Cupcake Up, Bitches

I've come to realize that I don't have a thing. 

In my regular, everyday life I've got no hook, no gimmick, nothing specific or special that makes the people who actually know me want to invite me to their house.  No one's ever, "Ooh, Jen's coming!  That means she's bringing corn dip!" or "Jen's here?  Hope she'll play piano for us again!  She has the voice of an angel." or "Jen's just back from Asia and she's got a ton of silk goodies for everyone!" 

Pretty much it's, "Oh, Jesus, Jen's here.  There goes all the Savignon Blanc.  And keep her away from the dog.  He hasn't been right since the last time when she tried to make out with him." 

Anyway, I've decided that cupcakes will be my thing.  There seems to be a big cupcake/author connection (See: Sedaris, Amy; McCandless, Sarah Grace; Bussel, Rachel Kramer) so this is a logical choice.  Besides, a really good cupcake can forgive a whole lot of bad behavior, and frankly I could use the help.

Martha Stewart, patron saint of crabby girls who dig buttercream, featured a whole passel of cupcake and frosting recipes in the February edition of her magazine.  So yesterday I went out and bought all the proper supplies - a sifter, cake flour, paper cups, buttermilk, etc.  And then I came home and got to work. 

Following her instructions to the letter, here's what I created three hours after beginning:

   

They're magnificent, aren't they?  And the taste/texture are to die for... most likely because they took five sticks of butter. 

Martha's cupcake/buttercream recipes are an excellent jumping-off point because I can't begin to get creative until I figure out the basics.  Next time I make these, I'll be using real vanilla bean and I may fool around with extracts like lemon.  Also, I'll cut the recipe because I ended up with 36 cupcakes and that's, um, kind of a lot for two people.  (Fletch did his best by woofing down five.  Bless his little heart and his distended belly.) 

I had a bit of a storage conundrum because I couldn't just wrap them in plastic because the frosting would stick, yet I couldn't just leave them sitting out on display because in addition to getting stale, they'd get licked.  (Perhaps this is not a problem with the cats in your home.  But your cats are probably not in the mood to ruin your stuff because they're super-angry at you for keeping the house so cold.  Yours probably also aren't all huddled over the heating registers like furry little homeless people.  But I digress.) 

I stuck them all in a roaster pan and covered it in Saran wrap, which seemed to work well.  As I progress, I'll get the proper storage container. 

So... huzzah!  I finally have my thing.

My thing on the internet is that I'm kind of funny yet I realize that this post was not. 

But perhaps you'll get a chuckle out of the cupcakes I made last week before having proper supplies and committing myself to making them the right way? 

"Oh, Jesus, she brought cupcakes.  Hide the dog, please."

Comments

[Domestic Goddess (In Training)]

I have a dream of opening a cupcake store called The CupCakery. But, my cupcakes look more like your last week kind... so, it will stay a dream... I think.

[Cindy from Cincinnati]

Jen - One way to make your cupcakes look super special, is to pipe the frosting on them with a bag and tip. I just use the flat tip and circle it around. People are always impressed with it, though I use canned frosting, the "whipped variety". It's a winner!

My friend's thing is Ho-Ho cake. Tastes like Ho-Ho's and is fabulous. You could go for that!

[Baltimore Hon]

To ElleKayDee
Jens books are in the Biography section at B&N. Took me a while to find them too.

[Amanda]

Hey Jen, One of my things is cupcakes as well...at some point you should try the Magnolia Bakery recipe for vanilla cupcakes with chocolate buttercream icing (the book is on amazon.com, or I can send you the recipe if you're interested). People really do say, "Amanda's coming, yay cupcakes!" They also use more than a pound of butter so Martha Stewart and Paula Dean would aprove. :-)
Amanda

[Frances]

the cupcakes look fabulous!
and hey, you totally made me laugh!

[mishi]

were you drunk when you made the first batch? just wondering?

[KatieO]

Jen -- you've got to check out smittenkitchen.com, as I think it might be some cosmic sign that my two very favorite blogs to read are all about cupcakes. I think you'll like Deb's car-bomb cupcakes -- I mean, booze, frosting, cake: what's not to love?

[Natalie Willis]

I think it is important to remember that not only can a recipe with 5 sticks of butter not be bad, but you next time, you can just skip the rest of the recipe and frost 5 sticks of butter and it will still be tasty, still lead to the same little cholesterol issue and ultimately be a lot less work!

You can come to my party anytime with cupcakes and a good Riesling! :-)

Love,
Natalie
www.believeinmandy.blogspot.com

[janey]

They look divine :)
'MY thing' is picking up a pre-made 5 layer Mexican Dip and some expensive taco chips ;) Of course explaining that you 'cannot make it yourself that cheap!'

Or buying spinach dip and putting it in a bowl with bread cubes and passing it off as my own.

Yeah, I cheat :)

[Lisa]

The best cupcake I've ever eaten was the coconut cupcake with cream cheese icing from The Barefoot Contessa cookbook. Just thinking about it now makes my mouth water. Try the recipe I highly recommend it. Now, I'll just go grab a girl scout Carmel Delite--not the same, but it'll have to do....

[Manic Mommy]

Well, now that you've got a "thing," I'd like to formally invite you over to my house. Please bring a couple dozen of your things.

Thanks.

[Melissa]

so wiltons and pyrex make these AWESOME cupcake holders that you can bring to people's houses :D

[Ginger]

The brownie cupcakes in the cupcake edition of Martha Stewart Living are incredible! I made them for my friends birthday and everyone loved them.

[Jeannie B.]

My cats splay on the registers, thus cutting off the heat that I so desparately crave, but staving off their desire to kill me in my sleep. Happy cupcaking!

[blessedbean]

I loved Martha in my foolish youth, but now I've grown and as Alexis says Martha makes food people want to see, I make food people want to eat. Her site brings a great reality check to Martha's perfection.
http://www.whateverradio.com/website/home.php

[Sheri]

Oh Martha...what trouble she gets us all in.
Last year my friend and I were at a taping of her show in NYC. It happened to be the last episode of cupcake week. Well, the studio was filled with cupcakes there had to be 600 easy..so of course we were all salivating for one. But do you know...she boxed them all up and the studio audience did not get one morsel. We watched after the taping as they were put in Ms. Stewarts SUV along with the flowers from the set and a large Le Cruset filled with her dinner know doubt...very stingy she is. One cupcake would that have killed her?

[Texie]

My two year-old daughter stopped dead in front of that Martha Stewart cover in the grocery store yesterday. It was so pretty, we both went OOOOOoooooOOOOO, cupcakes! I also took her in a department store last week and she was just looking at everything saying cute, CUTE, cuuuuute, I love it, Mommy! God, I'm going to have so much fun with her.

[Lisa Barroca]

Those look amazing! Unfortunately I've been banned from operating the cupcake tray ever since what my boyfriend now refers to as the Great Cupcake Crisis, during which, I (apparently) drunkenly marched around my apartment (he likes to make this part of the story very Godzilla-esque, with people scattering...subtitles may or may not be involved), attempting to frost and devour as many as i could before friends arrived and ate them all (God, am I a lovely hostess or what?). I denied all aspects of the story until I awoke the next morning (aka:1 PM)...to find chocolate frosting all over the remote control and half a dozen cupcake papers in the garbage...however all these recipes are making me want to take advantage of his good Superbowl Sunday mood and suggest that he relinquish control of said cupcake tray.

Happy Baking Everyone!

[Okie girl]

Isn't your mere presence alone enough???

[Kirby]

Seriously??? Cupcakes have been my thing since I had toddlers (who are now in college). I have always been a couple of steps ahead of Martha. (Except for jail time. She had that first.) Next thing you know, she'll be making her own gin. From juniper she grows in the front yard, where vagrants can pee on it. Nothing like pee-infused gin.

[Katie]

My cats actually ARE huddled over the heating registers...

[Laureen Hennegan Jacobs]

I love your work and have passed all three of your books to friends who have also passed them on. As a 2-bout cancer survivor, I have people asking me all the time "how are you?" My reply to them .."if some of the people I've worked with in my lifetime haven't killed me (or should I say, I haven't killed them because they desrved it)then cancer certainly will not do it!!!
Can't wait to read your next book!

[Mary-Beth]

In case you read this, I just want you to know that your books make me smile and have helped me deal with a particularly fucked-up week.

It must be so hard having people tell you how hard you rock all the time, huh?

STOP MAKING CUPCAKES, GET BACK TO WORK AND WRITE US ANOTHER BOOK!!!!!!!!!!

[Candice Hunsaker]

I love cupcakes (mostly icing)! You can totally bring over cupcakes & make out with dogs, destroy the house, whatever you like.

[Cloey Betony]

If you're ever in Florida and happen to come to my house with cupcakes you can totally drink all the wine and make out with my dog.

[Renee]

My "thing" at work is baking- cookies, scones, brownies, whatever, but by far the most popular item is the mini-key-lime-pie. All you do is buy those mini-graham cracker pie shells instead of full size. Here's the recipe (it's SUPER simple and easy):

3 T. lime zest
1/2 c. lime juice (3-4 limes)
1 can sweetened condensed milk
4 egg yolks
12 mini graham cracker crust pie shells
8 oz. heavy whipping cream
1/4 c. sugar

Pre-heat oven to 325 degrees. Whip the eggs and zest together until light and fluffy. Add milk and continue to whip, then lime juice and whip until incorporated. Pour mixture into 12 pie shells and bake 15 minutes. Remove from oven, allow to cool, then refrigerate minimum 3 hours. Meanwhile, whip sugar and cream to make fresh whipped cream and top each pie with a small dollop. Grate some additional zest on top to garnish. If you want to get even more fancy, take the 4 left-over egg whites, whip up with a bit of superfine sugar and a t. of cream of tartar. As soon as the pies come out of the oven, pipe the meringue onto each pie, then bake another 10-15 minutes or until the meringue is golden brown. You can forget the whipped cream if you opt for meringue. It's all about personal taste. But seriously, if people don't swoon over these mini-key lime pies, then they are not people you want to know. Enjoy!

[Erin]

Hey Jen --

Crate and Barrel makes a cute little cupcake carrier for 24 cupcakes and they have a recipe book called 500 cupcakes with some great, and some unusual recipes!

[ElleKayDee]

[...Of course I was being stubborn and didn't ask anyone because I had seriously searched the entire store...and wasn't sure how the 75+ year old lady working the counter would have reacted to me asking for a book titled "Bright Lights, Big Ass"]

[ElleKayDee]

This has nothing to do with this post, but I went to B&N today looking for your books (I admit, I stalk your blog religiously, but have yet to read any of your books) but I could not find them...ANYWHERE! I'm going to be optimistic for you and say they were sold out, but I walked around the store 3 times and couldn't find them. I live in DeKalb, IL and I'm pretty sure you should call up the store and tell them they need to put your books on a shelf-front PRONTO!

[Sheila]

You should get a cupcake caddy from Target (squee!) next time you are there. Safe little compartments for each lovingly-made signature Jen cupcake...

[laura]

Sorry Jen I have to respectfully disagree, YOU are the thing and you don't need a thing when you are you. Besides cupcakes are passe, past their prime and on the way out. When something gets so hot that ABC has specials on it, Costco sells the book and every town has cupcake pushers, then its like Wall Street, about collapse in to a big shuddering pile of rubble, brought on by everyone getting in on it. Go retro or go new but don't get stuck with cupcakes. Why not bring the sexy back to bundt? Or cocktail wieners?

[Sarah]

OMG I went out and bought the Martha mag immediately! *drools* Cupcakes are a great "thing" to be known for. I am the cupcake master in my group, and I find the baking very therapeutic (especially since my boyfriend cleans up if I give him extra cupcakes!).

I dropped almost $250 the first time I went to the baking section at Michaels. Then I took a fondant course and bought even more devices to help make better treats! It's an addiction once you start getting praise ;) I am currently trying to find healthy, but delish recipes so that I won't feel guilty when I "test" it to ensure edible.

Butter Pecan cupcakes with buttercream or creamcheese icing are sinfully tasty!

Few tips: Beat your egg whites separately before adding into the mix...Also, I generally cook them a minute to a minute and a half less than suggested cooking time, because they continue to bake in the muffin tin. This makes em moist and yummy!

[Lisa]

Now I want cupcakes...and I do not have any...NO FAIR!! I am impressed you made cupcakes from scratch...i am betty crocker/duncan hines box mix girl myself!! They taste just as good!!

AND my cats totally would lick the frosting too - eating what they shouldn't is "their thing"

[Raimi]

Please don't do that thing where you stick toothpicks in the cupcakes then cover with plastic wrap. Why do people keep suggesting that? Hello, white trash! Jenn should get some decent storage containers. She's a NY Times bestseller author for crying out loud. She can afford it. Jeez, you guys.

[Beth]

Personally I didn't see anything wrong with the pre-Martha cupcakes. I bet they were just as tasty! My thing is cupcakes and NEVER did I think to put them in a roasting pan. That is a fabulous idea! I actually purchased one of those expensive Wilton carriers and then melted in my brand new week old oven when I needed to "hide" it when a service man was coming. I forgot it was there and pre-heated the oven for dinner. Warning... It will leave a FOUL odor and ruin your new oven!

[Sheri]

I know you and Fletch have no plans for children, but dear God, can you make some copcakes for my son's class???? I'm the cookie mom and I've done Dilly Bars (expensive as shit) but those cupcakes would really really make my son's class' day.

[Sarah Grace McCandless]

Thanks for the shout out Jen! Your cupcakes look fabulous. I'm making special football cupcakes for the Superbowl, I'll post a pic on my blog and/or Facebook!!

[kat]

Has anyone watched "Whatever Martha"? The tv show consists of Martha's daughter, Alexis ragging on Martha's old tv show. It's got to be one of the best things on tv. In Boston they play it on FLN.

[Erin]

That is just awesome. Certainly cracked me up. but my real question is why can't the "savignon blanc" be your thing? It's perfectly appropriate. own it.

Hope to see you soon and drink white wine together! when's the next party?! perhaps a 90's themed one this time?

[Kristin Anderdon]

I don't know if someone has mentioned it before because frankly I'm too lazy to read through 97 comments, but if you stick a few toothpicks in the tops of the cupcakes and then put the cellophane on top, your icing will remain intact. :-) But then you'll need a shit tons of containers for 36 cupcakes. :-D

[blackbird]

Now?
NOW you decide you have to have A THING?
AFTER I WAS all Ooh, Jen's coming!?
Fine.

[Corrine]

Jen- I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm sending you the family secret recipe for banana cupcakes with peanut butter icing. Trust me, this recipe will make you look amazing at any party and it's not that hard. It's been passed down for years...welcome to the family :) PS- I have a great one for PB&J cupcakes too if you're interested... very yummy!! Andddddd I am a cupcake vet and the Cupcake Courier is the easiest (and cutest) way to transport your goodies. http://www.cupcakecourier.com/ Enjoy!

[Courtney]

You absolutely need The Cupcake Courier. I purchased it for my mom and she loves it. It's a beautiful turquoise color and holds three tiers of cupcakes. You can remove the trays and use it as a cake carrier. (I swear I'm not affiliated with this product--it's just a recommendation!) http://www.cupcakecourier.com/

[Lindsey]

We could totally start a barter service...I'll trade you bottles of wine for batches of cupcakes! Everyone wins!

[curlywurlygurly]

martha stewart is an agent of satan. just go to one of those 'cupcake botiques' (all metro cities have 'em!) and save yourself the stress and mess.

[Kristin]

I would love you eternally if you brought cupcakes to my house. Well, I'd be enamored if you CAME to my house. It's kind of funny though, I wrote about cupcakes last night too. Larry's House of Cakes cupcakes. Complete yumminess and I didn't have to make them. Mine would look like your originals and I consider myself quite the chef...just not a pastry chef! Congrats!

[allijag]

LOL - love the cupcakes - we need more pictures of Maisy and Loki though :)

[Terry from Mass.]

Must.start.breathing. Too funny! I don't cook either, but I help clean up.

[wendy]

cupcakes!!

[Andrea]

Cupcakes are my 'thing' too! So I must share a fabulous resource with you.... ahm.... cupcakeblog.com The most amazing cupcakes. Ever.