in Little Women).

And whoever asked if Christian Bale was the one from the one with Heath Ledger... be ashamed. I mean, come on! Christian Bale has been around SO much longer! :-) (That was teasing, please don't hate me)

[thecoconutdiaries]

How are you guys making it through 90210 long enough to ponder about the previous life the characters? That show is freaking awful, but I keep watching, like an idiot, waiting for the swill to get better. I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship...

[Biggest Fan in Milwaukee]

I thought Christian Bale was evil, too...
And I LOVE CHALKBOARD! we drive all the way down (ok its not THAT far) from Milwaukee to go there!

Cant wait for the new book! (no pressure)

[Erin]

Funny, I still see Christian Bale as the kid from "Newsies." *sigh* Love him!

[Emily]

Bahahaha!! Bateman.... Batman... Bale!! But seriously, Christian Bale makes you want to get all stabby? Cause as Batman he is for me what Vince Vaughn is for you before he got all bloated.

[sue Treiber]

on 'go fug yourself' they refer to her as Drunkface, which is what I will call her forevermore!
Love the dots.

[Kristine]

Was Christian Bale Batman in this last one with Heath Ledger? I guess the very first guy to play Batman refuded to watch any of these new Batman's because they totally aren't what Batman is supposed to be about.

[Fran]

I'm reading this wanting to yell Christian Bale!! Can't do that, I'm at work.

[Smartass Milf]

OMG I need to go there!!! So jealous you got a pic with Stephanie! Was the food good? The scary part is I do the same thing but only to my boyfriend. I confuse so many people and for some reason he knows who I am talking about every time.

[Nancy P]

OMG! LOVE the black/white polka dot you are wearing. I MUST have it.

[Jaye]

I am so happy to see someone thinking that about the chick on 90210. I keep having the same problem. She'll always be that evil chick and I can't get over it. When I see her being sweet and having honest feelings, I'm kind of like, "Yeah, right. And next, you're going to be super mean to Annie or whatever Rob Estes' daughter's name is."

[Stepheney]

Is that dress from NY & Company? It looks like my fave polka dot dress from there that I wear ALL the time!

You look gorgeous!

[Stepheney]

I totally agree about Christian Bale! I always see him as the guy from "American Psycho"!!!

[Cheryl]

Thank the LORD I'm not the only one who can't concentrate on 90210 because of the Nip/Tuck connection!

Naomi on 90210 was Eden on Nip/Tuck, Portia De Rossi's daughter and yah - she was evil. She was after Sean...for the life of me I can't remember what happened to her (knowing Nip/Tuck it was something terrible)

[Lissa]

I know!! I feel the same way about her!Evil! I didn't know she was on the show at first. When she came on I was like EW! Its her!!She gives me the creeps and she is kind of weird looking. She is ruined for me, like Erica Christiansen ruined for me (Swimfan?), but worse.

[C]

Who from Nip/Tuck is on 90210?

[Katie]

Upon seeing that picture with Stephanie- I gasped so dramatically that I almost choked on my tongue.... seriously my jack russell came bounding in to make sure mother wasn't dying. Was I the only one that danced around my living room with glee when the teaser commercial for "Top Chef: New York" came on?! I certainly hope not!

[Karen]

What about the house??? I'm dying to know what happened. Don't leave us hanging!

[Toasty]

Patrick Bateman, Christian Bale... same smell.

[Marci]

LMAO!!! Omg, you're crazy!!!