Seems like being a teacher this time of year, particularly if you teach grade school, would be an enormous pain in the ass. I can't imagine trying to interest and engage a pack of attention-deficit-disordered second graders hopped up on Christmas cookies and Ritalin mere days before vacation and Santa's arrival.
I guarantee you people are not paid enough.
However, if you've been teaching for any amount of time, you probably have coping strategies. My guess is now is not the time of year to teach kids about the first continental congress. Rather, I'll bet you stick to light lessons, long breaks, and lots of class participation. If there was ever a time to bust out Show and Tell, it would be now.
The thing is, I'm not a second grader and if I'm hopped up on anything, it's spiked eggnog. And yet I'm in the exact same ADD-addled, can't sit still, Christmas!Christmas!Christmas! frame of mind as all my young brethren. So today's blog is going to be my version of Show and Tell.
Here goes:
The best part of being an author is going to book events. There's nothing more gratifying than getting to connect with people who "get" you (and like you anyway.)
The second best part of being an author is preparing for book events because, at least in my world, this means new shoes. Wait, let me state that more appropriately - new shoes! NEW SHOES! Tour's always early summer and I pretty much wear a polo and khaki or plaid shorts every day as soon as it hits 65 degrees, so shoes are where I get creative. Ergo, today's Show and Tell is a retrospective of all my book event footwear.
(Listen, what do you want from me? My brain is basted in egg-based cocktails.)
Anyway, shoes.
These are the newest arrival. I bought them to replace the Chanel sling-backs Maisy ate seven years ago. The good news is I got the very last pair Zappos had and they were on super-sale. (I suspect they were a return, but who cares? Look at them! Penny loafers! With heels!) I planned to wear these this year's Witty Women event at The Book Cellar but it turns out that I can't walk more then about fifteen feet in them, lurching and halting the whole way. Still... pretty! Shiny! I've since been practicing walking in them (Miss Tyra would be proud) and I'm up to twenty feet. At this rate you can expect to see them on tour circa 2012.
These are my favorite shoes in the world, and not just because I wore them to my very first book signing. I keep them on display now because one of the roses is missing and I wore the heels down to stumps in New York a couple of years ago. The brand is Irregular Choice and this is probably the least funky of their designs. They used to have four pages of merchandise on Zappos but now only offer a couple of styles. The good news is that 6PM.com is the discount arm of Zappos and if you dig them, they have a ton of this brand on sale. (Actually a lot of what I'm going to show next is on 6PM.)
I wore these Jessica Bennett's for a Bright Lights, Big Ass event in Philly and by the end of the night, I was barefoot, carrying them around in my purse. They don't look like they'd hobble you, but appearances are deceiving. (And yet they make a delightful shake-shake noise when in motion so I can't bear to part with them.)
These are Beverly Feldman shoes. I wore the hell out of these in my Bright Lights, Big Ass summer and they've held up ridiculously well. They're like the Terminator of shoes - un-killable. I never lost a single jewel off of them and the soles are barely worn.
I wore these to Printer's Row when on tour for Such a Pretty Fat. Back then, I posted a photo of them online and got a ton of hate-mail, e.g. "HOW DARE U BUY FURAGUMMO SHOES U'VE LEARNED NOTHING UR A DUMB." Yeah, well, guess what - they're made out of plastic. Plastic Ferragamos do not cost what non-plastic Ferragamos cost. Again, JELLY SHOES. Plus, I didn't buy these in lieu of paying rent. So there's that.
So I'm not in second grade. But that doesn't mean I don't share their taste in footwear. (Got for 40% off lowest sale price at Bloomingdales. Score!) I pretty much wear these to any non-open-toed-season book event and lunches with the girls.
I was so freaking excited to find out they still make Tretorns! I bought them in my favorite color combination for Pretty in Plaid but the minute I put them on, I realized they weren't the same anymore. There's no squish, no cushioning, they're nothing like ones I wore in the '80s that gave your feet a big, cottony hug. They're a shell of their former selves. Sigh.
These are a total shout-out to the Pappagallos I couldn't afford but desperately wanted back in the '80s. I love them long time, but they're a bitch in terms of arch support. Cute shoes are not your friend in much the same way tequila shots are not your friend. They sound like a fab idea until the next day when you realize can't walk.
These Paul Greens are the first pair of shoes I've paid full price for in years. (At least I got them in Portland where's there's no sales tax.) Due to the Borns above, I was limping around Portland so when I found shiny sandals with decent arch support, price was my last concern.
And now we come to what I'm wearing right now...
Yes, they're Crocs, yes, they're some kind of weird rubber hybrid, yes, they're shaped just like Dutch wooden shoes, yes, I see Chuck Norris's look of disgust, yes, I realize how ugly they are, yes, I understand how these negate any kind of good taste you may have attributed to me from the above shots, and yes, I adore them.
As an interesting side note, Chuck barfed on them seconds after this shot was taken. I assume this is his way of telling me U R A DUMB. (Fortunately, it wiped right off.)
Anyway, with this post school's officially out, so I'll be back next week with a Christmas wrap-up.
Happy Happy and Merry Merry to you all!
