When I was in high school, the local stoners would attempt to get high by licking frogs.
Supposedly these amphibians would emit some kind of hallucinogen from their skin and the trip was similar to that of LSD.
Generally, nothing happened when the hoods would score some fresh frog, largely because they should have been tonguing toads. (Specifically, the Bufo alvarius.) However, my Huntington North High School Viking classmates didn't understand the difference between frogs and toads because they were the product of a poor public educational system, particularly in regard to arts and sciences.
(Related note: once at Rotary Club my father almost punched the HNHS Vice Principal for complaining about the State's new English requirements, lamenting that the kids were going to miss out on some really great shop classes. Incredulously, Dad said, "So you're telling me that you're sorry they're going to have to read Beowulf?" To which the VP replied, "Who?" That's when my father's fists clenched.)
Regardless, I'm sure my old classmates have figured it all out by now and are running really, really successful meth labs.
Anyway, last night we were watching Stossel (that's how we roll on a Saturday night) and a guest said teens were now, um... inserting vodka soaked tampons into their, um... various back doors in order to get drunk without the smell of alcohol on their breath.
They're also doing beer bongs the same way, which is called "butt chugging," along with pouring vodka in their eyes.
Dude.
Dude.
(I blame the fact that I'm only literate enough to write and then repeat "dude" to express my shock and dismay firmly on the shoulders of my tenth grade lit teacher.)
While I never underestimate the propensity for teens being stupid (See: Huntington North High School, circa 1985) what's funny to me is that a simple Google search would point to this being all kinds of painful and ineffective.
My former classmates must be laughing their collective asses off today. Those poor bastards were trolling river banks, fighting mosquitoes, and battling brush in their quest for the elusive amphibian that maybe, just maybe, might offer the kind of rush that would make their travails worth it.
Seriously, they were in the shit.
And you know why they did it?
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE ACCESS TO NICE, CLEAN, FRESH, DELICIOUS VODKA.
That these little morons today are taking perfectly good Stoli and instead of shaking it with an extra splash of olive juice for a truly tasty libation, they're making painful suppositories is downright hilarious both to me and, I imagine, to the members of my graduating class.
What's less funny is that someday soon these kids will be in the labor force.
And I predict with decision-making processes like this, they're most likely to be employed by my former classmates... selling meth.
I guess the upside is that in running these labs, my classmates have finally mastered principles of science.
Go, Vikings!!
