Let's Just Call It Day Sixteen, OK?

Sometimes I'm wrong, despite my utter conviction that I'm right.

(I planned on putting clever examples here about times I was mistaken but I just called Fletch and asked him and his direct quote was, "I can't recall a time recently when you were wrong.") 

(Which doesn't do a lot for the idea I was attempting to illustrate, despite this being a valuable admission that I will certainly file away for future use.)

(Or maybe he was just busy when he picked up the phone and cared not to engage me?)

ANYWAY, I was wrong yesterday. 

There IS something more tragic than the garden-variety, puffy-sleeved, lacy, ruffled prom dress.  And I didn't even realize it until I re-read a photo caption from repeat offender Maureen who brings Big Love into the equation.  Here's what she had to say: 

"I'm not sure why we all did the Southern Belle thing—it wasn't the theme. I am in the first row, bottom left. You can't tell from the photo but my dress was pink and white stripped. My friend Michelle, behind me, looks like a she's ready to be someone's Sister Wife."

 

You know it's tragic when Little Miss Red Ribbon Trim doesn't even garner a second look.

Next, here's Lori who appears to be delighted to attend the Joy Book mixer at Juniper Creek.

 

"Golly, I hope Bill Hendrickson's here!"

And then there's Jodi.  She says her area of concern was prom-ing it with her date Napoleon Dynamite.

 

Hey, Jodi, cheer up!  At least he's not Roman Grant.

Point?  I was mistaken. 

Because when I remember specific items from 80's and think, 'There can't possible be a worse look,' there's always a worse look... am I right, Shannon?

 

"Right, Jen."

 

Comments

[mamaru]

OK youngsters, while you were puffed and/or spandexed, I spent the eighties "dressed for success" ala John Molloy. We were wearing suits w/skirts - navy, dark gray, black - with shirts (no lace, pima cotton or oxford cloth) and cutesy little silk ties. We had our heels and matching coach bags. Because the key to success was to dress as much as possible like the guys.

[Jennifer]

I am loving all these photos. And every girl looks vaguely familiar. This was a great idea Jen!

[Kathy]

Those have got to be the ugliest bridesmaids dresses I've ever seen!!!! And don't even get me started on those awful headpieces!!!

[Gina]

I wish I had a picture of myself in (get this):
-> a pink and white striped-knee-length-balloon pant (yes, B-A-L-L-O-O-N!)
-> matching cummerbund and bow tie (no comment)
-> topped of with a tight, high ponytail (that made me look even more Asian)
-> paired up with a nice LONG-SLEEVED-white ruffled top (Seinfeld’s Puffy shirt can just step-off!)
-> and let’s not forget the white flats (because you should always finish off an obnoxious outfit with really boring shoes).

This tragic outfit was compliments of the bitches at Contempo Casuals who convinced me this was “the look”!!! Yeah, it was a look – a look that haunts me to this very day.
This was the outfit I wore to my first high school dance and retrospectively, I believe this outfit single-handedly kept guys away until my senior year (and honestly, can ya blame them?).

So, you see, 80’s fashion tragedy is not isolated to prom attire – frankly, I pine for those dresses…

[GreenEyedGirl]

I have absolutely NO IDEA how that bride could tell those bridesmaids (with a straight face) "and the best part is, you can shorten it and wear it again!" I'm laughing my ass off.

[Hilary Sherman]

Does anyone have any Glamour Shots they would like to share from back then because that would be almost as hilarious. I have one of my mother with Flock-of-Seagulls hair and green eyeshadow up what seems to be her forehead....

Loving it.....

[Boo]

Think about all of the hours we spent getting our hair to be that big... plus teal eyeliner softened with a match, irridescent lipstick, and enough Aqua-Net to choke a small nation. It was even better when we had PE during last period because we could re-apply it all before getting on the bus. I still have my first Polo rugby shirt from college - green & purple stripes - maybe I can spread it over that hole in the ozone layer? Gotta go watch Valley Girl and Big Chill...

[Emily]

Ha! I rented that exact red-trimmed dress for a fancy costume wedding LAST year - I was aiming for Scarlett O'Hara...

As I recall it was very difficult to use the bathroom in due the ridiculous hoop skirts and such!

[Amanda]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for mentioning Big Love in this post. Made my day.

[Rachel]

The 80's were a time of great disparity really...you got either insanely body-conscious bandage dresses (the shinier and stretchier the spande the better!) or you were so weighed down by poufiness and ruffles you could hardly move. Still, give me the lame and ruffles any day over the boring basics we have now! I think I'm one of the few people stuck in 1987 who's genuinely happy spandex and leg warmers made a comeback...if only we could say the same about ruffles and big hair!

[Wynne]

Fun stuff!

[Kristan]

I LOVE these pics. I totally did the same horrible thing to my bridesmaids with Laura Ashley cabbage roses... I thought I was cool... they actually matched the tablecloths at the reception!

It is SO true that if you make your bridesmaids look hideous then you look better!! "You guys look so great!" (And I will have evidence of it forever! Better watch it the next time you call your sister a fat cow!!)

[Caroline]

I do not know what the prize is, or indeed how ANY prize could be adequate, but whatever it is, Shannon gets it. Those bridesmaid dresses... that headgear... there are no words.

[zandor]

These make me kind of glad I wasn't alive for very long in the 80s. I do love looking at them though.

[April Groenland]

Does the girl in blue remind you of Marcia
Brady?

[Shannon D]

I have to take a guess that maybe the bridesmaids had much better cleavage, provoking the bride to choose the Puritanical necklines while she got to display her decolletage proudly.

[Lisa Brown]

The last photo...my jaw is still open. There is so much to look at and take in...and question.

That has to be one of the funniest wedding photos ever taken. Priceless.

Thanks for the gut-busting laugh.

[Laura]

Oh but Jen, for real entertainment value you need to move back about 10 years to 1977... I had a pink leisure suit fabric TURTLENECKED prom gown... my how I envied the sexy babes in the newly popular Gunne Sax and Jessica McClintoks. Thank goodness for that mockneck otherwise all I had was a zipper to protect my virtue! The rich girls had 100's of little buttons...

[Dominique]

AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh. My. God. The wedding photo is PRICELESS!!! I wonder if her friends have ever forgiven her for making them wear those dresses? And the headbands? Totally awesome!!!!

[Melissa]

I know I'm late for this. But. I loved the 80s because Hefty and Handy Smurf were both sexy.

[Katie]

I never really planned on renewing my wedding but I most certainly am now just so I can make my attendants wear headbands. I will also suggest that they cut bangs to go with them. The look wouldn't be complete without them.

[Vee]

I'm so glad I can't find my 80's pictures. And thank god I never had a pic taken with me wearing a headband! Vee at www.veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

[Erin]

Jen, these are GLORIOUS! I LOVE all of these 80s pictures.

[Amy Toft]

Love the 80's pictures, but am not talking about them right now. How can we get your schedule for the book tour? Am not a stalker, but want to send my NY living daughter to Union Square on May 7th to buy new book and get to see you. Also hoping for a picture. Since I live in Idaho and am a typical mom, she so often mistrusts information from me. Why? I know so much! Would hate to send her at the wrong time, then she would be right!
Thanks!

[daisy]

Also, they're ba-ack
See link -> http://www.mariposaq15.com/newsite/collections.php

[Erica]

Umm, I really liked the sister wife look. I've been hoping it would come back in during my lifetime. Except for a few haunting pop ballads, it was pretty much the only romantic part of the eighties.

[Jenny Swartz]

I totally had lace front dress in the first photo. Mine was pink. In my defense, however, I wore it in a play. I was supposed to be dressed like an Edwardian lady. When the 80s persuaded us that Edwardian was back in, I rather wonder what made us all drink the kool aid. Becasue we were ALL wearing the lace front shirts. When we weren't wearing the stirrup pants.

As for those bridesmaids dresses: thank goodness my friends like me better than that. Or they know that I will never wear an ass bow, not even for them. There are some things that friendship does not require, and the giant poofy butt bows are at the top of the list.

[daisy]

um... is it wrong that I totally want that pink with red ribbon trim dress from the first picture? Cause if it is, I don't want to be right!

[Aimee]

Lori and her friend look like they are actually waiting for the bus that will take them to the dance. hehe.

[Kristen]

I totally forgot about the frilly lace up your neck shirts! My mom had like ten of these plus those creepy neck ties that went with them. Ewwww. Some of the ladies in these pix look like their in utter pain.

[Pam]

Ack! The bridesmaids' dresses are the garment version of a mullet!!!

[Stephanie]

My eyes!

[Meredith]

LOVE the "Big Love" commentary. Well played, sister Jen...

[Julia]

My daughter and I watch reruns of Full House while eating lunch everyday........talk about reliving the 80's! Love it! I wish I could post a pic of DJ's outfit and hair from yesterday's episode, Her 13th birthday party!

[wendy]

Ahh! I love these photos. Superb, darling!

[margaret caban]

Under all those dresses are dyable shoes. Why did I get dyables for my prom and they were dyed black? Not enough black shoes on the market, perhaps?

[Casey]

That last one was just over the top. Having been born too late in the 80's to truly experience the fashion, these posts are making me realize I didn't miss much. :)

[Sean]

In that first picture, I keep waiting for Scarlett O'Hara to come running in offended that no one told her the photographer was here and screaming, "I will not stand for this injustice. Wait until Rhett hears about this."

[kim]

Hmm.... Headband and a bow on your ass... now that's a bridemaids dress you can wear it again!

[Leslie]

If I may...the last picture? Best. Picture. EVER. Also, good black mail material. VERY good.

[Melissa Allen]

Oh my God, that last photo. Blech, besides the obvious... can you imagine how much NOISE those girls made when they walked down the aisle? That material probably drowned out the organ music.

... And the bows on the asses of that dress are so big that you can see the edges of them from the FRONT.

Damn, do any of those girls still speak to the bride, because that was cruel.

"You can totally wear it again, you guys!"

[Rae Ann]

My sister had a king-sized version of the headpiece in the wedding picture as her wedding veil. It had this one piece of lace that she kept blowing up like a stray hair. It looked like something was eating her head.

[Lissa]

Holy crap, that last picture...the headband/veils... O M G !!!

BWHAHAHA

[Shelley]

Note to self....do not peruse the 80's pics whilst eating a turkey wrap! Does anyone know the heimlich??

[Meredith]

Did anyone else notice the lace gauntlets on Maureen's friend?! It's what Wonder Woman would have worn to her prom in 1984.

[Lauren]

Love the Big Love reference! Bigger Question... What is it about 80's fashion that resonates with people from "Juniper Creek"? On second thought maybe I am just a wee bit jealous I was too young to experience all those ruffles and lace! (without stares) (and giggles)

[Jules]

Does anyone else have Olivia Newton John's "Let's Get Physical" running through their head? WOW! LMAO!!!

[*gemmifer*]

Last photo: Whoa.

[Becky]

Oh. My. Are those wedding girls wearing headband veils? Nice. Loved the Big Love references - every time I heard sister wife I want to laugh!

[Sense]

Jen, I'm reading your Bitter In Black right now, and if I didn't already like you from this blog, I...wouldn't like you.

I'm only halfway through, though. the whole point of the book is that you learn a lesson, right? I'm laughing at the things you say and do...but hate myself.

rock on with the 80's!! these posts are FANTASTIC! I happily was only 12 when the 80's perished, but had my fair share of craziness in the early 90's.