Day (I Forget), The Post In Which I Fancy Myself A Physicist

A number of wonderful things came to be - or at least came into their own - in the 80's, such as...

personal computers

cellular telephones

MTV and subsequently, Madonna

the artificial heart

Michael Douglas (before he got creepy)

Tom Cruise (before he went nuts)

Reaganomics

CD-ROMS

U2, REM, and the Police

kicking the Soviet Union's ass in the Olympics (listen up, Commies, if you don't show up, you can't win)

Naturally, I have a theory about all of this. 

I believe that balancing out every achievement and advancement back then - perhaps due to Newton's third law or some larger Karmic force - there was an equal and opposite reaction.  The 80's truly were awesome, but I feel that awesomeness came with a price. 

For each victory like the fall of the Berlin Wall, there was a catastrophe, like the crash of the Challenger. 

Sure, we gained Robert Pattinson and Ed Westwick in the 80's, but we lost Marvin Gaye and John Belushi. 

While Molly Ringwald taught us about imperfection and attainable beauty, Christie Brinkley made us feel fat.

We cheered when Patrick Swayze lifted Baby out of the lake, yet Glenn Close made us fear a few pints of boiling water.

We discovered Aquanet but we used it so much we poked a hole in the ozone layer.

Bob Geldof brought us Live Aid, but only because of the famine in Ethiopia.

And I believe that these equal and opposite reactions continue to cycle.

Delight begets disaster.

And then fortune begets failure.

Which leads to triumph begetting tragedy.

Although, really?  Could anything have been more tragic than the ruffled, lacy, puffy-sleeved prom dress?

 

I give Shannon bonus points for the pearls and not being too puffy-sleeved, but I have to take them away for her stabby, stabby thumbnail.

Here Shelly's tiers may induce tears.

Jeff Daniels called; he wants his tux back.

Next up, Tracee is the one with "the tree sprouting out of my hairdo."

 

On the the one hand Tracee appears to be getting married, not going to prom.  On the other, at least the top of her dress isn't cut Starter-jacket style like the gal in the middle.

Kelly's dress is neither too ruffled, too puffy, nor too lacy.  And yet these positives are outweighed by the photographer's decision to pose them in front of a trailer.

 

Here's how I imagine this conversation went: "Kelly, honey, in twenty years Al Gore will have invented the internet and you'll want this shot of you, your date, his mullet, and this here wagon preserved for all eternity."

For this one I detached the photo but I can't find the email that went with it.  So this is someone's mystery prom picture.

 

If only I could find out who the middle girl is so I could congratulate her and her lacy, ruffled pals on taking the puffiest purple sleeves in the world to prom.

Oh, wait. 

Perhaps it's for the best the above is unidentified. 

Because Rebecca and her friends just stole the Purple Puff Princess crown.

 

I think we just discovered specifically who broke the sky.

So... there you go.

In terms of events having a never-ending circularity, I like to believe the sacrifices these ladies made by wearing those dresses are the direct cause of everything good and pretty we have today, such as Dior Show mascara, Starbucks, and the Twilight series.

But then again, it's just a theory. 

 

Comments

[Jennifer]

I had totally forgotten about Gunne Sax. I spent many a saturday afternoon in the Bon Ton trying on every Gunne Sax Dress in the Junior Dept and dreaming of a social life and pocket book to buy them.

[Shannon Anicas]

I am so proud of my poofy dress, pearls and lee press-on nails! I still have this dress in storage. What you can't see is the giant hoops skirt that when I sat down I could flash the whole junior class.

[Makinzy]

I love it! Oversize flowers, huge hair and gigantic sleeves-- at least the 80s were proportional!

[JellyBean]

Also, no comments yet on the GIANT 80's eyeglasses that go from top eyebrow to mid-cheek in these photos plus those from other posts as well.

[JellyBean]

Do I spy a young Big Kenny from the country duo Big & Rich in the unidentified photo?

[kristin]

My prom was in 1979.

Gunne Sax.

Enuf said.

Well, it's even worse - it was some sort of calico prairie style thing. Ugh.

[Heather]

Apparently I, in my simple black cocktail dress, was the only 16 year old in America with taste. Or no imagination. Whichever.

[Kelly]

Dude in the wagon pic has the BEST.MULLET.EVER!

[CariZ]

Who decided that placing a baby's breath wreath on your head was a good idea? My mom made my sister wear one for her 1st Communion. Not surprisingly, we have no pictures from that blessed event.

[jenny]

Love it! I've got to get my pictures out for you. They border the early 90s, but I think you'll forgive me.