I'm Working on a Real Post, But This Had to Be Said First

Dear Bank of America,

I hope you slide under a gas truck and die tasting your own blood.

Best,

Jen

P.S.  And yes, this IS about being charged $105 in fees for Fletch's three trips to Starbucks last Friday because you chose to hold his direct deposit until Monday.  The salted caramel hot chocolates are good, but they're not that fucking good.

P.P.S.  Don't even get me started about how you held my last book check for TEN business days or I swear I will find the nearest bell tower.

Comments

[Megan]

Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate = Heaven.

So glad someone else has found the joy it brings :)

[Amanda]

I feel your frusteration. BOA is the WORST with Customer Service. I don't know why I put up with it...yes, I do...it's because I am too lazy to move by information to another bank!

[Katie]

Hi Jen,

I am a huge fan of yours and I am also a banker. I read a lot of the suggestions that others have posted and my idea is for you to pull your money out of that horrible nationally owned bank and move it to a local community bank. Not only is the level of service better, it's also more personal. Even though BoA can offer "Premier or Private Banking," locally owned banks offer that service to you without having to sign up for it. It just one of the perks. As for holding funds for 10+ days...that's a federal regulation. There isn't much any banker can do about that. Good luck. And oh, can you make Cincinnati a stop on your book tour? Thanks!!!

[Katie]

Hi Jen,

I am a huge fan of yours and I am also a banker. I read a lot of the suggestions that others have posted and my idea is for you to pull your money out of that horrible nationally owned bank and move it to a local community bank. Not only is the level of service better, it's also more personal. Even though BoA can offer "Premier or Private Banking," locally owned banks offer that service to you without having to sign up for it. It just one of the perks. As for holding funds for 10+ days...that's a federal regulation. There isn't much any banker can do about that. Good luck. And oh, can you make Cincinnati a stop on your book tour? Thanks!!!

[julie]

I love Starbucks salted caramel hot chocolates. Thought I was the only one. Everybody always says eew, salted? Yes salted! Yum.

Oh yeah ... banks, they get you coming and going .... they need to remember if it wasn't for peoples money in their bank, they wouldn't have a bank. Give em heck Jen.

[teachergirl]

" A suggestion, as well...you are now a very successful author...you should really look at Bank of America's Premier or Private Banking. With Premier and Private, you deal with one account relationship manager/contact, rather than having to go into a local banking center for assistance. " WTF? Why don't we all inundate BoA and get ourselves some private banking? While I love Jen, if we all went and demanded the same service, don't you they'd get the hint that their service for the common man sucked?

[sparkly_jules]

Oh they TOTALLY suck. They did some shizzit to me that ended up costing me $500- and I couldn't pay my rent. Did they care? NO.

I still owe them money, and I refuse to pay it. I will march through the gates of hell before I give them one (more) damn dime.

Go to a Credit Union. They're honest.

http://www.bankofamericasux.com/

Jules

[Kimberly]

I have shed real live hot tears on their fucking countertop - and nothing. No sale. No help. No shit.

Why am I still with B of A? Because my other bank folded...grrrrr.

[Marjorie]

Something similar happened to me once with Bank of America.

I annoyed them so much by never giving up on emails to them explaining why they were so unfair that they refunded my fees.

No, this approach wasn't worth the time I spent, but I still recommend it.

[Heidi]

OMG. I hate BOA For just those reasons.

$2 hot chocolate turned into $37 hot chocolate. That hot chocolate left a bitter taste. or maybe it was my shit ass bank. jerks.

That sucks. A lot.

[jennystar]

I have a BoA credit card (or I should say had) and I recently paid the balance off, which was a significant amount of money (and now I'm debt free, yeah!).

Anyway, the point is, BoA hounded me with statements and letters at least twice per month when I carried a balance. Now that I have paid that off and have a "0" balance I haven't heard jack s#$@ from them. Not even a balance update, which I think technically they are supposed to send every month, right?

Worst bank ever.

[Kristie A]

I am right there with you, myself I have been a BOA customer since I was 4 years old and I getting close to 46. Yet I don't put all my money in there because they drive me crazy. But my paychecks are direct deposited and yes they hold them and this money is being wired into their bank and yet they don't trust it. Then my student loan check from Chase Manhattan held yes 10 days, but they would give me a $100.00 cash advance from it. Lot of good that would do me. So believe me I feel your pain.

[Lindsey]

I bank with them and spent a good 45 min on the phone with a "manager" because they switched the order of some checks that were going through- which caused 2 overdraft charges on dunkin donuts coffee. If they would have done it the way they actually went through, it wouldn't have been a problem and no. they wouldn't refund it.

All she said was "I suggest you invest in a checkbook register to track your expenses".

Die. Horrible death. Thank you.

[Angela]

I am so with you Jenn – and can believe I read this TODAY!

So I must share my BoA tale of woe from TODAY. . .

Got promo for 0% interest balance transfer to pay down outrageous Amex bill using BofA "platinum" visa.

Catch is -- ONE day late and the promo goes away and price jacks up to same ridiculous interest rate as Amex.

So, check to see when bill is due at the first of this month. This is my first payment, so I want to get it right. Seriously -- I SWEAR the bill is due on the fourteenth. In my mind, have very specific memory of saying, okay, remember it's not on the 15th (a NORMAL bill-paying day) but the 14th. Go online yesterday to pay bill and -- argh!! Bill says PAST DUE, DUE ON 13th. F*CK, F*CK, F*CK!!!

I think of about half-a-dozen plausible lies for reason bill is late that will give me more "pity cred" (plane delayed, so couldn't pay online; death of distant non-existent relative; some home disaster rendering internet useless; etc.) but decide to be AN ADULT and GO WITH THE TRUTH!!!

Now realize -- I have a mortgage, a business account a joint account with my husband, and his personal account -- so I have B.A. CRED in some ways.

So I say to the NOT NICE AT ALL man on the other end of the line (who sounds like Djimon Hounsou -- but not the nice fatherly Djimon Hounsou from Blood Diamond, the evil Djimon Hounsou from Alias) "Hi, made a mistake, totally blew it, it's my first payment, can you waive that charge and make sure they don't take away my nicety-nice-nice interest rate? I don't have a good excuse, it was just a mistake, so I'm really throwing myself on your mercy."

"Well, ma'am, " responds EVIL Djimon sound-alike, "let me see."

(Clackety, clackety, clackety, clack for about three minutes).

EDj: "Thank you ma'am for waiting, but we will not be able to do that for you."

Stunned silence:

ME: “Excuse me?”

EDj: "I’m sorry ma’am , but I am unable to restore that promo for you."

ME: (Calmly) “I understand that you can’t, but can I speak to a supervisor?”

EDj: (Vaguely threatening) “A supervisor will tell you the same thing.”

ME: (Still calm, believe it or not) “I appreciate that, but I’d still like to speak to a supervisor.”

EDj: (now menancing) “Well, ma’am, would it be possible to have one return your call in 24-48 hours.”

ME: (Starting to get miffed) “Well, I’m sure that would be possible, but I would prefer to speak to one now.”

EDj: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

ME: (Sighing) “Fine. Please have one call me.”

EDj: “Can I get a number for you?”

ME: “You mean that you don’t have the number I just two minutes ago verified for you?”

EDj: “Ma’am I need to put in the number you designate as the callback number.”

So, we do the “phone number, type of phone, call time, blood-type and crossmatch” discussion for about 10 minutes to which EDj then asks to put me on hold. Standard musak plays (could swear it was the theme to Blood Diamond).

EDj: (10 minutes later) “Ma’am, what I have done on your behalf is sent an email to management asking them to review the situation and consider restoring the promo rate.”

ME: (incredulously) “Excuse me?” (feel pending head explosion coming on because I KNOW FULL WELL that EDj has NOT sent a well-crafted, throwing myself on the mercy of BofA, sympathy-inducing email at all – so AM NOT AT ALL HAPPY ABOUT THIS DEVELOPMENT but realize that EDj has access to email to management, so am not going to piss him off about him doing this without ASKING my permission when all I had asked for is a supervisor. Seething, I decide to change the subject so my head doesn’t explode)

ME: (recovering composure) “Great, okay. Thanks for that. Now, can you waive the $39 please.”

EDj: “No, that cannot be done at this time. Ma’am, if you ever can’t make a payment and call us BEFORE the fact . .”

ME: (interrupting). . . “EDj (okay, called him “sir”), did I not explain to you that it wasn’t that I could not make the payment, it was because I GOT THE DATE WRONG?

EDj: (condescendingly) I know you said that, I am just trying to ensure you understand how to avoid this happening again.

ME: (unable to supress sarcastic tone) Well, thank you very much for that. And now, can I just tell YOU that while I can appreciate that you are supposed to tell me no, I have over $100,000 in Bank of America accounts, so I think the LEAST that BA could do is waive the $39.00, don’t you? If not, I’ll have to move my banking business elsewhere and I will make sure they know that this call was the reason.

EDj: (SILENT)

ME: “Hello?”

EDj: (back to menacing), I am LOOKING at your accounts ma’am.

(at this point, I am hoping that he’s looking at the aggregate of my accounts and not just at my past three months, much more puny in this economy business account but whatever)

EDj: (magnanimously) “Yes ma’am, you’ll be happy to know that I was able to waive that late fee for you.”

ME: (suppressing sarcasm with every fiber of my being). “Thank you so much, sir.”

Now seriously. The conversation took over one-half hour. With BA paying for the call, EDjs time, and resources, I am sure we RESPENT the $39 two times over. When he could have just said “sure, this one time” in the first place.

Where is that bell tower?

[Erin]

I have to agree, BOA does suck major booty... and with a former? military husband, I'm going to pitch to you what I've pitched to my entire family. USAA bank. Holy crap, it's the best. Seriously, you should look into it.

Also, with the Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate - try two shots of espresso...

[Tammy]

I wonder if we should return to a cash economy???? How do you compound return on investment for reduction in stress levels....I am thinking about trying it for a year...

[Cara Daniell]

I have a GREAT B of A story.. I deposited a $50 check into my local BofA ATM. A week later, I get a letter in the mail with a copy of a check for $5000, this is the good part, that was neither written by me or made out to me, but declares that I have deposited this mystery check into my account and they are now deducting it from my pathetic- way-under $5000 bank account. So I am overdrawn by complete default, I am an innocent bystander.. but when I go to plead my case at the same B of A-- they tell me that it is really not there fault at all, it is the people they contract the ATM maintenence out to, and they could not possibly give me a penny of my own money for 10 to 12 days. I threw a tantrum the size of Montana-- they probably still tell stories about me there, and I have been trying to take them down ever since. Bottom line, I am so with you.

[Melissa]

Hi, Jen...I work for BOA and agree with the comment one person made about asking to have the fees refunded "nicely". This definitely works better than screaming and always, always work with the banking center manager. A suggestion, as well...you are now a very successful author...you should really look at Bank of America's Premier or Private Banking. With Premier and Private, you deal with one account relationship manager/contact, rather than having to go into a local banking center for assistance. There is more one on one service and assistance. Check it out...it can't hurt and hope you get those fees refunded!

[Gigi]

I switched from BOA 4 years ago for the SAME REASON. After holding my account for 14 years, they couldn't have possibly cared less. And I am a Store Manager for Starbucks..... connection? BOA does not heart Starbucks.

Yay Fletch! I LOVE the salted carmamel hot chocolates. Yum.

[Lori]

Don't even get my started on Bank of America!!!

(Salted Carmel Hot Chocolate? I never knew such a thing existed!!)

[AJMick]

BOA lost my friend's student loan check - misapplied to some other account but had no idea where and since she didn't have the ATM deposit receipt she was SOL. When she called their customer service she was told that BOA didn't give a shit about their small retail customers because they didn't earn anything off them so, pretty much, eff off.

Oh and they screwed me over once when my check order was stolen. Turns out the people at the bank couldn't count and they started my replacement check series on the last number of those that were cancelled due to theft. Of course I didn't double-check it because, hello, they're a bank and should know how to count. Naturally my first check on the new set was for rent, which bounced, due to being in the cancelled/stop payment series. I raised holy hell and they finally corrected and admitted their error to my landlord (and got the $200 in fees reversed) and then I withdrew all my funds and moved to a new bank. Jackasses.

[Kim Johnson]

I have worked at a bank for 8 1/2 years, and it is ILLEGAL to hold a direct deposit. Your fees are the result of a bank error and, as such, shoud be refunded fully. Speaking from my own experience as a bank employee: You'll get a lot further if you DON'T go in kicking and screaming. Barring any bank errors, at my bank branch we do not offer courtesy fee reversals to people who come in acting like jackasses (yelling and screaming and generally raising hell). Now the people who come in and ask nicely...We'll go out of our way to help them out in any way we can.

P.S. I really love the overdrawn people who say "I'm closing my account! I have this problem at every bank I go to!" Um, chances are, if you continue to have problems at *every* bank, then you should probably learn how to balance a checkbook. I apologize in advance if I offend anyone, I guess I've just had a long week. I really do think that they should have a required banking class to graduate from high school - how to manage a budget, balance a checkbook, etc. Again, I'm sorry if I struck any nerves.

[allison]

i am a boa employee, who unfortunately, this happened to as well. i deposited my BOA PAYCHECK through the ATM, wrote out a check for rent amongst other things. The bank held my check for 10 days and the payments ended up bouncing. I had about 10 overdraft fees which, after crying on the phone with the bank, they refunded 5 of them. On principal, i didn't pay the rest and sure enough, they put the account in collections. I ended up paying it so i didnt screw with my credit. I am still employed there, 2 years later. i will admit they pay great! i ended up changing from boa back to commerce which is now td bank and i will never leave there. although, my paycheck comes from boa, my <3 is at commerce. by the way, your books are freaken awesome...i cant wait for the next one!

[TheBabblingHousewife]

Go in your branch and stand on the desk of someone until they take those fees off of your account. If it was set to go in before Monday, than it's their fault for doing that.

The salted caramel hot chocolate sounds yummy. Didn't know they had those.

[Jessie]

What a bunch of asshats! As a former customer of 'Bunch of Assholes' and current employee of Wells Fargo I can assure you that B of A's decision to hold Fletch's direct deposit is highly illegal. Direct deposits are guaranteed funds, guaranteed to be immediately available. That's the whole damn point! Look up 'Reg CC' online and take the info with you when you go in to raise hell. If all else fails remind Mr. Asshat-in-charge who YOU are and how tragic it would be if you had to suggest to all of your fans that they close their accounts too. Good luck!

[Jessie]

What a bunch of asshats! As a former customer of 'Bunch of Assholes' and current employee of Wells Fargo I can assure you that B of A's decision to hold Fletch's direct deposit is highly illegal. Direct deposits are guaranteed funds, guaranteed to be immediately available. That's the whole damn point! Look up 'Reg CC' online and take the info with you when you go in to raise hell. If all else fails remind Mr. Asshat-in-charge who YOU are and how tragic it would be if you had to suggest to all of your fans that they close their accounts too. Good luck!

[little lulu]

I've discovered a way to get over on the boa, at least for the time being. If you have a check to deposit and suspect that they might put a hold on it, deposit it in the ATM. The ATM can't tell you that there will be a hold on the check so the bank has to send a letter informing you.

In the meantime, since you did not have notification, if anything bounces as a result of the hold, they will refund the fees. The letter you receive will say this. I've done this twice now and it's true.

I'm sure they will find a way around this soon but, for now, it beats paying $35 for each transaction while they sit on your $$. The last time I did this, the woman I spoke to (actually very nice) advised me to deposit such checks inside the bank so the tellers could let me know if there was going to be a hold. Yeah, right!

I would definitely fight the DD overdraft fees.

Love your books, Jen, am in the middle of Pretty Fat right now. ROTFLMAO!!!

[Debbie]

I work at Starbucks. If you have an office address or P.O. box I'd be more than happy to mail you a free drink coupon.

Best,
Debbie

[Medicated]

Jen, ask BoA for a copy of their Reg CC policy. A DD is considered a cash deposit. Unless they notified you IN WRITING that it would not be available the same day it was received, they are in violation of Reg CC.

Push for the money to be refunded. Report their violation (if there is one) either way.

Sorry you got hassled by The Man.

[Karen]

OMG...I went into my previous Suntrust closed the account-2 weeks later was charged overcharged fees..because the MANAGER who closed the account let 9 cents in the account!!!!I have found if you get India the customer service manager is happier to help you than your local U.S. branch manager!Fight it baby!

[Mirinda]

This is why we continue to drive just over an hour to use my husband's hometown bank that he's been with for 25 years. We tried Regions but with owning a business and trying to cash/deposit large checks and the insane holds they always placed...well, let's just say it's a miracle Ethan is not in prison for murder.

[JellyBean]

Wells Farce-O. The one time I tried to pay my credit card bill early to not risk late fees my check arrived & was cashed the next day after mailing it. B/c I was calculating at least 2 days (post my direct deposit), it overdrew my account. But that is not the story. When I logged in online the day the check hit my account, initially only 2 items were overdrawn. As the day went by, more items were added. What Wells Fargo did was reorder the chronology of when charges hit my account that day, starting with the most expensive so that they could accrue as many per item overdraft fees as possible. Luckily b/c I was watching my account, I called them on it. They agreed to revert back to the original order I had seen earlier in the day and it saved me something like $135. They acted like they were doing me a favor though. I left them and now bank with a local institution that gives great customer service.

[Niffer]

I used to have Harris Bank and they would screw me over every paycheck! They would charge fee after fee after fee and god help you try to look at your account online. It never worked! My sisters told me about Chase and ever since I switched I have never been happier! My direct deposit is there EVERY TIME and I can see any debits I have made within minutes!!! Love them!

[Debbie]

Add HSBC to that--yesterday
they finally agreed to refund over $100 in interest charges after I fought with them for 6 months. The interest was on charges made during a special offer that was supposed to give me 6 months with 0% interest!

[KLM]

I think the salted caramel hot chocolate might just be worth it. :)

[Brandi]

Oh yeah. If I HAD to use BoA, I would wad my money up and stick it in my bra. I could use some stuffing anyway. Credit unions, good. BoA, bad.

[Heather]

This is precisely why I ONLY use credit unions. They are far more customer friendly, don't try to milk you of every last cent by charging you for thinks like - GASP! - actually GOING INTO THE BRANCH!!!, and frankly, they are more finanically sound than most banks these days. Major shout out to Provident Credit union in here Northern California. If you can join...DO!!!

[Heather]

This is precisely why I ONLY use credit unions. They are far more customer friendly, don't try to milk you of every last cent by charging you for thinks like - GASP! - actually GOING INTO THE BRANCH!!!, and frankly, they are more finanically sound than most banks these days. Major shout out to Provident Credit union in here Northern California. If you can join...DO!!!

[Alli]

OMG - I thought I was the only one with BOA issues!! Am closing account next week and most likely going to a credit union. They held a check for 10 DAYS (a bday check written on an out of state BOA account). Teller said it would be available the next day after 12 noon - freaking morons....everybody that works there has their head up their ass.

[JeninSeattle]

I HATE Bank of America. They could have cost us a house. My father in law gave us a loan to cover ernest money for a house. He is Canadian and his check came from a Canadian bank. It was certified and everything, but because it was international (we are talking Canada not China) they said a hold would be put on the check for 8 WEEKS. We were stuck so we called Wells Fargo to see if they could help. We had a very small ($100) savings account with them. They assured us that the funds would be available by 8am the next morning. That was the day I cancelled our B or A account. DOWN with B of A!!!!! I heart Wells Fargo!

[Suzy]

Jen! Bank of Hell, I mean Bank of America has a policy to post the most important transaction first. ie They're supposed to deposit money before withdraw funds if they took place in a close span of time. Battle it out! Hope you win!

[Chaos]

My bank does this to me all the time. I swear last week one pepsi cost me $96. I spent $96 for a 20oz soda, and they do this to me regularly. Everytime I call and they tell me its my fault. Oooohhh I hate the banks.

[Renee in Chicago]

I HATE BANK OF AMERICA!!! IF THEY WERE THE LAST BANK ON EARTH (which they may be b/c all they do is BUY every other bank) I WOULD KEEP MY MONEY UNDER A MATTRESS INSTEAD!!

[Erin]

Ah, this brings back memories -- I too like how they "let" you keep using your check card once you are already overdrawn. Not only that, my bank of choice runs checks through in descending order to ensure that they rack up the most overage fees. I asked my customer service rep why on earth they would do that, then cut him off saying that I guess they don't make much money by trying to help folks out. These turd burglars deserve all of the ill will they are getting during this horrible economy.

[Karina in T.O]

As a bank employee this crap really burns me up (and I’m Canadian so no it’s not BOA I speak for), but what they’ve managed to do to you is really akin to consumer fraud. This is a totally different ball of wax to say, holding a check....which if you want info on contact me.

As far as the Direct Deposit goes it is a direct, secure and real time wire transfer of funds from the issuer of the payment to the banking institution. They don’t get to put a ‘hold’ on SHITE!! It is not a check they can hold to confirm funds, it is a WIRE transfer, which is very different. The only thing that holds up a direct deposit is a glitch on the payee side, in which case a whole bunch of people at Fletch’s work would have had the same problem!

Unfortunatly the best bet likely will be for you and Fletch to go mano-a-mano with the banking manager. Perhaps a relationship built on fear and respect will set these tools straight. Get in there, mix it up, and make sure they know who you are, and where the direct deposits are always coming from (if its always the same company) etc.

Other options? Contact the AMA (American Banking Association) here is the link for the consumer help line http://www.aba.com/ABAEF/ConsumerHelp.htm half way down the page you’ll see a heading of Banking Agencies….they may be able to help.

Or the Federal Trade Commission – found the link to the regional offices that include Chicago, http://www.ftc.gov/ro/midwest.shtm They are meant to help consumers, so it’s possible they can lead you in the right direction, or tell you if there’s any complaints issued against BOA.

And lastly, you can always tell BOA to shove it in their pie hole if they won’t resolve your issues. Get it in writing what all the fees are, the terms of those fees etc. And threaten to close all your accounts if they won’t work with you. There are plenty of other FI’s who are willing to partner with you as a client.

Sorry for the long post! Fight the power Jen! Fight the power!!!!

[Emily]

I hate Bank of America as well. Too bad they don't have a Wells Fargo in Chi-town!

[Kelly]

I used to work at a bank and I can tell you that there are federal laws about how long a bank can hold your checks when deposited into a checking account (the same rules dont apply to savings accts.)! As I remember, it is 2 days for local and 5 days for non local, and I beleive they can hold it a couple of days longer if it is over a certain amount. I really don't see how they can hold a DD. Jen, I would definatley look into if this is even legal. By the way I love all of your book!!

[Lisa Johnson]

Not so long ago when every bank went to the electronic banking system we were all warned that there would NOT ever be any lag in the system so we should be fore warned that if we did not have the money in our account we should not write the check! Why then should there be any dispute as to whether a deposit is good or not? I swear the older I get the more the world seems to be full of smoke and mirrors? Does this mean BOA has more money going out then they have coming in so they are using their customers money to pay their bills? Something doesn't smell right and chances are they will be recipiants of some wonderful bail out we will all be responsible for. Nobody's ever bailed me out especially years ago when buying shoes and drinking in the bar every night meant that I had no money left for groceries!!

[Caitlin Greene]

Oh man, my family used to bank there too and then switched banks because of stupid problems. BOA should go bankrupt-- then maybe a good bank will buy it and all will be saved.

[MZA]

Harris Bank.

And I don't work there. My cousin is a VP there, but. . .

Seriously. Harris Bank.

Don't you remember their Gary Coleman commercials in the 70's? "You should have a Hubert Doll!"