Why I Owe Fletch A Really Big TV

First, New Business:

You guys want me to do more local events?  Well, I'm doing a local event. 

What:  The Interview Show with Mark Bazer

When:  Friday, December 5th at 6:30 PM

Where:  The Hideout, 1354 West Wabansia, Chicago, IL  (773) 227-4433

Wait, Where?:  It's kind of hidden (hence the name) so check out their website for specific instructions.

What Else Do I Need to Know?:  Admission is $5 and other guests include alt-country musician Robbie Fulks, author and Sun Timescolumnist Neil Steinberg, and stand up comedian Robert Buscemi.

Will You Be Drunk?:  Probably

Will It Be Like That One Interview When Your Temporary Radio Publicist Accidentally Booked You on That Ex-Black Panther's Show and You Spent an Hour Getting Yelled at for the State of Race Relations in the United States Because You Wrote a Book Called Bitter Is the New Black?:  If so, then see answer above.

Will Fletch Be There?:  Yes, if he's speaking to me... which brings us to Old Business.

So, Jolene - one of my favorite people in the world - was in town last night to do a reading with some other authors at my favorite indie book store.  The night had a rock and roll theme and featured Jolene plus Joe Meno, Stephanie Kuehnert, and Chris Connelly. 

I was looking forward to the event because I always dig hearing Jolene read bits of her book.  What I didn't expect was to be so enamored with the other authors' work.  Seriously, you guys?  I had to buy all their stuff and now I'm conflicted over which to read first. 

Joe Meno read from his short story collection called Demons in the Spring and his description of art-school-poser Audrey was so vivid that I swear I've run into her at Kinko's before.  (I hate to advocate stalking, but you should keep checking his website for upcoming events because he doesn't read so much as he performs.)

Stephanie Kuenert excerpted part of her first chapter of I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone.  The book is YA but it's YA like Twilight is YA - sure young adults will read it, but when adults-proper read it, they'll enjoy it on a whole new level.  Again, fabulous and edgy.  

The last author up was Chris Connelly.  Those of you who don't have the musical sensibilities of a strip club DJ (e.g. myself) will recognize this name instantly from his groundbreaking work with Ministry, RevCo, and Pigface.  His book is Concrete, Bulletproof, Invisible and Fried: My Life as a Revolting Cock. 

I decided to get Chris to sign a book for Fletch because these are Fletch's all time FAVORITE bands and he loves Chris Connelly so much.  So when it was my turn to get the book signed, I recognized the gravity of the situation and I kind of got this nervous talking thing and I sort of babbled about how Fletch spends every morning with Chris at the gym and how he's kind of Fletch's idol and how his music is a big reason why Fletch has gotten so healthy lately. 

But again, I was babbling - possibly spitting - and at some point in my super-speedy diatribe I gave Chris the idea that Fletch was not listening to his music while huffing away all punk-rock by lifting heavy hunks of metal and instead that Fletch was listening to him on his iPod IN SPIN CLASS. 

Chris signed Fletch's book wishing him the best of luck and to KEEP SPINNING.   And Chris is a rock star so I didn't want to correct him and tell him, "No, no, I think I said that wrong," so now Fletch's rock idol thinks he takes SPIN CLASS and most likely walked away from our encounter wondering how the fuck one might spin to Pigface.

And then - then! - I asked to get a picture together and he sweetly obliged each of the fifteen times I demanded because the shots never actually saved because I'd filled up my BlackBerry's memory by taking too damn many photos of my new dining room table which I then inadvertently admitted out loud and then Jolene had to take the photo with her camera because I was really starting to make him nervous.  

To recap, Fletch's idol thinks:

A) He spins.

and

B) He's married to an idiot with a predilection for fast-talking and table porn.

Yeah, pretty sure I'm obligated to get Fletch the new flat-screen TV he really wants for the media room now.  Fortunately, I had the wherewithal not to mention Fletch couldn't come in the first place because of a run-in with Thanksgiving leftovers that had turned.

The good news is I don't have to buy him a surround-sound system, too.

 

Pfft.  Pearls are plenty punk rock. 

Comments

[Cammelia]

You look beautiful Jen!

[Maureen]

Could've been worse. You could've said cardio strip tease instead of spin class.

[Julie Enichen]

I love The Book Cellar. I live just a couple blocks from there.

[Ritz]

You look fabulous.

A bit of a heads up...the drunk babbling idiot on Dec 5? Yeah, that will probably be me.

[Lyra]

You look beautiful Jen! I love your hair! Thank you for making me nearly wet my pants on a weekly basis! =)

[Sweet Herald]

You look great. Not that you don't in your other pics, but you look like you've lost more weight. I think it's awesome how you plug everyone. I've started reading Josh Wolk and Bloggess through your blog.

[Cara]

At least you had a lot of time in the car - from the city to the burbs - to think about how you were going to SPIN it to Fletch.

[Molly]

You have good style and arm candy!

[Anndi]

But a totally cute idiot with a predilection for fast-talking and table porn.

[Jen on the Edge]

I am so going to remember this if I ever have the opportunity to meet you, because I know I'll be nervous, even though Poppy Buxom swears you're a fabulous person.

Here's how bad the nervous could be: I live in the same town as John Grisham. Yes, HIM. I see his wife on occasion and once, while we were next to each other in line at the grocery store, I gushed on and on about how much I liked her outfit and how great her accessories were and how they brought out the color of her eyes and and and ... yeah, I was basically hitting on John Grisham's wife. *sigh*

[heather in texas]

and this is why I miss Chicago! Envious much? Yep I am.

[April]

I'm sure he understood. I don't know this Chris fella, but he at least looks like someone who has taken a spin class before.

You look pretty fetching in the picture, too. Especially for a camera-phone shot. I applaud you photogenicity.

[derfina]

Great pic!

[kristin]

Oh, sometimes I wish I lived in Chicago. :-)