"Did you get the Evite?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to go?"
"I don't know. I don't understand what the party means. What's a dirty shirty?"
"'Dirty shirty' means you wear a dirty shirt."
"Like with salad dressing stains on it?" (I kind of have a lot of those.)
"No, you wear one with a profane expression on it, you know, the kind you shouldn't wear out in public, like the Donkey Punch one I have, or the one you had made for my birthday last year with the picture of Che on it and the Commies Suck caption below it."
"You can wear the Che shirt in public, you just can't wear it to Whole Foods. Remember how the butcher refused to take your order?"
"Yeah. Do you have a tshirt with anything like that on it?"
"Of course not. Number one, I don't have tshirts except for the gym and number two, none of my tops have anything but Lacoste gators on them." (And salad dressing.)
"Try and come up with something; the party should be a lot of fun and you don't want to be the one who attends but doesn't participate."
So, because I'm moving in a few weeks and because I have a mountain of edits to complete and because I don't have any pornographic articles of clothing and because I hate how I look in tshirts anyway, I just spent the last 45 minutes with a seam ripper creating this:
If this doesn't win the Best Shirt award, then fuck everyone.
wow...its things like this that allow me to put aside my political differences with you because i just laughed out loud for a good thirty seconds or so.
Posted by: tina | October 14, 2008 at 08:23 PM
My husband (picky engineer) wanted to say "alligators lay eggs...they don't have sex"
He needs a drink...that sounds like a good reason for a party.
Posted by: TheBabblingHousewife | October 14, 2008 at 08:14 PM
I love it! This could be worn at Country Clubs across America!
Posted by: Erica | October 14, 2008 at 07:31 PM
OK - now I get the 09/25 post. Jen - you were on Oprah and you can't even blog about it?! That's horrible. I saw your pic on the Oprah website. I know you can't respond since you aren't allowed to blog about it - but I hope WE are! That must feel worse than putting my favorite cupcakes in front of me and telling me not to eat them - - - - -or maybe not! Rock on and LOVE the T shirt!
Posted by: Karen | October 14, 2008 at 06:21 PM
Dirty shirty.. loves it.
I would have never thought that's what it meant.
I have a shirt that has a volleyball net and says "practice safe sets"
guess I could go to the party, but you should win!
Posted by: Brookie Brooke | October 14, 2008 at 06:02 PM
Best shirt ever!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Katie | October 14, 2008 at 04:37 PM
Hey I saw you on Oprah so I went to your blog to see if you had mentioned anything . . . I must of missed that post if you did. Anyway, you were really funny and I think Oprah really liked you.
Posted by: Susie | October 14, 2008 at 04:14 PM
amazing :)
oh ya nix... if you didn't like it why would you bother to comment... I guess you have some time on your hands...
Posted by: Michelle | October 14, 2008 at 04:13 PM
Awesome! Subtle, topical, and totally something you'll be comfortable wearing.
Posted by: Rose | October 14, 2008 at 03:37 PM
I'm commenting on all my favorite blogs today to give them notice of Blog Action Day. Tomorrow tons of people will be posting about this years 'global cause' to help raise awareness. This year's theme is Poverty.
Full info & sign up is at - http://blogactionday.org/
Posted by: Andi | October 14, 2008 at 03:20 PM
that. is. awesome.
Posted by: andie | October 14, 2008 at 03:18 PM
I can see everyone wearing them, they will be the newest rage. Hilarious
Posted by: Dominique | October 14, 2008 at 02:40 PM
Also? Nix?
You. BLOW. And that is in no way an anti-gay, comment. You just do!
Cheers, and go on about your merry way somewhere else.
Posted by: Karina in T.O | October 14, 2008 at 02:25 PM
I howled. And you know what my first thought was? Once again, you are Queen of the Gays. Loved it!
Posted by: Karina in T.O | October 14, 2008 at 02:22 PM
BEST. SHIRT. EVER.
Posted by: amy | October 14, 2008 at 02:03 PM
Just reread BITNB while travelling on the weekend.Still makes me laugh out loud on airplanes, earning nervous looks from fellow passengers.
Oh, and don't worry about Nix. I heard someone dropped a house on her. (But no ruby slippers, dammit.)
Posted by: Shan from Can(ada) | October 14, 2008 at 01:54 PM
I seriously love how the one on top looks like he should have a cartoon bubble coming out of his mouth saying, "WOO HOOOOOOO!"
LOVE it. And I hate t-shirts, too.
Posted by: antof9 | October 14, 2008 at 01:16 PM
Your Hilarious! Great job!
Posted by: Jenna | October 14, 2008 at 01:12 PM
This has got to be the best shirt EVER!!!!
I want one now!
Posted by: Denise | October 14, 2008 at 01:10 PM
Okay, not to beleagure the point nor to be indelicate, but, how else would alligators, um, make amore if not like this?
Also? Fornigators? GENIUS.
Posted by: the governor of jennsylvania | October 14, 2008 at 12:10 PM
Your creativity astounds me, Jen. Can't wait for your new book!!!!!! Good luck with moving in a few weeks!! :)
Posted by: Arin | October 14, 2008 at 12:04 PM
*don't feed the trolls...don't feed the trolls*
...fornagators...hehehe...
Best. Comeback. Ever.
*don't feed the trolls...bitch...don't feed the trolls...*
Posted by: sheilah | October 14, 2008 at 12:01 PM
I do not see how it cannot win.
Beautiful work
Posted by: paige | October 14, 2008 at 11:36 AM
That is f-ing awesome!
Posted by: Kristin | October 14, 2008 at 10:15 AM
I'm with Mrs. D on the blog experiment, LOL!
Posted by: goodfather | October 14, 2008 at 10:15 AM
This is for "Nix". Does it suck to be named after a treatment for lice? Does it make you angry and bitter?
Posted by: Carrie | October 14, 2008 at 10:09 AM
I wore one last weekend to a bar that said "Republicans Screw Better". I hadn't been to a bar in nine years and the shirt got me a LOT of attention.
Posted by: Carrie | October 14, 2008 at 10:04 AM
Flipping brilliant! 'Nuff said.
Posted by: elysianfantasy | October 14, 2008 at 09:57 AM
Okay - the gator love made me laugh but the person who deemed it "fornagators" made a little diet pepsi come out of my nose.
Posted by: Michelle | October 14, 2008 at 09:22 AM
HILARIOUS! I love it. You have to post again after the party and tell us how people reacted.
Posted by: Janet | October 14, 2008 at 09:17 AM
Brilliant.
Posted by: Jenn F | October 14, 2008 at 09:15 AM
That's wrong. So so wrong.
Posted by: Kristen | October 14, 2008 at 08:40 AM
OMG, hilarious. AND the girl who came up with FORNAGATORS below.....genius!
Posted by: Jenn-with and extra n | October 14, 2008 at 08:33 AM
Love. LOVE. (Although if you wanted to REALLY push the envelope, you could have gone for a threesome!)
Posted by: jenn | October 14, 2008 at 08:19 AM
FORNIGATORS!!
Hilarious.
Posted by: Nicole | October 14, 2008 at 08:16 AM
Love it, start your own line.
Do you watch "How I Met You Mother"? On Monday night one character called someone an Asshat. You have clearly effected (infected?) the world with your fabulous brand of humor. Congrats. :)
Posted by: Michelle | October 14, 2008 at 08:12 AM
I love the alligators! I, too, would have thought a dirty shirty was a shirt in the laundry basket.
I especially love that the butcher refused to serve Fletch while he was wearing a Che shirt (although the "Commies suck" caption should have given him a pass). Every time I see someone wearing one of those, I want to ask him, "Is your Hitler shirt in the laundry?" So nice to know there are other people who get it.
Posted by: class factotum | October 14, 2008 at 08:10 AM
Love the shirt! you made my freakin' day!
and btw - was watching 'The Big Bang' last night and they totally called someone an asshat!
Posted by: Jen | October 14, 2008 at 07:06 AM
Love it! Oh, and Nix - you're a douch bag.
Posted by: Kelly | October 14, 2008 at 06:48 AM
I just peed in my pants when I got to the picture of the defaced Lacoste gators. JEN, YOU ARE MY COMIC HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Lee | October 14, 2008 at 06:28 AM
I'd totally wear that out in public without the excuse of a "dirty shirty" party...
Posted by: Frozen Star | October 14, 2008 at 05:55 AM
My heart skipped a beat when I realized you actually defaced a L*coste.
I remember when I was in high school and we paid no more than $18 for them...
I hope you win!
Posted by: Tracee | October 14, 2008 at 03:50 AM
Nix-
Reading your post evokes several emotions, the strongest of which is pity...
Posted by: MK | October 14, 2008 at 03:08 AM
That is the funniest thing ever. I thought that you stapling your paper doctor's gown to your pants was the funniest, but that was a topper.
Nix - seriously?
Posted by: Lisa | October 14, 2008 at 02:32 AM
HAHAAHA okay I am an idiot--just realized after I posted my very first comment here that our names go BELOW our comments. Whoops. I take it back.
Nix you are a raging bitch.
and Nina? My bad homegirl.
Posted by: k.l. | October 14, 2008 at 12:18 AM
I laughed so hard I just about peed my pants.
Oh and everyone, it was not Nix who made those horrible comments, it was Nina. Nix was the comment below. Nina was the horrible bitch above her who tried to degrade Jen. Ladies--ready? Attack!
Posted by: k.l. | October 14, 2008 at 12:16 AM
I love it!!! I would so wear it around town just to see if anyone noticed. And Nix...get your head out of your ass and find a sense of humor!!!
Jen, I have introduced all of my girlfriends to your books and we love you, keep it up!!!
Posted by: rachel | October 13, 2008 at 11:59 PM
OMG, you totally ROCK!
Although, you did forget one thing--
the gator on the bottom needs a PEARL NECKLACE!!!!
BWhahahahahahahahah!!!!
Posted by: Manic Mommy | October 13, 2008 at 11:23 PM
FUNNIEST thing EVER!
Posted by: Sara | October 13, 2008 at 09:58 PM
You sew too!!
Posted by: Wendy | October 13, 2008 at 09:55 PM