As I promised on Twitter earlier, here's your Big Girls' Guide to Online Style post.
(If you'd all hold on for a moment while I congratulate myself for actually doing what I promised I'd do when I promised I'd do it and not, say, at some distant point in the future when everyone will have forgotten the original promise, I'd appreciate it.) (Of course, I'm pretty much writing this post as a way to put off my first round of book revisions.) (Apparently the only way to get me to do anything is to assign me something slightly easier to accomplish than the original task.)
Anyway, clothing, yes.
Before I start posting links, I must first offer up a confession: I hate shopping.
More specifically, I hate shopping for clothes. (FYI, I love shopping for rugs, candles, and dog toys.) That doesn't mean I don't like having new things, but the process of buying clothes? The process makes me weary.
When I was younger, I used to shop for fun and leisure until it dawned on me that I despise the planning and the driving and the parking and the pawing through racks, searching for the right size at the right price, finally locating something potentially appropriate and affordable, entering a cramped little room, standing shoeless on a floor where a million other dirty feet have been before me, and only then realizing that all the work was for naught because the pants/skirt/dress/sweater is too big/small/ugly/wrong.
And that was before I got fat.
If you've ever shopped for plus size stuff, it's the same nightmare as above, only multiplied by 1,000.
I've found the easiest way to get what I want is via the internet. Yes, there are a few exceptional brick and mortar spots (Lenox Square Macy's in Buckhead, I'm looking at you, and Nordstrom, if you're having a sale) and some serviceable value choices (Target, Kohls, Lane Bryant) but the best variety is online. Plus, when I shop at home, the only dirty floor my feet touch is my own.
Granted, if budget's no issue, you can always stock up in-store on beautiful, well-tailored items at places like Neiman Marcus and Saks... if you can find their fat girl shops through the employee break room, across the loading dock, behind the utility closet, and up a service elevator. (Oh, and by the way, NeimanMarcus.com? FUCK YOU for not using plus size girls to model anything but $300 velor track suits. Do you really think seeing 1X sweaters on a size 2 model is the very best way to sell to us? ARGH.)
Ahem, anyway, let's begin.
OHMIGOD, SHOES
Shoes may seem like an odd item to include first, because like purses or jewelry or scarves, shoes always fit, yes? Yes, except for boots. If your calves have a greater circumference than an Olive Garden breadstick, you probably have trouble finding boots that zip, unless you want to buy those stupid little ankle booties, which... no.
The good news is extended calf boots exist.
The bad news is your healthy-calved sisters already know they exist and those bitches will snap up every pair before you can say "Happy Thanksgiving." So if you want them, buy them now, now, now!
Zappos is one of the best resources for extended calf boots. For example, I got these last year and I LUF THEM. Manufacturers like Ros Hommerson, Fitzwell, rsvp, and Naturalizer make boots with wider shafts and Zappos stocks them all. Plus, they couldn't make it easier to get a few pair for sizing purposes and return what doesn't fit.
J. Crew has some pricier (but gorgeous) offerings, as do Eddie Bauer and Silhouettes. And if you've got a pair that almost-so-close-so-close-so-close-but-not-quite fit, you can take them to a shoe repair shop and have them stretched.
PREPPY IS FOREVER
Today's one of those days I'm kicking myself for living in the midwest. Were we to maintain a constant eighty degrees here, I'd pretty much never have to shop again, save for replacing a worn pair of khaki shorts or salad-dressing stained Lacoste. Oh, and by the way, a lot of you - including the very, very famous person I talked to last year in my kitchen in an experience I've been contractually obligated to never write about - want to know how I find Lacostes that fit since the women's sizes aren't terribly generous.
Simple.
Small women can't wear men's Lacostes because the crocodile hits in an unfortunate place but for those of us familiar with, um, gravity, that's not an issue. As for sizing, Lacostes start at a 2, which is XXS, and go up to a 9, equivalent to 3XL. And one time I saw Michael Clark Duncan in a Lacoste on Two and a Half Men. Point? If they can fit him, they can fit you. And they come in 54 colors!
Yes, they average about $70 each, but I've been wearing them in my current size for about ten years and they've never fallen apart. I've gotten rid of a few, but only because (a) salad-dressing stains, and, (b) I cut them up for a Dirty Shirty party.
Remember? I ripped off this idea from The Preppy Handbook last year:
Yeah, I totally won Best Shirt prize.
Also, I went to the party again this year and had to top last year's entry. I went with this:
Next year I'll have to suck it up and actually buy a stupid, profane print t-shirt because I don't have any more crocs to cut and the joke's getting old.
I've gotten some questions on where I got all the Madras plaid shorts and capris I wore on book tour. I bought the fabric on Three Chickadees and had them made. Price-wise, each item worked out to about $50 each. In this economy, I'm not going to tell all the big girls, "Just have everything made!" but in the context of a special occasion item with a perfect fit, maybe it makes sense. Also? I supplemented my tour clothes with pieces from Land's End, Eddie Bauer, and L.L. Bean. Good fit, easy return policies, quick shipping. What's not to like?
Speaking of classic, tailored clothing, why did no one tell me Talbots stocked plus?? Look at this sweater - look at it! If this isn't the real me, I don't know what is.
WHAT IF I WANT SOMETHING THAT'S, YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY STYLISH? AND WASN'T FEATURED IN THE PREPPY HANDBOOK? (OR DOESN'T COME FROM A STORE THAT SELLS CANOES?)
Fine, you don't have to dress like me.
(Which is not to say you shouldn't, because tailored items in stiffer cottons hang nicely and can be quite flattering.)
One of my favorite e-tailers is Alight.com. I mean, for one, they have a boutique called Pretty in Plaid. How do I not dig that? Also, they have the most extensive collection of fun, casual dresses I've ever seen online. Most are constructed with an Empire waist which will absolutely play up your best assets and cover those parts you don't love. A lot of the dresses trend summer-y, but paired with leggings and a cardigan, they'd be adorable any season.
Igigi is a little more pricey than Alight, but they also have more sophisticated, professional items. Today I stumbled across this dress and it pretty much took my breath away. Kiyonna has gorgeous work clothes, too.
I love both Igigi and Kiyonna, although I'm more likely to wear basics from from Old Navy and J. Jill. I'd complain that I can't buy their plus merchandise in the actual stores, but who am I kidding? I'd much rather shop from home.
I've always been a fan of Ralph Lauren's plus stuff because these items seem to be cut with our proportions in mind. Again, it's more pricey than a lot of what else I've listed, but sometimes paying more for a classic piece is worth it.
Torrid is a little young for me, but last year they sponsored part of Stephanie Klein's book tour and that kicks ass. Stephanie's not plus-size, but her book Moose is a fat camp memoir and lots of the kids shopping in Torrid could identify with what she wrote.
And... now I'll go off on a tangent, because it occurs to me that I'm bothered. Lots of famous designers hold parties for authors. Someone's always hosting a lavish fete in their posh Soho location and the press is always there, touting both the book and the style. But outside of Torrid, I've never seen any designer or retail outlet associate with big girl. And actually, one of my friends asked the Chicago Marina Rinaldi store to lend her an outfit for a huge public event and they were absolutely not interested.
Maybe it's just that big girls don't buy anything?
Oh, wait...
(P.S. In terms of FTC disclosure, no one's given me anything to write about them. And if they did, I'd probably ask to be paid in rugs, candles, and dog toys anyway.)
