Jen In Real Life

First, please thank Margalit for writing something that inspired me to have a thought more than 140 characters long. 

(As a caveat, if you follow me on Twitter, you'll agree this has been a productive week.  If you only read the blog, though, not so much.)

Anyway, Margalit described how internet trolls love to fact-check bloggers when they post conflicting information.  The longer you've had an internet presence, the more this happens.  Personally, my blog is fairly current and consistent since I took older stuff offline.  What gets me, then, is when trolls use anecdotal evidence from my books and hold it up to my present-day life.

My books capture whatever thoughts and feelings I had at one particular moment and freezes them in time.  For example, in Bitter, I talk about being heartsick over the money I wasted on a Prada bag and I vowed to never be foolish again.  Which is completely true and I absolutely was. 

Yet last year when I posted a photo of some silly shoes I bought, I got a shitload of angry email saying, "You haven't learned a thing" and, "Those are Ferragamo, so clearly you lie" and, "You're completely back to your old ways." 

But here's the rub - there's an ocean of difference between spending a month's rent on a bag with no purpose other than to make me feel superior and buying a hundred dollar pair of sandals that I loved and could afford to celebrate making the NYT bestselling list a fourth week in a row. 

The lesson in Bitter wasn't that no one should ever possess nice things.  What I learned was that my stuff shouldn't own me.  In Bitter, ergo in my life, I rethought my priorities and the new paradigm I created back then still dictates how I live.  On that same note, in Such a Pretty Fat, I figured out how to be healthier, but that doesn't mean I can never, ever eat a cupcake.  The overarching theme was on finding balance.  I'm still working on it, with the knowledge that balance is a perpetual (and self-correcting) process. 

For those who want to argue that I'd previously described how I hate to cook, you're right.  I hated meal preparation.  When forced to do so, I cooked loudly and angrily.  But that was four or five years ago, long before I had the proper tools, skills, and motivation.  So I'm not lying when I write about enjoying the process of cooking now; I'm evolving.

In an effort to be healthier - or at least to counterbalance the cupcakes - I've vastly reduced the amount of packaged and processed foods from our diet.  I've recently been working almost exclusively with fresh ingredients and doing stuff like making my own sauces and dressings.  Seriously?  This clean-eating business works because our dinners have never tasted better.  For example, last week I made:

Baked chicken with roasted fennel, parsnips, onions, and carrots

Whole-wheat Panko crusted pork chops with mashed redskin potatoes and spring mix salad

Cuban pork with black beans and grilled fresh pineapple (yes, the cats were pissed I used their friend)

Seared beef tenderloin sliced onto red leaf lettuce with goat cheese and tossed with a warm balsamic reduction 

New York strip with asparagus risotto

(No, I don't have recipes.  I kind of do everything to taste.)

Granted, I've recently evolved to the point of obsession.  Which is why I hit six different grocery stores last week searching for the best ingredients without having to pay a fortune.  (If Whole Foods honestly thinks I'm going to fork over $34/pound for beef tenderloin from cows with positive self esteem, they are delusional.  I'm super pleased with the $8/pound self-loathing beef from the creepy grocery store down the street, thanks.) 

I'll be honest - cooking's a lot more fun now that I can take the afternoon and do it at my leisure.  (Being able to see the TV from my new kitchen helps a lot.)  Plus, coming home to a nice dinner is a lovely way for Fletch to end a stressful day and that makes me happy.  He's a particular fan of the very labor-intensive Risotto Night, which happens every Thursday.  (Tell me how you can watch Hell's Kitchen and not want to make risotto.) 

Would the the four-years-ago-me ever spend 45 minutes stirring a risotto?  OH, HELL, NO.  Then again, the four-years-ago me would just be walking in the door at 6:00 PM after a day of temping. 

Point?  Things perpetually change around here. 

That's just the nature of the internet.  And of real life.

But four months from now when I'm on deadline, knee-deep in empty Pringles tubes, and Twittering to Fletch to please, please make a Burger King run, promise me you'll keep this post in mind?

Comments

[Val]

Go buy yourself a Prada bag and apologize to no one. But do it quick before the economy goes all "Cinderella Man" on our asses and no one will be able to even afford a paper bag to carry our empty wallets in
http://www.firstclasstohell.com

[Lori]

Wow! That was VERY well-said!

[Alisa]

Haters are bitter. Ignore them and keep the rest of us laughing!

[Ellen]

As a 44 y/o woman-fan highly addicted to your books,I feel an obligation to tell you that you are pissing me off when you try to apologize to assholes who are only trying to get your goad by throwing around the power they probably tried to impress you with as a grade schooler. Don't buy into the hype. You owe them nothing. I am certain that they tell all their friends in the secretarial pool (whatever that means) that they know this FAMous AUTHor who was SUCH a BITCH in high school. Gross me out the door.

[Johanna]

Total jackassery, in my opinion.

Just keep doing what you're doing. You don't owe an explanation to anyone!

[Sheri]

Some people have nothing better to do than to bother other people.

When I saw the shoes, I thought, "Great!!! She's enjoying the fruit of her labor." But there's always an a-hole who will think they are correcting you and are leading you in the "correct" way of thinking.

I can't wait until I can really cook again. I mean, I cook and all, but it is more like cook, stop kids from fighting, cook, answer phone, cook, yell at kids for trying to see if fire really is as hot as they think it looks, cook.....you get the picture.

[JRM]

If Whole Foods honestly thinks I'm going to fork over $34/pound for beef tenderloin from cows with positive self esteem, they are delusional. I'm super pleased with the $8/pound self-loathing beef from the creepy grocery store down the street, thanks

That ^ was snort worthy!

[Tara]

Well said! Suck on that twinkie, haters!

[MZA]

Just read Margalit's blog -- you may want to think about ads!

You'd make oodles.

And totally spend it on YOU!

[HeatherPride]

I hope you wrote this post because you wanted to, and not because you felt like you owed these jackasses an explanation of your lifestyle.

Heart you, hate jackasses.

[MZA]

Fennel. Wow. You SO do not have kids. For us, "clean eating" means using lower sodium creamed soups in my nightly icky casserole. It's just that time of my life. So in 10 years, when I have teens who hardly eat at home & I feel like carmelizing some fennel? I am going to backstalk this thread to remind myself how far I've come.

[Jenn]

I want to come and eat at your house! I'll do the dishes, I promise.

[Cheryl]

Jen you are awesome! I just signed up for Twitter and love it. Your books have made this needy unemployed bitch that I have become a little less needy, still unemployed but a bigger pushier bitch in a 140 characters or less!

[Cory]

Jen - you just keep doing what makes you happy and the rest of us adore you! Anyone that has the time to troll through years of material just to find inconsistencies and point them out needs to get a more interesting life of their own.

[Ginny]

I find it fascinating that people have and take the time to go back through your blog posts and/or your books to point out what they view as discrepancies between something you said 2 or 3 or 4 years ago and something you said and/or are doing right now. Life moves on and circumstances change, people! Get a grip ... on your way to getting a life! Sheesh!!!

[Amo]

I'm still stuck on the risotto thing. You really have to stir it for 45 minutes?!

And happy cows are only found in Wisconsin, according to the commercials.

[Kimpa]

Girl,

Don't sweat the small stuff and small minds. You don't owe any of us an explanation for what you buy or how you chose to live your life. I read your blog and follow you on Twitter because I find you sharp and witty. You owe me nothing else.

[Anna]

Here's the deal yo: You rock my face off.

This post, is the shit and I love it.

Keep on doing what you're doin' lady! :)

[Kate Souder]

I've been reading your books/blog for awhile and keep hearing about Twitter...I just signed up and am now addicted! Thanks for the break from the "real world" and the mess on my desk...keep up the good work and screw what anyone else says!

[Karina in T.O]

You ATE THE PINEAPPLE??? Oh snap! Girl you're going to have shoes puked in, or a jacket scratched up for that! Feline retaliation is especially brutal once they're old and crabby.

[The Real Housewife of Thorntucky (not-so-popular-suburb of Denver)]

SNAP!

You are my new BFF -- if at least only in my head. I give you two of my fav quotes from Walt. W.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes. "

-and-

"All faults may be forgiven of her who has perfect candor."

And, a little note from me that may inspire millions:

internet trolls can suck it!

Gotta go work out now!
Cheers,

-julie

[Laurie Clautice]

I don't get why people read your blog JUST to call out things they see as inconsistencies...ahh, hello..it's a blog, not a historical novel. Tell whomever (or is it whoever?? I'm sure the person that called you out will surely be available to call me out too) the picky pickerson is that if they don't like the blog just don't read it!!!

[Daphne]

I believe it's called growing and changing, which you're doing. Good for you. Screw the haters..you keep doing you.

[Kristin]

I think that anyone complaining to you about your shiny jellies is just jellie-ous! HA!

Okay, I'm totally going to go hide in a corner now, because I really shouldn't have found that as funny as I did.

[just bored]

But in your comments last week you said you ROASTED a chicken not BAKED it. Why would you lie to us Jen, why???

haha jk I think you're great =)

[Crazy Aunt Karen]

I.SINCERELY.LOVE.YOU! xoxo, Karen

[duckmama]

Amen! Change makes us better I hope. Who says it's not authentic to change our minds? Isn't that what women do? Daily my mind changes, sometimes by the minute. But I always enjoy Jen!

[Jess Stastny]

Although I love your memoirs because they are so raw and hillarious, I've had so much fun "getting to know you" in your blog! I won't hold it against you if you're not the same woman you were 6 years ago, because God knows I'm not! 6 years ago I was happily married and now I'm BITTERLY DIVORCED. So you can believe I'm a rather different person as well!

[Karen]

I am truly impressed that you make risotto weekly! I did it once. It was my first and last risotto making experience. For months I was finding long-grained rice in the kitchen. Seriously, no matter how many times I swept, more would appear within days as an evil reminder of the trials of risotto-cooking. (I will not even get into how said risotto made it's way out of the pan and into every other area of the kitchen).

[Becca]

I think people get confused when they read one of your books and then look up your blog when they are done. They don't realize that the book they just read was written years ago and things are different.

Plus, there will always be judgmental pricks out there with nothing else to do besides post dumb comments.

I now want to cook something. What are you doing to me??

[Shelley]

I am dying with laughter over you eating the cat's new friend! Love you!

[Tricia Mullen]

I just love you (but I promise not in a creepy, stalker kind of way!!)! I love your books, I love your personality and I love your tell it like it is, no apology EVERY required sense of humor! I can't for the next book! I LOVE to read so I've read LOTS of books and your books are the only ones I've ever read that literally made me laugh out loud! Thanks for the laughs and being willing to share your world with all of us!! You are awesome!

[Domestic Goddess (In Training)]

I have a friend (aka best friend's boyfriend who I secretly hate but publically tolerate) who called me a fake because I used to (as in 6 years ago) wear dog collars and spikes and now opt for diamonds and sterling silver pendants. I tried to explain to him that the beauty of growing up is that we change. Life would be pretty sucky if we were all ga ga over jelly shoes and slap bracelets still. Why can't the grumps of the world figure out that changing isn't a sin or sign of weakness... its life.

[AJ]

It's ridiculous what different standards people hold to those in prominent positions (celebrities/ amazing authors/ etc). It's great when people can actually evolve and grow and rather scary when they don't.

So cheers to you and screw the haters. :0)

[Rose]

Rock on, Jen! Anyone who can't see that you have grown and made changes in your life obviously isn't reading your books.

Anyone who spends that much time looking for inconsistencies in your blog has waaaay too much free time.

[Soren]

people go through phases... I've always been a cook, and then sometimes, I can't deal... and then, I get back into it. People change, or even if not changing, go through phases... if we didn't, we'd all still wear collared t-shirts and listen to depeche mode... oh, wait... ;)
Screw the trolls-- you have a loyal following of people who understand that you're just like us, and us like you-- no book deals, but otherwise pretty similar-- high gas bills, sometimes unemployed and sometimes over-employed, dog fur everywhere...

In ongoing "jen won't come to toronto" news-- if the Jen won't come to Toronto, the Toronto will come to Jen! We've booked a mini-vacay and will be seeing you on May 28th! :D
Tres excited!

[Betsy]

I find that passing judgment only opens oneself up to harsher judges. It's not your job to be a role model. It's your job to entertain us and live your life as you want to live it. Be gone trolls!

[Danny]

I only eat meat from cows who Twitter.

[Katya Viar]

It is sad that these "trolls" have nothing better to do in their lives than trying to A-HA the Governor of Jennsylvania. I, for one, appreciate the lessons you have shared in your books and on this blog and completely agree that sometimes you have to treat yourself (not at the risk of not making rent, of course, but within reason).

And those dinners sound incredible. You've inspired me!!!

[Emily Allyn]

http://girlsnightout.sheckys.com/chicago/spring2009/

I see you liking this event. GO.

[MonsteRawr]

Yeah...ask those asshats what they've accomplished recently when they weren't busy ridiculing other people. Then ask them if they've seen your three best sellers recently. Then tell them to suck your d-i-c-k.

[paperdiva]

If I was held accountable for every sentence i ever uttered, I'd be in big trouble, as would most people.

[That's Ms. Amy to You]

I've just started baking my own bread - sans bread machine! It's amazing how much better it is, and how much satsifaction I get from feeding my children fresh, healthy food made with thought & love. We're a starving student family, and even on a very limited budget it's possible to make such delicious dishes like those you listed (and yes, I am drooling for some tenderloin right now). Kudos to your dissertation on evolution, too. If we didn't at least attempt to evolve, we'd all be trolls.

[Laura]

Lack of growth = stagnation or worse, death.
It's too bad that SO MANY seem to peak in high school.

Can you IMAGINE not having anything else to occupy one's time other than trolling the net to catch perceived discrepancies? --And on that note: ABSOLUTELY. CAN. NOT. GET. ADDICTED. TO TWITTER. (two little kids, a hubby, and a full time job, so I'll just have to make do with your blog :-)

Totally with you on the whole foods deal. It requires most of us to make a leap of faith, i.e. GROW into a different type of thought process. Though I'd really like to find some non-self-loathing cows at a reasonable price...

As for your shoes, you EARNED them--in EVERY sense of the word. And I bet you enjoy them WAY more now that you can afford them and have different appreciation for things. Good for you.

Don't ignore all the crap thrown your way--ridicule it mercilessly. We enjoy that WAY more :-) But ABSOLUTELY don't let it in your head.

Honey, you just keep on growing, we ALL are (hopefully)--and you make it funnier.

[Gina]

you are always so on point!
i love the fact that we all constantly change, how boring would it be if we didn't?

[Jen]

If it makes you feel better, my husband and I raise beef cattle that are sold at "regular" grocery stores. Our cattle have very good self esteem.

[Brooke]

God, how boring would you be if you didn't change? AS you said its all about balance...

[Sara]

Jen, those shoes were cute as hell and I absolutely would have dropped dime on them as soon as I saw them too, ESPECIALLY if I had just made the Times bestseller list four weeks a row. I hope you rocked them all last summer!

[Sheryl]

Oh dear, how dare you evolve, grow and change, Jen??? :) People need to get a life and evolve themselves if they hold this against you! I'd love to know what you use in your Cuban Pork... no recipe required... I don't use em either. Have fun cooking!

[ReneeInChicago]

Who are these TOTAL LOSERS that have nothing better to do all day than back track blogs to find conflicting information?? Get a life! Things change and shit happens, so digging through the past shows how pathetic these people are! They should all be forced to eat the $34/lb. Whole Foods beef...oh wait, they probably already do.