Hey, Stacey, you'll never guess what kind of, um, romantic present Fletch just gave me! No, wait! Don't guess! You'll never guess. I'll just show you tomorrow when I pick you up. xo, jen
Jen - I really thought this isn't anything I'd ever have to say to anyone, but DO NOT BRING A GUN TO LUNCH. XO, Stacey
And no, I didn't bring a gun to lunch. That would be illegal and also super dangerous considering the Turkish coffee I drank. (There was one point where I was cruising home all hopped up on caffeine and I said to Stacey, "I should turn on California at the light?" and she got a little pale before replying, "Um, no. Because there's a building in the way.")
(This is probably why she didn't want to come to Whole Foods with me afterward.)
Anyway, what I brought is this cool set Fletch got from the NRA -- okay, she wasn't that far off -- for paying his lifetime membership dues. It's a set of webbed straps with a Leatherman tool attached, but there's also a flashlight and big, sharp knife built in, too.
So, last night when we were walking from the parking lot to our wine tasting class, I said to Fletch, "Don't worry, if anyone tries to mug us, I'm ready."
He said, "It's daylight and we're in the middle of Lincoln Square. I'm not worried."
"Yes, but if that changes, I'm prepared. Like, if a mugger comes up to me and wants my wallet, I'm going to reach into my bag. He'll think I'm going for my wallet, but he won't know about my kit. And then I'll pull out the knife and be all, 'Slash! You are stabbed.'"
"That sounds like a bad idea."
"Are you kidding? They'd never see it coming. They'd expect eight dollars, some lip gloss, and maybe a debit card, but instead, 'Slash! You are stabbed.'"
"No, they'd probably stand there really confused. Maybe you could take that opportunity to run away."
"I probably couldn't run that far, so I'd keep my knife out for when they caught up to me and, 'Slash! You are stabbed.'"
"If anything like that happens, promise me you'll just give them your bag."
"No way! I had to wait six months for Nordstrom to mark this thing down. When am I going to get Jimmy Choo at 40% off again? Never, that's when. No, sir - I shall defend what's mine. Slash! You are stabbed."
"And what happens when they take your knife away from you?"
I stop in my tracks and think about this for a moment. "Um... I guess... Slash. I am stabbed."
