Jen In Real Life

First, please thank Margalit for writing something that inspired me to have a thought more than 140 characters long. 

(As a caveat, if you follow me on Twitter, you'll agree this has been a productive week.  If you only read the blog, though, not so much.)

Anyway, Margalit described how internet trolls love to fact-check bloggers when they post conflicting information.  The longer you've had an internet presence, the more this happens.  Personally, my blog is fairly current and consistent since I took older stuff offline.  What gets me, then, is when trolls use anecdotal evidence from my books and hold it up to my present-day life.

My books capture whatever thoughts and feelings I had at one particular moment and freezes them in time.  For example, in Bitter, I talk about being heartsick over the money I wasted on a Prada bag and I vowed to never be foolish again.  Which is completely true and I absolutely was. 

Yet last year when I posted a photo of some silly shoes I bought, I got a shitload of angry email saying, "You haven't learned a thing" and, "Those are Ferragamo, so clearly you lie" and, "You're completely back to your old ways." 

But here's the rub - there's an ocean of difference between spending a month's rent on a bag with no purpose other than to make me feel superior and buying a hundred dollar pair of sandals that I loved and could afford to celebrate making the NYT bestselling list a fourth week in a row. 

The lesson in Bitter wasn't that no one should ever possess nice things.  What I learned was that my stuff shouldn't own me.  In Bitter, ergo in my life, I rethought my priorities and the new paradigm I created back then still dictates how I live.  On that same note, in Such a Pretty Fat, I figured out how to be healthier, but that doesn't mean I can never, ever eat a cupcake.  The overarching theme was on finding balance.  I'm still working on it, with the knowledge that balance is a perpetual (and self-correcting) process. 

For those who want to argue that I'd previously described how I hate to cook, you're right.  I hated meal preparation.  When forced to do so, I cooked loudly and angrily.  But that was four or five years ago, long before I had the proper tools, skills, and motivation.  So I'm not lying when I write about enjoying the process of cooking now; I'm evolving.

In an effort to be healthier - or at least to counterbalance the cupcakes - I've vastly reduced the amount of packaged and processed foods from our diet.  I've recently been working almost exclusively with fresh ingredients and doing stuff like making my own sauces and dressings.  Seriously?  This clean-eating business works because our dinners have never tasted better.  For example, last week I made:

Baked chicken with roasted fennel, parsnips, onions, and carrots

Whole-wheat Panko crusted pork chops with mashed redskin potatoes and spring mix salad

Cuban pork with black beans and grilled fresh pineapple (yes, the cats were pissed I used their friend)

Seared beef tenderloin sliced onto red leaf lettuce with goat cheese and tossed with a warm balsamic reduction 

New York strip with asparagus risotto

(No, I don't have recipes.  I kind of do everything to taste.)

Granted, I've recently evolved to the point of obsession.  Which is why I hit six different grocery stores last week searching for the best ingredients without having to pay a fortune.  (If Whole Foods honestly thinks I'm going to fork over $34/pound for beef tenderloin from cows with positive self esteem, they are delusional.  I'm super pleased with the $8/pound self-loathing beef from the creepy grocery store down the street, thanks.) 

I'll be honest - cooking's a lot more fun now that I can take the afternoon and do it at my leisure.  (Being able to see the TV from my new kitchen helps a lot.)  Plus, coming home to a nice dinner is a lovely way for Fletch to end a stressful day and that makes me happy.  He's a particular fan of the very labor-intensive Risotto Night, which happens every Thursday.  (Tell me how you can watch Hell's Kitchen and not want to make risotto.) 

Would the the four-years-ago-me ever spend 45 minutes stirring a risotto?  OH, HELL, NO.  Then again, the four-years-ago me would just be walking in the door at 6:00 PM after a day of temping. 

Point?  Things perpetually change around here. 

That's just the nature of the internet.  And of real life.

But four months from now when I'm on deadline, knee-deep in empty Pringles tubes, and Twittering to Fletch to please, please make a Burger King run, promise me you'll keep this post in mind?

Comments

[sheilah]

Actually, looking at your recent dinners, I was kinda wanting a dinner invite.

I'll bring the wine.

[doublemsquared]

I literally laughed out loud when you said your cats were pissed you used their friend. HIGHlarious! You are my favorite…keep up the great work!

[Tiffany]

Jen,
Your writing is amazing! Thanks for reminding us that change is normal and growing is what we should all be doing.

Your menu items make my lunch seem pitiful. Going home to make some real food.

I am SO excited that you are coming to Boston!!!! See you when you get here.

[Rebecca]

I have got to get this twitter thing figured out. I so need a daily dose of Jen. Life if hard for everyone, everyday in some way. Sometimes I can look at the bright side, some times I want to cry and other times I become a snarky mom of two and get the f out of my way. There are so many of us "normal" people that need your "normal" life to make us remember to make lemons out of lemonade even if we forget the sugar sometime. Your writing and willingness to share your life with us is such a gift to so many. Out here in MT, where I know you can't come for a book review there are several really awesome moms who have finally discovered your books and really appreciate the straight, no games truth. We all laugh when we read and then we laugh together when reviewing the funniest parts. Book club, not gonna happen, we can barely get a "mommy drink" together, but thanks for giving us lots of funnies to text to each other. Have a great day.

[Muffy Willowbrook]

I personally think that if I was the exact same person I was four years ago, that not only would my friends and spourse be bored with me, I would want to punch myself!

Finding balance is important and I couldn't agree with you more!

[Amberly]

Change happens in everyone's life, why don't people get that? What would be great is if you'd follow me around reciting this blog posting to everyone in my life, maybe they'll believe it if it comes from someone other than me!

[the governor of jennsylvania]

Just to clarify (and you don't have to agree) I've met Margalit IRL and I like her. I don't always agree with her views, but I do always find her interesting.

[PLUS SIZE CHICKY]

HEY CUPCAKE, SEEMS LIKE GAY-I MEAN STRAIGHT-MIKE NEEDS A PLUS SIZE CHICKY TO PULL HIS LIBRARY-GOING,NON-BOOK BUYING, CHICK-LIT READING, BLOG TROLLING, JUDGEMENTAL ASS OUT OF THE CLOSET HE "CONSTRUCTED" FOR HIMSELF.
MOST OF THE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS I KNOW ONLY READ THE CAPTIONS IN MAXIM & LET THEIR GIRLFRIENDS READ ALL THE FUNNY PARTS TO THEM FROM THE BOOKS THEY'RE READING.
YOU DID LOOSE WEIGHT. YOU DID GET IN SHAPE AND YOU DID LEARN TO ACCEPT YOURSELF. BRAVO-
WE ALL LOVE YOU.
MIKE-THOU DOST PROTEST TO MUCH MY DEAR.

[Terry from Mass.]

1. Those shoes are adorable!
2. This risotto is making me full."Hell's Kitchen" and Gordon F*****g Ramsey rule!
3. Can't wait to see you in Boston, Jen!

[Jessica Rogers]

I, too, am obsessed with risotto thanks to Hell's Kitchen.

[nadine]

i'm evolving as a person, too. for instance, 2 yrs ago i would never have invited myself to someone's home for dinner. but i've put aside my fears of rejection.

so, may i pls come by next risotto nite? i'll bring some v. good wine...and pleasant conversation for my contribution.

keep evolving jen, you're so much fun.

[CF]

This is so true. I don't know what it is about some people that they have to dig to find inconsistencies or to support their preconceived beliefs about someone. Why do they care? If they don't like you, unless you have a direct influence on their everyday lives, why do they bother. Are their lives so miserable that they have to put others down? Are they trying out to be TMZ reporters (their grammar and spelling sure looks like it)? Maybe they're just trying to make it in your next book and get their 15 minutes of fame.

[Somedayme2]

People obviously have entirely too much time on their hands! Who cares what people say/think...they will be back, they love the drama they create.

[Kim]

I adore you.....you say exactly what i'm thinking.....wish i was you......but not in an icky stalker like way....just a nice way.....want to slap Jason, Molly, lady who breastfed baby while driving, octomom and then myself for even caring about these insipid and delusional people.....

[C]

Jen-

I'll leave NC and make a Burger King run for you. Just keep me laughing!

We love you in NC!

Chris

[Sweet Herald]

Now see Mike's post below, THAT is a troll.
And I don't agree with that shit.

Otherwise people being confused by what a writer is claiming as truth and questioning that truth, isn't exactly trollish. Some of you writers are role models for a lot of people out there, particularly the mommy bloggers, and people do take your writing seriously.

You're right in that people do change over time, but I just don't get the comparison to Margalit's blog. Still love your shit though even if my comments might have pissed you off. :D

[10fifteen]

Hi Jen!

Your books have made me laugh out loud! Something I seriously need, believe you me!
Aren't we ALL really hypocrites? I go back on my good intentions every day (I will NOT eat the cupcakes . . .well, maybe just one.) BFD!
Who does this affect? It's not like you hold a political office and continually go back on your word - you are not making tons of people unhappy! I just want you to know you bring me joy - and I graduated HS in 1984! Kim

[Elizabeth]

What do we really expect from a troll? They are supernatural creature's. Either a dwarf or a giant (and either one of those would of course be an issue all by itself). And they supposedly live in caves or in the mountains (another issue).

Aren't they out of their element by trying to critize a HUMAN who has a great gift called writing!

[Chrissy]

Jen, great post. And it's so true about how much we can change over the course of a few years. I hope I can look back one day and realize how much I love to have the house clean and a hot meal on the table when my hubby comes home. I'm not quite there yet. And please! You are a hard working woman! Buy whatever you want with your money. Give me a break ... who would be critical of that??

[LoraLovesIt]

1) Mike K, total asshat
2) Have been reading your blog for a while but FINALLY started reading Bitter today, and I must say...amazing.
3) At least you are buying things you can afford now....that's a lesson I (and many of us) STILL have yet to learn.
4) Can you invite me over for a risotto lesson? I've always wanted to learn!

[Nina]

Jen,
Last night I was sitting on my Mother-in-Law's couch re-reading Bright Light's when my Mother-in-Law asked me what/who I was reading. I quickly briefed her on your writing, the background of the three books, and why I love your writing so much. She then asked "So she talks a lot about her life's lessons?"
"Yes, she does"
"So is she an inspirational writer?"
Knowing my Mother-in-Law meant in the "Inspirational/Spiritual" genre, I said "No".
And then, as soon as the word came out of my mouth, I realized how wrong that was, and corrected myself.
"Yes, she is. She is certainly inspirational"

So Jen? Based on the topic of this blog, and of life's lessons learned, I just want to say THANKS.

[Patricia]

I love your writing and appreciate the idea that we ALL learn, day after day, new things about ourselves. We ALL deserve rewards for achievements and we ALL deserve to have things that we like, regardless whether we can live without "it" or not. Congratulations on your success and, most importantly, on your progress.

[Alyson]

Girl-you have my mad props-

Even "author famous" as you are-people are fucking critical-go cook if you want to cook-damn peeps bein' all into your biz and shizzle (sorry-I had to channel Jay and Silent Bob) Umm-have you seen Kevin Smith's new one? Was it me-or did Jay naked seem obscene-like I was watching my son or some weirdness-I mean I'll never have kids-BUT STILL-am I right)? Anyway-dude-you rule-screw team anti-noncookingpasttense-Jen. So I just bought a condo (read-tiny) if you have any decorating tips-awesome. You rule.

[Patsy]

Jen,
What she wrote about and what you write about are two entirely two different things. You and she aren't even in the talent arena, as in you're in the arena and she's scalping tickets outside to get into the arena.

I'm guessing you follow CL's blog because, I see you follow her on twitter and well..you know where I'm going with this.

Plain and simple. Margalit is/was trying to back peddle on statements that she made on NPR about being frugal and pretty much making thing fresh and not buying frozen foods. Fact is, she's not. Fact is, she want to pull the curtain close and have you all look away. Thanks for helping her cause.

End of story.

But we both know how you came across her blog, don't we.

[Deb Tuss Lynch]

Thank you for sharing. I found Bitter on an endcap at Target during the winter of 2006 when I was unemployed for the first time in my life. You made me laugh, you made me feel normal. Now here I am, working my "A double snakes off" with a lay-off notice in hand reading your blog - laughing and feeling normal. Thanks for making a thirty-something Mom have a better day. You are a gifted writer, no matter the shoes you are wearing or the handbag you are holding, don't ever apologize for being you.

[Beth]

Seems some people - yes, I'm talking to you Mike K. "45 year old straight male construction works" (WTF?) - should shut the fuck up when they are talking. I'm quite sure Jen needs YOUR opinion like she needs another Prada bag. (Which is NOT Jen, but the Ferragamos: delish.)

[Lindsay]

You've brightened the lives of so many people.
You make me laugh every time I read your stuff and I don't even know you.
Do whatever the hell makes you happy.

[Catrina]

It's amazing that some take the ability to be voyeuristic as a free pass to judge and condemn. It makes you wonder how well they run their own lives.

[Audri J]

Yes, I always have risotto and salmon filet (I loove how he says it!) after Hell's Kitchen, too!!! As for those who want to pigeon hole you and not alow you to evolve- take a quote from your beloved (not so much) governor: "BLEEP THEM!!!!!" Anyone who actually lives without their head outside their buttcrack knows that we are all evolving and changing (hopefully) for the better. Besides that, blogging is NOT the new MEMIOR!

[Liz]

Oh dear - Mike K .... what a asshat you seem to be .................

[Emily]

When you write a book, you do indeed let your writers in. You become transparent in a hilarious way... but does that mean you're not allowed to change? Or be human? Not to me. Your humanity is what helps us laugh (at) with you ;-)

[mike k]

i may be one of the few 45 year old straight male construction works to read all your stuff (sorry, all obtained from the library) your last book was all about getting in shape, losing weight and accepting your body type. but from what i gather you're still a plus size chicky. so maybe enough about how much time you have to prepare organic meals cupcake.

[Robyn]

Don't worry, Jen, your fans (aka smart people) don't need an explanation of how and why the lives of people change -- IT'S LIFE -- DUH!

You should be so proud of yourself for so many reasons. You are on a journey - learning and growing - and are even entitled to make a mistake and have a setback - without apologizing or justifying yourself.

For the record, you are no longer defining yourself by your possessions - and owning nice things is your absolute right. You deserve them, and I am happy to hear about your cool purchases (silly or not) any time.

I proudly wear my Prada bag - yes, cost way too much - but it is unlike anything else and I will have it forever.

[Sweet Herald]

Hrm.
Okay, I'll say it since so few will on here. I think Margalit's blog (which I read because it was discussed on another board) is pretty hypocritical. Saying you won't do something and chastising others for doing it, then a year later, doing that exact same thing? Come on now.
I also feel her blog post was weak and in response to these so called "trolls," only fueled the fire. Why bother? If you're secure in your own decisions you don't have to answer to anyone, let alone...*gasp* trolls.
Sorry but I saw her post as a bit loopy myself.

[Shannon]

I don't think you owe anybody any explanation about anything you put on YOUR blog or write in YOUR books. Nor do I think it matters if either place holds what trolls call conflicting information. It's your blog and your writing career, and if the twain meet with contradictions, so what? To me, reading your blog is like reading your diary- if I'm going to snoop, then I get what's coming to me if I don't like it! Thank you for the forum to comment when you deem it appropriate.

[Heather, Queen of Shake Shake]

Who am I to judge you for buying Ferragamo. Mostly because I don't know what Ferragamo is.

I probably just got myself banned from your blog, didn't I?

Trolls are trolls because they don't have the intellectual capacity to change so they assume no one else does either.

[Cara]

I'm sorry, you lost me at 45 minutes stirring risotta! That IS crazy.

[Tacie]

change happens...enough said. Your blog & books are great & you got lots of guts to do what you do so & I think it's awesome!!Forget the haters & buy whatever cute pair of shoes you want dammit! You rock & you know it so who cares what some "have- to -much -time- on- my- hands - so -I'll- diss -somebody -today" person has to say!

[Christine Inzana]

Life is all about change and what we learn through that change. Those fucktards are just jealous. They are looking at themselves in the mirror and not liking what is staring back at them. Too bad for them, it is kind of sad. Can't wait for the new book and some more great "Jenisms". Thank you for sharing your wit and wisdom.

[Erin]

Jen, you're the best. I completely agree with what you are saying. And, hello? Aren't there enough other big things happening in this world than being so incredibly nit-picky?

With that said, can I come over for dinner? You sound like one helluva cook! :)

[Dani]

Love you. Love your blog. :) Thanks for the encouragement.

[Jan in Chesterfield]

I have just discovered your books and blog. I put a hold on the first book at the library. I found you from my Costco magazine!

[Traci]

I bet the self-righteous hate bloggers have at some point griped about judgemental people! Hey Pot, this is Kettle, you're black too. Hehehe. You rock Jen and just save all those lovely posts for a future book.

[Irina]

I dunno. Shalom, bitches! (this makes me laugh SO hard)
I freakin' think you are da bomb diggity! Can't wait to hear you read/see you sign in NYC in May! HUZZAH!

[Andrea]

Silly shoes are an AMAZING way to reward yourself after working so hard. Anyone who thinks otherwise is insane.

[mamaru]

I cook by taste also. If you want to refine your risotto taste, go to Calo on North Clark.

The fact checkers are off if they are comparing "then" to "now" - we change and our circumstances change.

And don't go from happily married to bitterly divorced in order to get a new topic! Fletch seems to be a keeper. And so are you.

[Bitter Jim]

Seriously, those morons (I'm trying to be polite by calling them morons instead of what I'm really thinking...internal monologue...internal monologue...internal monologue...) need to get a life and find something more productive to do. If their ways have not changed in 4 years, they need to be dipped in wax and put in a museum in the mines of West Virginia or the hollers of Kentucky!

You've literally worked your ass off, you deserve a nice pair of shoes, or sunglasses, or a purse, or an entire case of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a keg of Pepsi if you so choose! Btw, skip the Pringles and go to the PB Cups and Pepsi when you're in crunch time. They always make me happy, especially during stress times. Trust me - you can thank me later! :-)

[Sue]

Jen - I think it's clear that your true readers love every word you write and don't give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks. Perhaps if they put that much energy int....... you know what? I'm not giving them that much of my time. I check your blog, and yes twitter, daily to see what funny things you write that will make me shoot coffee out of my nose. Keep up the delicious, hysterical great work!

[Tara Black]

Ok, these trolls seriously have nothing better to do than to spend their time quote unquote fact checking bloggers??? You can tell these joy-sucking parasites to kiss your ass. I think you can tell by the plethora of well-wishers also commenting on this entry that your fans certainly outnumber these other idiots. Keep doing what you're doing. I agree with several others...you have nothing for which to apologize.

I do have a final thought...if these trolls think you are so contradictory then why do they spend their time reading your stuff? To invest in reading your books and then read your blogs and then send you a typed missive about it just reeks of some buttinskiness. Who died and made them hall monitor?

[Bridget]

I'm glad that you've shared your story because, through your sharing you have helped many (including me) to evolve. Knowing all the while there are others out there that go through stuff all the time, and we are not alone in that journey! Thank you for evolving, and um..... if you don't take time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, you are sorely missing out! Kudos for buying yourself great shoes, and also for taking time to learn and enjoy cooking for your hubby and yourself! I'd hate to think of what these losers would say if you were to end up deciding to adopt or have a baby, LOL.