The House That Bitter Built (OK, Fine, Rented)

Did I recently mention here that I was moving? 

I can't recall, because this certainly isn't a topic upon which I might fixate or anything.  Oh, and I had a deadline, too.  But I probably forgot to say anything because I tend to keep my stressors pretty close to the vest.

Heh.  (Or I'm sorry.  Your choice.)

So, we're here in the new house.  And we're nowhere near finished unpacking.  My shoes and pajamas still live in a box somewhere and we only have one television hooked up, so pretty much that's the only room that's even close to being done.

As I might have mentioned, the new place is a tad on the ridiculous side, starting with the fact that it's thirty-six hundred square feet larger than our last home.  You guys?  It's a fucking barn, stacked on top of another barn, stacked on top of a third, and then filled with Brazilian cherrywood flooring and granite finishes. 

* * *

Lest I sound all braggy-braggy about my sophisticated new house/life, I just took a break to chase the dogs around the basement for half an hour with a can of compressed air.  I'm sure Town & Country is going to call me any minute now. 

ANYWAY.

The only reason we got in here at an affordable rental price is because of the crappy housing market.  No one wants to buy such a luxurious place right now.  However, the owner hopes to sell it to us next year, which is awesome because we hope to buy it.  (If that has any chance of happening, I'll need to work harder than I may be capable of working.  So if we don't get it, then I lived in a castle for a year, and that's cool, too.)  (The downside of buying is if we owned this place, our landlord's dad wouldn't come over here to fix stuff any more and he's completely adorable and brings me Cuban coffee and tells me stories about his travels.  You can't buy that kind of built-in cute.)

Before I get into the The Window Covering Debacle of 2008, I have to mention the old house.  We moved on election day, and I went over there Wednesday, which was my birthday.  We planned to scoop up the few things the movers had missed and then to return here where Stacey would bring take out and we'd all celebrate the big four-one. 

What I didn't anticipate was how lonely and empty our old house would look, which made me cry... and not just a little bit.  I'm talking big, wracked, sobbing-like-that-baby-with-a-bowl-full-of-spaghetti-on-his-head poster. 

The thing is, even with all the stupid neighbors and the sinking and the mold, we were really happy there.  I feel like that's the place we got our lives back on track.  I stopped temping while living in that house.  I had my first book party in that house.  I became successful in that house. 

Reflecting back on our time there, I was just overwhelmed with how sad it was to leave.  Even Fletch got verklempt.  He said that what did it was walking out of the garage and seeing the back of the house.  It made him reminisce that no matter how bad his day had been, he'd come home and see the dogs and me waiting for him in my office and suddenly everything would be better.  So, when he opened the door, even though I was behind him, he was somehow expecting to be greeted by a smiling me and happy dogs and the smell of dinner.  But all that was there were some empty cabinets and the hum of an industrial dehumidifier.

So, I called Stacey crying to bail on dinner plans and instead went back to the new place, determined to make it look and feel as much like home as possible.  We're not at 100% yet, but we're getting there. 

We had to stop at the old place one more time last night because our movers had accidentally packed our landlords' mower and we wanted to return it.  This time it wasn't so melancholy because it looks so different.  The entire kitchen has been gutted because of the water leak and now all forty-seven of my pretty white cabinets are scattered throughout the wee first floor.  Also, I could see the wall where'd they'd barely been hanging on to a rotten stud surrounded by giant blooms of black mold and I knew from looking around, there's no way we could have stayed there.  There's too much damage.

And, in a bittersweet moment, I was vindicated for a year's worth of argument.  Along the open area where the wall joined the floor behind the cabinets, I saw droppings.  Not mouse droppings like Fletch assured me, but rat droppings.  Big, fat, filthy, disease-ridden rat droppings.  So I was right.  There really was a ratinmyhouse, ratinmyhouse, ratinmyhouse.

'Tis a hollow victory, indeed.

Anyway, part of making this place feel more like home is getting window coverings.  I've counted the windows a whole bunch of times and I generally come up with different numbers.  The number I've gotten the most consistently is sixty-eight.

Sixty-eight means a lot of curtains.

For a number of the windows, I took your collective advice and put up little tension rods with sheers.  At approximately five bucks a window, that's almost as cost-effective as my idea of covering them with old newspaper.  Unfortunately, the very nature of them being sheer means these can't be in any rooms where I might eventually disrobe.  Plus, I noticed that I can totally see into the neighbor's house next door, as it's five feet away.  The first night here, I may or may not have spied him looking at porn and I figure if that's what he's into, he's REALLY not going to appreciate seeing me waddling from my bathroom to the master closet down the hall wearing nothing but a ratty towel and a look of distress. 

I figure I have about ten windows where it's mission-critical that the covering be opaque and it's such a nice place that I don't want to half-ass the installation myself, so I called a professional.  I wasn't sure what my budget was but I figured if simple white Roman shades cost $20 at Target, maybe getting them custom made would double or triple the cost, which would still be a small price to pay for saving the neighbor's retinas.

Long story short, I called Empire Direct, a consultant came out, and I learned that ten base-model, simple white Roman shades would run me four thousand dollars.

FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS.

And if I chose to do the whole house in them, then they'd cost as much as the 2006 Mercedes I walked by on my way to the bathroom at Carmax a couple of nights ago when I was there getting my tires rotated.  (If I wanted to cheap out and go with wooden blinds, they'd only run about twenty-eight hundred dollars.)

Do you know how many months of student loans I could pay with four thousand dollars?  Do you know how much rent I could pay for four thousand dollars?  (Or, if you ask Fletch, do you know how big of a TV I could get for four thousand dollars?)

As of right now, my short-term plans for maintaining my privacy include buying a goddamned bathrobe.  And maybe a newspaper.  Longer term, I found a couple of affordable custom options online so we'll go that route should I tire of the robe.

I guess my point is that living here has been full of strange little adjustments, especially because there's so much space-aged gadgetry due to the new construction.  I mean, we have a whole room of electrical panels.  I'm not so sure of how I feel about a house that is absolutely smarter than me.  (Sidebar?  Our alarm system is wired for video surveillance.  Tell me I'm not getting THAT hooked up immediately.)

Everything in here is beeps and chimes and little tones.  All day long the house sounds off with noises I can't identify.  (It's a bit sad that I could immediately tell you what a rat in my wall would sound like.) 

A couple nights ago I almost fell down all seventeen stairs because something was beeping and I couldn't figure out which was the proper light switch on my way to investigate.  (Do not ask me how many recessed lights are in this place.  I'd have to consult NASA for an estimate.)  I'd been in bed when I heard the first set of beeps and I ignored them.  But when they went off again and then a third time, I figured it was important and I'd best find out which is when I slipped and twisted my ankle. 

As I hobbled into the kitchen, I discovered I almost broke my freaking neck because the dishwasher wanted to let me know the cycle was complete.  As I stood on my now-gimpy leg, I saw it sitting there all smug and beep-y, like it was expecting a cookie or a pat on the head for a job well done.

It was all I could do to not kick it with my healthy foot.

Point?

Just because I moved doesn't mean the adventures are over.

And if a rat ever does manage to get in, the good news there's enough space that we may never run into each other.

Comments

[mary]

Happy belated birthday! Your description of your house reminded me of this Ray Bradbury story, "August 2026: There Will Come Soft Rains" (but not in a creepy way, promise).

http://www.jerrywbrown.com/datafile/datafile/110/ThereWillComeSoftRains_Bradbury.pdf

[Dominique]

Merry Belated Birthday!!!!! My birthday is in early December so DomiFest is about to begin. The entire month of December is all about ME, ME, ME. Well, and Jesus and Christmas and all that. But -mostly- me. Major congrats on the new house. You'll have it Jen-i-fied in no time and it will feel like home. Because really, isn't home the place where you're with the ones you love the most?

[kimberly]

Dearest Jen... greetings from un-OK-lahoma where i am a college student stranded in the middle of nowhere for a quasi-free education. You crack me up. i have made so many of my friends read portions of your books which has forced them into the Stillwater bookstore (scratch that, our "bookstore here" is a Hastings and doesnt carry your wonderful works), Amazon.com, and we all love them. Do i really have to wait until May for the newest volume? i find that a bit ridiculous. PS... i am glad to know i am not the only one who wears pearls while working out. <3 kimberly

[AtlantaDebbie]

So glad to know I am not the only one who cries when leaving houses. Sending you wishes that the new house will wrap its arms around you and feel like home, soon.

[Cindee]

ACK....and I was freaking out for spending $3.95 on hot chocolate with rock salt...ok..yeah good, but um...I'm not really sure it did taste much different then regular hot chocolate....besides the rock salt that I could sand my driveway with...but whatevah!

[Charley Jo]

Jen- You could always go my route-buy the cheap blinds at Target and hire someone to put them up. I can always find someone on craigslist.

[Robin]

I'm a designer in Austin (well la-di-dah!). I work mostly with budget-oriented clients, not the hoi-paloi...and I just moved into a new house furnished with ugly mini-blinds, so I relate to your dilemma. Here's the low-down on window treatments, in my humble opinion:

Smith + Noble = v. expensive

Lowe's/Target/Home Depot, don't waste your money. Wood blinds are already starting to look dated.

Opaque film: I love using this on lower halves of windows. It allows you the privacy your ass needs but you still get blue sky and treetop views. It doesn't solve the "are we a mile from the sky" issue though...

WWDD? What would (this) designer do? Call Budget Blinds. They'll do the measuring and installation for a lot cheaper. If you want to save even more, go to justblinds.com. You can order free samples and they have a ton of woven wood roller & roman shades. Get them lined, for privacy (blackout available too).

Just my two cents.

Also? Really appreciate your fair-minded election post.

[maggie]

I see another book! Jenn gets the singer home sewing books and makes 68 roman shades for her new digs. The dogs help out, so it is really 136 new shades she makes.

(but seriously - the book does contain some good window coverings that can be made. Go to Calico Corners (do you have them in Chicago, if not a trip to Mpls is required) get the close out cheap good fabric.)

[katiebaby]

perhaps try window tinting in the windows that are higher?!?!?

[Lotta]

Empire will jack your ass. Go get a quote at Home Depot.

[Rara]

Jenn n Fletch and dogs and cat, I'm happy for youu and your new house (Cliche?? but this is a common greetings!!)

[angee lew]

We have lived in our "new" house for six years now ... and have yet to cover the arcadia door that leads to our back yard and little windows next to it. Since the uncovered windows are on the first floor, I'm rarely naked down there, but once in a while, I find myself darting furtively across the kitchen/family room in the buff. I don't THINK anyone can see me, so therefore, nobody CAN (even though there are two two-story houses behind me, and in one of the houses some kids that attend the school where I teach live in one of those houses, but WHATEVER).

Hope you are loving your new house, Jen! When I lived in Chicago, we lived in a three-story townhouse, and dammit, if I was on the first floor there was NO WAY I was going back up to the third floor to get whatever was up there. It was a good workout, though!

Wow, I hope this comment make sense ... I'm already down one bottle of chardonny and will be drinking more later!

[Rachael]

Might I recommend privacy film? Fairly cheap, easy to apply (ladders involved), and they don't interfere with your view.

http://www.lowes.com/lowes/lkn?action=howTo&p=/Energy/WndFlm.html

Once you own the place, you can spring for something more permanent (and expensive).

[Lisa]

Hi Jen, i first want to say, I just read your second book (I did not know it was your second or I would have started in order) and then found your site. You are frikin' hilarious!! You ROCK!! I live in a tiny town in Northern California where it rains all the time and reading your book lifted my fog soaked spirits!!
I just wanted to say I have a street level, street facing window in my bedroom and my husband just went to the hardware store and got opaque contact paper. No one can see in and I can feel safe being naked in my bedroom.... although it still does not stop me from wandering the house naked.... LOL. I hope you finish your new book on time and had a great birthday (mine was 11/10!!) Thanks for sharing your wonderful sense of humor.
Lisa
Humboldt County
California

[Jennifer]

Ok, I know suddenly all of your readers have become home decorating experts, but I might as well throw my two cents in as well. I got this idea from "Design On A Dime" on HGTV. Get some cheap roll-up shades, spray adhesive, and inexpensive fabric. Glue the fabric onto the shade (but smooth it out really well so there aren't any bubbles or they won't roll back up). They will look like expensive custom blinds, but for a fraction of the cost.
Also, the townhouse we live in now is a new-build as well and I hear you about all the lights. And the bulbs must have all been put in at the same time, so they all burn out at pretty much the same time. It's like every couple of months, my house is the site of a biblical plague when the house just descends into darkness. And then we have to change every f-ing bulb.
Congrats on the new place. It sounds wonderful. And don't worry, like any house, as soon as there's that dog-cat-husband's-socks aura wafting around the place, it will soon feel like home.

[Mimi]

First of all, happy birthday! I am a big believer in birthday celebrations, so I do hope you celebrate sometime.

Second of all, when we moved out of the city (sob) and into a house-house, I was overwhelmed by all the windows! All the closet space- fabulous, the windows- um, no. We went to that Blinds to Go and found out that it would be like multiple thousands of dollars too. Again, just no. I had good luck with theshadestore.com. Seriously. Free swatches, lots of choice..you put them in yourself, but it wasn't hard. Seriously.

give it a shot - good luck!

[shannon]

I think others have mentioned, but Penney's has ready-made and made-to-measure window coverings that are great quality, easy to install, and very affordable. Since you are in charge of all measurements and installation, made-to-measure is WAY cheaper than custom. I bought an old house and don't have one "standard size" window- I went online to www.jcp.com and ordered several "Spencer Double Roman" shades in great colors/fabric. I use the sheer blind in the daytime for lots of vision w/o sacrificing all privacy, and I drop the second blind down at night. Watch out for price differences between 'online', 'catalog' and 'in-store' with Penney's. Online and catalog are cheaper. Good luck!

[blackbird]

Hey - happy belated...your new place sounds dreamy AND light filled. You ought to talk to Ang and Wendy re the curtain situation as they are pretty damned thrifty, ya know.

We'd love to see some pictures. I'm sure your camera and cord thingy are packed though.

[Lori]

You deserve a cookie for living in a rat and mold infested house AND MISSING IT!

You can buy blackout pleated temporary shades at Home Depot for about $5 each. They come in a couple of widths and you cut them to size. And bonus? The vinyl smell will remind you of Barbie's dream house. Anyway, cheap, opaque and temporary until you own the place.

[mary]

Jen--you need to listen to this tip on window treatments: JCP.com. JCPenney online is the best kept secret in the world. They always have extra 20-30% coupons off sale and clearance merchandise. Tons of simple Roman shades. Simple drapes. Just skip over the chiffon swags and dig around a bit. They can even deliver them to your local store for free. The furniture is also inexpensive and as high of quality as the evil Pottery Barn.

[Trixie]

Happy belated b-day!

Hubby just told me yesterday that the Great Indoors in Schaumburg is going out of business. I don't know what they have there, but it may be worth a look.

I got some sheers at Linens and Things a while ago to put up in my living room, didn't get the color I wanted, but it still looks not bad and was cheap.

I've gotten great blinds from Outlook Window Fashions and thought their prices were very reasonable.

[JenLtd]

Blinds can be a nightmare. Here's my advice (from one Jen to another): smithandnoble.com.

[Tracie]

Feel for you, Jen.We have 42 windows in our house. When we moved into our new house it was obvious that we where going to need some sort of window coverings. Our bedroom has this huge window right next to the bed. Our neighborhood does a "boot camp" training run every morning at 6:00 am and they run right past our house. My husband had to drop and roll into the bathroom to keep from giving the runners a heart attack. We called Rapid Blinds and ordered plantation shutters for the entire house. They turned out to be not-so-rapid blinds. It took 8 weeks for our shutters to arrive. They did offer a "temporary window treatment" that consisted of a huge sheet of white paper with their logo taped to the window. The shutters, however, are fantastic. They are easy to clean, beautifully framed, and never need to be painted.

[Kristen Walker]

4 gs? for blinds? Go to target! I know you miss your house but just imagine all the cool stuff that will happen in your new crib. Can't wait for more adventures - please more on the evils of Rachel Ray

[Roberta]

My dishwasher beeped like that too. It drove me crazy as I turn it on just before I go to bed. You can program it NOT to beep when it finishes. Hopefully you have the manual. It's much better that way.

[Erin]

Jen,
I hear you about the sadness. We are moving after living here for 12+ years, which is pretty unheard of for a military family. We're moving to Savannah, so that makes it a little easier!
Here's my little horror story: We went to Savannah last weekend, looked at houses, and made an offer to the builder of a new house that has been on the market for 3 months. We didn't hear anything about the offer ALL week. We had to chase down our agent to find what the hell was going on.
Long story short-we retracted our offer and fired our agent. We now have a new agent, but have to make another trip next weekend to try to find another house.
Thanks alot, DR Horton Builders, for wasting this military family's time and money. You suck and I am making sure to get out the word to anyone and everyone that DR Horton Builders will bend you over and make you grab your ankles.

[v]

yep - temporary blinds have saved my neighbors retinas. they're paper and opaque and cheap. my 11 1/2 foot ceilings made window treatments a nightmare. funny when the things you love about an apartment or condo when you buy it turn out to be the things that drive you crazy - like trying to find a 9 1/2 foot shower curtain. good luck!

[Bree]

I lost it (in a good way) just now reading about the ratinyourhouse. Being a master sleuth and paranoid myself, I recently suspected we had a rat in our house... my boyfriend thought this was ludicrous and we calmly debated the idea at length (ha). One night, while brushing my teeth in the kitchen, a big, horrifying rat did indeed run across my foot... I was too busy trying to hold onto the contents of my bowel to feel vindicated.

[Heather, Queen of Shake Shake]

I'm new to your work (why yes, I do live under a rock, thank you very much) but can I say I am SO IN LOVE?! Just finished a book of yours and can't wait to scoop up the rest.

The house sounds divine. They say eyes are the windows to the soul, but what they don't tell you is windows are the shop-vac to the wallet. I would offer you some suggestions, but since I have only 7 windows in my house, what do I know.

[karen]

Your new house sounds divine. Can't wait to fsee pics. It sounds a lot like the place my sister bought last year.Try not to get lost in it. Spraying the dogs sounds like great fun.....wonder how my cats would like it.

[Parsing Nonsense]

Wow, your new house sounds gorgeous! Congrats on your new digs, and for getting out before the mold started eating you too!

I wonder how the rats are getting along with the mold...? Perhaps they've formed a strange sort of alliance, hell-bent on consuming every last vestige of humanity in a Fight Club-esque bid to reduce the world back to its primoridal roots.

If that's the case, your new house and all its space-age gadgetry may be the last safe place on earth. I bet your dishwasher could totally take on a dozen rats, easy.

[Ericka]

congrats on surviving the move. i sobbed when i moved out of my apartment.

can't help you with the drapes - i just occasionally flash the neighbors - but you should check out homedecoratorsoutlet.com - best site ever. i've pretty much furnished my house from there, and it's all discounted. also, auctions! auctions are the best! i got about $15000 worth of solid wood furniture for $2300 - sweet!

i'd have died over the rat. ugh ugh ugh!!!!

[kristin]

Ummmm, Jen? Two words re Empire: RIP OFF! They wanted $5000 for our basement carpet, we got better quality at Lowe's for a fraction of the cost. Happy new rat free house.

[Kelly]

Not being braggy braggy- there's a point to my saying this- I rent a multi-million dollar home in a super exclusive neighborhood where I am pretty much the ONLY renter. All my neighbor's homes are custom, professionally decorated by people's names who are prominently featured in Elle Decor- no joke. Since I'm renting (and not prone to frivolous spending) I decorated my house myself by scouring the internet for the best deals on everything and going through so many design and decor magazines I was dizzy. I had the window issue too, mine wasn't from neighbors peeping but from glaring I-live-on-Planet-Zoltar-3-inches-from-the-sun kind of light. It's awesome in the afternoon, but not so awesome at 7 in the morning on a Saturday.

Anyway- I found amazing fully lined Thai silk drapes blacout style with embroidery at halfpricedrapes.com and I bought really expensive looking Roman shades (and two overstuffed chairs) at JC Penney. Great deals!!!! Also, don't count out Overstock, you can get some cool household stuff there. I recently held a neighborhood Halloween party for my daughter's class and several people complimented my window coverings and asked for my designer's info.

Oh, and JC Penney does custom work, even online. Just measure measure measure!!!

[Cara]

Lowe's and JC Penney's. Lowe's has great faux wood blinds and Penney's has roman blinds. The non-custom variety are very inexpensive and the custom ones aren't too bad either. We had to replace every curtain in this house because the people that owned it before decorated it like they were 100. They weren't. Who doesn't want elaborate formal pink curtains in your living room? Me, that's who. Or green Gone With The Wind curtains in the dining room. I'm still kicking myself for not making a costume out of those.

[Rachel]

All I have to say is temporary blinds baby..they are paper and saved my ass from being seen from the street for quite some time now. They are pretty cheap..even less than your $20 Target purchase...and you can get them @ most Lowes, etc. Best of luck

[bayoutehce]

All this talk about window blinds reminds me of my dear, crazy mother-in-law.

They had just finished rebuilding their Katrina damaged home in Dec 06. I went to visit for Christmas that year. She had told me earlier that she had custom ordered wood blinds for each window, from Home Depot. She wanted to "keep it simple", she said.

I was there the day the blinds were delivered. Looking at the picture on the box, I said "Oh Ma, those are great!". Her response was, "Aren't they? and they're wood too!" then she asked, "What kind of wood is "faux wood?"

She was indeed priceless.

[Sweet Herald]

Also, I found this entry particularly touching b/c I just finished the chapter where you and Fletch decide to keep the pooches in Bitter/Black.

[Sweet Herald]

I just moved out of my place I had been for the last five years. Same place I raised my little boy from newborn to kindergarten and I sobbed like a baby which neither one of us was expecting. I tried to explain to him why, that our old place holds such close memories and he took my hand and told me we didn't need to "play Memory and I'm right here."

Four thousand? Screw that.

[Mirinda]

Congrats on surviving the move! And I realize all your readers have suddenly turned into window installation experts but here you go: Lowe's has Levolor 2" faux wood blinds. Looks just like the real thing but a FRACTION of the price. I use these all the time for my decorating company and they are great. For some reason the one's from Home Depot yellow and warp after a year or so...so I use Lowe's. This is all I've installed for over two years and no problems or complaints :)

When is your new book due to be out?

[Michel']

No f-ing way -- your birthday is Nov. 5.

Love it. Mine, too.

Creepy - I know - but we are soulmates. Except for that McCain thing.

[JRM]

"I saw it sitting there all smug and beep-y, like it was expecting a cookie or a pat on the head for a job well done"

That, is why I love you.

[Ginny]

Jen, I swear you can MAKE THE ROMAN SHADES YOURSELF! I just made them for two windows in my daughter's room and I'm not even a good seamstress. I don't make clothes; all I can do is follow directions, sew straight seams, and other very easy mending type of stuff. IT IS NOT HARD! I made fully lined Roman shades for two windows and they turned out beautifully. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I know I already said this in an earlier comment, but buy the book "Curtains, Draperies & Shades" by Sunset. It's only $14.95 and will tell you every single thing you need to know. REALLY!

Happy late birthday, by the way. Last year we were all about your big 4-0 and this year ... how soon we all forget. What's with all us Jennsylvanians not having this big day on our calendars?! Some fans WE are!!!

Congrats on the castle. SO jealous!!! Post pictures!!!

[Kari]

Empire must be dreaming. Did they sleep through everything that's been going on in the economy or are they just smoking the crack rock? That's insane!

[margalit]

Two recommendations: for el-cheapo custom window coverings try http://www.blindstogo.com/ We have a store in our city and I've used them before. They have your window coverings in like 2 or 3 days, they're well made, and as I said, cheap.

Also, Linens N Things is going out of business and they have curtains. They may or may not have what you need, but again...cheap, not hideous, and well, cheap.

[Suzanne]

Selectblinds.com have really good prices on blinds and a user-friendly website.

[Domestic Goddess (In Training)]

For $4,000 I will move into your house and hold a sheet between you and the windows you walk by. Deal or no deal?

[Stephanie]

You should try JC Pennys. They have some selection and are always having sales like buy 1 get 1 for 88 cents. I got my 96 inch Dupioni silk lined drapes for 46.00 each. BTW just finished your first two books and have started on the third. Love them!

[Karen]

We almost share a birthday, mine is the 15th! That must be why we agree on so many things (cake, republicanism, excercise so we can eat more cake)! Congratulations on the new house and happy birthday! By the way, I was reading Such a Pretty Fat on the treadmill the other day and almost fell off laughing! Thanks for getting me through my workout!

[Erin]

I live in a newly renovated house in a near-west 'burb of Chicago. Except the person who renovated my house must have been blind. And had one arm. And maybe brain damage. I am jealous of your beautiful new home. I know you don't want stalkers, but I do wish I knew where it was and if this guy has any others out there he might like to rent on a possible rent-to-own basis.

Although, does it come with a yard and a garage?