Let's Just Call It Day Sixteen, OK?

Sometimes I'm wrong, despite my utter conviction that I'm right.

(I planned on putting clever examples here about times I was mistaken but I just called Fletch and asked him and his direct quote was, "I can't recall a time recently when you were wrong.") 

(Which doesn't do a lot for the idea I was attempting to illustrate, despite this being a valuable admission that I will certainly file away for future use.)

(Or maybe he was just busy when he picked up the phone and cared not to engage me?)

ANYWAY, I was wrong yesterday. 

There IS something more tragic than the garden-variety, puffy-sleeved, lacy, ruffled prom dress.  And I didn't even realize it until I re-read a photo caption from repeat offender Maureen who brings Big Love into the equation.  Here's what she had to say: 

"I'm not sure why we all did the Southern Belle thing—it wasn't the theme. I am in the first row, bottom left. You can't tell from the photo but my dress was pink and white stripped. My friend Michelle, behind me, looks like a she's ready to be someone's Sister Wife."

 

You know it's tragic when Little Miss Red Ribbon Trim doesn't even garner a second look.

Next, here's Lori who appears to be delighted to attend the Joy Book mixer at Juniper Creek.

 

"Golly, I hope Bill Hendrickson's here!"

And then there's Jodi.  She says her area of concern was prom-ing it with her date Napoleon Dynamite.

 

Hey, Jodi, cheer up!  At least he's not Roman Grant.

Point?  I was mistaken. 

Because when I remember specific items from 80's and think, 'There can't possible be a worse look,' there's always a worse look... am I right, Shannon?

 

"Right, Jen."

 

Comments

[Lori]

Wedding picture is FANTASTIC!

Is it just me or does the maid of honor, well assuming she is as she is the only one in purple, kind of resemble Marcia Brady from a reunion show?

[Karina in T.O]

Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph! My mouth is just HANGING open! It just kept getting better and better......and then you shared with us the WEDDING! The poufyness of the gowns, the size of the hair.....and the head gear?! The. Best. Thing. Eva!

[connie]

OK, Jodi and Napoleon! Who was taking the picture . . . nobody was screaming cheeese?! How did that picture ever happen?! At prom?!

And the girls on the bench! As a teenager me and my friends would have had our heads together, holding on to each others arms--maybe with a leg or two kicked up! With our fluffy gowns and never-ending-hot- roller-hair! My mom still LOVES those pictures and thinks that was my very best time . . . yikes. But she still pulls her hair through a cap to "frost" her hair. So there!

[Lori]

Train??? Train???? That's what the fabric I've been staring at behind their legs is? Excuse me while I go grab the kleenex...

[Lori]

Train???? Train??? That is what that fabric I've been staring at behind them is? Holy crap, I need a kleenex now, I can't stop laughing.

[MonsteRawr]

THE HEADBANDS! OH GOD, THE HEADBANDS! I want to cry. I think every one of my bridesmaids owes me a big, fat thank you note right about now.

[Mary - (aka MZA)]

And I think I saw Lori on a re-run of The Laurence Welk Show. She has a lovely voice.

[Mary - (aka MZA)]

As a bride who TOTALLY picked "payback dresses" because of the bridesmaid dresses I had to wear in THEIR weddings (a crest-toothpaste shaped dress, a flower-print laura ashley dress, with matching headband because she thought it made her slutty friends look more innocent AND a seafoam green hoop skirt), I gotta say, it looks like a revenge wedding to me.

Don't you like how her eyes say "Suck it bitches, I wore baby's breath in my hair for your weddings". Her eyes also say "Mom & Dad? Remember those piano lessons that I hated but you insisted that i attend? Well, that will cost you $10,000 in wedding costs and my marriage won't last a year."

I'm really sort of digging that bride.

[Sara]

Oh my gosh the headgear!

[Shannon]

Those must be the most loyal bridesmaids/friends in the whole world. Or they were paid actors.

[Shannon]

Ack!!!! And light colored hose with died-to-match shoes! ANNNNDDD trains!! When does it end???

[Shannon]

Wow. Bubble skirts. Semi-shiny fabrics. Drop waists. Puffy sleeves. Head bands. Whoever picked out this look should hang their head in shame.

[Joelle]

Tears streaming down my face at work! Funniest thing ever! Should have titled this NSFW!! Too funny!

[Lisa]

OMG...what is with the headgear...no excuses!!! none...none at all.

[jennster]

as far as the wedding pic?
lisa hartman called.
she wants her knot's landing costume back!

[jennster]

jen...best.post.ever!
gawd, i coveted that pink and white mcclintock. i cut that sucker out of every 17 i could get my hands on. there was a pastel rainbow one too. sighhhh

[Shelley Walker]

wowwwwwwwwwuh.... Reminds me of my 8th grade formal.. Gawd I wish I had the pic to show yall. Picture a chubby brunette wearing black drop-waisted, satin balloon poof skirt bottom with a big bow adorning the side, and had long black lace sleeves. oh and dont forget the extra tulle at the shoulder to help the poof (as if it needed any more poof!)The hair... oh the hair!!!! Up-do that was inverted french braid diagonal to the top and had cascading curls all down one side and of course dont forget the half up half down curling iron roll on he bangs. Oh Jen, if i can find it you will post it to your fridge for mid night snack giggles. lol!

[Susan]

OMG! I had the same dress as Maureen! I proudly donned my light pink and white striped, off-the-shoulder Jessica McClintock dress to prom in 1986. I'm glad I got past that phase of poor fashion sense...but all the cool kids were doing it! That's my defense.

[blackbird]

I'm pretty sure those bridesmaids were able to wear those mullet-dresses again...right?

[amy]

I am seriously laughing so hard I am crying over that wedding pic. Makes me want to get married all over again and make my bestest friends wear those headbands! And those dresses! And of course the pink hosiery :) That is too damn funny!!

[Kel]

There was a time I was a little sad that I didn't go to prom. Looking back now, I'm SOOOO glad I missed mine, in 1983.

[Brandy]

Oh. My. God! Meanest bride ever!

[heather]

oh and you know those bridesmaids foreheads all had a mark at the end of the day. as if one day of that horror wasn't enough- they were probably branded with it.

[SnarkyMommy]

Those bridesmaid headbands are just ... just ... OMFG they are hideous. I am horrified for each them.

And are those nylons pink too?

The really funny part is that this wedding photo probably hangs somewhere in the bride's house and she probably thinks there is nothing wrong with it!

[Maureen]

Cindy B—if that dress was Jessica McClintock, we totally had the same dress!

[heather]

oh. my. god. the dress version of a mullet! that last shot is PRICELESS. i started doing the internal giggle where your scalp tingles as soon as i saw it.

I wish i had shots of my sil's bridesmaid dresses. 3 words: strapless pink lame. i, on the other hand, had to wear a dress much like the last ones (minus the party in the back and the headband, thank god for small favors) but in iridecent off white. god help me. i would send you a pic but that was bnj (before nose job) so no one sees them.

speaking of weddings and sister wives my other sil made me wear a laura ashley sweetheart necklined drop waisted puffy sleeved bow backed pink floral dress for her wedding and that was late 90s! wtf!

and jodi- i think you look pretty in your dress. miserable, but pretty.

[Emily]

Wow, Michelle looks like she is fresh out of Colorado City!!

(straight from a Utah resident. I have seen women like that.)

(No, I am not polygamist. But I know people who where.)

[Shannon]

When I was growing up(in the 80s), I used to throw a tantrum if my mom even showed my a dress with an ass bow. The horror....

[Ev]

hahaahaha! Love the wedding headbands. Great photos.

Want a laugh? Check this out -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7oGx2dImE8

[Domestic Goddess (In Training)]

I would hazard to say that there is nothing worse than sateen headbands with tulle shooting out the back like the spray from a bullet to the head. But, I could be wrong.

[K.C]

That last wedding pic was my dream and aspiration when I was 9...

[janice]

I cannot believe that wedding party picture. I am laughing so hard I am crying. I especially love the balloon fronts shorter in front than in back. But I guess everyone is so drawn by the horrendous headbands they can't even make it down to the feet.

[Amanda]

you know that sound that you make when you clamp your lips together and exhale really strongly out your nose in a quasi-snort, because you want to laugh out loud but you're sitting in a room full of people who can't see what you see so you don't want to make a complete jerk out of yourself. when i was reading this post, i did that ALOT.

[Julie K]

Do I see...can it be...butt bows on the back of the bridesmaids' dresses? As though the hair dealies, bubble skirts WITH trains and matching hose/shoes weren't enough. Oh yeah, that lily needed just a little extra guilding.

And come on! We all waited for the March issue of Seventeen Magazine to see the Gunne Sax layout so we could pick out our dresses.

These pictures are so very awesome!

[Meredith]

Love the Big Love reference!

[Melanie]

OMG... that last photo has EVERYTHING! Drop waisted dress, puffy sleeves, big hair with crazy headbands and a giant bow! I bet if we turned those girls around they'd have a butt bow too. I love it!

[Jennifer]

I'm really impressed with the way the bangs in the wedding pic actually cascade over the satin and tulle headbands. It's an aquanet masterpiece!

[Lisa]

Um, can I just say that the term "Sister Wife" made me shoot Diet Dr. Pepper out of my nose.

My sinuses are burning thanks to you Miss Lancaster!! And it's well worth it!

[Kristie]

"Headbands would totally make your wedding better than everybody else's."

Ugh. I actually made that sound out loud. Bonus points to her for making the MOH wear blue.

[Kathryn]

whatever happened to Gunnesax anyhow??

[Cindy B]

Wait!! Maureen is wearing the same pink and white dress in my prom photo Jen posted the other day! Did EVERYONE have that dress? I'm mortified (22 years after the fact).

[Marie]

Seriously, how did we not know these outfits were hideous.

[Wheresthething]

...and Jessica McClintock laughed all the way to the bank.

[Tara Crosier]

ohmigosh Napoleon's date..her face is priceless, she looks ready to cut someone> And the drop waist bridesmaids dresses with ginormous hair bow makes me so proud I was not old enough to marry in the 80's

[Patti]

Just look at those headbands on the wedding party...oh my!!!

[Heather Gieni]

$10 says that the bride in the last one used the "you could so wear those again" line in her sales pitch to her wedding party. What is up with the matching tulle mess in each of the girl's hair?

[Momo Fali]

I was in my sister's wedding and we had pink dresses JUST like that. I can't believe we missed out on the headbands though. It seems tragic to think we didn't complete the ensemble.

[Shannon]

Literally inhaled my afternoon coffee and choked when I saw that last picture.
That bride owes her bridesmaids (IF they're still friends with her) HUGE bottles of vodka as an "I'm sorry" present.
Or maybe that just works with me....

[Andi]

These posts are like looking at a car accident, you know you shouldn't watch but you do anyways! I called my Mom last week and asked her to gather my homecoming and promo pics for the next time I visit, it is going to be a good laugh. Thanks for sharing these, even though each time you do, I shudder!